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Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: XDCX] #638290
03/05/12 05:42 AM
03/05/12 05:42 AM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,418
Secret location (WITSEC)
HairyKnuckles Offline
Underboss
HairyKnuckles  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,418
Secret location (WITSEC)
Originally Posted By: XDCX


Funny, because it´s true!

You know, as a european, sometimes the "project" of figuring out the correct grammar prevents me from posting. Embarrassing .... smile


[Linked Image]
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: HairyKnuckles] #638303
03/05/12 09:56 AM
03/05/12 09:56 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 11,797
Pennsylvania
klydon1 Offline
klydon1  Offline

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 11,797
Pennsylvania
Originally Posted By: HairyKnuckles
You know, as a european, sometimes the "project" of figuring out the correct grammar prevents me from posting. Embarrassing .... smile


Please don't let that stop you from posting. No need to be embarrassed.

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: klydon1] #638530
03/06/12 09:53 AM
03/06/12 09:53 AM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,845
Newcastle-upon-Tyne UK
Yogi Barrabbas Offline
Yogi Barrabbas  Offline

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,845
Newcastle-upon-Tyne UK
An Irish chap is walking down the road when he sees a sandwich with 2 red wires sticking out of it, lying in the road. So he rings the police and tells the operator,
"Hallo...i av found a sandwich dat loiks like a feckin bomb".

"Is is tickin?" asks the operator.

"No i tink its turkey" he says!


I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees!
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Yogi Barrabbas] #638536
03/06/12 10:55 AM
03/06/12 10:55 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 11,797
Pennsylvania
klydon1 Offline
klydon1  Offline

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 11,797
Pennsylvania
^Good one

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Obsessed With The GodFather] #639267
03/10/12 01:27 PM
03/10/12 01:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 15,018
Texas
O
olivant Offline
olivant  Offline
O

Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 15,018
Texas
I got up this morning and put on my shirt and started to button it - one of the buttons came off. I then went out to my car, tried to open the door, but the handle came off. Now I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.


"Generosity. That was my first mistake."
"Experience must be our only guide; reason may mislead us."
"Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read."
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: olivant] #639271
03/10/12 01:33 PM
03/10/12 01:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
The Italian Stallionette Offline
The Italian Stallionette  Offline

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
Originally Posted By: olivant
I got up this morning and put on my shirt and started to button it - one of the buttons came off. I then went out to my car, tried to open the door, but the handle came off. Now I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.



Ha ha ha ha!!! lol Hopefully that's the end of your bad luck. Better stay home. lol


TIS


"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind. War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today." JFK

"War is over, if you want it" - John Lennon

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: The Italian Stallionette] #639273
03/10/12 01:49 PM
03/10/12 01:49 PM
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,571
S
Scorsese Offline
Underboss
Scorsese  Offline
S
Underboss
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,571


This scene was always my favourite

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Scorsese] #639274
03/10/12 01:51 PM
03/10/12 01:51 PM
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,571
S
Scorsese Offline
Underboss
Scorsese  Offline
S
Underboss
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,571
Already theres joseph cony jokes.

Fresh prince of child soldiers


Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Obsessed With The GodFather] #639447
03/11/12 06:54 PM
03/11/12 06:54 PM
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 15,018
Texas
O
olivant Offline
olivant  Offline
O

Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 15,018
Texas
I just went to the gym. When I got back home I discovered that everything in my house had been replaced with an exact duplicate.


"Generosity. That was my first mistake."
"Experience must be our only guide; reason may mislead us."
"Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read."
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Obsessed With The GodFather] #642014
03/28/12 06:48 PM
03/28/12 06:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 11,797
Pennsylvania
klydon1 Offline
klydon1  Offline

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 11,797
Pennsylvania
Two cows were sitting around the barn and one said to the other, "I was artificially inseminated this mooorning."
The other said, "What!? You're pulling my leg."
The first replied, "I really was. No bull."

