Yes indeed Toodoped. Thats the most important thing...May each and every one of them rest in peace, and may God bless all their souls. Where would any of us be without their unwavering bravery and sacrifice? I dread to think of it.

Enjoy the holiday!

Some Sunday Shenanigans....
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One Sunday morning during recess, Miss O'Malley found that one of her young students was making faces at some of the other kids on the playground. So she decided to stop and have a little talk with the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School Teacher said, "Anthony, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, my face would eventually freeze up and stay that way."

Little Anthony pondered for a moment, then looked up at her and replied, "Well, after all Miss O'Malley, you can't say that you weren't warned."

One more for this special holiday Sunday...
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A very elderly couple were attending church one Sunday. When halfway through the service the wife leaned over and whispered in her husbands ear, "I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

The husband replied, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid!"

In honor of our fallen heroes for Memorial Day!...
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"A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself."
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Although today is a somber day of remembrance, I thought several of these quips, in honor of our past heroes, was appropriate to the occasion.
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Q: How do you get rid of Germans fascists?

A: Von by von.
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Q: What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Osama Bin Laden?

A: Mike Tyson can take a shot to the head.
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Q: How did Adolf Hitler instruct his troops to tie their shoes?

A: With little knotsies
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...Happy Memorial Day everyone!

Nice one

Btw...an old lady walked into a dentist's office, and suddenly took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. Completely confused, the dentist said "I think you have the wrong room." And so the old lady replied "You put in my husband's teeth last week right?! Now you have to remove them doctor."

Thats hysterical...a very cute joke. (I gotta remember that one) Lol

The most funny thing for me is that I have this friend who is a dentist....lets say from Europe...who sends me a New Year card every year with always the same joke lol

He's either got a very bad memory...or he simply loves this particular joke. lol

Tuesday Chuckles...and some food for thought!
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A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve food here!"
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Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?

A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?

A: A soccer match
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Q: Why should you never write with a broken pencil?

A: Because it’s completely pointless.

Thursday's Laugh of the Day!...
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An unfaithful wife was having a romp in her marital bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. The guy got nervous, but she said, "Stay right where you are," she told her lover. "My husband's usually so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."

But a few minutes later...after her husband stumbled into bed, through his drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out from the covers at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife and said, "Hey, there's six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What the hell is going on here?"

His wife retorted, "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better standing over there."

So the husband climbed out of bed and started to recount from the corner of the room, "One, two, three, four. I'm sorry dear, you were right."

The wife then said, "See honey. Now why don't you come to bed and get some sleep dear."

Freaky Friday...TGIF
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A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony...On his first day there, he takes off all his clothes and goes wandering off to see what's around.

A gorgeous naked blonde soon walked by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman noticed his erection, and comes over to talk with him, saying, "Did you call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. There's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then led him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, and eagerly pulled him to her, and then happily let him have his way with her.

After awhile, they were done. So the man, now completely satisfied and smiling widely, decided to continue exploring the colony's facilities. He entered a sauna and, as he sat down, he farted...Within minutes a huge hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. "Did you call for me?" asked the hairy gargantuan.

"No, what do you mean?" asked the newcomer. "You must be new here," exclaimed the hairy fellow. "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge burly fellow then forcefully spun him around, bent him over a bench and had his way with the startled man.

When the gargantuan was finally finished doing his business, the dazed newcomer staggered back to the colony office, where he was greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. "May I help you?" asked the receptionist.

The man yelled, "Here's my membership card. You can also have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee as well."

"But sir," she replied, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't even had a chance to see all our facilities yet!"

The man angrily retorted, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart at least 10 times a day. "I'm outta here!"

Saturday Shenanigans...
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Q: What type of music do planets enjoy?

A: Neptunes.
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Q: Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk?

A: The stock market of course!
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...One more for the Gipper!

Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?

A: Because they use honeycombs of course! Lol
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Enjoy the weekend everyone!

Some Sunday Shenanigans...
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Mr. O'Malley started noticing that he felt extremely under the weather certain days of the week, while on other days, he consistently felt great. So he decided to make an appointment with his physician to see what was wrong with him.

After arriving at the doctor's office and sitting in the waiting room for a few minutes, he was finally called into the examination room. Dr. Vinny Boombotz asked him, "So what's wrong Mr. O'Malley?"

Well, O'Malley replied, "Why do I consistently always feel so great on Saturdays and Sundays, but feel so sick on all the other days of the week?

So Dr. Boombotz said, "Let me take a good look at you and see what's going on here." The doctor then proceeded to give O'Malley a thorough examination. When he was done, he reviewed his notes in silence for a few minutes while rubbing his chin....

"Mr. O'Malley," exclaimed the doctor. I'm not positive, but from all indications it looks like you're suffering from a weekend immune system!
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ButtonGuys hopes everybody has a good Sunday!...

