Lol another good one.

Yeah, I liked that one too. lol

Chuckles for a Thursday...
-

A totally naked woman rushed into a taxicab.

Startled, the taxi driver turned around and stared her up and down intently.

So the woman candidly asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?

The taxi driver replied, "No, its not that. I'm just wondering where you keep your cab fare."

T.G.I.F.
---

DRIVING LESSONS...

After flying by jet plane from Rome, to JFK Airport in New York City, the Catholic Pope realized he had arrived ahead of schedule and would be very early for his first appointment of the day.

So, he asked his chauffeur if it would be ok for him to drive the limousine for a little while because it had been several years since the Pope had been behind the wheel of a car.

So his driver slid over into the front passenger seat and the Pope climbed in behind the wheel.

Naturally, the Pope was a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights flashing behind him in his rearview mirror.

So he pulls over, and the police officer walks up to the window, takes one look at the Pope and gets startled and taken back.

He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute, ok," then walks back to his patrol car to radio the chief.

Cop: "Chief, looks we have a real situation here. It looks like I've pulled over a very important person."

Chief: "How important? Who is he, a governor or something?"

Cop: "No sir. He's much bigger than that."

Chief: "So, who then? A Hollywood celebrity or something?"

Cop: "Much more important, sir."

Chief: "A major politician?"

Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."

Chief: "WELL, WHO THE HELL IS IT THEN?"

Cop: "Well sir, I'm actually not sure. But the Catholic Pope himself is the guy's driver."
-


Lisa and I hope you all enjoy your Friday gents! TGIF

Saturday Shenanigans.....

Q: Why couldn’t they get the sesame seed away from the crap table at the casino?

A: Because he was on a roll.

Interviewer: I hope you have manners. We sacked the last guy for disrespect. He compared me to a bird.

Me: Wow, I can never do that ma.

Interviewer: Good. So you're here for the mentorship program?

Me: Yes ma, take me under your wing!

Interviewer: Get out of my office!!!!

A little joke for a Sunday...
-
'THE BIG MEET'

A soldier was running late for an important meeting with his caporegime in Downtown Manhattan.

But he coudn't find any place to park his Cadillac. After twenty minutes of this nonsense, he was starting to get very frustrated and worried because he knew his capo had a volatile temper and didn't wanna incur his wrath.

Although he wasn't an overly religious guy, in desperation, he starting praying out loud, "Oh God. Please Jesus, if you help me find a parking spot right now, I promise I'll start going to church every Sunday, stop my criminal lifestyle, renounce my Mafia membership, and never drink whiskey again!"

Miraculously, a few seconds later, he saw an empty spot open right in front of their mob social. As he pulled in and parked, he commented, "Thanks anyway Jesus. But I already found one!"
-


Enjoy your Sunday fellas!

A Monday chuckle to start the week off right...
--
IT COULDA BE WORSE!

Joey was walking downtown one day, when he spotted an old high school friend, Harry, walking a little further ahead up the street.

"Hey Harry, how are you?" he yelled out his old buddy to get his attention.

"Not so good," says Harry.

"Why, what happened?" Joey inquired.

"Well," Harry says, "I just went bankrupt last week but I still gotta feed my family. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Could have been worse," Joey replied calmly. "Could have been worse," as he waved goodbye.

A month or so later, Joey bumped into Harry again, in a restaurant this time. "How are things going now, Harry?" he asks.

"Terrible!" says Harry. "Our house burned down to the ground last night."

"Could have been worse," Joey casually responded, and then went about his business.

A month or so later, Joey ran into Harry once again. "Hey buddy, how's things going for you now?" he inquired.

"Oh!" says Harry. "Things are just getting worse and worse by the day. It's one tragedy after another! Now my wife has even left me for another man!"

Joey just nodded his head, then gave his usual optimistic little smile, accompanied by his usual response, "Could've been worse."

But this time around, Harry grabbed Joey by the shoulders. "Wait a minute Joey!" he angrily retorted. "I'm not gonna just let you off so easy this time. Three times over the past few months we've run into one another, and every time I told you the latest disaster in my life all you've had to say was the same damn thing: 'Could have been worse' 'Could have been worse' 'Could have been worse.'

