Like I've said before, thats what makes horse races. Theres 9 horses in a race. And everybody likes a different horse.

Whacky Wednesdays...
-

GOTTA HAVE FAITH!

A mountain climber fell off a remote cliff, and, as he tumbled down the mountain he was able to catch hold of a small branch to cling onto. "Help! Is there anybody up there? Help!" he shouted.

Just then a majestic voice boomed throughout the skies echoing, "I will help you, my son. But first you must show me that you have complete faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you! Just please save me“ cried out the man.

“So be it my son. Then I tell you now, just let go of the branch, and you will be saved,” echoed the voice.

There was a long pause…then man shouted up one last time, “No offense, but isn't there anybody else up there?" 
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Hope you enjoy your evening gentlemen!

Thursday Food for Thought...
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PEOPLE...IT'S ALL IN HOW YOU SEE IT!

An American businessman was by the waterfront piers of Castellammare del Golfo, a small fishing village in Northwestern Sicily, when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large tuna. The American approached him and complimented the fisherman on the size and quality of his fish and asked how long it took for him to catch them. The Sicilian replied that it only took a few hours. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish. The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's needs and desires.

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Sicilian replied, "I like to sleep late, maybe fish a little, play with my children, enjoy my wife Maria, stroll into the village each evening, and then stop into my favorite little cafe, where I sip some wine and play my mandolino with my amicos…I have a very full and busy life, Signore.”

The American scoffed at the Sicilian’s answer. "I am a Wharton MBA and I really could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the profits from the bigger boat you could buy several more boats. Eventually you would have a large fleet of fishing boats. Then, instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor. You would eventually be able to open your own cannery. You would control the product, the processing, and the distribution.

But you would need to leave this small village and move up to the City of Rome, then onto the United States, where you would eventually relocate to New York City, which would allow you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Sicilian fisherman asked, "But how long would all this take?"

To which the American replied, “About 15 to 20 years."

“And then what?,” inquired the Sicilian.

The American laughed sarcastically and then commented, “Well, you see, that's the very best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your entire company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions of dollars.”

"Millions of dollars? Then what?,” asked the Sicilian.

The American, incredulous of the Sicilian's ignorance, then said, "Then you could retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you could sleep late, maybe fish a little, play with your kids, have fun with your wife, stroll into the village in the evenings, find a nice little cafe, and sip wine and play your mandolin with your friends to your hearts desire."
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It's a beautiful light breezy and sunny day in New York. I'm looking forward to it. Hope everybody enjoys their day as well.

Nine year old Guido is sitting on a park bench with a bag full of candy bars,eating one after another.

A stranger sits next to him,and after a minute or so says, "kid, eating candy like that ain't good for you.
You're gonna rot your teeth,get fat and maybe even get diabetes."

Guido answers "well my grandfather lived to be 103 years old"

The man says "oh,did he eat a lot of candy"?

Guido says "no,he minded his own fuc#ing business!"

Saturday Shenanigans....
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RAT TALES AND TIPS...

After receiving leads from several police informants, the DEA started a major drug investigation into a Mexican tortilla factory suspected of having ties to the Mexican Mafia?

But they later discovered it was only a shell company.
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THE DEBUT

Q: What do you say to a rookie mob enforcer on his first day?

A: "Break a leg."
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MAFIA LIFE INSURANCE

Irving was thinking about hiring Vito, a hitman from a local Mafia Family to murder his former business partner. But he cautiously wanted to interview the hitman first to make sure everything would go as planned.

So Irving asked, "How do I know that you won't just take my money, then let him pay you twice as much to come back here and kill me?"

Vito the hitman leaned back in his chair, smiled and said, "Well Irving, you can always get the extra life insurance policy."

"The extra life insurance policy?" asked Irving.

Vito replied, "Yeah. For five times the murder fee I originally asked you for, I can guarantee you that the other guy will no longer be able to afford me."

THE JOKE OF THE DAY....
--


FOOLIN' AROUND...

A woman was having a torrid daytime affair, while her husband was away at work each day. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend, when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh my God…hurry! Grab all your clothes and jump out of the window. My husband’s home early! If he catches us here in bed, naked, he’ll surely kill us both! She shrieked.

