LOL. Thanks DiL.....God knows I'm tryin' pal, I'm tryin'!

Friday's "Racketeer Riddle" of the day...
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Q: What's the difference between the IRS and the Mafia?

A: At least the Mafia gives you protection when you pay!

Saturday Shenanigans...
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The Italian authorities released a report today about a bridge in the City of Naples that collapsed several days ago, that they now strongly suspect was constructed by a Mafia-tied concrete company.

Authorities became suspicious after they recovered 6 more bodies in the wreckage than was originally reported missing in the collapse.

Helpin' out a new friend...
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A Mafia soldier waved down a taxi-cab in Midtown Manhattan. So the taxi driver pulled to the curb to pick up his fare. Once inside the backseat, the mafioso commented that he never saw a fancy Mercedes Benz being utilized as a cab before. He was very surprised by that. He then asked the cabby, "Why is it that the hood ornaments stick out so prominently on Benz's?

Figuring he'd get a laugh or two out of it, the driver then jokingly remarked back, "So it's easier for us to take aim when we're running over innocent pedestrians!" Continuing the gag, the cabby then commented to the hoodlum, "See that old lady trying to cross the street over there? Watch this!" He then quickly hit the gas pedal, racing toward her, but at the very last minute spun his steering wheel, avoiding her.

But the cabby heard a loud thump, and from his rearview mirror saw the elderly woman crash to the pavement anyway. He then nervously quivered, "How the hell did that happen? I made sure I missed her!"

The mafioso then proudly retorted back, "Hey pal, you did completely miss her. But I caught her for you with my rear door!"
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Sunday Shenanigans....I know I'm posting this joke late today. But I figured, "what the hell!" Better late than never! LOL

Mondays Mobster Mockery....
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Recent photographs Donald Trump had taken with reputed Philadelphia mob boss Skinny Joey Merlino and others has spurred the FBI to investigate his possible links to organized crime.

Their probe has uncovered evidence that Trump, has in fact, actually joined the Mafia as a Family "associate." Informants report that the mob has even given Trump his very own street nickname..."Donny Small Hands"
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Don't give up your day job

An interesting question to ponder.
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If Caitlyn Jenner joined the mob. Would she then be considered a "made man?" Or a "self-made woman?"

Tuesday chuckles...
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Nowadays, in keeping with the more liberal mindset of many people out there in the world, the FBI has found that even the Mafia is taking a much more casual approach to things.

In fact, Federal authorities document several informants reported that underworld bosses who date both men and women are now being tolerated within the ranks of some Mafia Families.

In other words, they're now letting bi-Dons by bi-Dons...

The father of a little boy in Calabria never really payed attention to his son until several years back, when members of the N'drangheta tried to extort the father for a piece of his stone-cutting business. They kidnapped his young son and held him as leverage and ransom, then demanded a percentage of the man's business for the boy's safe return.

The loving father, of course, ended up paying this ransom and giving up a piece of his hard earned business. He realized that he had always taken the boy for granite!

Wednesday Whackjobs...
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ADVICE FROM "THE DON"
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Vito and Maria were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Vito was a very successful Mafia soldier who was both wealthy and influential, and he wanted to give his wife something extra special for this momentous occasion.

Vito said to his wife, "Maria, because of your unwavering support of me over the years I've was able to become as successful in my career as I have. So this year I wanna give your anything your heart desires. With my money and influence I can get you anything. Just say the word my dear and its yours!"

Maria commented back, "Vito, I would like just two things. First, please, just for a few days, please stop picking your nose, ok?"

Vito thought for a moment, and then said to her, "That's a very tricky thing Maria. I don't know that I can do that for you...But anyway, what is the second thing you'd like?"

Maria then says, "Please, just once, the next time we have sex, can I ride on top?"

Vito contemplates her second request for a moment, and then says back, "I'm so sorry baby, but I don't think I can give you either one of those things you ask."

Maria, surprised at his refusal, asks, "Why Vito? Why? These two things I ask for are so minor, they're such simple requests."

Vito then explains, "When I first started my career in the Mafia, I went to see The Don for such advice. The very first thing he told me was, "Make sure you always keep your nose clean!"

Maria then asks him what the second thing was.

Vito retorted, "He said, make sure you don't fuck up!!"

Happy Friday everybody! Here's a little "TGIF" joke for ya!
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Interpol and the FBI recently learned from informants that the Mafia has infiltrated this years Academy Awards ceremony to insure that only Italian actors will win awards.

So it seems that the Mafia really knows how to "rig a Tony"

THE CHRISTMAS LIST...


A mafioso's little son, (who was himself a mafioso in training,) sat down at his desk to write his Christmas list to Jesus. He starts to write, "Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a extremely good boy this entire year, so I want a new..." The boy stopped, and then looked down at what he wrote, then quickly crumbled up the note into a ball and threw it away.

The little kid then gets a clean piece of paper and starts to write again, "Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a very good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at what he wrote, then crumbles it and throws it in the trash bin.

The little mafioso contemplated for a minute before getting an idea. He then got up from his desk and walked into his mother's bedroom. He took the statue of the Virgin Mary off his mother's dresser, put it in his closet, and then locked the door tight.

He walked back to his desk, sat down, took another piece of paper and wrote, "Dear Baby Jesus, if you ever wanna see your mother again..."