'This time, for God's sakes Joey, I need you to tell me, how the hell could it have been any worse?" cried Harry.

Joey looked Harry dead in the eye, with that same little wisp of a smile, "Sure it could have been worse," Joey replied back. "It could have happened to me!"
--

Have a nice day gentlemen!

"ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR ELDERS!"

A tribe of Nomads lived in the great Arabian desert.

Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent flowing beard. His followers believed the ancient proverb that a man's strength and courage emanated from his beard, and thus, the man with the longest beard would be their chief.

After leading his tribe for many years, Benny began to feel very uncomfortable and itchy wearing the beard as they traversed this hot and dusty land.

So one day he decided he wanted to shave it off, but first called his wise council together to get their sage advice.

When he stated he wanted to shave off his beard, the elders and tribe's councilmen were completed shocked and advised him against it, stating, "Do you not remember the ancient legend? A leader who removes his beard will be cursed for the ages and turned into a piece of earthenware."

Benny had heard the ancient legend. But being a logical and modern thinking man, he had always scoffed at what he perceived to be a false tale.

He was very headstrong and determined, and so, despite the warning, Benny went ahead anyway, cutting and scraping away his once magnificent beard.

As he removed the final whisker from his face a huge dust storm kicked up across the entire desert. It only lasted for a few seconds, but when it cleared, there was now a man-sized vessel of clay, in the exact spot, where only moments earlier Akmed had stood before them.

...Taken back as they witnessed this miraculous event, the entire council knew at once that the ancient proverb they had been taught to follow was true... "A Benny shaved, is a Benny urned."
-


Have a nice day gentlemen!

A few deep thoughts for this evening...
-

"If a parsley farmer was ever sued, do you think they could garnish his wages?
-
and...


"If a Catholic priest chose to study law, pass the bar, and become a lawyer. Could he then be considered a father-in-law?"

Whacky Wednesdays...
-

Q: What do you call a mobster who enjoys getting kicked in the balls?

A: A Soprano.

THE SENSITIVE DON...
-
Three Italian mafiosi get invited to a costume party at their Family boss' sprawling estate.

But "Don Ciccio" wasn't your typical Mafia boss. He had been seeing a psychiatrist lately to help him get in touch with his emotions. He felt that seeing the shrink was helping him, so he now decided that he wanted all his Family soldiers to do the same.

To that end, he decided to throw a big costume party and asked all his men to dress up in a costume that would express an emotion.

Despite the weird request, he was their boss. And not wanting to disappoint their Don, all his soldiers went out of their way to impress him.

The night of the big party the doorbell rang and the boss opened the door to see the first soldier wearing a giant pear costume. Don Ciccio commented, "That is quite a costume you've got on there Vito, but how does it represent an emotion?"

Vito replied, "See boss? I'm in dis pear!" The Don smiled and was satisfied with his soldier's answer so he invited him into the party.

The doorbell ranged again and the mob boss opened it to greet another soldier named Angelo, who was wearing a women's dress.

"Getting in touch with your feminine side I see?" asks the Don.

"No," remarked Angelo, "See boss, I'm in dis dress!"

Satisfied with his answer, Don Ciccio admitted Angelo into the party too.

The doorbell rang once again, and a third soldier named Charlie was standing at the door, fully nude, with his dick hanging into a bowl of custard.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" yelled Don Ciccio!

"Hey, boss, look, it is an emotion," retorted the soldier.

"I'm fucking dis custard!"
-


Hope you enjoy your Thursday gentlemen!

HOWDY PARDNER!...


Back in the old west there was a story often told about a town's sheriff who owned an amazing stallion. And this sheriff was once abducted by a gang of outlaws.

The bandits knocked the sheriff off his horse, beat him badly, then tied him up with rope. They cut the horse loose and let him run away free, but kidnapped the sheriff and threw him inside an old barn, where he was held against his will.

But later that first evening, the devoted horse returned for its master when no one was watching. It slipped into the barn and went to the sheriff, who pet his trusty horse while whispering something in its ear...the horse then galloped away into the darkness.

