So, this is easily the funniest thing that's happened all week. I just got my senior yearbook photos in the mail today, right? So, I open up the envelope, only to find they aren't my pictures at all. They accidentally sent the photos of the kid who comes right before me, alphabetically. But, what's hilarious is that he's the exact opposite of me, physically. This kid is huge, well over six feet tall, and a super-strong football player. He's fucking bulk as whatever animal is really big. He benches double my bodyweight (no exaggeration). What's funnier is he is really hairy. He's probably 17 or 18 and already he has a full on beard and a blanket growing on his back.

I wonder if he has my pictures. I wonder what his reaction was when he opened up his envelope to find pictures of a scrawny kid with a partial jewfro and glasses that take up half his face.

"Somebody told me when the bomb hits, everybody in a two mile radius will be instantly sublimated, but if you lay face down on the ground for some time, avoiding the residual ripples of heat, you might survive, permanently fucked up and twisted like you're always underwater refracted. But if you do go gas, there's nothing you can do if the air that was once you is mingled and mashed with the kicked up molecules of the enemy's former body. Big-kid-tested, motherf--ker approved."