I understand that i am new here but I really need your opinions on this. I am an aspiring author and feel that a good way to get my work out there to the public would be to put some of my writings into library books at my school. Im having doubts however because the paper i plan to put out tommorow is about a bomb. Not a school bombing but about a desperate man who needs money holding up an airplane. This man is polite and well raised, I really based him on the D.B copper character of the 70's. Do you think my school would make a stink about someone putting papers out about a bomb even though it doesnt look nor was ment to be a threat of any kind?

Slim, with what is going on these days both in the world, and in the schools themselves with shootings and threats, I strongly suggest that you do NOT put anything of that nature out in the school until you talk to your parents about it! You need to see what your parents think and how they feel about what you want to write about and then take it from there. You definatley need to consult your parents on this!


Don Cardi

First of all, welcome to the boards SlimTrashman. Hope you enjoy it here.

As far as your writings go, I can only make a suggestion. I work at a school, and especially since Columbine, and then 911, schools are very cautious, rightfully so. I'm sure the library has some violent books, books about wars and criminals, etc. However, if I were you, I would show it to the school Principal for starters, and he'll be able to either immediately reject if, if he sees fit, or can direct/guide you as to how to go about displaying it in the library.

Surely they have their methods of sorting out what they will or will not have in their facility. Not reading the book, it's impossible to have an opinion, but the Principal should know exactly what will be approved.

Good luck though, and let me know what happens.

TIS

Short Answer: Yes.

As another writer I should tell you the "dropping" method on personal works never works. Especially at schools, take your work to a public library and unless you have some way to get feedback, you'll just end up wondering what they thought. Though I can't advise leaving your name and number on the works because it's a terrible idea.

The fact that your story might revolve around a bomb could pull up warning signs. Schools are rediculous when dealing with this issue. I suggest you pick a lighter subject, or scratch the "annonymous" aspect of it. I really think you should try finding a novice Writers Journal of some kind. Do you happen to go to a university or high school? Many universities have a monthly magazine filled with creative writing sent in to them.

Bottom Line: Find a way to get it published. It could take a long time, but otherwise your efforts are futile. Once it's published, you'll recieve the recognition and criticism you're aspiring for.

Good Luck!

The Doc

Slim,

You didn't make it clear whether you were talking high school or college.

I would hope that a story with a bomb in it would NOT cause such a knee-jerk reactionary ban, but, it could happen. Shit, bombs and guns have been around for 100s of years, and people have written about them for 100s of years -- if you feel your STORY is strong enough, even with such content, then why not go for it?

But with school systems being so damn uptight these days (granted, because of a fear of lawsuits) because of A FEW BAD APPLES, then you need to decide if it's worth taking that risk of sharing your art with such bureaucrats who bend over at the mention of any such word.

I condemn such acts of violence as Columbine and terrorism, OF COURSE! But at the same time, I do NOT agree with the "no tolerance" bullcrap that has plagued our country ONLY because of fear of (unwarranted) lawsuits or angry (simple-minded) parents or just a "no way, I don't wanna be responsible for that" attitude.

We were doing just fine for over 200 years until a couple bad incidents, and now no one can do anything! Granted, I really (really!) feel for the losses... but still... what was good for me when I was growing up should be just as good now. I should hope so, at least.

That's just my 2 cents. I could be (told) wrong, whether I really am or not.

If it's art, the subject matter shouldn't matter. But ONLY because of AGE might you be taken away in handcuffs for NO GOOD REASON other than the fact that you used the word "bomb" or "guns" in a STORY and some kids totally unrelated and far away actually may have used one once. (Pathetic reactionary bullshit as far as I'm concerned.)

If you are not glorifying or justifying terrorists in it, and they are not a threat to any school full of children, and punished properly, that could be permitted IMO.

Post an extract here and I'll give you feedback. I would post more right now, but I have to go. Speak later.

Mick

JG......sounding like a liberal there.

I agree 100%.

Although I can't think of any other option right now, maybe there is another place that will accept it besides a school????? Maybe a college would more likely to than a high school????

Have you had it critiqued by anyone to get an opinion of this story?

TIS

Exactly Geoff! That is why I suggested that he consult his parents before doing anyhting. I do not know what grade we are talking about here, or his age. I would hope that if my child ever had anything that he or she wanted to write about that may be deemed controversial or had the possibilities of getting, as you said, reactionary bullshit, that they would consult me and my wife before taking advice from anyone else, including school authorities.

