I'm not sure what everyone thinks of Hank Steinbrenner, but Ray Ratto has an entertaining column. Of particular interest is his Godfather analogy.

Hank's Yankee whine tasting crowns week of absurdities
Sep. 24, 2008
By Ray Ratto
CBSSports.com Columnist
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In a week that is only half over and already weirder than weird, it is hard for a body to know where to turn.


George Steinbrenner at least kept the blame inside the organization unlike son Hank. (Getty Images)
The Lane Kiffin story is now verging on the Favrian -- told and overtold. Omar Minaya's four-year extension in the face of another potential tanking is a classic what's-the-hurry tale. The rumor out of Australia that suggests that Lance Armstrong might be part of a group that may buy the organization that runs the Tour de France is either too cruelly ironic or too amusing to believe. The O.J. memorabilia trial has its own warm moments as you struggle to find a rooting interest.

But then you have the Yankees out of the playoffs, and the self-consciously overwrought reactions from the uniformed personnel. And then you have Hank Steinbrenner ... as always.

While the other Yankees complained only of psychic nausea and crippling emptiness, the team's designated gasbag decided to rail against his enemies -- namely, the existence of other teams.

In a pity party held through the auspices of Pete Abraham's Sporting News column, Steinbrenner surveyed the soot at his feet as he held forth on a number of topics near and dear to his pancreas. Like revenue sharing.

"That's a system I don't particularly like. It's a socialist system, and I don't agree with it. Does it work? It depends on your point of view. But is it right? Is it even American? I'd argue no on both of those points."

So the Yankees are out of the playoffs because of socialism. Check.

Now to the divisional structure itself.

"The biggest problem is the divisional setup in Major League Baseball. I didn't like it in the 1970s, and I hate it now. Baseball went to a multidivisional setup to create more races, rivalries and excitement. But it isn't fair. You see it this season, with plenty of people in the media pointing out that Joe Torre and the Dodgers are going to the playoffs while we're not. This is by no means a knock on Torre -- let me make that clear -- but look at the division they're in. If L.A. were in the A.L. East, it wouldn't be in the playoff discussion. The A.L. East is never weak."

So the Yankees are out of the playoffs because Major League Baseball isn't one 30-team division. Interestingly, this morning the Yankees would be tied for the eighth and final spot with Milwaukee, which presumably would be disqualified on the basis of being Milwaukee.

And then there are the playoffs, period.

"Go back to the 2006 season. St. Louis winning the World Series -- that was ridiculous. The Cardinals won their division with 83 wins -- two fewer than the Phillies, who missed the postseason. People will say the Cardinals were the best team because they won the World Series. Well, no, they weren't. They just got hot at the right time. They didn't even belong in the playoffs. And neither does a team from the N.L. West this season."

So the Yankees are out of the playoffs because the playoffs are stupid and a violation of the divine right of kings, or something like that.

Now in some places this preening "we're great because we're us" argument plays. Say, like in and around the Bronx. But in the wake of the Yankees' first non-October in 15 years, the last guy to snivel about the system is Hank Steinbrenner. I mean, he didn't like the playoff system as a teenager, and that's supposed to be a compelling reason to disband it?

Even his dad, who could complain in outer space, always found a way to delegate blame within his employee lists. As near as we can tell, Hank believes that he was first screwed by the decision to expand to San Diego, Montreal, Kansas City and Seattle in 1969.

Basically, there is an art to bitching in defeat, and Steinbrenner doesn't have it. Like many sons of privilege, he sees the world in terms of "I'm on third base, and I'm just waiting for the limo to pull up and take me home." Mark Cuban, who is often mocked for his intermittent tantrums, knows how to bitch -- thought-provoking and entertaining at the same time -- but Hank just sounds like an old guy on a park bench who wishes the Austro-Hungarian Empire had never dissolved.

This is sad in a 51-year-old man, to be nostalgic about times he barely remembered. Frankly, he'd look more dignified if he sued someone.

But he'll learn, because at some point his father will call him over and give him some pointers on how to be a sore loser. It'll be kind of like the Vito-meets-Michael-in-the-garden-to-plot-the-killing-of-the-heads-of-the-five-families scene in The Godfather. Right now, Hank is more Fredo than he is willing to admit, and bordering on outright Connie. If he keeps this up, Hal is likely to decide to be Michael, and we know how the movie ended for Fredo and Connie.

In the meantime, though, the ungrateful and disrespectful swine that is baseball goes on despite Hank Steinbrenner's earnest entreaties, and of all the hilarious nonsense so far this week, this one takes the lead at the top of the stretch. The field is crowded, though, and you never know when the Raiders might have another press conference.

Ray Ratto is a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.