As each episode gets played over again this month, I'm going to review and grade each one. Hopefully, people will do this to, or else I'm going to be the only prick posting here. Oh well, here goes:

Episode 1- The Sopranos [PILOT]

Synopsis:
A.J. (Tony Jr.) looks so God damn young! Medow is young, and you could tell from this first episode that she'll grow up to be the fox we all know and love and occasionally beat off to if we have the DVD set or record the episodes (which is just sad, shame on you!). It's good to see Carmela still in love with Tony, and Tony, wow. He's hardly fat like he is now. He sounds so young. If you've seen True Romance, that's probably the youngest you'll ever see James Gandolfini (in that great movie, he plays an ultra-violent hitman to Don Christopher Walken). We are introduced to that Russian chick, the resturant owner, and my favorite character of all, Christopher. We see Tony's crew, but hardly get to know them, and there's some confusing plot about garbage routes/cocaine and Checkloslavokians (you expect me to spell that right?!). Uncle Jr. is a bastard (he gets better) and Tony's mom is a bitch (and dies a bitch, too). Dr. Melfi...what can I say about her? Tony passes out twice in this episode, due to ducks and stuff, so he has to see her. The ducks...what can I say about the ducks?

Memorable Moments:
Tony and Christopher beat up the HMO guy to the classic doo-wop song "I Wonder Why". Christopher shoots the coke sniffing Polack in a bloody scene to a collage of mobsters and actors on the wall. Tony passes out right after the ducks leave and the bar-b-q goes up in flames. And one of my favorite parts is when Carmela and the priest are talking about the Godfather and Goodfellas when Carmela heres a sound and comes out of a closet with an assult rifle, all in silhouette.

Best Line(s):
"What, no fucking ziti?!"- A.J., after learning his grandmother wasn't coming to his birthday party.

Kill Count: 1

Grade: A+

Episode 2- 46 Long

Synopsis:
Christopher's highjacking the wrong trucks. Jr. is NOT happy. Christopher's methamphetamine tweaker friend is a bad influence. Christopher wants to be made. Christopher doesnt want to pay restitution to Uncle Jr. But eventually, he does, but his tweaker friend highjacks Uncle Jr.'s owned Comley trucks on his own with a crew, and a gun misfire kills the driver. Meanwhile, the second story is with Tony. Tony's mom has no choice but to join the "retirement community" after she sets her kitchen on fire and accidently hits her friend with her car. The maid hired can't take Livia anymore. But then again, who can? She's telling her own son to kill her. And a weird third story includes the search for AJ's teacher's stolen car. Gay car thiefs pay for stealing the wrong car.

Memorable Moments:
The opening scene is perfect. The line "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in" from Godfather 3 is imitated perfect. We know see Christopher is doing a little coke and is dating Adriana. We see he's a little brutal ("scathed?" "scathed."). But he's always loyal to the family even though "the books are closed". The killing in this episode wasn't as memorable as the last, but it shows that accidents do happen. And you gotta love Big Pussy and Paulie Walnuts tracking down the "spice girls" and making them steal a car back for Mr. Miller the Science teacher.

Best Lines:
runners up:
"Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in"
"Scathed?" "Scathed".
"Again with the rape of the culture"
"Go ahead, make a statement!" [puts gun barrel in Eduardo's mouth]
"You and my mother got something in common, you both dont know how to operate a telephone! But she's 70 years old, what's your excuse?"
"You can have my DVD player and watch Grumpy Old Men!"

and the best is:
Tony to maid: "Let's get one thing straight, in the hours you're here taking care of my mother, NO GANJA".

Kill Count: 2
[the kill count is overall, not just that episode's]

Grade: A-

Come on...another amazing quote in episod 2..........." Here comes Daisy now" - Paulie

^ yeah. i didnt notice he said that until the second time I saw it.

Episode 3: "Denail, Anger and Acceptance"

Synopsis:
Tony is mostly concerned with Jackie Aprile, the boss dying of cancer. Some of James Gandolfini's best acting is shown here. The main plot to the story is Silvio's Jewish Hassid friend Schlomo asks a favor from Silvio and Paulie, but then changes his mind, but the Soprano crew won't stand for it. They spent all that trouble trying to muscle Ariel to divorce Scholomo's daughter and not not take 50% of the hotel, eventually threatening to castrate him, only to have Ariel work it out with Scholomo and get 15%. But the Hassids, they've created "a Golem". It's kind of a confusing plot if you dont see it. Tony's daughter and her friend are trying to balance choir practice and cramming for the SAT's and "need" some speed to stay up late. They get it from Christopher since Chris doesnt want her to get the junk from Jefferson Ave. We see Chris is dating Adriana. Christopher and Brendan face the consequences of highjacking Uncle Jr.'s trucks and accidently killing one of their drivers, Hector. Jr. gets some men to rough up Chris, but Chris thinks it was because Tony found out he gave Meadow the speed. Brendan isnt so lucky, and is whacked in his tub.

Memorable Moments:
The end when Chris and Brendan get Uncle Jr.'s treatment. Chris cries for possibly the only time on the show, and Brendan's killing is a Sopranos killing. The cigarette floats in the tub as blood rises up below it to Meadow's choir. Also when Paulie and Silvio try to force the Jewish guy to get what they want. It was great. And when Tony throws the party for Jackie. And Tony's interpertation of the picture he sees. This was one of the best episodes of season 1.