Don Cardi



Don Cardi

Gee,

Looks like he may have already done it and got taken "downtown" to the "Big House". :p

Where'd ya go, man?

The Doc

If you "drop" something like this in a school library annonymously, you are asking for trouble. I am a huge First Amendment fan, and a believer in freedom of expression, however in these times you are asking for trouble operating in this fashion. I do not know how old you are, but I suggest as others have, that you consult your parents if you are a minor, and if not, consult with an English teacher or someone on the faculty. Explain to them this is a piece of fiction you would like them to critique. You should also check out the relatively easy means by which you can "publish" on the internet. If you put it out there, and tell people where to find it, they will go and have a look. If it is good, it MAY catch on if it isnot, it probably won't.

Hey guys thanks for the support. I decided not to do it today and will probably wait for monday. My parents arent really interested in my work and i dont really want to talk to the principle just because i know that the idea of putting paper in the library wouldnt be tolerated. Here's the short version I have written. Ignore the spelling erros because I havent had time to fix it. Oh, I am currently in grade 10.

Million Dollar Bomb

The stewardess made the rounds like she always did. From the front of the plane to the back and today was no different. She asked each passenger carefully as not to expose the lisp she had been hiding since high school and smiled at each person as she walked away. She had been taught that having a smile on her face at all times would make the costumer’s trip more enjoyable. If she was able to make every single passenger trip worthwhile she could keep her job or better yet, be presented with a raise. More money was essential for the family. Her husband wasn’t moving up the ladder of the T.V Network he worked for like he had promised he would and she was already a month into her third pregnancy in four years.

She hadn’t always been sick all the time. Perhaps it was that she was struggling not to leave her husband and make her unborn son a bastard. Maybe it was the money issue, or the fact that her second oldest first words were a curse he had learned while with his father at Yankee Stadium. Maybe it was the fact that she knew her husband had been caring on an affair for the last three years of there six year marriage. Maybe, just maybe, she was feeling more and more sick with each passing day because of her own affair. It hadn’t been going on nearly as long as her husband’s and that was what she had used to justify it to herself. What kind of women made love to a stranger on Saturday and want to church on Sunday? The stewardess calmly made her way down the aisle, continuing to smile though she desperately wanted to hold her children and tell them she loved them. Her husband had fed him some crazy story about going to Buffalo for the week for a job opportunity. She had found out about the whore through a friend who had been told by the mistress that she had been bedding with a Weatherman, unaware that he friend was a acquaintance of the stewardess.

The stewardess looked up from the tray she was pushing down the aisle and caught the eye of a man half way down the row of seats. He sat alone and had taken the seat away from the window. He was handsome and dark, his cut perfectly and he had magnificent eyes, the kind that made you feel as if you were the only one he noticed, had ever noticed. He wore a perfectly tailored suit that sat perfectly on his body. On the ground between his feet was a medium sized leather brief case. She continued to see each passenger until she was at the side of the handsome stranger. “How are you today?” she laughed in that flirtatious voice she had perfected after she had learned about her husbands after work activities. The man smiled and ran his fingers over his chin as if checking the stewardess out and approving of what he saw. This didn’t startle her as many would expect many men who flew regularly felt they could shack up with one of the good looking stewardess and she was sure this one was no different. “I fine thank you. Do you know when we’ll be passing over Washington? I wanted to see if I could see the Eagle Island State park”. She smiled, he was handsome and polite. “I believe we’ll be over Eagle Island shortly. I can get one of the ladies to let you know when were in that area. Would you like that?” “I would” the man smiled and reached into his pocket, pulling out what looked like a business card. It was yellow and the stewardess could quickly see that the man had written something in pen on one of the sides. He slipped it into her beast pocket, motioning for her to lean closer to him. “I’d appreciate it if you would show this to the captain” the man politely grinned, still calm. “It’s very important that there’s no funny business” He said nodding downward to the briefcase still between his legs. “I have a bomb”



If you are interested in the rest of the story, or would like to comment on this short excerpt from the full story, feel free to e-mail milliondollarbomb@hotmail.com.

If God forbid anything happens in your school you'll be one of the suspects based on that one story you published. Based on what your friends might testify about the comments you might have made even on a forum, they can label you as a student who has potential for making trouble. I say don't do it until you're out of high school. It gets on my nerves to see how some parents and school staff would make a big deal out of a child's statement but then I'm not a parent yet and I can't imagine how hard it might be to send your child to school and hear he was gunned down by another student.

Now about the story you posted, aside for spelling and grammatical errors, consider revising the second paragraph. At least to me, some of it doesn't make any sense.

