THE ITALIAN JOB (2003) - ***

"Robber," aka The Heist Movie - Basically the "Squad" movie, but for the crime genre. This film formula revolves around a team attempting to heist something of financial or personal value from an impregnable location using slick wits and gadgets. Two members never share the same specific skill, and the roster may be ethnic/gender/nationality diverse with conflicting archetypes (The Nerd, the Muscle, the Rookie, etc.) We have scenes where they scout out the location, the whole team is briefed on the detailed plan which they rehearse step by step, and the crew has to deal with unexpected twists and turns along the way that complicate their perfect scheme. - RRA's Cinema Dictionary

I'm simply a sucker for two types of movies: People trying to get revenge on somebody, and People trying to steal from somebody. With THE ITALIAN JOB, we get both. We open with a brood of crooks pulling of a thrilling $35 million gold heist in Venice. I must say, there is a good fake-out moment that regarding the operation that fooled me, which is nice for a cinephile like me. Anyway, one of their own (Edward Norton) screws them out of their money, and leaves them for dead. A year later, they regroup when they discover where this rat bastard is, and resolve to make him pay by taking back their money.

I've never seen the original ITALIAN JOB from the 1960s, but I do know that Sir Michael Caine may have had top billing, but the real star was the Mini-Cooper. With the 2003 remake, it's practically a car commercial for the current fleet of Mini-Coopers, but I appreciated how the filmmakers actually created an impressive action sequence uniquely suited for these fast little buggers that involves trying to out race a subway train(!) to get ahead in a tunnel, with no margin for error. Now that's good product placement.

I even liked how they casted the great Donald Sutherland, because he was part of arguably the most iconic "Squad" flick ever produced in THE DIRTY DOZEN. Yeah that was a "Men on a Mission" war movie, but so was technically KELLY'S HEROES, which itself was also a robber that Sutherland starred in. He also appeared in the rather underrated fun robber THE GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY shot by Michael Crichton. Too bad you know what's gonna happen when he says he's working his "last job." He might as well be the old cop who's just a day away from retirement.

Anyway, I liked this version of THE ITALIAN JOB, even though its more like THE AMERICAN JOB because it mostly takes place in Los Angeles, if simply for two reasons: The instantly-appealing junk pulpy hook premise, and good actors as the avengers. You have the leader (Mark Wahlberg), the safecracker (Charlize Theron), the exploder (Mos Def), the electronics geek (Seth Green), the engineer (Franky G) and the getaway driver (Jason Statham).

But right there is the source of my biggest complaint with JOB, in that these people fit their slots well, but aren't given any real meaty scenes to really stand out special this side of PREDATOR. I mean, you have Wahlberg and Statham, arguably today's Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson at the movies, men who can be really good with action material, but here they're functional at best, at worst uninspired. Hell, the movie's best line isn't from this crew, but from a fat gangster:

"If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with mother nature, mother in-laws and, mother freaking Ukrainians."

My point is especially true with Norton, who was forced by contractual obligations to Paramount to do this film. The dude is just bored with what he's given to work with, and I hate that because he really could have been great fun as a total prick. Still, I dug how ITALIAN JOB has the baddie not know what to buy with his blood money, so he spent it on the dream gifts of his ripped-off co-workers.... for himself. A nice asshole touch, if you ask me.

This is a random story, but it was reported back in the day that the studio tried to smooth their rocky relations with Norton by buying him an expensive sports car, which he promptly had returned, with a note saying "Kiss My Ass." I don't know if that really happened or not, but its funny anyway.

I take myself back, Statham does have a cool scene when he's stuck in traffic and sees one of those billboards counting up how many people die of smoking. He's puffing his cigarette up real good, with his eyes saying Fuck You Sign.

The dude is just a natural badass, but imagine if Statham was working his TRANSPORTER persona here. He would have left his partners at the hotel, went to the villain's mansion, pull some martial artists on the guards, break Norton's neck, and drive back with the gold, all within 30 minutes. Then afterwards, maybe kick Wahlberg's ass out the window for THE TRUTH ABOUT CHARLIE.

I also wish this movie had gone for a good old fashion R-rating instead of the wussy PG-13, because this set-up is just asking for a nasty and brutal Parker novel treatment. The flirting subplot between Wahlberg and Theron is filler, Norton had a cartoonish evil goatee, the Velvet Revolver's cover of Pink Floyd's "Money" was ass, and the action cinema of director F. Gary Gray was at times borderline-forgettable.

However, I was never bored. I was thrilled by the snatching, pumped by the car chasing (and by the nice stand-off between helicopter and Mini under a bridge), and laughed quite fine, thanks mostly to Green, who later created the hilarious Adult Swim program ROBOT CHICKEN. Plus after OCEAN'S 11, it was nice to have a Hollywood robber without trying to be terminally hip.

What can I say? They got the JOB done.