Her lover retorted, “But it’s pouring rain outside.”

She replied, “Rain? My husband’s got a real hot temper and he carries a gun. So believe me, the rain is the least of your problems!”

So the boyfriend scooted out of bed, grabbed his clothes and jumped right out the window. Now naked, he started running in the road, away from the house, until he saw a marathon of 300 runners ahead of him. So he caught up to them and just started running alongside them, pretending nothing was wrong.

Although he was completely naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried his best to blend into the crowd.

After awhile, a small group of runners were smiling while curiously watching him. One runner moved up alongside him and commented, “Do you always run naked?”

The boyfriend replied, “Oh yes! It feels so wonderfully free!”

The other runner then asked, “And you always run while carrying your clothes with you under your arm?”

“Oh yes,” answered the boyfriend breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed quickly right after each run, get in my car, and then go home!”

The other runner cast his eyes a little lower, smiled, and then asked, “Really now. And do you always wear a condom when you run?”

The boyfriend retorted, “Nope…just when it’s raining out!”

FREAKY FRIDAY...
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THE PEARLY GATES…


An alcoholic, a nymphomaniac, and a stoner all died and went up to Heaven. But when they got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter completely lost his temper.

He said, “I’m so sick and tired of all you sinners being allowed into Heaven just because you went to church every Sunday. So, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to see if you really deserve to be in Heaven. I’m going to lock each of you in your own rooms with your favorite vice of choice. If you can stay in there for one full year without touching or indulging it, then I’ll consider you worthy and let you in.”

So, St. Peter set the alcoholic up in a room with a long bar that stretched as far as the eye can see, and all its shelves were stocked with the finest liquors ever made.

He then set the nympho up in a room that was full of gorgeous, sultry, flirtateous virgins. There was even a heart-shaped bed for them to romp in.

Lastly, the stoner was set up in a room that had a never-ending supply of the best marijuana, and all the rolling papers and pipes he needed to indulge.

Saint Peter then let an entire year go by. Afterwards, he decided it was time to check up on the three of them and see how everything is going.

He went to the alcoholic first. When he opened the door, the alcoholic was completely passed out on the floor, and every single drop of liquor had been drank. So St. Peter immediately sent the alcoholic straight to hell.

Next, St. Peter went to the nympho. As he opened the door he saw everyone lying about naked, completely exhausted from sex. There were stains on the bed, and sex toys strewn all over the room. So he immediately sent the nympho to hell.

Finally, he went to the stoners room, and as St. Peter opened the door, he noticed that the stoner was just sitting there quietly, sober and clear-eyed as he could be. Not a single weed of marijuana had been touched.

St. Peter was completely startled, exclaiming, “Oh my God. Of the three of you, you were the one I least expected to be able to succeed at their task. How did you do it?”

The stoner wryly replied, “Got a light?”

Another Friday Joke for the crew!
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ROAD LOGIC...

Highway Patrolman: You were going very fast ma'am.
Female Driver: Sorry officer, I was just trying to keep up with the traffic.
Highway Patrolman: But there isn't any traffic.
Female Driver: I know!...Thats how far behind I am!

Saturday Shenanigans...
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Question: What do you call a gang-banger who believes in double standards?

Answer: A hypocrip.

Monday Madness...
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During the many years The Chicago Crime Commission investigated 'Scarface' Al Capone and his syndicate they were surprised to discover that, on occasion, Al and his men would pack up and go into the woods camping.

Suspecting that Capone and his gang were up to no good during these woodland jaunts, the Chicago Crime Commission started another probe of these campsites, labeling the investigation, "Criminal In-tent"

A few to keep it short and sweet for today's Whacky Wednesday...
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Q: What do you call shoes made of banana peels?

A: Slippers
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Q: Why did the Sicilian golfer bring two pairs of pants?

A: Just in case he got a hole in one, on the course...of course!
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Q: What do you call a factory that sells very good products?

A: That would be a satisfactory.
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...and pulling up the rear for today's smiles

Q: How did the Italian barber win the race?

