Did you hear about he Jewish child molester?
"Hey kid,you wanna buy some candy?"

At the Last Supper, Jesus points to Peter and says "You will deny me 3 times"
He then points to Judas and says "You will betray me for 30 pieces of silver"
He then yells to the waiter "separate checks !!!"

One for the Catholics:
Jesus wants to make a toast at the Last Supper,but he's had a little too much wine and is weaving and slurring his words.
Finally,after his 2nd or 3rd attempt,Peter says "Sit down Jesus you're embarrassing yourself"
Jesus grabs a piece of bread,throws it at Peter,and says"Aw eat me"