A guy walked into a bar, lugging a big chunk of macadam. He spotted the bartender and said, "Give me a shot of whiskey...and one for the road."

In the same bar a skeleton made his way to the bartender, saying, "Can I have a beer and a mop?"

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: klydon1] #642015
03/28/12 06:50 PM
03/28/12 06:50 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 22,902
New York
SC Offline
Consigliere
SC  Offline
Consigliere

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 22,902
New York
Originally Posted By: klydon1
No bull.


lol clap


.
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: SC] #642311
04/01/12 03:29 AM
04/01/12 03:29 AM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,845
Newcastle-upon-Tyne UK
Yogi Barrabbas Offline
Yogi Barrabbas  Offline

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,845
Newcastle-upon-Tyne UK
Good ones Kly lol


I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees!
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Yogi Barrabbas] #642369
04/01/12 04:47 PM
04/01/12 04:47 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,418
Secret location (WITSEC)
HairyKnuckles Offline
Underboss
HairyKnuckles  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,418
Secret location (WITSEC)
I think this kid slightly missunderstood the question on this test...

Attached Files 423862_358617744162051_193669387323555_1247421_1825969528_n.jpg

[Linked Image]
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: HairyKnuckles] #642380
04/01/12 10:12 PM
04/01/12 10:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,819
Australia
M
Mickey_MeatBalls_DeMonica Offline
Mickey Meatballs
Mickey_MeatBalls_DeMonica  Offline
Mickey Meatballs
M
Underboss
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,819
Australia
Ha! That was a good one. Now, more memes;







(cough.)
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Obsessed With The GodFather] #644834
04/23/12 08:24 AM
04/23/12 08:24 AM
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 17,300
New York
Sicilian Babe Offline
Sicilian Babe  Offline

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 17,300
New York
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived

Date: April 4th, 2012

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in.

I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.


P. S. Sure is hot down here!!!!


President Emeritus of the Neal Pulcawer Fan Club
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Sicilian Babe] #644870
04/23/12 03:40 PM
04/23/12 03:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,414
Bar Vitelli, Queens, NY
Signor Vitelli Offline
Underboss
Signor Vitelli  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,414
Bar Vitelli, Queens, NY


"For me, there's only my wife..."

"Sure I cook with wine - sometimes I even add it to the food!"

"When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?"

"It was a grass harp... And we listened."

"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?"

"No. Saints and poets, maybe... they do some."


Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Signor Vitelli] #646703
05/09/12 01:28 PM
05/09/12 01:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
dontomasso Offline
Consigliere to the Stars
dontomasso  Offline
Consigliere to the Stars

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 11,468
With Geary in Fredo's Brothel
Whats the difference between Bill Maher fans and Rush Limbaugh fans?

Bill Maher fans know he's an asshole.

Last edited by dontomasso; 05/10/12 02:34 PM.

"Io sono stanco, sono imbigliato, and I wan't everyone here to know, there ain't gonna be no trouble from me..Don Corleone..Cicc' a port!"

"I stood in the courtroom like a fool."

"I am Constanza: Lord of the idiots."

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Obsessed With The GodFather] #646820
05/10/12 11:45 AM
05/10/12 11:45 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 11,797
Pennsylvania
klydon1 Offline
klydon1  Offline

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 11,797
Pennsylvania
I just took my magician's certification test. They were all trick questions.

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Obsessed With The GodFather] #646887
05/10/12 08:12 PM
05/10/12 08:12 PM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 8,534
I
IvyLeague Offline
IvyLeague  Offline
I

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 8,534


Mods should mind their own business and leave poster's profile signatures alone.
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Obsessed With The GodFather] #646888
05/10/12 08:16 PM
05/10/12 08:16 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 13,145
East Tennessee
R
ronnierocketAGO Offline
ronnierocketAGO  Offline
R

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 13,145
East Tennessee
What do you beating up a gay student for being gay back in the 60s?