A: He knew a shortcut.
-

ButtonGuys hopes everyone has a good day!

Thursday's question of the day...
--

Q: How many mobsters does it take to throw a stool pigeon off the top of a building?


A: The 'appropriate' answer would be none, of course! The guy always commits suicide on his own!

Q: How do Gangsters communicate and receive information?

A: G-Mail

U do try hard , I'll give u that my man....I like ur storied ones better..luv Hood

Lol...I do try Hoodlum. I do try!

And I'll try and pull a few more good stories from my sock. But ya know, ya gotta mix it up a bit sometimes. Some long and in-depth jokes for those folks that enjoy that sort of thing. And short one-liners for those with less patience. lol

Sorry Hoodlum...but I just couldn't resist this one.
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Q: Why did Frankie jump in the shower and scrub down good, right after pulling off a major heist?


A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!

OK...not bad...the last time I heard a joke was bad , I mean f..ked up...." what do u call 1 whitey in a tree full of monkeys"......Branch Manager....Now thats fucked up..that was 30 years ago........

Lol. Yes, I'd say not the most 'appropriate' joke to tell.

I'll try and pull a real good one from my bag of tricks for the next joke posted ok

THE MORMON AND THE IRISHMAN...
-

A Mormon and an Irishman had boarded an airplane and had just taken their seats. The Mormon was seated right next to the Irishman on a direct flight from London to New York.

After the plane was airborne, the stewardess came around to take drink orders. So the Irishman asked for a double whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed on the tray in front of him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He quickly replied in disgust, "Liquor? I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let any liquor ever touch my lips."

Hearing what the man said, the Irishman immediately handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't realize that we had a choice."


--
How was that one Hoodlum, a bit better? Lol

I think that joke could somewhat work if Don Rickles told it, but it's not a high caliber joke by any means. It's borderline lousy actually. I personally don't think people like to read jokes. Some can work, but good verbal delivery can elevate even lousy jokes.

A Saturday Chuckle...
-

BLACK BART - THE MURDEROUS BANDIT!...
-
Back in the Wild West, the people of a small town were having a good time at the local saloon, when suddenly a townsman rushed into the saloon and yells, "Everybody better run! The notorious Black Bart, the murderous bandit is a comin' to town!"

Right away everyone started panicking, dropped their drinks, grabbed their ten-gallon hats, and ran out the door as fast as they could. But the bartender noticed that one man was still sitting at a back table, slowly sippin' his beer.

So the barkeep yelled out, "What are you, deaf man? Didn't you hear? Black Bart's on his way! You're better hightail it out of here, and quick!!

But the man casually replied, "Sure, I will. But hold your horses. I just wanna finish this here cold beer first, then I'll be on my way."

The bartender retorted, "Suit yourself man, but I'm gettin' outta here," and the barkeep ran out, leaving him behind.

The cool customer then took his last sip, put down his mug and grabbed his hat, and was about to stand up from the table when he noticed a tall dark stranger, dressed in all black, blocking the saloon's entranceway. He suddenly realized the true danger he was in, and thought to himself, "Well, it looks like this is it, I'm done for".

But instead of the stranger pulling out his six-shooter, the stranger just walked up to him, unzipped his chaps, took his private part out of his pants and then said, "Suck on this, pardner!"

Our hero looked the stranger in the eye, then looked down and saw what the stranger wanted, then looked up again into the stranger's determined eyes and furrowed brow, then glanced down once more at the man's privates.

The beer drinker, who was not gay, was completely repulsed at the stranger's request and scared to comply. But he was even more frightened to think what might happen to him if he didn't, so he dropped to his knees and proceeded to do what the stranger demanded of him.

After a few minutes the stranger said, "Faster man, faster. Suck that thing!"

So the man picked up the pace. But the stranger still wasn't satisfied and demanded he do it even faster, "Come on! Faster! Quick!er! I know you can do better than that!!"

The man, still in fear for his life, but now also pissed off, spit the stranger's private part from his mouth and screamed, "Why the hell do you have to be so damn impatient??"