About an hour or so later, the horse returned with a beautiful young lady on its back. The young woman spent the entire night with the sheriff and left before sunrise.

The following evening the horse came back to see its master once again, and the sheriff whispered more orders into its ear. Sure enough, later that evening the horse returned with another beautiful young lady, who entertained the sheriff and left before the kidnappers noticed anything.

On the third night the horse returned to its master once more. But this time, a bit frustrated already, the sheriff whispered more explicitly to his trusty stallion, "Listen up good this time, ok? I said, bring me the POSSE!"
-

Hope everybody has a nice Friday...TGIF!

Saturday Shenanigans...
-

Q: What kind of shoes do mobbed-up burglars wear?

A: Sneakers, of course!

Shush...Zitto te!
-
Vito, a Mafia soldier was kidnapped by a ‘Gang Of Mimes’ who demanded $50,000 for his release. Fearing what would happen to their man if the money wasn’t paid, his Mafia Family quickly paid the ransom and Vito was released.

His Mafia Family then ordered him to report back immediately to his capo and explain what had taken place during his captivity.

Vito did as ordered, telling his caporegime that they did unspeakable things to him!

Some Sunday Shenanigans...
-

A Catholic nun was teaching Sunday School and speaking to her class one morning when she poised an interesting question to her young students: "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes up first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said "I think it's your hands.”

"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" the nun asked.

Suzy replied "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.”

“What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny then raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet.”

The nun gazed at him with a strange look on her face, then asked, "Now Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Little Johnny replied, "Well sister, I walked into mommy and daddy’s bedroom the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, ‘Oh God! Oh God, I'm coming.’ I gotta tell you, if dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her!"
-

...Happy Sunday folks!

One more for the Gipper!
-

Q: What's the difference between a vegetable farmer and a pimp?

A: The farmer makes an honest living with his hoe.

A Monday morning chuckle...
-
Interpol Police just arrested a member of the Mafia for his participation in a sophisticated robbery gang that specialized in targeting museums and palaces to steal priceless artworks by famous artists that they later "fenced."

Police found it odd that a single mafioso would be part of such a gang. So they took him back headquarters where they grilled him about his motives. The mobster later stated under questioning that he didn't like what they did, but admitted that he was just in it for the Monet.

Whacky Wednesdays...
--
ONE TOUGH CHICK!

One afternoon, a sweet little old lady walked into a biker bar in Pennsylvania, frequented by the notorious Pagans, one of the baddest 1% outlaw biker gang's in the entire country.

Supported by a cane, she hobbled up to the bar and approached their leader who was a real mountain of a man by the name of Dagger, and told him that she wanted to join the gang.

Dagger could hardly contain himself from busting out laughing, but decided to have a little fun with her before telling the old lady to fuck off.

"Do you even own a motorcycle?" The Pagan's leader asked.

"I certainly do young man. A black and chrome Harley-Davidson, and it's parked right out front." Replied the old woman.

"Do you curse and swear?" Asked Dagger.

"More than a fucking sailor!" She retorted.

"Do you drink booze?" Mocked the Pagan leader.

"Every day, like a fucking fish!" She replied.

"Have you ever used drugs? Dagger then asked.

"I've put more hard narcotics in me than a pharmacy! Retorted the old woman.

Taken back a bit, Dagger scratched his long beard and thought for a moment, then asked, "Do you have any tattoos?"

The feeble old lady dropped her skirt and lifted up her blouse, displaying multiple tattoos on both arms, both legs, on her shriveled ass, and a huge tat running across her chest that read, "Death before Dishonor."

Now the Pagans leader was really impressed. So he proceeded to ask her one more question, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The old lady thought for a few minutes, but didn't answer. And the Pagan leader just smirked, finally thinking he had her good now.

But a minute later, she unhooked her bra and let it drop to the floor, exposing a pair of big sagging breasts while responding, "No, I can't say that I ever have. But I have been swung around the room by my big tits before! Does that count?"

