RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983) - ***

Goddamn Ewoks.

This movie is working the STAR WARS adventure magicin the first few minutes, up through Mark Hamill killing Jabba the Hutt's pet.

But then something happens as soon as the major fight happens in the Tatoine Desert....

The energy narrative feels lacking. Lucas blames it on the inexperienced director Richard Marquand, but lets remember something. Lucas had dictator powers as producer on STAR WARS, which meant he had overriding authority on editing, script, and creative choices.

Besides, if EMPIRE director Irvin Kershner is to be believed, Marquand got canned after the actors revolted, and Kershner's First AD from EMPIRE and Lucas took over the production.

But thing is, it was Lucas who took the very mysterious, and slick willy badass bounty hunter Boba Fett from EMPIRE...and had him get whacked like a goon clown.

Oh sure, Lucas said in retrospect it was a mistake, but its like a wife-beating husband saying this after the fact: Too late.

But that whole action sequence to me typifies the movie's problem: We've seen it before. When the Empire's new plan turns out to involve ANOTHER Death Star....am I the only one that felt like Lucas could have done better?

I mean, we all remember the giant-looking Imperial battleships in STAR WARS, well remember when Darth Vader's "private" battleship is revealed? Its so huge, it makes those battleships very very very quaint. Why couldn't something that impressive have been hatched for JEDI?

Plus, it would have complemented what was then the most expensive and most SFX-involved sequence in film history: The finale starship battles that dwarfed the original Death Star fight in STAR WARS.

But yeah, the Ewoks.....oh boy.

The basic idea is great: A primitive society that in a microcosm of the intergalatic war, is able to defeat a technologically-superior enemy. Thing is, lets just say the idea of techno-backwards Wookies would have fit the basic idea perfectly, instead of teddy bears.

If anything, its those teddy bears that should have warned SW fans what would happen eventually when Papa Lucas would make his prequels. The emphasis of flat comedy and marketing over what made SW work can be seen here in JEDI. Lucas wanted to pander to the kiddies, and those kiddies grown-up wonder what the f*ck Lucas was thinking...like ME.

Ultimately though, Lucas missed a golden opportunity in regards to Darth Vader. In STAR WARS and EMPIRE, he's seen as the bad mother fucker that everyone fears, the Atilla the Hun in space. Yet imagine if we realized that as a burned paralyzed corpse that needs machines to live, he virtually is a bitch of the Emperor, and we see that this "Atilla" is only a rottweiler that if Emperor pulled a wire or two, Vader would short-circuit.

That way, it would have probably made Vader's turn to fight the Emperor much more meaningful, and not at the last minute as JEDI has it. It would be that Vader goes on a suicide mission against the Emperor...

Or maybe I should blame the Ewoks.

SPECIAL EDITION THOUGHTS: Lucas should have added a scene where Boba Fett, the badass he is, escaping from the eternal hell of a sand monster's bowells. He would have been an inspiration to seniors world-wide.

Does anyone else think the final Ewok sing-along is sorta gay?

Fans complain about Lucas altering Anakin Skywalker's ghost to that of Hayden Christianson from the prequels. It actually makes sense since that young Anakin was with the Force before going to the darkside.

Well, I've enjoyed reviewing the original STAR WARS movies. I just know the prequels won't be as much fun. Heh.