I don't think there was any equivalency between the Sopranos and Phil's family. Why do you think Tony went so far out of his way to please Phil? Remember when Tony told Christopher "He's got 200 soldiers in his family." He knew that NY would make mincemeat out of the Sopranos. Once the war started, he knew that the only way to stop it was to give in or kill Phil. That's why he asked at the sitdown for a 20 on Phil.