Lol

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"Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap" - Don Rickles

Whacky Wednesdays...
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A Poodle and a Collie were walking together, when the Poodle suddenly confessed to his canine buddy. “My life is a real mess,” he admitted. “My owner is so mean to me, my girlfriend ran away with a Schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as an alley cat.”?

“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggested the Collie.?

“I can’t,” cried the Poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone has a nice day.

Q: "Who's always the most popular guy at the nudist colony?"

A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, plus a dozen donuts.

Whats the differences between a man's lie and a woman's lie?

- A man will say "I was with my friends", while the truth is that he was screwing some broad.

- But a woman will say "The kid is yours!" Lol

When I told this joke to few Arab business partners, they took me up on their arms and started singing something similar to "He's a jolly good fellow, he's a jolly good fellow...." lol lol

lol

Freaky Fridays...
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Heavenly Thoughts

During surgery after suffering a heart attack, a middle-aged woman had a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asked.

God replied, “No my child. You still have 30 more years to live.”

After hearing that she had 30 years to look forward to, she decided to make the very best of it. And since she was in the hospital anyway, she decided to go for the works. So she asked her doctors for big breast implants, liposuction, a nose job, tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips.

When they were done she looked absolutely great. She was like a brand new person.

A few days later she was discharged from the hospital and she exited the hospital with a new confidant swagger.

But, unfortunately, as she crossed the street she was hit head-on by an ambulance and killed.

When she arrived up in heaven, she saw God and angrily asked, “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complained.

“That is true,” replied God.

“So what happened?” she asked.

God sheepishly replied, “I do apologize, but I simply didn’t recognize you.”
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone has a great Friday!...TGIF

Lol

"The Talking Dog"

A guy was walking down the street one day when he spots a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.”

Intrigued by the very thought of a dog that could talk, he walked up to the front door and rang the bell to witness this for himself. The homeowner invited him inside to see this amazing dog.

The pooch was lounging on the couch smoking a cigar when the man walked in, so he walked up to the canine and asked, “So I hear you can talk, is that right? So tell me then, what have you being doing with your life?”

The dog thought for a moment, then quickly replied, "Oh, I’ve led a very full life. I've lived in the Alps, rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country on the front lines in Iraq for several years. I served the police department as a narcotics and contraband-sniffing canine. And now I spend my days entertaining and reading books to elderly residents of a retirement home.”

Upon hearing this, the guy was absolutely flabbergasted, so he turned to the dog’s owner and asked, “Why on earth would you ever want to get rid of such an incredible dog like this?”

The owner smirked and retorted, “Because he’s a complete pathological liar! He's never done any of that stuff!”
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone enjoys their day!

Whacky Wednesdays...
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"A Hunting Accident"

Two hunters, Joe and Moe, were out in the woods shooting deer when suddenly Joe collapsed to the ground. He wasn't breathing and his eyes are glazed.

So his buddy Moe whipped out his cell phone and immediately dialed 911.

The woman answering the hotline asked, "What type of an emergency is this and how can I help you?"

Moe frantically yelled into the phone, “I think my friend is dead! “What can I do?”

The operator replied, “Please calm down, ok? First, let’s make sure he’s really dead.”

There was a momentary silence, and then the 911 receptionist heard a loud gunshot.

Suddenly Moe got back on the phone and asked, “Okay, now what?”
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ButtonGuys of The New York Mafia hopes everybody has a nice day.

You think that's funny?? He just executed his friend!!!! There is nothing funny about this. I'm going to church later today and I will pray for this entire forum

Siediti e Statti Zitto!

Good one lol

It somehow reminded me of this old ICP skit Lol...

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar6jB3lpLaM&pp=ygUYaWNwIHN1aWNpZGUgaG90bGluZSBza2l0

You're right...it does have similarities

"A Grumpy Monk"

According to its rules, once every 10 years, the monks of a monastery in Sicily were each allowed to break their vow of silence to speak only two words, and two words only.

