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Alcohol Warnings #84406
12/17/04 11:33 PM
12/17/04 11:33 PM
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,249
Desolation Row
Don Sonny Corleone Offline OP
Underboss
Don Sonny Corleone  Offline OP
Underboss
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,249
Desolation Row
I dont know if these will make you laugh or not....but hey, at least I tried. I think the last one applies to a lot of people here :p

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of
alcohol containers:

---------------------------------------------------------------

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.


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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

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WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

WARNING: the consumption of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode


If winners never lose, well, then a loser sure can sing the blues.
Re: Alcohol Warnings #84407
12/17/04 11:40 PM
12/17/04 11:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 12,724
D
Double-J Offline
Double-J  Offline
D

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 12,724
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause the end user to participate in sexual "camaraderie" with the lowly bus station skank.



Re: Alcohol Warnings #84408
12/17/04 11:51 PM
12/17/04 11:51 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
The Italian Stallionette Offline
The Italian Stallionette  Offline

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
Ha ha.. lot of truth in those. Anyone who has ever drank too much can surely relate to at least a few of them. :p


TIS


"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind. War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today." JFK

"War is over, if you want it" - John Lennon

Re: Alcohol Warnings #84409
12/18/04 02:23 AM
12/18/04 02:23 AM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 995
Texas
Patches Offline
Underboss
Patches  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 995
Texas
Yes you can TIS! Those are so true, especially the ones about being tougher, singing, and telling your friends you love them haha.

Re: Alcohol Warnings #84410
12/18/04 02:39 AM
12/18/04 02:39 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
afsaneh77 Offline
Mother of Dragons
afsaneh77  Offline
Mother of Dragons

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,602
Yunkai
Does it make you dance on the tables in your underwear? :p


"Fire cannot kill a dragon." -Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones
Re: Alcohol Warnings #84411
12/18/04 03:49 AM
12/18/04 03:49 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 624
Thailand/Brazil
Vito The Godfather Offline
Underboss
Vito The Godfather  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 624
Thailand/Brazil
A man goes into a lawyer's office and says, "I heard people have sued the tobacco companies for giving them lung cancer, and McDonald's for making them fat."

The lawyer says, "Yes, that's true."

The man says, "Well, I'm interested in suing too."

The lawyer says, "Okay, McDonald's, or the tobacco companies?"

The man says,

"Neither I'm suing Budweiser for all the ugly people I've slept with."


"It is the mind that makes someone wise or ignorant, slave or free."
Re: Alcohol Warnings #84412
12/18/04 12:39 PM
12/18/04 12:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,733
JustMe Offline
Underboss
JustMe  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 3,733
Quote:
Originally posted by Don Sonny Corleone:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

Excellent!


keep your mouth shut, and your eyes open.
Re: Alcohol Warnings #84413
12/20/04 09:23 AM
12/20/04 09:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,952
It's fun to stay in the YMCA
Turi Giuliano Offline
Turi Giuliano  Offline

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,952
It's fun to stay in the YMCA
That's why life is like a circus for me.

I'm actually keeping an alcohol consumption diary now and I'll review it after 1st of January.


So die all who betray Giuliano
Re: Alcohol Warnings #84414
12/20/04 11:13 AM
12/20/04 11:13 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
The Italian Stallionette Offline
The Italian Stallionette  Offline

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
Quote:
Originally posted by Turi Giuliano:
That's why life is like a circus for me.

I'm actually keeping an alcohol consumption diary now and I'll review it after 1st of January.
Ha ha!! Turi, this just may be a very entertaining book...or better yet a movie!


TIS


"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind. War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today." JFK

"War is over, if you want it" - John Lennon

Re: Alcohol Warnings #84415
12/20/04 11:38 AM
12/20/04 11:38 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,086
The Bright Side Of The Road
S
Senza Mama Offline
Underboss
Senza Mama  Offline
S
Underboss
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,086
The Bright Side Of The Road
Now, don't go all Bridget Jonesy on us Turi


Tom: "They shot Sonny on the causeway...he's dead."
Michael: "Turnbull is a good man"
Shane MacGowan: "It was Christmas Eve babe, in the drunk tank"
Re: Alcohol Warnings #84416
12/20/04 01:23 PM
12/20/04 01:23 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 8,766
South of the Pinelands
MaryCas Offline
MaryCas  Offline

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 8,766
South of the Pinelands
I can sing louder when I'm drunk, I'm sure of it.

The consumption of alcohol makes members of the opposite sex look MUCH better than what they really are.


Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, whoever humbles himself will be exalted - Matthew 23:12
Re: Alcohol Warnings #84417
12/20/04 07:05 PM
12/20/04 07:05 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,952
It's fun to stay in the YMCA
Turi Giuliano Offline
Turi Giuliano  Offline

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,952
It's fun to stay in the YMCA
Quote:
Originally posted by Senza Mama:
Now, don't go all Bridget Jonesy on us Turi
Never saw the film. Is her diary about her alcohol consumption.


So die all who betray Giuliano
Re: Alcohol Warnings #84418
12/21/04 04:47 AM
12/21/04 04:47 AM
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,086
The Bright Side Of The Road
S
Senza Mama Offline
Underboss
Senza Mama  Offline
S
Underboss
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,086
The Bright Side Of The Road
Quote:
Originally posted by Turi Giuliano:
[quote]Originally posted by Senza Mama:
[b] Now, don't go all Bridget Jonesy on us Turi
Never saw the film. Is her diary about her alcohol consumption. [/b][/quote]Not specifically but in the book she starts off most diary entries with something like:

"Sat 3rd...6 cigarettes, 8 units...."


Tom: "They shot Sonny on the causeway...he's dead."
Michael: "Turnbull is a good man"
Shane MacGowan: "It was Christmas Eve babe, in the drunk tank"

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