There is action cinema that has to be seen because they're the cream of the crop. DIE HARD, WHERE EAGLES DARE, HARD BOILED, and so forth. Then there are other movies that folks must watch simply because they actually exist.
Take REMO WILLIAMS: THE ADVENTURE BEGINS, a picture jam-packed with action and insanity, it has to be seen to be believed. Trust me action fans, your life isn't complete without a screening. It's something you'll never forget this side of seeing old people naked.
Imagine a movie where from a sheer hardcore training regiment, the hero Fred Ward is able to dodge bullets, air-walk over wet cement, spider-crawl all over Ferris Wheels and the Statue of Liberty, and make women orgasm by a gentle tap to the wrist.
How about the ultimate oriental badass who's a fan of Soap Operas? Hell, they're all nothing compared to a scene when Ward uses a thug's diamond-stud tooth to carve an escape out of a glass death trap.
REMO WILLIAMS was practically SHOOT'EM UP for the Reagan Decade
Based on the enduring THE DESTROYER adventure books, REMO details a NYPD cop who gets double-crossed, and his death faked by an ultra-secret government agency, C.U.R.E., which reports only to the President.
It's mandate is to take out people who cheat the judicial system with their money and power. Their slogan is the unofficial 11th Commandment: "Thou shalt not get away with it." You reading this Roger Clemens?
Ward, now given the codename "Remo Williams" (after a bedpan), is forced to become an assassin. He's sent to be trained by Korean fight master Joel Grey. REMO was I believe the last Hollywood production to go "Yellow-Face," or hired a caucasian actor to play an Oriental character under massive amounts of make-up.
Yet in spite of the logical and ethical issues I have with such castings, Grey hits a home-run as the racist, sexist, and hilarious as hell Chiun. Proud of his clan's murdering heritage ("Professional assassination, it's the highest form of public service"), the scenes of making the proud macho-American Ward humble are good fun.
Along with his endless sets of memorable one-liners, Grey practically is what makes REMO WILLIAMS worth watching.
Certainly the movie lacks the smooth masculine trashy fun intensity of the DESTROYER novels, but it sure as hell tries to be as "hip" and pulpy as them.
The problem for many DESTROYER fans, and I don't fault them really, is that all this supernatural ass-kicking was accomplished in the pre-CGI era by sound clips, quick cutting, and simple effects, which gives REMO WILLIAMS a pretty cheesy cheap vibe. It's arguably a great "bad" movie.
Then again, that's the charm of REMO for me. It works for me as a pure B-picture, and at times it plays like DR. NO, which was shot before 007 was A-level and big-budget.
There is a plot shoehorned into the narrative about a villainous weapons-manufacturer and a love interest, but they're all junk-filler for an "origin" tale that was the starting-point for a planned franchise that crashed and burned on the launch pad.
If only we lived in an mirror universe where we had gotten more REMO pictures, and RESIDENT EVIL got strangled in its crib....