Best Lines:
_____________________________
Jewish Guy: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for though art with me"-
Tony: "Hold that thought"

Tony to Dr. Melfi: "Trees, ducks, who the fuck are you, Ranger Rick?"

Jewish Guys: "And the Romans, where are they now?"
Tony: "You're looking at'em, asshole"

Tony to Silvio's Jewish friend: "Hey, ZZ Top!"

Tess (the old Jew): "Finish his bris"

Uncle Jr.: "You got a lotta sense for an old gal"
Livia: "No, I'm a babbling idiot"

Tony: "Some guy called me a Frankenstien today"
Dr. Melfi: "Do you feel like Frankenstien?"
______________________________

Best Quote:
"Then if all this shit's for nothing, then why do I gotta think about it?"
Tony on life and death

Kill Count: 3

Grade: A+

this is one of my favourite episodes of season 1.

mick

Another good quote from episode 3 is when Silvio and Paulie are beating up the son in law and Silvio tells Paulie to say Bumpkiss because thats how they say nothing. Then Paulie says "Fuck that, this is how I say nothin." and Paulie starts hittin the guy on the head with the bell.

Don Luciano, In episode 2 I always thought Paulie said "Here comes LUCY now." My reason for thinking that is becuase the guy they are looking for, his last name is Arnez, like Desi Arnez
from the TV show I Love Lucy. Where Desi Arnez's character is married to Luciele Ball. I believe that Desi Arnez and Luciele Ball were married in real life also.

Another good line in the 3 episode

Jewish guy: Oh...I dont like you
Paulie: Oh yeah, well I dont like you either

I stand corrected. . Yeah i just remember paulie's tone of voice more than anything. Makes sense.

Episode 4: Medowlands

Synopsis:
His daughter is 90% sure Tony's in the Mafia, and now A.J. knows it too. A.J. finds out the hard way after his friend backs out of a fight with him becaus of Tony Jr.'s father's position. Carmela is feeling questionable about their marriage when Tony is thinking about quitting therapy. Meanwhile, Tony's OTHER family is having problems too. The elder Sopranos are causing problems with Tony. His Uncle Jr. warns him "next time you come in, you come in heavy or not at all" after T. finds out Brendan's been clipped and Christopher got a beating and a "mock-execution". And his mom, well, she's just utterly depressing. Tony consults Dr. Melfi, who says its sometimes good to give them the illusion of being in charge. So when Christopher finds out his man Yo-Yo Mendez payed Chris's money to Uncle Jr.'s crew and Jackie dies, it looks like war is about to break out, when Tony uses Dr. Melfi's advice and lets Uncle Jun' be the boss.

Memorable Moments:
It introduces Tony's weird ass dreams. I liked Tony stapling Mickey Palmice and joking about it with his crew eating lobster. We also are introduced to the loose cannon detective who beats up Melfi's boyfriend for no reason. And the ending saved it from being an A- episode. From the moment when Jackie dies to the funeral where Tony winks at his son at the funeral, it was a reminder that at the time, this was the best show on TV.

Best lines:
Adriana to Christopher: "I heard the nurse say you made number 2 in your pants, is that what happened?"

Tony to his depressing mother Livia on New York: "Always with the babies out the windows!"

Christopher on Brendan's death: "Moe Green-special!"

Jr. Soprano: "You hear about the Chinese Godfather? He made him an offer he couldnt understand!"

That worrying guy in Tony's crew: "I heard Mickey got too 'attached' to his suit and had to let it go"

Tony, on going to war: "No one's going to the "mattress" this day and age"

Dr. Melfi: "Sometimes, you gotta give them the illusion of being in control"

Dancing Stripper at Bada Bing, on Jackie Aprile's death: "I'll never forget where I was this day".

Christopher, reacting to Uncle Jr.'s takeover: "I say we go to Defcom 4!"
Silvio: "...always with the scenerios."

Kill Count: 4 (Cancer kills!)

Grade: A

i know I was a week behind on this one...

Also forgetting Mikey Palmice to Brendan when he whacks him "Hi Jack, bye Jack"

^Yeah, that was probably the best thing Mikey ever said. Surprsingly clever for an asshole.

