4/4

The mullet. "Business up front, party in the back." A nice trim job atop the skull with an elongated body of stout locks patting the shoulders. We know the hairdo. Late-80s glam rockers. Billy Ray Cyrus. MacGyver. Your plumber or handiman?

But the mullet is still worn, and NO hair style receives more scorn or humiliating attacks. I have some commentary.

First of all, the mullet is a conscious effort. To have a mullet, a hairstylist or your estranged girlfriend or your mother must MAINTAIN the short cut on top while the rear flows. The mullet wearer must REQUEST: "No...leave the back alone"....but MORE importantly, "I like it that way."

THEY LIKE IT. God All Mighty, they like it. The mullet is NOT an accident.

So, I propose that those who wear mullets are one of two things:

1. The COOLEST people on earth OR

2. The DUMBEST people on earth.

Why? Concerning the former, these people have heard and imbibed all of the anti-mullet rhetoric and simply don't care about what others have to say.

"I like my hair, and fuck off."

THESE are the people I want to surround myself with. Trailer trash will good hearts.

Concerning the latter, these people may HEAR the rhetoric, but they are too stupid to understand it. They do not realize that they have the world's most notorious, stupid-looking haircut ever created. If someone spoke softly and deliberately to them...

"Listen, man...your hair is SO fucked up...you really should cut it."

...they would certainly cut it. Because they WANT to be cool. But the problem is, they BELIEVE the mullet is cool.

"My hair is really cool. Pass me that Whitesnake CD."

The point is, don't be afraid to tell a person with a mullet that they do, in fact, have a mullet. They might not realize it, and you'll become a hero. And if they do realize it and don't care, you will gain a friend that will buy you beers at NASCAR races or the bowling alley, or help you move furniture from your mobile home back to your mom and dad's house. And we ALL like NASCAR and bowling.