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May 27th, 2012
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Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #805115
09/28/14 12:04 PM
09/28/14 12:04 PM
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Alfanosgirl Offline
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Dsbaloo-Take care of your grandma. I'm so glad that you are staying with her she needs you.


Dixie- I hope you get to experience true love.

PB how is your Pops?


In 2012 I lost my mom to cancer and my father passed away 9 months later in the hospital of a heart attack a day after having a brain biopsy. They were together for 43 years and only in their early seventies. I don't know what was more difficult to see, my mom dying before my eyes or seeing my pop watching the love of his life dying before his eyes. He went into a deep depression, she was EVERYTHING to him. I was so afraid sometimes to go into his house I thought for sure I was going to find him lying on the floor dead from overdosing. He just couldn't cope.
He would take care of her night and day sleeping on the FLOOR next to her side of the bed so that when she woke up in the middle of the night (she was weak and doped up) to use the bathroom he would help her so that she wouldn't fall. I have never in my life seen a husband so devoted to his wife as my pops was to my mom. HE LOVED HER UNCONDITIONALLY.
Most people don't know what to say to me losing both my parents so close to one another. Usually I end up consoling them. It's tough having all our family in Jersey and on the east coast. I wish I could move back home.
So if anyone ever wants to talk to someone about their loss or taking care of an elderly parent or grandparent please don't hesitate to pm me. I'm here for you.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #805120
09/28/14 12:26 PM
09/28/14 12:26 PM
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Sorry to hear about your loss Dsbaloo..My condolences go out to you and your family.


"Jersey...It's where my story begins."
Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #805164
09/28/14 10:39 PM
09/28/14 10:39 PM
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thank you everyone for the kind words.. it really does mean a lot...im hoping me moving into my grandmas for a few months will help her out.. I just don't think her being alone after the loss of her husband could be good for her... I want to keep her company make sure shes never lonely and bring some youthful vibes into a rather morbid atmosphere..

ha yea my grandma loves sopranos... she was a huge fan of tony until he killed chris.. she was so mad after that point she said she didn't care if he lived or died after that ahaha (tony the character that is). shes a pretty hip lady for being in her 80's.. I took her to see The Wolf Of Wallstreet in theatres... haha imagine a 20 something year old kid and his 80 year old grandma going to watch that movie... she loved that also.. she ended up buying it on dvd when it came out!

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #896289
10/15/16 05:06 PM
10/15/16 05:06 PM
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Alfanosgirl Offline
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For the past six months I've been lucky enough to help take care of 3 of my parents' closest friends. They are all in their seventies. One has pulmonary fibrosis, another has the West Nile Virus, and another pancreatic cancer.

Out of all three I'd have to say that the West Nile Virus has to be the worst. He and his 45 year tri-athlete neighbor were both bit by a mosquito back in August of 2015. Both were paralyzed but she started recovering in January 2016, while our friend did not. Years back, he was diagnosed with an immune disorder but it was extremely mild so he did not need any meds. However, because his immune system was slightly compromised, he would be affected by the West Nile Virus differently than a healthy person would.

He needs a feeding tube, cannot speak, cannot sit up, he may never walk again. He can barely move his fingertips. The physical therapist and speech therapist have their work cut out for them. When I go see him, he lights up and tries to talk to me, mouths words. It is very painful for me to watch this man who I've known since I've been five suffer like this. His wife has her own set of health problems so she cannot help him much. He needs 24 hr care and it costs them a fortune. (She has great stories of years 1940's + of what was going on in Fort Lee area. I've learned some interesting things about OC. They're Jersey transplants)

The next good friend who has pulmonary fibrosis is refined to a scooter and needs oxygen. She is getting progressively worse. Her husband enjoys company because he's bored out of his mind staying home all the time. He and my Dad were good pals. I was driving and something made me go over to his house even though I just visited a week or so ago. I rang the bell, he answered and it looked like he saw a ghost. He said madonna I was just thinking about you this second and here you are. That was weird. They needed help with something and I miracuralously had the exact number they needed to call. It was really strange.