Episode 5: College

Synopsis:
It's a night from hell. The rain falls in New Jersey where Carmela spends the night with priest Father Phil Intintola (why does that last name sound Native American to me?), who stops by for some baked ziti but ends up getting the ultamite test from God. After Ziti, conversation and some, ah who am I kidding, a lot of wine, they settle down to watch the DVD "Remains of the Day". Then Carmela breaks down and confesses her sins to the guy, who gives her communioun (sp?). A.J. decides to sleep over at his friend's Jason house after hours of Nintendo, so Carmela and the priest spend the night alone, and at one point, almost kiss, until all that wine catches up to Father Phil.
Meanwhile, in Maine, it's the evening of a lifetime for Tony, as he is taking Meadow to apply to all the colleges there. Carmela couldnt go because she was getting over the flu. When Tony stops at a gas station, he happens to see a former wiseguy who went into the Witness Protection Program after he got caught dealing herion and put a lot of Tony's friends in jail, and when his dad heard the news, he never recovered. He runs the liscence plate number by Christopher, who wants to do the job of whacking the rat, but Tony feels like it's personal. Tony tries to chase the guy to confirm it was actually the guy (he hasnt seen him in 12 years), and Meadow suspects something. She has just asked him if he was in the Mafia, and Tony gave her a "half-truth". That night at dinner, Meadow admits to taking speed, so they have a good, honest relationship. He demands to know who gave it to her, but she said "I'm not going to tell you now, not after how you just reacted". Christopher is saved. Tony sees a chance to kill the rat (I cant remeber his name) and tells Meadow to go off with her new friends. Tony spends the night "stalking" Fred (I think that's his name, I know it begins with an F. Let's just call him Fred). Fred catches on and finds out Tony is staying at the motel, and tries to kill Tony while T. is helping a drunk Meadow into bed. But an old couple walks by, and Fred is forced to put the gun down. The next day, Tony drops Meadow off at her next interview, and makes up some excuse about leaving his watch at the motel and speeds off to kill Fred. Fred, who we now see is an asshole still selling herion (we saw he was an asshole when he was pissed at his daughter for interrupting his making out with his wife in the hot tup). Fred tries to hire a junkie couple to kill T., but they leave yelling "fuck off, fuckwad!". Fred hears something outside, so he gets out of his little shack, gun in hand, but Tony gets the better of him and is surprisingly sneaky as he garrots Fred to death. Tony picks up Meadow a little late, and has some explaining to do about his bleeding hands and fucked up shoe.
When the family is back together, more chaos insues. Carmela tells Tony that the priest stayed the night, because his car was parked outside the whole night and people might get the wrong impression. Tony replies "This is too fucked up for me to even talk about...(smiles) he's a f** , right, or otherwise, I gotta question what I'm hearin." and Carmela replies "Oh, Tony, you are a sketch and laughs to herself". "Oh yeah", she adds, "Your doctor Jennifer called" (up until this point, Tony had been telling Carmela that his doctor was a man, as not to make her think "it was weird"). And now Carmela thinks he's fucking her. She walks off as Tony pleads his case.

Memorable Moments:
Seeing Christopher in the rain. Seeing Tony play around with Meadow, when they're walking into the motel and when the leave and she's hung over. Oh yeah, and the classic car chase. Tony's trying to catch up to Fred on the road, and Tony's breaking every driving law known to man and tries to calm a distressed Meadow by laughing and saying "I'm just jokin' around". It was also kind of touching seeing Tony staring and being proud of Meadow, and practically every scene with Carmela and Father Phil. They have such a great chemistry. The killing was kind of cool, but seeing Tony stalk Fred was even cooler (looking into Fred's shack and seeing a statue of President Reagan and saying "Hello, rat!". But the best part was after the killing, as the ducks went by over Tony right after he killed Fred. The ending was good too, as it closes on Tony and Carmela arguing.

Classic Lines:
Meadow: Are you in the Mafia?
Tony: ...There is no Mafia!

Carmela (on how Tony hates building fires): Those two logs have been in there ever since Lincoln split them.
Phil: Fear of fire? Good detterent to keep out of Hell.
Carmela: Maybe there is hope for him

Christopher: Clipping a famous rat would get me a c***'s hair from getting made!

Tony to Meadow as he is about to kill Fred: Alright, I'll pick you up in a little while. Knock'em dead. (get it, "knock'em dead"? Ha!)

Tony to Meadow: Excuse me, you can't be trusted to remember what happened last night cause you were seein' pink elephants!

Carmela joking to Father Phil: You know [in Casablanca] when Bogey says "out of all the lousy gin joints in the world, why'd you have to pick mine?". Well, out of all the finuke priests out there, why'd I have to pick the one that was straight?

Tony to Carmela: What'd you guys do for 12 hours, play "name that pope"?
...oh, I'll bet he gave you communioun!

Best Quote:
"No man can wear once face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true"
A quote at the college that Tony analyzes in his funny analyzing expression.

Kill Count: 5

Grade: A+

shit, I forgot to add the "Kill Count" for the last 3 episode reviews. Let's just put it this way: so far, someone's died in every episode.

Episode 6: Pax Soprana

Synopsis:
Uncle Jr.. Impotency. The Feds. Tony Soprano's problems are racking up on him this episode. He's got to deal with marriage trouble (his wife thinks she's nothing to him but "the mother of my children" to Tony, cause she thinks he's screwing Dr. Melfi and has no love for her) and trouble with the new boss (Uncle Jun' is taxing Hesh, Tony's father's and his own great friend, and also kills a good earner over a personal vendetta). Then Tony falls in love with Dr. Melfi. But all this is (sort of) resolved. Tony's love for Dr. Melfi doesnt cease to exsist though, because he gets into a fight with his Russian girlfriend cause he wants her to dress like his therapist. Father Phil convinces Carmela to not seperate and Carmela admits to her own faults as a wife to Tony, but Tony cheers her up with a line straight from Casablanca: "Carm, you're not just in my life, you ARE my life". Move over Casanova. And we are introduced to Johnny Sack, who inturrupts Tony's and Carmela's anniversary. And Tony gets the whole Hesh thing resolved with a good sit down. But just when it seems the Soprano crew seems to be getting it's shit together, the ending closes with a Fed posing as a waiter with a hidden camera, which takes pictures of the Family that's sitting down to dinner. The Feds know who the new boss is, and are about to get all over the crew.

