LOL. That was funny TD...Touche'!

Whacky Wednesdays...
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Sad-Sack Sammy gets a whammy!


One day Sammy Sad-Sack asked his wife, "Honey, what was the biggest reason why you married me?"

She replied, "Oh, thats easy. It was because you have such a great sense of humor, and are such a funny guy."

Surprised at her response, Sammy then asked inquisitively, "I thought it was because I'm so good in bed?"

His wife busted out in laughter and said, "See? Thats what I mean, you're friggin hilarious!"

THE TATTOO ARTIST...
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An old woman walks into a tattoo shop, looks directly at the artist and and says, "I wanna get a tattoo."

The tattoo artist hesitantly replies, "Well okay, where would you like me to place this tattoo?"

The old woman says, "Actually, I'd like 2 tattoos. One on the inside of my upper left thigh, and the other on the inside of my upper right thigh."

"Do have any idea how much this is gonna hurt in such a sensitive area?" Commented the artist, "Are you really sure you want them there."

The old lady barked back at him, "Of course I'm sure! Thats exactly where I want them. And I don't care how much it will hurt."

So the artist relented and said, "Okay, whatever you want then. Let's take a look at the art book, to see if there's anything in particular you like."

But she immediately retorted back, "I already know what I want. I want you to draw a Christmas tree on my left thigh, and a turkey on my right thigh."

So the artist said to her, "Oh, okay. Thats no problem at all.Those are simple enough. I can do that for you." He thought for a moment at the odd request, and then asked, "But could you answer one question for me? Why would you want such things tatted on the inside of your thighs?"

The old lady, not missing a beat, replied back, "Becasue I'm sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's nothing to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving!"

DUMB BLONDES...

A man and his wife were barreling down the highway when they saw a patrol car flashing his lights behind them, so they pulled over. The cop came up to the drivers side window and said to the guy, "I'm gonna give you a two tickets. One because you were speeding and another one because you didn't have your seatbelt fastened.

The man replied back, "I did have my seat belt on. And I just unfastened it as you walked up to my car."

So the patrolman glanced over at the man's blonde, big chested wife in the front passenger seat and asked her, "I know he didn't have his seatbelt on. Isn't that right, lady?"

Trying to be coy and avoid admitting her husband didn't have his seatbelt on, she replied, "Well, officer, I didn't really notice, because I learned a long time ago to never argue with my husband when he's drunk."

Lol good one

Lol. Thanks TD
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Heres one more for the Gipper. Not sure how good it is, but here it goes anyway. Lol
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Sad-Sack Sammy goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asks him how's he's feeling. Sammy replies, "Doc, I don't know what it is, because I always feel good on Saturdays and Sundays, but I feel pretty sick on all the other days of the week. What do you think it could be?"

The doctor looked Sad-Sack over, consulted his notes and thought about it for a few minutes. He then replied, "Sammy, after a thorough examination, I suspect that you may just have a weekend immune system!"

THE BIRTHDAY GIFT...
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A wife decides to take her husband Dave to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya buddy?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. Dave says, "Oh no, Honey, that guy's just on my bowling team."

Then go inside and slide into a booth. A waitress soon comes over and asks Dave if he'd like his usual, and then brings him over a ice cold Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and asks him, "How did that girl know that you drink Budweiser?"

Dave retorts, "She's in the ladies bowling league, honey. We share lanes with them."

A big-breasted stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says, "Hi Davey, want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

But Dave follows her out and spots her getting into a cab, and before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He desperately tries to explain away how the stripper must have mistaken him for somebody else. But by this point, his wife is having none of it and starts screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every curse word in the book.

The cabby turns his head and comments, "Looks like you picked up a real crazy bitch this time, Dave!"

A Few Sunday Riddles For The Forum...
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Q: What is large on Sunday and Saturday, small on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, and disappears completely on Monday and Friday?