Some food for thought...
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Q: Although Dracula was eternal and nocturnal. He simply loved the nighttime...He did have certain days that he liked better than others. So I ask you this. What was the one day that he always hated?

A: Why, Sunday, of course!

Some jokes are ok but most are so bad they shouldnt even be posted. Like that last one you posted NYMafia ..Jesus

Ya don't have to click in and read em if you don't want to RC. Nobody has a gun pointed to your head. Lol

A quick joke for the day!
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The FBI was conducting round-the-clock surveillance on a suspected Mafia soldier named Vito, so the boss of his Family provided him with a phony legitimate job as a welder as a cover for his illicit racket activities. The boss told Vito to report to this job daily, in the hope it would throw the FBI Agents off his trial.

One day while at work, although he had no experience at welding and didn't even have to do any work, Vito decided to try his hand at welding. But he soon screwed up and accidentally welded two crucifixes together. He tried keeping this sacrilege under wraps, but Vito's boss found out anyway.

The boss was said to be infuriated by Vito's double cross.

Some mafia thugs are playing cards...and so one of them says, "Where's Joey? He never misses poker night."

His friend says, "Oh, didn't you hear? Joey's dead."

"Awww, that's a shame. How did he die?"

"Well, he went to the doctor last week and found out he had gonorrhoea."

"So? Gonorrhoea isn't fatal."

"It is if you give it to the boss's wife."

Lol. Thats a good joke

Ah, what the heck! One more for today, just for the fun of it...
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One evening two mob arsonists, 'Joey the Torch' and 'Vinny the Match' got together to have a few drinks at a local bar. Pretty soon, the conversation came around to discussing their nefarious work and comparing notes, when Joey commented to Vinny, "Did you hear about the big fire I set last night at the circus?"

"No" replied Vinny.

"Yeah," Joey retorted, "It was in tents!"

TGIF....a short and sweet one for Friday
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Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three....One to screw it in. One to watch. And one to shoot the witness afterwards.
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I hope everybody has a good day.

A few quick "Saturday Shenanigans" for the day....
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Q: Why did the mobster stand under the tree?

A: Because it was very shady.

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Q: What do you call gangsters from Minnesota?

A: Oh, jeez.
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Q: What do gangsters call a comfortable place where they can chill?

A: The G-Spot

Just stop it! These are horrible. At least Toodoped's was funny

More food for thought...
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Q: Why don’t pirates ever take a shower before they're forced to walk the plank?

A: Because they figure they'll just wash up on shore.

SUNDAY'S SHITS-N-GIGGLES...
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A YOUNG MAFIOSO IN TRAINING...

Antonino, the 11-year old son of a Sicilian Mafia boss enters the village barber shop. Pietro the barber, whispers to his customer Angelo, "I would never say this out loud for fear of insulting "Don" Vito and incurring his wrath, but you gotta admit Angelo, his son Antonino is the dumbest kid in our entire village. He's not cut from the same cloth as his father. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, he then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, Antonino?" The boy looks at the barber's hands, reaches for the quarters, then smiles and leaves. "See! What did I tell you?" exclaims Pietro the barber. "That kid never learns! He's dumb as dirt!"

Later, after Angelo had gotten his haircut and left the barbershop, he spotted young Antonino coming out of the gelato shop.

He called out to the boy, "Antonino, 'vieni qui.' come here! Can I ask you a question? Why did you only take the quarters instead of the full dollar bill"

The young mafioso took a lick of his gelato cone, smiled wryly, and then replied: "Because the day I take the dollar bill from Pietro, this little racket I got going with him will be over!"
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...Happy Sunday folks!

Monday Night Madness......
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A guy once spoke to God and asked, "God, is it true, that to you, a billion years is only like a second?"

God replied back “Yes it is.”

The guy then asked, "God, is it true, that to you, a billion dollars is only like a penny?"

God exclaimed, “Yes, my son, it is”

The guy finally asked, "God, can I please just have a penny?"

God then said, “Why of course you can my son. No problem whatsoever. Just wait a second, ok?”

Lol ok that one was actually good. See! When you apply yourself, your jokes get laughs!! More please

A Tuesday Giggle...
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THE HOT DOG VENDOR...

“Can you please make me two with everything on them,” asked the Buddhist of the tofu hot dog vendor.
Then, after getting his tofu hot dogs, the Buddhist handed the vendor a $20 bill.
The vendor took the money, turned his back, and then began helping the next customer standing in line.
Puzzled, the Buddhist asked the vendor, “Hey, where is my change?"
The vendor replied, “Don’t you know, change comes from within!”

Absolutely terrible joke. I wouldn't even tell it to a child!!! You were doing so good