Memorable Moments:
Tony's weird dreams always put a grin on your face. And il mio dio, has Lorraine Bracco kept her figure. And was this the one with A.J. playing Mario Kart? I loved seeing them play that. And of course, when they through the dealer off the bridge. I love Tony and his Russian girlfriend together. And every line about Tony's love for Dr. Melfi is great, about how Tony's making her everything that's missing in the women in his wife. And the ending was a classic ending.

Classic Lines:
"Even the coffee's old in here"- Uncle Jr., while visiting Livia.

Livia: "I don't know what you're talking about"
Uncle Jr.: "Yeah, and I play shortstop for the Mets"

Russian Mistress: "Tony's canolli doesnt want to stand up?"
Tony: "Tony's canolli's tired."

"Of all the conversation going on around here, I might as well be a fucking dildo!"- Tony, getting mad about he and the Russian don't talk

"I've eaten more Queens than Lancelot"- Big Pussy, playing cards. I dont really know what it means, but I laughed.

"Tony, he's the boss, he plays the tune and we all dance to it, that's how it is"- Hesh, on accepting his taxation

"It's our anniversary, Tony, OURS. Not yours, mine, and fuckin' Johnny Sacks!"- Carmela, on Tony's 10 minutes of chatting with Johnny Sacks at the resturant.

"Ginny Torelli's been on it for years and would fuck a fire hydrent if it made a pass at her"- Carmela, trying to dismiss Prozac as the reason for Tony's impotency.

"Hey, i don't even let anyone wag their finger in my face!"- Tony, on getting a prostate exam

Dr. Melfi: "When you wake up in the morning or in the middle of the night, do you sometimes have an erection?"
Tony: "You could set your clock to it."

"You want sex?"- Carmela's first thought on why Tony shook her shoulder in the middle of the night. I just find that a funny reaction.

"You want me to dress like a man?!" -The Russian mistress, confusing dressing formal with dressing like a man.

"I'll cut you a deal. When I toss you over the bridge, if you fly, I'll shoot you down"- Mickey Palmice, throwing a drug dealer off the bridge.
"How much you give him?!" -One of Mickey's friends who sees Mickey pay off a witness.

"Jr., if there were flies on you, they're paying fuckin' rent!"- Tony (?), trying to lower Jr.'s taxing of Hesh.

Kill Count: 6

Grade: A-

You're pretty liberal with your grading, IMO.

thanks...I, uh, guess. That could be taken a number of ways. I'll just assume it's a compliment. What does IMO mean? Does that mean youre being sarcastic? Arg....I, uh...er...

IMO means "In My Opinion." Similarly, IMHO means "In My Humble Opinion." Anyway, I said what I said because you seem to be giving out a lot of A's and A+'s. I know that the episodes are good, but you need to establish a scale. The best episode should be an A+, and everything after that should be graded proportionally. Throw some B's in there. Just my $0.02.

ohhhhh.

The only reason I'm giving out A's so far is that I think that these episodes are the classics. Don't worry, there were some forgetable episodes that I'll deal with when the time comes

Episode 7: Down Neck

Synopsis:
Father-son relationships are the theme of this great episode. AJ steals the wine in his church and gets drunk off of it with three of his friends, who all get caught in gym due to their blatent intoxication. AJ may have A.D.D., and all this trouble causes Tony to worry about how much the kid knows about his "business". Flashbacks ensue of the first time Tony found out his father was in the Mafia. Uncle Jr. and Livia are proud of AJ's "boys will be boys" attitude, but then AJ, who has to ride down to the retirement community to see his grandmother during his three days of suspension, tells her that he had to see a phsycologist and that Tony is seeing one, too.

Memorable Moments:
The flashbacks were perfect. We see Janice for the first time, as the "perfect little girl" who Johnny Boy Soprano (Tony's dad) takes to the local fair every day. At first, Tony thinks it's favoritism, but then he learns that Johnny Boy and all the other mobsters are just taking their little girls to the fair so they can go in the back and do business. Everything about the flashbacks were great. And "White Rabbit" was a great theme song for the episode.

Best Lines:
"She wasn't actually gonna do it..."- Tony, on his mother's threats of sticking a fork in his eye.

"It's hard to raise kids in an information age"- Silvio, commiserating with Tony's child problems

"Kid's dont CONFRONT in my family"- Tony, when asked if he ever confronted his parents about the mafia

"Always with the drama!"- Johnny Boy Soprano, on Livia's threat to smother the kids as an alternative to moving to Nevada with Rocco for a legitimate business (that ended up making millions)

"He's a kid, he's going through puberty, he gets a hard on every 10 minutes for Christ's sake!"- Tony, on AJ being anxious

Kill Count: 6

Grade: A
would've been an A- if not for the flashback scenes...

Maybe I'm just too easily pleased/entertained, but I think all episodes in both seasons 1 and 2 are A+ material! However, I think the grades start slippin' a little once you get into season 3...

I have to disagree Snake! I think season 3 is the best (in the middle of 4 now though). Season 2 is great, but doesn't have the re-watchability of season 1 and 3.

mick

...I guess I'll have to wait til season 2 and 3 to appreciate this. I'unno yet. I changed the grade of 46 Long to A-.

