Shhh... That's what I tell the ladies.

Nothing turns them on more than the time I killed that lion with my bare hands when I spent a year studying Buddhism in Antarctica, at the expense of half my manhood.


"Somebody told me when the bomb hits, everybody in a two mile radius will be instantly sublimated, but if you lay face down on the ground for some time, avoiding the residual ripples of heat, you might survive, permanently fucked up and twisted like you're always underwater refracted. But if you do go gas, there's nothing you can do if the air that was once you is mingled and mashed with the kicked up molecules of the enemy's former body. Big-kid-tested, motherf--ker approved."