A: The letter S.
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Q: Why don't fish get to hang around with their buddies on the weekends?

A: Because there’s no school on Saturdays or Sundays.
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Q: When did the old-time Kings request the scheduling of jousting contests?

A: On Sunday Knights of course!



ButtonGuys wishes everybody a nice Sunday!

FATHERLY ADVICE...
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An Italian mobster gave his son a Beretta pistol for his 18th birthday. "Figlio mio, carry this with you everywhere!" the mafioso exclaimed as he handed it to the young man.

The next day, his son came home without the gun. But he had a brand new shiny Rolex watch on his wrist. So the father asked him, "Mio figlio, where is da pistola I giva you"

"Papa, I decided to trade it in for this Rolexa" said the son.

"YOU STUPIDA ASSAHOLA!!" yelled the dad! "One daya maybe you gonna hava wifa. And maybe one day you coma homa and catch her naked in you bedda foola around witta you besta frienda. What are you gonna do then bigga shota, pointa to you watcha and say times a uppa?"

A Thursday Chuckle for the forum...
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SO YOU WANNA BE AN EINSTEIN, HUH?

One day Einstein had to speak at an important science conference. On the way there, he spoke to his driver that looked a bit like him, telling him, "I'm sick and tired of all these conferences. I always say the same old things over and over!"

The driver agreed, "You're right. As your driver, I attend all of them and even though I don't know anything about science, I could probably give the conference in your place."

"That's a great idea!" said Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"

So they switched clothes and as soon as they arrived, the driver, now dressed as Einstein, went up on stage and started to give the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, sat in the audience watching it.

But in the crowd there was one scientist who wanted to impress everyone by thinking of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he wouldn't be able to respond. So this guy stood up and interrupted the conference and posed his very difficult question. The whole room went silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looked him dead in the eye and retorted, "Sir, your question is so ridiculously easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone enjoyed this little quit, and wishes everyone a good day!

Good one Lol

Btw....A creepy guy walks up to another man in a park. The creepy guy leans close to the man and whispers "Do you have any naked photos of your wife?". The man angrily says "Certainly not!". Creepy guy says "Would you like to buy some?"

LOL, thats a very cute joke.

Freaky Fridays...some food for thought. A few short quits so you can start your day with a smile.
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Q: If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?

A: Why Mistle-toes of course!
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Q: Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk?

A: The stock market!
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Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?

A: Because they use honeycombs.
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ButtonGuys hopes everybody has a nice day...

Saturday Shenanigans...
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GETTING MARRIED IN THE CHURCH

Three couples wanted to get married at the same church. There was a very young couple, a middle-aged couple, and a very elderly couple. The three couples each met with the priest, Father O'Malley, separately, and discussed the particulars and when they'd like to get married.

After hearing each of them out, Father O'Malley replied, "If you wish to get married in my church, and by me, each of you must abstain for one full month from having any form of sex!"

Each couple agreed.

One month later, the three couples returned to the church to talk to the priest. He then first asked the elderly couple, "So, have you completed the month without having any sex?"

"Yes, we have Father, it was easy," replies the elderly couple.

He then asked the middle-aged couple, "How about you?" And they responded, "It was hard abstaining for a full month, but we didn't have sex at all Father for the entire month."

Lastly, Father O'Malley turned to the young couple and asked, "And how about you two? How did you fair out, were you able to resist all sexual temptations?"

"We're so sorry Father. We are both ashamed, but we just couldn't do it," responded the boyfriend.

With a scowl on his face, the priest asked, "Explain to me why?"

"Well, we were in the fruit and vegetable department, and my girlfriend had just picked up this long firm cucumber in her hand. I saw her handling it and it got me thinking and my mind racing. Then, she accidentally dropped it. As she bent over to pick it up, unfortunately I just couldn't resist, and that's when it happened."

Upon hearing this, the priest then angrily retorted, "Well then, you two are certainly not welcome into my church!"