Last but not least, is my Mom's very good friend who has cancer. She has a TPN bag which is a nutrient bag that is hooked up to her port which gives her nourishment because of her trouble keeping food down. I brought her some pizzelle because she enjoys those. She still has energy. And most importantly, she has NO pain!! Luckily, her granddaughter came out to help her Grandpa take care of her. They also use hospice care.

To end on a happy note. All of these friends of my parents have brought up their children who are around my age, to become successful, wonderful adults. That must make them feel very proud!! smile

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: Alfanosgirl] #896309
10/15/16 08:50 PM
10/15/16 08:50 PM
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God Bless You for checking in on your parents' friends,AG.

Laughter and the presence of friends does WONDERS for health. I'm sure you benefit even more than them by being able to spend time with such great people.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #896324
10/15/16 11:10 PM
10/15/16 11:10 PM
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far, northwest
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YES, GOD BLESS YOU A.G. YOU ARE TRULY A BEAUTIFUL AND CARING LADY.



" watch what you say around this guy, he's got a big mouth" sam giancana to an outfit soldier about frank Sinatra. [ from the book "my way"
Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #896739
10/20/16 09:41 PM
10/20/16 09:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 8,766
South of the Pinelands
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My mom died 18 years ago from complications brought on by Alzheimers. It is a burden on the family. I arranged in-home care for my mom. If you have the money it is the way to go. I empathize with all who have to got through it.


Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, whoever humbles himself will be exalted - Matthew 23:12
Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #899990
11/28/16 11:22 PM
11/28/16 11:22 PM
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My Mom's good friend, the one I was talking about on here with pancreatic cancer passed away yesterday morning cry cry cry That type of cancer doesn't even give you a chance. Cancer SUCKS!!!

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: Alfanosgirl] #900015
11/29/16 11:41 AM
11/29/16 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted By: Alfanosgirl
My Mom's good friend, the one I was talking about on here with pancreatic cancer passed away yesterday morning cry cry cry That type of cancer doesn't even give you a chance. Cancer SUCKS!!!


Aww how sad. Sorry to hear it. I hear that pancreatic cancer is one of the most painful cancers. frown


TIS


"Mankind must put an end to war before war puts an end to mankind. War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious objector enjoys the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today." JFK

"War is over, if you want it" - John Lennon

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #916654
07/08/17 01:45 AM
07/08/17 01:45 AM
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So sad to say, but my parents' friend who had pulmonary fibrosis just passed away. cry She was like an aunt to me. What's so bizarre was that her son told me she passed away 45 minutes after I left her house. She gave me a kiss good-bye on the cheek and a blessing, made the sign of the cross on my forehead. And I went home. Sal, her husband, and her sons are convinced that my late Father put it in my head to visit her that day at that time so we could say our good-byes to one another. This happened on Monday. They couldn't find my number and the one on Sal's phone had the last two digits wrong so he kept calling some other girl instead of me. Finally, one of his sons figured out the number to call me today to give me the bad news:( So, I was the last person to have a conversation with her. She was physically very weak but in good spirits. So, I did most of the talking. And the sons wanted me to recite the whole conversation to them. I'm still in shock. Poor Sal and his sons. They're having such a hard time. Feel so badly for them.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: Alfanosgirl] #916668
07/08/17 08:09 AM
07/08/17 08:09 AM
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Sorry to hear about the passing,AG. You should find comfort in knowing that she lived a long life and was around people who loved her until the end.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #916680
07/08/17 01:21 PM
07/08/17 01:21 PM
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Sounds like when my Aunt passed from Cancer. It had spread from her breasts to her head and she was in bad shape. In and out from the morphine. I took my Mom and Aunt to visit her on a Saturday and we couldn't even talk inside the house because it hurt her head that much. We go to leave and I stop to tell her bye and she was ready enough to go that she even thought up to tell me a joke before we left. She made it mid-week before she passed. Wouldn't want anyone to see loved ones like that, it was horrible.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #916682
07/08/17 02:04 PM
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Thanks, Gets. I agree. Thank you so much for the comforting words.