The tall dark stranger was completely surprised by the beer drinker yelling back at him, retorted, "Impatient? We don't have much time left, so you'd better finish me up quick, pal! Didn't you hear? Black Bart, the murderous bandit is gonna be here any minute now!"

This one was for you Hoodlum

OH Geez..u had 2 dig deep 4 that one...LOL

Lol. Well, we aim to please.

Here I am , watching "Cleopatra Jones and the casino of gold",w..Stella Stevens big ass titties on TCM & u come & kill me w/ these jokes.......that is good...Now , I will go elsewhere & look & @ Traci Lords......whom always (like an old girl friend) get's me off Traci & I belong 2 gether...

Hoodlum, that was probably more information than we needed to know. Lol. But, you go do you, pal.

Sssssssss......Some Short Sunday Smiles
-

Q: When do computers overheat?

A: When they need to vent.
-

Q: What kind of music do planets like?

A: Neptunes, of course.
-

And pulling up the rear for the day, a little Transylvania humor...


Q: How can Frankenstein tell if his buddy Count Dracula, the vampire, is sick?

A: By how much he is coffin.



ButtonGuys wishes everybody a nice Sunday, and lots of fireworks and fun for this extended "4th of July" Holiday Weekend!

And by the way, we have a very very special surprise for you a bit later today. Consider it our ButtonGuys fireworks display if you will. Lol. So keep your peepers peeled, ok folks. (Because this next post, you will not be disappointed with, I assure you)

Monday Madness...Finally, some answers to questions that have been pondered through the ages...
-

Q: What do horses say when they fall?

A: Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
-

Q: Why can’t you trust duck doctors?

A: Because they’re all quacks.

-

Q: Why do certain restaurants hire pigs?

A: Because they're good at bacon.

-
Q: Why wouldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?

A: He was on a roll.
-

Marine biologists have discovered that fish actually attend 'class' each day to learn things. (you've heard about "schools of fish," right?). Yet, scientists claim fish have very poor grades. The biologists report its below sea level.

-

And then there's this poor fellow...

Did you hear about the guy who got hit by the very same bike rider every morning? Yeah, It was a vicious cycle.

-

Well fellas, 4th of July is right around the corner...So I hope that everyone has got their sparklers, firecrackers and rockets at the ready. And for that matter, your frankfurters, hamburgers, corn on the cob, watermelon, and what ever else floats your boat too! Lol (and don't forget the matches and mustard either)

Since today is the ‘4th of July’ - America’s Independence Day, ButtonGuys thought it might be fun to change it up a bit and test everyone’s knowledge of early American history. Are you ready? Because here it comes folks…


How come there aren’t any knock-knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.

What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liber-tea.

What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.

What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?
Tea-shirts.

What was George Washington’s favorite tree?
The infantry.

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.

What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can’t sit down.

If you crossed a Patriot with a curly-haired dog, what would you get?
A Yankee Poodle.

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
Dino-mite!

What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of ’76!

What do our flag and a sad candy cane have in common?
They’re both red, white and blue.

Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?
Laughayette.

Why did the duck say bang?
Because he was a firequacker.

Was the Declaration of Independence written in Philadelphia?
No, it was written in ink.

Why doesn’t fire get to enjoy a day off on the 4th of July?
Because fire works.

What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?
A Yankee Doodler.

Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

What is the most popular sport on the 4th of July?
Flag football.

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?
The Boston Flea Party.

What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
Revo-lotion!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What did the little firecracker say to the bigger firecracker?
Hi, Pop!

What did the firecracker eat at the movies?
Pop-corn.

What did Polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A fire-cracker.

What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved.

Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!

What do you call an American drawing?
A Yankee doodle!

What is red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam.
 
What is George Washington’s favorite football team?
The New England Patriots.

What do the moon and the Founding Fathers have in common?
Both have been through revolution.

Which flag is the most highly rated?
The American flag. It has 50 stars!

Why should you research fireworks before purchasing them?
To get the most bang for your buck!

What does the Statue of Liberty say when visitors leave?
Stay in torch!
—

ButtonGuys hopes some of these little one-liners brought smiles to your faces.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

-One is a Goodyear. The other is a great year.

Salut'