Episode 8: The Legend of Tennessee Moltasanti

Synopsis:
Christopher is the star of this episode. Trying to get notoriety (after he sees that his name wasn't mentioned on the news and Brendon Filone's was) and be a made man, he shoots a guy at a market to get some respect. He's also having a writing block working on his mafia movie script, which is all making him...depressed. The stuff on the news about federal indictments cause the Soprano crew do to some "spring cleaning", and where does Tony hide wods of cash, a cache of guns and stolen jewelry? His mother's closet. But Tony's mother breaks the news to Uncle Jr. about Tony's therapist. Dr. Melfi is getting grilled by her ex-husband about Tony, and her son thinks it's cool that she has a mobster as a patient, but at the end of the episode, even though throughout the episode she defends Tony, they get in a fight.

Memorable Moments:
Christopher's weird ass dream starts out a great ass episode. And I've now noticed...a lot of people smoke cigarettes in this movie. Heh, I once lit the filter end of a cigarette by mistake, like Tony did. In fact, that was today I did that. I dont know if that was scripted...it sure as hell was funny. And seeing Christopher shoot that guy in the foot was like Spider's Revenge (see Goodfellas to get the reference). Christopher's my favorite character, and I liked seeing how bad his spelling is and how he says words that dont exists like when he says "It's like the fuckin' regular-ness of life is too hard for me or somethin'". And the discussions in the Sopranos' and Melfi's families about the Mafia and the anti-defemation of Italians are golden.

Best Lines:
"Alright, stop with the hysteria, please!"- Adriana on Christopher's frustrations on the computer.

"You're my Tennessee Williams"- Adriana to Christopher.

"I love movies- that smell in block buster; that candy and carpet smell, I get high off it"- Christopher, on his undying love for movies.

"So I can go out, fuck your sister, and come back next Saturday and be first in line?!"- Christopher, yelling at the guy behind the counter in Russo's bakery.

"Hey, Pop'n Fresh, I'm in no mood!"- Christopher, on the brink of taking out his gun.

"Do I look like a pussy to you...then why do you give me a hard time and talk to me like I'm nothin' to worry about?"- Christopher, getting revenge and respect on the bakery guy.

"If I'm getting an invitation to the dance, I wish the Feds would hurry the fuck up about it already"- Big Pussy, on waiting for the indictments to get into action.

"You know who had an arc? Noah"- Big Pussy, joking with Christopher who wants an arc in his life.

Georgie: "Is that him?" [looks at the 3-month-dead Amil]
Christopher: "Well, it'd be some fucking coincidence if it wasn't"

"Prozac? Not this Skinny Guinea" -Christopher, when Tony reccomends Prozac for Chris' problems.

"Any quarters you can keep." -Tony talking to a FED who's looking through the couch cushions

Kill Count: 6

Grade: A

Episode 9: Boca

Synopsis:
Main Plot-
Tony and Uncle Jr. butt heads in the first episode where Jr. mentions something about clipping Tony. Uncle Jr. goes down to Boca with his lady friend, and happens to be very good at oral sex. She's overwhelmed at how good he is at it and confused about why she can't brag. He says "it's a sign of weakness", but she tells her hairdresser, and the word spreads quickly. Carmela tells Tony, and Tony jokes about it. But when Uncle Jr. and Tony get in an argument playing golf with Silvio Dante and Micky Palmice, Tony uses this against Jr. and Uncle Jr. tells Micky about Tony seeing a therapist. Micky, already suspicious enough about Tony that he hired some guys to follow him, thinks that this could ruin everything, and when clipping Tony is brought up, Jr. says "no one would slap my wrist if I did".

Subplot:
The best part of the story. Tony, Silvio and Arthur Bucco all have daughters who play soccer together. They all love the coach, who is helping the team make it big (Athur even says he'd "blow the guy"). But things get bad when one of the teammates slits her wrist as a "suicidal gesture" and even worse when the coach takes the chance to move and coach at Road Island where they would double his salary. Tony and Silvio get the guys at the Bada-Bing! to help bribe and intimidate the coach into staying and "finish what he started". But then Meadow admits that no one on the team really likes the coach and that the coach even had sex with Ali, the girl who slit her wrist. Tony, Silvio and Arthur are furious, but with persuasions from Artie and Dr. Melfi, Tony calls Silvio off of whacking the coach. And feels good about it. The coach is arrested.

Memorable Moments:
The manner in which the secret about Uncle Jr.'s "world-class" oral sex goes all the way to Tony is realistic. The soccer dads are like regular soccer dads...well, sort of. Their whole realationship and feelings about the coach are very well written. Like College, this is another classic episode with Meadow as the main character child (we see A.J. ONCE in the episode). I think we all let out a big "phew" (a sigh of relief) when we saw Tony goes from engraged and about-to-kill mode to a shit-faced happy guy who made the right decesion. And don't forget Jr.'s pie-in-the-face revenge on his (former) girlfriend.

Best Lines:
"They don't sell hot dogs here, they took the bleachers out two years ago!"- Tony, to the baseball cap wearing asshole at the fancy resturant.

Corrado Soprano: [on Boca] "I don't go down enough"
Carmela Sorpano: "That's not what I heard..." [on you-know-who]

"The old man's whistlin' to the wheatfield?"- Tony, on Uncle Jr.'s head

"Once a year? I think I can resist the urge to gossip"- Carmela, in response to Tony saying "what goes on in this bedroom stays here!"