The boyfriend quickly answered back, "Well, you ain't the only one. They told us we're not welcome back in the supermarket either!"

A Sunday Snicker...
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A GUY WALKED INTO A BAR....

A guy walked into the local tavern, sullied up to the bar and ordered a drink.

A few minutes later another guy from across the bar hollered out to him, "I screwed your mom real good last night!"

Although he was disturbed by that comment, the first guy just tried ignoring the fellow.

But the heckler was persistent and yelled out once again, "Your mother was real good in bed last night!"

Again, the first fella just tried ignoring the loudmouth.

A few minutes later the troublemaker is just about to open his mouth again, but this time around the guy stopped him dead in his tracks and remarked, "Dad, please! Go home already. You're drunk!"

J. K. Rowling has revealed that one of the "best" researchers, at a less known forum, was a hermaphrodite.

His name is Professor Angelo Clitdick!

Monday Giggles...
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A woman gives birth to twin boys but decides to give them up for adoption.

One infant goes to a family in Egypt, who decides to name the boy Amal.

The other baby boy goes to a family in Spain. They give him the name of Juan.

Many years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she sadly remarked to her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

He dryly responded, "Be happy! After all, they're twins! So if you've seen Juan, then you've seen Amal."
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ButtonGuys hopes everybody had a nice day...and laugh! Lol

TONIGHT'S JOKE IS FOR THE JOKERS...BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THE JOKE'S ACTUALLY ON THEM!

Q: Why do idiots from another forum say “break a leg” to their fellow 'brain surgeons' as they take the 'stage' with fake names to cause mischief on a rival forum?

A: Because every play has to have a cast! LOL

A FEW TUESDAY TICKLES...
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Q: What is the top-selling brand of fake macaroni on supermarket shelves?

A: The "Im-Pasta"
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Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs that has to support itself along a fence post?

A: Lean beef
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Q: How do you stop a raging bull from charging?

A: Thats an easy one...Just cancel its credit card.
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ButtonGuys hopes everyone has themselves a nice day!

Lol lol lol good one

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Grazie mille amico mio! (I'm glad you enjoyed it)

The two lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday.

I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

LOL, LOL, LOL....Now THAT was one quick, but very funny joke!

Q: How many heroin addicts from the BH forum does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to inject until the room starts spinning!

Good night.

you loved BHF until you got banned lol

Whacky Wednesdays...
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THE WWII STALEMATE...

During World War II there was tremendous trench warfare, and neither the American nor the German troops could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate.

So one day, an American G.I. came up with a plan that he thought might help them win the war. This soldier went to his commanding officer and platoon and explained his idea. After hearing him out, they all agreed to give it a shot, figuring, "Why not? It's not like we have any better ideas."

So the very next day the American soldiers started implementing their new plan. One American G.I. shouted out, "Hans?"

The next thing you know a German soldier popped his head up and shouted back, "Ja?!"

Bang! The German was shot right through his head.

The next day the Americans shouted out once again, "Hans?" and sure enough another German soldier raised his head up, responding "Ja?!"

He too, was shot right through the forehead and killed.

This process continued on steadily for days. The Germans were getting whacked out left and right, and losing large numbers.

Pretty soon they started catching on.

So the Germans had an emergency meeting. They figured they might be able to come back from their heavy losses by using the same type of tactics as the Americans.

One German soldier asked, "So what's a popular American name we could use?" "John!" replied another.

The very next day, the German platoon decided to execute their plan.

The first German shouted out, "Hey John!?"

Almost immediately an American G.I. shouted back, "Is that you Hans?"....

"Ja!" replied a German....
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And that's how the Americans won the war!

Did you hear the one about the sleepy junkie (you all know who) ?

He’s an oxy-moron

THE JAPANESE YAKUZA!
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Q: Why do Yakuza members swear a verbal loyalty oath?

A: Because they can't do pinky promises.