A PRANK! HAHAHAHAHA!

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: ronnierocketAGO] #646890
05/10/12 08:20 PM
05/10/12 08:20 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,453
California
X
XDCX Offline
XDCX  Offline
X

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,453
California
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.


"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis



Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: The Italian Stallionette] #647451
05/16/12 09:58 AM
05/16/12 09:58 AM
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,845
Newcastle-upon-Tyne UK
Yogi Barrabbas Offline
Yogi Barrabbas  Offline

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 8,845
Newcastle-upon-Tyne UK
How to spot a French army rifle for sale on the Net?????

One owner, never fired, dropped once!!!!


I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees!
Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Yogi Barrabbas] #647594
05/17/12 12:19 PM
05/17/12 12:19 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,453
California
X
XDCX Offline
XDCX  Offline
X

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,453
California


"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis



Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: XDCX] #647595
05/17/12 12:38 PM
05/17/12 12:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
The Italian Stallionette Offline
The Italian Stallionette  Offline

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
Ok X, so I thought a male BBer might comment first on that joke, but what the heck. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! lol lol That IS funny.



TIS

Last edited by The Italian Stallionette; 05/17/12 12:38 PM.

"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind. War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today." JFK

"War is over, if you want it" - John Lennon

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: The Italian Stallionette] #647615
05/17/12 01:37 PM
05/17/12 01:37 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,414
Bar Vitelli, Queens, NY
Signor Vitelli Offline
Underboss
Signor Vitelli  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,414
Bar Vitelli, Queens, NY
Hmmm... Whatever XDCX posted, I can't seem to view it. All I get is one of those annoying little red X's.

Signor V.



"For me, there's only my wife..."

"Sure I cook with wine - sometimes I even add it to the food!"

"When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?"

"It was a grass harp... And we listened."

"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?"

"No. Saints and poets, maybe... they do some."


Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: XDCX] #647616
05/17/12 01:39 PM
05/17/12 01:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
The Italian Stallionette Offline
The Italian Stallionette  Offline

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 25,984
California
Originally Posted By: XDCX



SV,

Can you see it now? confused

TIS


"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind. War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today." JFK

"War is over, if you want it" - John Lennon

Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: The Italian Stallionette] #647675
05/17/12 06:40 PM
05/17/12 06:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,453
California
X
XDCX Offline
XDCX  Offline
X

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,453
California
Did you know that if you say "gullible" slowly, it sounds like "oranges"?


"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis



Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: The Italian Stallionette] #647718
05/18/12 12:19 AM
05/18/12 12:19 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,414
Bar Vitelli, Queens, NY
Signor Vitelli Offline
Underboss
Signor Vitelli  Offline
Underboss
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,414
Bar Vitelli, Queens, NY
Originally Posted By: The Italian Stallionette
SV,

Can you see it now?


Yep - loud and clear. Don't know what happened earlier. Probably my computer.

Signor V.


"For me, there's only my wife..."

"Sure I cook with wine - sometimes I even add it to the food!"

"When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?"

"It was a grass harp... And we listened."

"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it? Every, every minute?"

"No. Saints and poets, maybe... they do some."


Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: Signor Vitelli] #648304
05/22/12 07:13 PM
05/22/12 07:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,453
California
X
XDCX Offline
XDCX  Offline
X

Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 5,453
California
Confucius says: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.


"Growing up my dad was like 'You have a great last name, Galifianakis. Galifianakis...begins with a gal...and ends with a kiss...' I'm like that's great dad, can we get it changed to 'Galifianafuck' please?" -- Zach Galifianakis



Re: Lets Get Some Jokes! [Re: XDCX] #648306
05/22/12 07:24 PM
05/22/12 07:24 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 22,902
New York
SC Offline
Consigliere
SC  Offline
Consigliere

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 22,902
New York
Confucius says: Man who run in front of car get tired.


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