I was at my parent's house yesterday and they HAVE NO INTERNET!!! How do they live? Anyhow, I missed all you guys. Now, for more pointless humor!
*A few days later*
(The doorbell rings, Michael, dressed in a bathrobe, looking really bad, with black cirlces around his eyes, answers the door.)
MICHAEL. WHAT?!
(The man at the door is none other than FFC -the infamous movie director- )
FFC. Good afternoon.
MICHAEL. Are you the guy from the pharmacy, 'cause I need those pills NOW!
FFC. Are you Mr... (pulls a scrap of paper out of his pocket and checks the name) Roth? Hyman Roth?
MICHAEL. Don't ever confuse me with anyone outside of the family again!
FFC. Family?
MICHAEL. (coughs) Nevermind.
FFC. Are you sick? God, you look awful! (He backs up a couple steps) Whatever you have, keep away from me!
MICHAEL. I have stress!
NERI. Boss, please, go lie down, you're gonna hurt yourself.
MICHAEL. (Pulls a gun out of his pocket and points it at Neri) Go away or you'll be the one getting hurt!
MAMA ANDOLINI. Don't hurt poor Neri. He's young and stupid.
(Hyman Roth comes to the door.)
ROTH. Are you the director?
FFC. Yes... Are you Mr. Roth?
ROTH. (Shakes his hand) Yes, very pleased to meet you. Do come in!
MICHAEL. Director?
FFC. Yes, I'm here about a script that Mr. Roth has written. From what I've heard it should be a fascinating picture. It's all about this powerful Mafia Don who gets old and starts regretting all the evil things he's done.
ROTH. He gets diabetes, did you get that part?
FFC. Yes...
ROTH. And his daughter dies!
FFC. Uh... huh...
ROTH. And he dies MISERABLE and ALONE!!!
DEANNA. Calm down, Hyman. Remember your blood pressure.
FFC. Yeah... I got all that. Sounds great! Actually, I even think that I've found the perfect man to play the main character.
ROTH. Well... I suppose I could...
FFC. (Points to Michael) This guy! He's perfect! Look at him! He has remorseful old Mafia man written all over him!
ROTH. But he can't star in a movie!
MICHAEL. Yeah... I have a criminal empire to... (thinks of an idea) Wait! If I were to star in this movie, that would mean that I could leave this accursed house! (coughs, again) Yes!
MAMA CORLEONE. Poor Michael, I think he has pneumonia.
MICHAEL. Mom, I am perfectly fine! I'm leaving! I'm out! (Vincent Mancini walks by, Michael grabs him.) Nephew, you will be taking my place. From now on, call yourself Vincent Corleone.