"South of the border...down Mexico way..."- Tony, teasing Uncle Jr. about eating pussy after Jr. puts him down during golf

"I didn't hurt nobody..."- A drunken Tony, giving a somewhat heartfelt confession

Grade: A

Kill Count: 6
almost 7...

Episode 10: A Hit Is A Hit

Synopsis:
Main Plot-
The Soprano crew makes a big score, so when Carmela worries about money for Meadow's college, he replies "don't worry about it". Tony starts hanging out with his neighbor Dr. Cusamano, he meets a couple new "friends" who are dot.com players. Carmela is influenced by their wallstreet player wives and buys some shares. Her plan may be going well, but as Tony plays golf with Dr. Cusamano and their friends, the two buddies of "Cuse" are using Tony just to be enterained by interesting Mafia stories. Tony recalls an interesting story to Dr. Melfi that doesn't have to do with the Mafia, just a sad story of a friend with a funny voice who he and his friends just hung out with to have the poor kid sing songs in a funny mannner. Tony, tired of being the dancing monkey, plays a pretty funny trick on Dr. Cusamano (I want to see his reaction when he opens the package!).

Side Story-
When gangsta rapper Massive Genius meets Christopher at a resturant, it's the start of problems. Remember when Tesh said he "co-wrote" songs with some black kids in the age of motown and is living off of royalty checks? Massive Genius knows that Tesh was just robbing the singers, and one of them was Massive's relative. He plans to sue or be payed. Adriana really wants to get in the music business, and sees this oppurinity to get her and Christopher involved in music management. Christopher OK's it and Adriana starts recording with a rock band, Visiting Day, that has an old boyfriend, Richie Santini, as a lead singer. But their music is mellow and boring. The only reason Massive is working with the band is to get in Adriana's pants. Christopher tries to tell this to Adriana, but she thinks that he is trying to hold her back and walks out on him. So the band is abandoned and the legal battle begins.

Memorable Moments:
The dinner with Dr. Melfi, Dr. Cusamano, and Cuse's friends was hilarious. And the story Tony tells Dr. Melfi about "Jimmy Smash" was classic. Massive Genuis has some nice guns. And I loved the recording session where Christopher throws cocaine at the lead singer, telling the band to do the drugs. And the producer starts making references about the Beatles. But aside from these things, it was the first "weak" Sopranos episode. There was nothing really important, although you would think so if gangsters and "gangstas" were in the same episode.

Best Lines:
"They've been told twice...now I'll tell them"- Paulie Walnuts, responding to "I'll tell them" and sending a message to the hispanic drugs dealers

"My people where the white man's ****** where yours was still painting their faces and chasing zebras."- Hesh, on "reperations" for the black man.

"Sometimes I think the only thing seperating the American business from the mob...is fuckin' whacking someone"- Dr. Cusamano

"The Beatles, the Beatles, the Beatles...that was 40 fuckin' years ago!"- Richie Santini

"Gotti outbid me...gave me a ride home. You know he rang that bell all the way home?"- Tony, when asked if he ever met John Gotti.

Grade: B

Kill Count: 7

Episode 11: Nobody Knows Anything

Synopsis:
Main Plot-
The episode begins with the plot twist no one expected. Big Pussy and his bad back get arrested along with Jimmy Altieri. Big Pussy is said by Vic, Tony's man on the force, to be wearing a wire. Tony has to whack Pussy if it's true, so obviously he wants to be a 110% sure. But then Vic takes a dive off the Route 1 Bridge. Paulie Walnuts says Pussy is faking his illness, and that he'll do the hit himself once he sees the wire. Paulie takes him to a suana and tells him to undress, but Pussy refuses and leaves. But the episode ends in some sort of relief when Tony decides that Jimmy is the rat, and Paulie didn't clip Pussy.

Sub-Plot-
This will lead up to the main plot in the next episode. Carmela is mad at Livia for not showing up to the Soprano's open house party, so she goes to the home and makes Livia mad when Livia thinks Carm is hinting that Liv and Uncle Jr. are getting in a relationship, so when Jr. goes to the home Livia makes him mad at Tony when she spills it that Tony is having meetings with Larry Boy, Jimmy and Johnny Sacks behind Jr.'s back. Jr thinks that they are about to stage a coup, and prepares to act. The episode ends with Mikey Palmice telling his girl that Tony's getting whacked.

Memorable Moments:
Vic has just become one of my favorite characters when he takes a header off the bridge. I liked every scene with him and Pussy in it in this episode. Pussy, the "beached whale". This is the beginning of his troubles, which go on till Season 2. My favorite character is Christopher, so I wasn't fully satisfied with this episode. It kind of went by in a hurry, and hardly concluded. But then again, isn't that life?

Best Lines:
"It's a fucking gun!"- Jimmy Altieri, to the cop who disarms Jimmy and says "Oh my goodness, do you know what this is?".

"...The guy's out of breath lifting his dick out to take a leak"- Christopher Moltisanti, confused as why Big Pussy would run from the Feds

"He's throwing them in his mouth like M&M's"- Christopher, on Big Pussy's "percs" for his back

"Hey, who wouldnt want to sleep with their shrink?"- Debbie, the bordello runner, to Tony Soprano.

"Don't people have names anymore?"- Uncle Jr., after Livia said "he sold the house".

