I am a man on a mission. Here I am, determined to solve the eternal quetion that has plagued mankind for eons and eons.
Pacino . . . or . . . DeNiro
I think this calls for a . . .
BATTLE ROYALE!
Alright gentlemen, this match will be decided by a decade by decade, year by year breakdown of each of your impressive resumes. Now I want you to go to your respective corners and Come Out Swingin!
Round 1 . . . FIGHT!
The Early Years1960’s – Both of the youngsters make their first impressions. A dark cloud of awesomeness begins to settle over the film industry.
Winner – Tie, psssht, rookies
1970’s – Pacino hits it big with The Godfather, DeNiro hits it big with the Godfather Part II, but Pacino edges it out with Dog Day Afternoon and Serpico.
Winner – Godfather Pacino
1980’s – Pacino does 5 movies in 10 years, and yes, Scarface was good, but DeNiro comes into his own with an impressive resume including Raging Bull.
Winner – Robert DeNiro
Alright, alright, break it up! Back to your corners!
Ok now fellas, let's go around again, but this time, it's a year-by-year breakdown format. Make sure everything stays above the waistline.
Round 2 . . . FIGHT!
The 90's 1990
Pacino has a stellar year; finishes the Godfather saga, makes a great cameo in Dick Tracy, and makes his first foray into directing! But wait, DeNiro does a little movie called FUCKING GOODFELLAS!
Winner – “Turning Your Mind Into Mush” DeNiro
1991
DeNiro turns in an Oscar nominated performance 2nd year running in Cape Fear. Pacino makes out with Michelle Pfieffer.
Winner – DeNiro in all his vegetable-dye-tattooed gloriousness
1992
Pacino finally wins Best Actor for Scent of a Woman. DeNiro claps for him.
Winner – Lieutenant Colonel Al Pacino
1993
Carlito’s Way, so underrated.
Winner – Pacino papi chulo
1994
DeNiro does Frankenstein. Pacino does nothing.
Winner – Mary Shelley’s DeNiro
1995
Heat should make this a tie but DeNiro also found time to make Casino. One of the best years in Pacino/DeNiro history!
Winner – Lord DeNiro shall destroy all who oppose him
1996
DeNiro shops for a new boyfriend while working with Leonardo DiCaprio, Wesley Snipes, and Brad Pitt. Pacino goes to City Hall.
Winner - DeNiro
1997
DeNiro was great in Jackie Brown but Wag the Dog has got to be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Plus Donnie Brasco was the shit.
Winner – Al “Lefty Two Guns” Pacino
1998
Pacino does the vacation thing. Ronin was . . . alright . . . ?
Winner – I can’t believe this man gets paid to kiss Natascha McElhone, DeNiro
1999
Analyze This was good but Al’s choice to work with Michael Mann and Oliver Stone make it clear he’s losing his mind a little bit slower.
Winner – Pacino, the Director’s Actor
Decade Wrap UpDeNiro, but there were some hanging chads.
Clean your cuts and put some vasaline on those bruises!
Round 3 . . . FIGHT!
The 2000's 2000
DeNiro Meets the Parents. Pacino drinks Chinese Coffee . . . by himself.
Winner – DeNiro, you Ben-Stiller-Embarassing Bastard
2001
Pacino lies dormant. DeNiro checks Brando out of the insane asylum to make The Score.
Winner – DeNiro
2002
An active year for both of our heroes but Pacino turns out the better 3 with Insomnia.
Winner – sleepyhead Pacino
2003
DeNiro takes the year off. Pacino doesn’t do much better with the release of Gigli.
Winner – DeNiro, the lazy bastard
2004
Pacino’s Merchant of Venice wasn’t bad, but DeNiro’s work ethic shines through with 4 films in this year alone.
Winner – The Workaholic, DeNiro
2005
DeNiro does a Dakota Fanning scary movie and embarrasses himself. Pacino does less than mediocre Matthew McConaughey action movie and narrowly avoids embarrassing himself.
Winner – Pacino by a hair
Decade Wrap Up (So far)
Tie Game! They both better pick it up.
Well folks, it was a good old fashioned throwdown, and our winner is . . .
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SPLIT DECISION! They aint dead yet folks.