Slim, that is very good stuff. You obvioisly love to write and it shows. There are signs in your story that you have the potential to sharpen your writing skills over time. I was instantly pulled into the story. Good Job. Are there any journalism classes or writing clubs in your area? It would be a shame for you not to pursue your interest in writing. I would love to read the rest so why don't you PM me the rest of the story.


Don Cardi

Slim: if you are interested in writing I would suggest that you either join or start a workshop group. They're a wonderful way of getting useful feedback from people who are also interested in writing. Also, those people might be able to tell you ways to get published.

Try looking online or at local libraries or bookstores for advertisements to join a workshop group.

Dropping your story somewhere is a terrible idea for many reasons. First, the subject matter is going to get you in deep shit at school (every heard of Zero Tolerance?). Second, you won't get feedback. Third, people probably won't even read it, they'll just throw it away. And finally, if it is good, someone could just take it and put their name on it and you would have little to no recourse whatsoever.

Slim,

You may want to pick up a copy of "Writer's Market" (aka Writer's Marketplace) ... take a look at one out at a bookstore or check one out from your local library.

Here's a blurb from Amazon for the book and it's link.

Book Description
For the past eighty-three years, aspiring and established writers have trusted Writer's Market to provide them with the no-nonsense advice and authoritative guidance they need to find markets and to get published. With updated listings and fresh "need-to-know" publishing advice, the tradition continues with the 2005 guide, providing writers with:
*Over 4000 market listings for consumer magazines, book publishers, trade journals, and contests and awards, along with 50 listings for literary agents

*Dynamic interviews with established writers, including Julia Cameron and Dave Barry, and industry insiders, including publishers, editors and successful freelancers

*Essential publishing information and advice, including payment rates and tax answers, a guide to publisher imprints, online publishing basics, and valuable self-marketing tips

With this edition, Writer's Market continues to be the writing "bible," helping writers achieve their goals of seeing their work in print.

(click for) Writer\'s Market at Amazon

The best feedback is always the most honest. If you are serious about what you intend to do, and if the passion is there, you won't mind me commenting...

The extract your posted often lacks grammar and effective structure in places. The opening paragraph was, I think, overwritten. (Example: "Her husband wasn’t moving up the ladder of the T.V Network he worked for like he had promised he would and she was already a month into her third pregnancy in four years" could be rewritten to a) make more sense, and b) be more concise.) With speech, start on a new line.

And who is the main character in the story? To me, it seems to be the stewardess. You've spent three paragraphs on her and her actions, her background, and yet she isn't the bomber. I can understand you want to delay the "I have a bomb" for dramatic impact, but to do it with the history of an (seemingly? correct me if I'm wrong)irrelevent character.

A question: What is the purpose of this story? What are you trying to achieve with it? What is its message?

If you don't feel like answering those questions on here, then do it to yourself. If there's one person who should be questioning your motives and reasoning behind things, it's you.

Hope this helps.
Mick

Thanks everyone for your input.

Unfortuantly for the few who asked for the rest of the story i dont have it. I only wrote that in a little more then 45 minutes. There arent any writing groups anywhere near me dew to the fact i live in a prett lower class area of toronto.

And to Cosa Nostra> The main character is indeed the bomber, but I felt that the stewardess being the narrator for the first 'chapter' of the book would be a strong 'character builder' due to the fact she plays a significant role. As I've said previously i do have to go back and restructure the writing so i'v already looked at this problem.

There is a message to my story. I'm sick of reading these stories and watching these movies were people dont act like real people. Say what what real people would say. I want a real story, something that could reall happen. I want to show how desperate real people can be. I'd like to compare it to the lord of the flies, for this discussion. I want to show the lengths people will go to get what they want.

And thanks to TonyD, I'll deffinetly try and pick up that buck in the next little while

thanks again to anyone who has helped.

Then stick by your convictions! As for the structure, that is where a workshop of some kind will help you! As for the grammer, well you do need to work at it and try to make it better, but don't let it discourage you completely from writing because many of the greatest writers in history have needed someone to correct the grammer in their writings! That is why they have editors and proofreaders for writers. I would really like to read more of your story.


Don Cardi

Well done, Slim. It would be a shame not to be recognized for your writing. Of what I have already seen, you definately have potential, though, I do not advise you to go with the library idea. There are many websites, notably fictionpress.com , where you can publish your work and receive critisism and recognition. I would also look to writing workshops and such to sharpen your skills. Good luck, Slim, I hope to read a bestselling novel of yours in the future.