Man, I've just got back from Freddies gaff. Good party man, I'm still a little hungover from it. Firstly let me apologise for walking in on you and your missus in your parents room, that was a shock, I don't want to see you hairy arse ever again. You may want to put a comb through it, I'm sure I saw a small Russian family trapped in there.

Secondly, you may find that some of your CD's are missing. This is an official ransom request, send £500 to my email address through pay pal by midnight tonight or they are going to be used as frisbees, coasters and sharp stabbing tools. I know you cannot live without your Milli Vanilli and Ashlee Simpson collection.

Third and finally, I don't know who did it but I guarantee it wasn't me. It was funny whoever did shit in the water filter though.