...telling us to enjoy ourselves while forbidding masturbation.
If you can't masturbate without getting it all over someone else who doesn't want it, then do it in private. Otherwise, wrap it up.
That just implies horrible things. The little perverted, "I'm your father's brother!" smiley face doesn't help as well.
"Somebody told me when the bomb hits, everybody in a two mile radius will be instantly sublimated, but if you lay face down on the ground for some time, avoiding the residual ripples of heat, you might survive, permanently fucked up and twisted like you're always underwater refracted. But if you do go gas, there's nothing you can do if the air that was once you is mingled and mashed with the kicked up molecules of the enemy's former body. Big-kid-tested, motherf--ker approved."