----
Needless to say, Dagger let her join their Pagans chapter immediately...In fact, today she serves as their "Sergeant at Arms."
----



ButtonGuys of The New York Mafia hopes everybody has themselves a good day!

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

Some Saturday Shenanigans...
-

Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning as he crossed the street?

Yeah, It seems to have been a vicious cycle.

Sunday Shenanigans...
-
THE SHIPWRECK

After a relaxing and enjoyable day out on the open seas, a small pleasure boat ran into a very turbulent storm that violently tossed it about capsizing it, during which most of the crew members fell overboard and drowned.

The boat drifted aimlessly for days until it eventually shipwrecked on a deserted island. Of the original dozen people onboard, only a girl and two guys survived.

The three survivors wandered around exploring the tiny island over the next day or so, finnding some sources of fruit and vegetables so they could eat. But with nothing else to do all day long except eat and sleep, pretty soon they started having sex.

But, all in all, the three of them were doing just fine because the girl was a really beautiful and sexy young thing. Unfortunately, some months later, the girl got very sick and died.

Left all alone, without a female, the two guys looked at one another and really didn't know what the hell they would do with themselves anymore every day because they were so bored.

But since it was really the only form of entertainment they had on the island, and they were both extremely horny, the two men decided to just keep on having sex.

This hot torrid sex went on day and night for about a week or so.

But eventually, their consciences caught up with them and they started feeling really guilty about what they'd been doing...So they decided to bury her.

LOL...Dude , that's f-cked up...

Hoodlum, what can I say? I didn't write it...lol, but I do what I can for you. Glad you got a chuckle out of it.

A Tuesday tickle...
--
News agencies have been reporting that a mobbed-up gang of burglars are currently on the loose in NYC committing a string of heists for months, and that lately, they've now begun targeting pharmacies for robbery.

In fact, the NYCPD Burglary Squad said the mobsters were now breaking into drug stores and concentrating on stealing entire supplies of Viagra.

So the police have put out an all-points bulletin alert to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

Todays' laugh of the day...
-

THE CONFESSIONAL BOOTH...

Vito, an old Italian winemaker, decided to go the village church, and to confession, for the first time in decades.

Upon walking into the confessional booth, the priest slid open the small window between them, and Vito started, "Padre, during World War II, a beautiful young woman knocked at my door one day and pleaded for me to hide her from the Nazis. She was crying and shaking like a leaf, so I took pity on her and allowed her into my home. I then hid her away in the windowless attic to protect her, where I set her up with a mattress and pillow and fed her every day."

Hearing this, the priest replied, "What a wonderful thing you've done my son! I was really not expecting to hear anything like this."

"But Padre, it gets even worse." the old man continued. "After a few weeks living in my home, the young woman started to flirt with me and eventually boldly came on to me sexually. She was so gorgeous and had such a sexy body and sultry way about her, that I simply could not resist bedding her."

The priest listened intently, and then explained, "Well, you know, in times of war people can sometimes do things that they wouldn't do under normal circumstances." He then continued, "But if you're truly sorry for what you've done and for your transgressions, then God will forgive you!"

Upon hearing this, Vito remarked, "Thank you Padre. Your comforting words are a big relief to me. Because it's really taken a toll on me over the years. But can I ask one question of you?"

"Of course. What is it my son?" Inquired the priest.

Vito hesitated for a moment and then nervously asked, "Do you think I should let her know that the war's over?"
-


ButtonGuys hopes everybody has themselves a great day!

Honestly, another good one

LOL. Thanks...I cracked up with this joke too.

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL...
-
One afternoon the Feds came and arrested mafioso Pasquale (Patty Pots-n-Pans) Panarelli on a variety of racketeering charges.

He refused to cop out to any of the charges. So, after many months of court motions and delays, prosecutors finally brought his case to trial.

But, less than two hours into trial testimony, Patty pled guilty.

The Judge, clearly angry by this time, demanded to know, "Why didn't you just plead guilty at the very beginning of this case and save the court's time and money?

"Well, Judge" the mafioso responded, "ya see, until I heard all the evidence against me, I thought maybe I was innocent."