Saturday Shenanigans!...
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FAMILY ADVICE...SICILIAN-STYLE!
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An old Sicilian Mafia boss, Don Vito, was dying. So he called his beloved grandson and namesake Vitone to his bedside. Don Vito explained, "My dear grandson, pleassa lissin to me becausa theresa no much tima left! I wanna for youa taka my trusty .38 caliber revolva so you will alwaysa remember me."

"Young Vitone replied, "But grandpa I really don't like guns. So how bout you leave me your beautiful diamond Rolex watch instead?"

Grandpa waved his hand no, and then quickly retorted back, "You lisina to me! Soma day you goina to be runna da bizzinessa. You goina hava beautiful wifa, lotsa money, a bigga housa, and soma bambinos too!" Don Vito continued, "Soma day maybe youa comma homa to finda you wifa in bed with another man. Watta you gonna doa thena, huh, bigga shotta? Pointa to you watcha and say, "Timesa uppa?"

A Super Bowl riddle for today
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ROMAN HISTORY!...

Q: If Nero, Tiberius, Commodus, and Caligula had all been in the City of Pompeii together, who would have survived?

A: The Roman Empire!

A Wednesday chuckle...
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Hard working mob guys....

Mob associate Joey landed a good union job through his buddy Vito, a Mafia soldier and Joey's mob superior. Vito got him on a construction crew that repaired roadways and streets. But Joey wasn't on the job more than one week when the construction foreman fired him after accusing him of theft.

At first Vito couldn't believe it was true. But when he went to see Joey at his house, all the signs were there!

Thursday Chuckles...
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Q: What does a pussy and the Mafia have in common?


A: It's a lot more enjoyable and comfortable if you're on the inside.

Saturday Shenanigans...
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Robbin' the Family...

Word on the streets is that soldier Joseph "Joe Bread" Rizzo stole a lot of money from his Mafia Family. The boss allegedly put out the word that from now on, Joe Bread is as good as toast!

I really like this one. It's short, but sweet...."Joe Bread" is "toast" LOL

I must admit. I crack myself up sometimes...I really do!

SUNDAY SHENANIGANS.....
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THE MAFIA'S "FOUR SEASONS"


An infamous Mafia Family had an especially deadly crew among its membership, known only as "The Four Seasons."

One evening the Family Capo called them in, to discuss his orders for their next job.

"Winter," the Capo began. "I need you to stay nice and cool in the face of pressure. With ice in your veins," he said, patting his trusty soldier on the shoulder.

"Now Summer," he continued. "If the heat becomes too much for Winter, use that fiery temper of yours to make sure the cops remember who they're really working for, and burn that image into their fucking heads." He instructed his second soldier.

"As for you, Spring," he laughed, "this racket is gonna make us a whole lot green." So watch this operation very closely and make sure that this racket keeps growing as we reinvest in it."

"And last, but certainly not least," the Mafia boss continued, as he approached Autumn and gently cupped his face with both hands. "You get them there safely, and just STAY in the getaway car, so that if anything happens..."

"CHRIST, DAD!!!" snapped Autumn. "I know! I know!..Yeah, I GET it! Once again, it looks like I'm the fucking fall guy!"

A Tuesday Chuckle...
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THE PRAGUE MOB!

When I was in Prague last year I was very surprised to learn that they also have a local Mafia organization. In fact, many townspeople I met warned me against venturing into the Mafia's territory. When I said I was totally unfamiliar with the city and wouldn't know where the heck I was walking, they said the local mob always identifies it's territory, and to just keep my eyes open for Czech marks!

Some Thursday Laughs...
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An Irishman, an Italian, and a Pollack were having a drink together at the local tavern.

The Irishman says, "You know, where I'm from, there's a bar called O'Malley's where you buy a drink, then you buy another drink, and then O'Malley himself buys you a drink."

The Italian then says, "Well...where I'm from, there's a place called Russo's where you buy a drink, then Russo buys you a drink, then you buy another drink, and then Russo buys you another drink..."

The Pollack then says, "Well...where I come from, there's a bar where they buy you a drink, then they buy you another drink, then they buy you another drink, then they buy you another drink, and then they take you in back, and then you get laid!"

The Irishman and the Italian both respond with, "Gee...that sounds like a great place! Have you ever been there?"

"No..." said the Pollack, "but my sister has..."

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and the IRS?
A: A hooker will quit screwing you when you're dead.

Did you hear about the remake of Jaws?
It's called Jews, and it's about a loan shark

Two old Parisians when the older one asked how many days of the week start with the letter T.
The younger one responded with Two - Tuesday and Thursday. The older one asked about Today and Tomorrow and that makes Four :-)

Hey! Its my old friends from Pittsburgh! Glad to see ya! lol

Finally, somebody has jumped in and contributed a few jokes here. For awhile there I thought nobody on this forum had a funny-bone anymore! Lol

Friday Chuckles....
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A teenaged son approached his father to discuss his future, and said to him, "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime."

His father replied, "Government or the privater sector?"

Like a famous leading man once said in a movie..."Make it one more for the Gipper!"
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Q: What's the difference between an English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

A: An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...

Saturday "Shits-n-Giggles"
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Q: Which part of Europe has no Jehovah's Witnesses?

A: Sicily...It's a very dangerous place for witnesses.

Sunday Shenanigans...
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Q: How does an aging Mafia boss celebrate his birthday?

A: ...Fuhgeddaboudit!!

Why does the Mafia get discounts at Funeral homes:?
Because they plan weeks in advance.

Lol. nice one Lou