So, after first joining the monastery, Pietro completely devoted himself to his monastery and worked diligently for a full 10 years in complete silence.

After holding his tongue for a decade, the day finally arrived for Pietro to say his first few words.

It was such a precious moment that he didn't wanna make a mistake, so he thought long and hard before speaking. Finally, with all the other monks present, Pietro finally spoke, saying, "Bad food.”

The other monks just nodded in solidarity. Pietro then turned and walked back to his room in silence, while the monastery leaders just looked at one another.

Another ten years goes by, and once again all the monks and administrators gather in the meeting room to hear Pietro speak. With his second chance to have his voice heard in two decades, Pietro thought for a moment and then said, "Bed hard."

Once again, after saying his two words, Pietro turned and walked back to his dorm room in total silence while everybody stared at him.

Another decade passes and once again its Pietro's big day. He has already spent the last thirty years in the monastery and has only said four simple words. He will now get to say two more words, and so he took his time and thought about it long and hard before opening his mouth.

He stared intently at the head monk for what seemed like an eternity and then shockingly commented, “I quit.”

“Well, I, for one, am not surprised at all,” the head monk quickly retorted. “After all, you’ve been a non-stop complainer ever since you got here!”
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone enjoys the upcoming weekend. TGIF!

Q: What kind of music do planets like?

A: Neptunes.

A man was walking in a graveyard, when he suddenly heard the Third Symphony played backward. When it was over, then the Second Symphony started to play, also backwards, and then the First. “What’s going on?” he asked a cemetery worker.?

“It’s Beethoven,” calmly exclaimed the grave digger. “He’s decomposing.”

BG's Whacky Wednesdays...
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A Turtle on vacation in New York City was crossing the street one afternoon when he got mugged by two hoodlum snails. When the NYPD showed up, the responding policemen asked him what happened. The bruised and shaken turtle replied, “I really don’t know...It all happened so fast.”

The worst joke ever!!!!

Wait!! no..THIS is the worst joke ever. Jesus Christ

Siediti e Statti Zitto!

Because Ralphie, truth be told, you're the worst joke here! Lol

A Saturday Chuckle...
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Q: How does a duck pay for lipstick?

A: She just puts it on her bill.

A special quip for this Sunday morning...
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"Snow has never been a problem in the Middle East."

...but ISIS

The owner-operator of a supply store in the Middle East said that sales of backpacks have been tremendous. But he does wonder why he never gets any returning customers.

There is an absolutely horrible war going on in the Middle East right now and you make of light of this with a disgusting bomb joke!!!!?? Have you no decency? You need to stop it with these jokes and start praying for these poor people

Seriously?

Like I told you the first time around Ralphie...Siediti e Statti Zitto. And I know you're a bit "challenged" mentally, so I'll give it to ya in English too... "Sit down and shut up!"

I've already posted numerous statements professing my solidarity and support for Israel's plight and the horror that's going on over there. How bout you ass wipe??

Don't try and now pretend that you're outraged and indignant about those attacks. That would be typical of a phony, empty suit like you.

Who are you supposed to be, the benchmark for decency? Don't embarrass yourself.

Like I said, "Sit down and Shut up!"

Asswipe? Are you 12?

You know damn well that the timing of that "joke" was outrageous, but of course you would post it

Am I 12? Or are YOU 12? LOL

You're a perfect example of the "pot calling the kettle black."

Ralphie, you have a very long and well documented history as a troll here, who has constantly put up adolescent posts all across this forum in order to be a troublemaker and a rabble rouser. YOU are "The" joke! I do admit you're a bad joke, but make no mistake about it, you are the joke.

Can I 2nd that motion NY???..U forgot 2 tell that he has been living in his parents backyard in Beverly Hills throwing sand @ everyone since WW2..lol..

A quick one-liner for this Monday morning...


Q: What's a favorite game organized crime figures always enjoy playing?


A: Whack a mole.