Hello, you've reached the wannabe mafioso helpline, how may we assist you this evening?
If you want to desperately whack someone, please press 1. If you would like to participate in points shaving, press 2. If you would like to sell your story to hollywood, press 3. If you have any other questions, please stay on the line, and an operator will be there to laugh at your pathetic excuse for a mob story.
