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New Crime Series!!!!!! #530786
02/04/09 04:21 PM
02/04/09 04:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9
DonJiggaSwayziano Offline OP
The Don
DonJiggaSwayziano  Offline OP
The Don
Associate
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9
Title: 1990
Episode 1

A black Jeep Cherokee is parked outside a warehouse on a dark street. Spanish Louie, the driver, gets out of the jeep along with two others, Mikey and Jose. Louie opens up the back of the trunk of the jeep and goes inside the warehouse. A black man named Pernell is holding the door open for them.

Pernell- Fuckk took you so long. This shiit been here for nearly two hours man. (Smokes Cigarette cautiously and closes the door after the three men are in and he checks the street as caution).

Pernell is a 47 year old man with a medium sized black and white afro. He is a stevedore and watches the warehouse at night.

Louie- (Looks around the empty gray warehouse) So where the stuff old timer?

Pernell- (Still smoking cigarette) Where yall always got that shiit man. You know I don't ask them Nicaraguans shiit.

Louie- Come on man

(Louie's two workers Mikey and Jose follow their leader)

Louie, Mikey and Jose walk to the back of the large Manhattan warehouse. Louie is dressed in a black leather jacket, black slacks, and expensive leather shoes with a gold chain with a medallion encrusted with white diamonds. Mikey and Jose is dressed in NFL jackets, jeans, and white sneakers. Louie goes to a stack of crates and takes the top off of one. 250 kilos of cocaine are wrapped in cellophane. Louie tells Mikey and Jose to carry this out to the car. They do what he says. They then come back and get the other one with the same amount of kilograms of cocaine. Louie closes the trunk of the jeep and walks over to Pernell, who is holding the metel door to the warehouse open.

Louie-(goes in his pocket and pulls out a thick wad of money then peels off some hundreds) here man. God appreciates what you did man.

Pernell-tell Sincere I said thanks and no problem, no problem man.

Louie-you alright Pernell? You looking kinda jumpy today duke.

Pernell-(nods) i'm good young blood I gotta go. Be careful out there youngster. (Pernell slinks back inside the warehouse and closes the door)

Louie pulls up to a brownstone in a upscale Manhattan neighborhood. He beeps the horn twice. Two minutes later, a attractive white girl comes out dressed nice. Louie gets out the car.

Louie-what the fuckk Amber I called you from the payphone like three times ma. You got the keys.

Amber-Oh my God! Louie stop being impatient. (digs in her jeans and tosses him a car key).

Louie instructs his two crew members to get out the car. Amber gets into the jeep with the 500 kilograms of cocaine and pulls off. Louie, Mikey, and Jose get into Amber's red Camry and follow closely behind.

Now in Bushwick, Brooklyn Louie double parks beside Amber. She gets out the jeep along with Louie and his crew.

Amber-you know the drill

Louie (shakes his head disgustingly) the money in the car Amber.

Amber-Oh okay. See you later. Call me.

Amber gets into the C

Re: New Crime Series!!!!!! [Re: DonJiggaSwayziano] #530790
02/04/09 04:58 PM
02/04/09 04:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9
DonJiggaSwayziano Offline OP
The Don
DonJiggaSwayziano  Offline OP
The Don
Associate
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 9
can i get some feed back lol damm


we offer our lives. What do you bring to the table?
Re: New Crime Series!!!!!! [Re: DonJiggaSwayziano] #533905
03/09/09 06:39 AM
03/09/09 06:39 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 207
The Army Barracks
The_Don_Is_Dead Offline
A Rabid Anti-Dentite
The_Don_Is_Dead  Offline
A Rabid Anti-Dentite
Made Member
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 207
The Army Barracks
it was interesting, but some of the lines were too much over done or well cheesy, you got my attention though, email me if u got some new material.


The more i see, the less i know - John Lennon

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