My friend worked in a charity bookstore after Clinton's presidency, and he came in with his entire entourage and said, "Hey there" to the staff as if he was still president. The same friend has had dinner with the woman who plays Susan Kennedy in Neighbours.

I've met Les Ferdinand, Peter Beardesley, Lee Clark, Pavel Srnecek and Shaka Hislop.

I've shook hands with Lee "Scratch" Perry and Mr. Scruff.

I almost met Mike Leigh a few months ago. Was standing right next to him after seeing a film at the London Film Festival, and somebody asked him what he thought of the film he had just seen (the same one as I). He said, "Oh, it was terrible." Since I had liked the film, I thought, Fuck him and his fucking grey fucking beard, the [BadWord].