Grade: B+

Kill Count: 8

Episode 12: Isabella

Main Plot-
The hit on Tony Soprano is to be executed, and Corrado "Junior" Soprano doesnt want to talk about it. Tony's best friend, Pussy Bonpensiero, is missing, and he doesnt want to talk about it. Actually, Tony doesnt to talk about anything with his depression. Jimmy Altieri is hanging out with Junior and Christopher, but nobody wants to talk to the suspected rat.
The first attempt of the hit, conducted by Donnie P. and carried out by two Black hoods, is messed up because Christopher Moltisanti, worried about Tony's mental health, followed him to news stand and blocked the hitmen. Junior doesnt like Donnie, so Michael Palmice whacks him. The second attempt goes awry when Tony holds one of the hitman's gun (the hitman got orders from Mickey and his friend Chucky to not shoot Tony above the neck, making the hitmen's job harder) and the second hitman accidently shoots his partner in the head and clips Tony's ear. Tony drives off so the hitman falls and drives away. Junior shows up at Tony's house with Ton's mom, Livia, where Christopher, Paulie Walnuts, Silvio Dante and Father Phil are. The Soprano crew suspects Junior. Tony has a secret meeting with Dr. Jennifer Melfi, his therapist, and says it was his seeing her that almost got him whacked. At least the attempt of his life ends his depression.

Subplot-
Tony's depression is at an all time high. He won't get out of bed. He's on Prozac AND Lithium, and comes down to dinner at seven o'clock in the evening in his bathrobe. But his next door neighbor, Dr. Cusamano, has an Italian dental exchange student at the house and Tony becomes enthralled with her beauty. Her name is Isabella. Tony has lunch with her and goes on a "trip" to the early 1900s where his vision has a baby Tony being breast fed by Isabella as she sooths him. As sexy as Isabella is, Tony makes no moves on her. After the attempt on Tony's life, Tony asks the newly returned Dr. Cusamano where Isabella is, but Dr. Cusamano has no idea what Ton's talking about. It turns out the beautiful Isabella was just a hallucenation caused by the Lithium, which Tony discontinues. The episode ends with Tony standing in disarray in his backyard.

Memorable Moments/Critique:
Isabella, althought just in one episode, will always be remembered. I liked the scene where Mickey whacks Donnie. I thought it was funny seeing Junior hiding in the back of the car and peeping his head out to see Donnie dead. The hit on Tony was a great scene.
This was the episode that everyone was just waiting for. The second to last episode of the season was almost as memorable as the last one.

Best Lines:
"Napoleon- he was a moody fuck too"- Silvio Dante, explaining how leaders like Tony often get a bad case of the blues.

"If my dentist looked like you, I'd stay awake during a root canal"- Tony Soprano, on Isabella, the dental student, and her looks.

"What're, fuckin' Ray Charles?!"- Michael Palmice, making fun of Donnie P.'s direction following while driving.

"You get stabbed in the ribs, that's painful. This shit, you don't feel nothin'"- Tony, replying to Dr. Jennifer Melfi when she said that Tony not being able to find a friend "must be painful".

"It'll take more than a Jamaican bobsled team with cap guns to stop your old man"- Paulie Walnuts, reassuring Tony's kids Medow and A.J..

Kill Count: 10
Who got whacked-
Donnie P.
Why?: Because Corrado "Junior" Soprano didn't like him and his casually disrespectful mouth.
How: Shot in the head in his car by Michael Palmice, who says "Sorry" right before he does it.
Last Words: "I'm sorry"

Who:
William Johnson
Why: Because he got in the crossfire while trying to whack Tony.
How: Shot by his partner, right in the head.
Last Words: *a bunch of grunting*

Kill count: 10


Grade: A

The last two episodes in season one are two of my faves! Absolutely brilliant! I think season one, up to now, has the best ending out of the seasons. But I haven't seen season four's finale yet--so no spoilers please!

Mick

^what you said is a good prelude to the review of the final episode

Episode 13- I Dream of Jeanie Cusamano

Main Plot:
Tony Soprano takes care of business. Jimmy Altieri, the capo turned rat, is offed early on, then Tony focuses on who tried to whack him. First off, afraid that Corrado "Junior" Soprano will finish what he started, whacks capo Chucky Signore and gets close capo Peter "Paulie" Gualtieri and not-yet-made Christopher Moltisanti to whack consigliere Michael "Mickey" Palmice. All the bodies are hid except for Jimmy's, which gets a rat jammed into his windpipe. But when Tony thinks he's one step away from finishing the job, the F.B.I. plays wiretap tapes from Livia Soprano's Green Grove retirement home that are edited to suggest she wanted Tony whacked. His own mother. But the elders survive Tony's clutches when Junior is indicted, and as a result to the news, Livia has a stroke, the episode ends with unfinished business. Pussy...

