Originally Posted By: XDCX
So I get up this morning to get ready for work. Go through my usual routine (go pee, brush teeth, wash face). I get dressed and go to put on my shoes...and see something weird. I bring it close to my face and see that there's two daddy long-legs sitting on my shoe.

I nearly soiled my Huggies.


That's not even that bad, man. I've got giant fucking crickets in my basement. They're about three inches long, and they can jump over a foot in a single leap. They're brown, disgusting, and crunchy... Which is the worst, because I have to watch my step when I come down here, to make sure I don't step on any by accident, because the sound and feel they make when you crush them is just absolutely disgusting.

"Somebody told me when the bomb hits, everybody in a two mile radius will be instantly sublimated, but if you lay face down on the ground for some time, avoiding the residual ripples of heat, you might survive, permanently fucked up and twisted like you're always underwater refracted. But if you do go gas, there's nothing you can do if the air that was once you is mingled and mashed with the kicked up molecules of the enemy's former body. Big-kid-tested, motherf--ker approved."