We had the vigil service Tuesday and the funeral Wednesday. Those were two very rough days for all of us. I went in on Tuesday morning with my dad to drop off some things, so we went in to see her, and I was alright. Sad, of course, but okay. When we came later, and I walked in with my cousins, I was completely torn apart in seeing them become so emotional. I just feel so bad for them. The positive part was all of the support from family and friends. Quite a few high school friends showed up, as well as the "band moms" who volunteered with my aunt - they were all so caring. And the many relatives that came were of comfort to us. I've forced my cousin into a deal of calling me everyday, or I'll call him...and hopefully that helps him in taking it a day at a time.

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Fame, you're so right. It just doesn't hit you until you go through it. And I know that's happened to me many times, where I had an "epiphany" about something or another, but the lesson didn't last because it faded from my mind. It's sad that it sometimes takes something really painful or serious to have a lasting impression, but I guess that's how we learn.

And about being bothered when other people worry about much smaller things, I still don't know how you deal with that...with the problem you have now, I'm sure it's especially hard to hear people complain about a bad hair day or bad weather, or other such things, because you're the one personally dealing with such a challenging issue. Much of my pain right now is sorrow for what my cousins and uncle are dealing with. I love and miss my aunt, but I've yet to deal with losing someone as close as my mom. Other things come to my mind, and I go on with school and life at home, but they will be reminded everyday and every moment of what's missing for them. I only wish I could ease that pain of theirs. But I do and will think twice now, before considering myself unfortunate for simple troubles. I don't get mad at those who don't realize it - I just wish I could bring my relatives to a similar way of life, where that's the most of their worries. I also don't know if it's fair or good that you had to grow up so quickly through the suffering you've experienced, but it's obvious that you've become very wise, thoughtful, and gracious in the way you live.

Oh, and I loved The Wonder Years! I used to watch it with my family, and my brother used to say I was like the hippie sister, while I compared him to the bully brother.

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Ice, thank you for your prayers. I meant to respond sooner, but I read this earlier and have already included your friend in my prayers. I'm hoping for the best.