Subplot:
Subplots from other episodes are resolved when Arthur "Artie" Bucco shows up to visit Livia, now in the nursing unit, and she spills it to Artie that Tony torched Artie's old resturant. Next thing you know, Artie's holding a hunting rifle to Tony in the parking lot. Tony lies to Artie, so Artie goes a little crazy. But after a talk with Father Phil, Artie feels better. Speaking of Father Phil, Carmela recognizes that he is just a guy who combines sexual tension and food with women in need.
Livia takes a midnight stroll from her retirement home to visit Tony's house in disillusion. It seems she has Alzhiemers. But suggestions from the wife, Carmela Soprano, and the psychiatrist, Dr. Jennifer Melfi, imply that she wanted Tony whacked and is faking the Alzhiemers to avoid the consequences of the hit gone wrong. At first, Tony spazzes on Dr. Melfi, smashing her glass table and then threating to smash her face, but later, he apologizes and tells her she's in danger and needs to leave. After some deep psychiatry, Tony goes to smother his mother but sees she's had a stroke. He confronts her and says he knows she tried to have him killed, and she just smiles.

Memorable Moments & Commentary:
The first two whackings were nicely made, but the most interesting and intense one was the whacking of consigliere/hitman Mickey Palmice. It's just a great freakin' episode. I like how all the subplots were resolved as well. The last scene in Artie Bucco's resturant was just beautiful. Both Tony's families are there, and then Tony makes a great speech. A great end to the first season.

Best Lines:
Jimmy Altieri: "I got enough cologne on?"
Christopher Moltisanti: "You smell like Paco Rabanne crawled up your ass and died."

Peter Gualtieri: "If I'm your uncle, I gotta finish what I started. He could strike first."
Christopher: "Yeah and he won't use Boyz-II-Men this time."

"Both your sisters left New Jersey so fast, you would of thought there would be a contract out on them."-
Carmela Soprano, talking with Tony Soprano about the "peculiar duck" Livia Soprano.

"You never mentioned any of your associates by name! All except for that one fellow...Booty?"-
Dr. Jennifer Melfi, trying to think of Big Pussy's name.

"George Clooney, don't get in the fucking middle of this!"-
Tony Soprano, to a doctor in the E.R. unit that is trying to get him away from Livia Soprano.

"Someday soon, you're gonna have families of your own. And if you're lucky, you'll remember the little moments. Like this."-
Tony Soprano's toast during the candlelit dinner at Artie Bucco's resturant with his family during a power downing storm.

Hit List:
Jimmy Aliteri
rank: Capo of Altieri crew
hitman: Silvio Dante
why: He was the Soprano Family rat
last words: "I'm a captain in case you forgot!"

Chucky Signore
rank: coming soon...
hitman: Tony Soprano
why: He organized the hit on/was a threat to Tony.
last words: "No shit?"

Michael Palmice
rank: Cosigliere to boss Corrado Soprano
hitman: Peter Gualtieri and Christopher Moltisanti
why: He organized the hit on/was a threat to Tony
last words: "Oh come on! Please, please!"

kill count: 13

Grade: A+

Yes, a fantastic episode, and one that fully deserves the A+ rank! Palmice's end is one of my favourite scenes, as well as Tony pulling his gun from the fish's mouth.

Mick

Ha, thanks Nocc. And Capo, thanks for agreeing with my grade. Yep, it's on to season 2.

Episode 14: "A Guy Walks In to a Psychiatrist's Office"

Main Plot-
Tony Soprano making it official that he's running things. Corrado "Junior" Soprano's underboss, Philly Parisi, is taken care of by Gigi Cestone for Tony. To make things worse, Philly has been spreading the rumor that Tony was going to suffocate his mother. To make things better, Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero has returned. He wasn't a snitch on the lam, just a guy with a bad back who got a tan. Christopher's starting a pump and dump stock scheme for Webistics as a revenue for the Soprano crew, which doesn't go to well when to associates beat the crap out of an employee who wasn't pushing Webistics.

Subplot-
Tony's sister, Janice, has returned from Washington to visit her mother Livia. Tony doesn't really trust the money grubbing Janice, but loves her and is glad she is back. He says that no one in their house is to mention Livia's name. Then he throws a reunion party. But that's after he gets a panic attack and passes out while driving on a highway. His wife Carmela wants him back in therapy, and after a near panic attack at the reunion, he tries to see her as a patient. Yep, Dr. Jennifer Melfi is back, after working out of a motel for a while. But she doesn't want to see Tony again.

Quotes:
"Anybody else got a problem with Webistics?"- Matthew Bevilaqua, after beating up an employee for giving their coustomer "options".

"I wonder what the scam is this time. Whatever it is, I'm gonna be five grand lighter after she raindances back to the commune"- Tony Soprano, on the surprsise visit from his hippie sister Janice.

Dr. D'Alesono: "I know who you are, and I saw Analyze This. I don't need the ramifications that that could arise from treating a patient such as...yourself."
Tony Soprano: "Analyze This? C'mon, it's a fucking comedy!"

"Why? They're still gonna kiss your ass, they don't care if you're a junkie."- Adriana to Christopher after he tells her to shut up when she complains about his current stupidity in front of two aspiring wiseguys.

Hit List:
Philly Parisi
who killed him- Gigi Costoma, Tony Soprano's soldier.
why he died- He was the new boss, making him Tony Soprano's enemy, and a threat to Dr. Jennifer Melfi because he knows where she lives and is spreading rumors about Tony seeingh her.
how he dies- He had a couple of shots to the head after picking up the hitman from the airport and dropping him off.
last words- "There you go, kid."

Kill Count: 14

Grade: A

I dont think the Philly Parisi was boss when he got killed. I think he was just one of Junior's buttons, and he got killed because he was one of the main ones spreading rumors about Tony. Althought the rumors were actually the truth.