@Dix
That's wonderful that she shared a joke. It's so difficult to see our loved ones suffer with that pain. Your Aunt managed to keep her sense of humor. Many don't. Thanks for sharing that story.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #917211
07/20/17 06:59 AM
07/20/17 06:59 AM
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My wife fell in the middle of the night when going to the bathroom. She suffered a severe fracture of the femur in 4 pieces which was reduced with rod and screws. Was in Rehab facility for 2 months but now home. SO... I'm getting good at laundry, cleaning cooking Etc while doing my regular duties. Wife can barely walk at all yet and is also getting home health care, but since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, I am not supposed to be doing much of anything. This is getting old fast.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #917214
07/20/17 10:21 AM
07/20/17 10:21 AM
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North America
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Wow, Bigboy. Good luck with your wife, as well as with your own health.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #917220
07/20/17 01:38 PM
07/20/17 01:38 PM
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Alabama
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dixiemafia Offline
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Take care of yourself man! Hope your wife gets better too

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: dixiemafia] #917311
07/22/17 02:15 PM
07/22/17 02:15 PM
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getthesenets Offline
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AG,

Did you speak during her funeral services? Are non clergy allowed to speak at Catholic funeral?

Since I last read this thread...one of my cousins died in a car accident....and my brother's close friend had a stroke(he's alive).






Dixie ,

Sorry to hear about your aunt.She was in good spirits until the end though.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: getthesenets] #917312
07/22/17 02:50 PM
07/22/17 02:50 PM
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Alfanosgirl Offline
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Originally Posted By: getthesenets
AG,

Did you speak during her funeral services? Are non clergy allowed to speak at Catholic funeral?

Since I last read this thread...one of my cousins died in a car accident....and my brother's close friend had a stroke(he's alive).






Dixie ,

Sorry to hear about your aunt.She was in good spirits until the end though.






At a catholic funeral mass, usually a close relative will speak in addition to the priest. They had four family members speak. I would have gone up there if they needed me. There are a few ways relatives can be a part of the service. Two go up to read from the Bible. Two or more can bring up the gifts (Eucharist and Sacramental Wine). They had the niece sing at the service. Beautiful. It was more of a celebration of her life than a somber service like some are.

I'm so very sorry to hear about your cousin and your brother's close friend!!! You never know one day to the next what life has in store for you. You are having a normal day and then just like that, life throws something your way, and everything changes. How do you cope? It's very tough. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: Alfanosgirl] #917313
07/22/17 03:15 PM
07/22/17 03:15 PM
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getthesenets Offline
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AG,

Thank You. It's easier to cope with an older person passing away but my bro's friend is a few years younger than I am. My cousin was 24. He's my blood cousin's grandson. My cousin was much older than me so I always called him uncle...so his grandson is my 3rd cousin....once removed....carry the one...or whatever.. smile

Burying people younger than you doesn't seem natural.

The Grim Reaper got my family 4 years in a row recently(including the uncle/cousin I just mentioned), and gave us a break last year ...back in full force this year.

A third of my family are Catholics, as was my cousin so I'll be seeing the Catholic funeral mass in person soon. Thanks for the outline and I'm glad that, all things considered, that the services you attended were pleasant.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #917315
07/22/17 03:37 PM
07/22/17 03:37 PM
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Footreads Offline
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My father died when I was 15, He did not die a natural death. I came back home after to hep my mother. All she could do for herself was cook. Man could she do that well. Any way after Daddio died she did not want to live anymore. I think she was nuts. Daddio abused her and my brother and I. I ran away from home at 11 yrs old. My brother is 4 yrs older then I. Both my brother and my mother put up with Daddio' bullshit. I always thought both of them were weak for putting up with him. My father did everything for my mother so she could not do anything for herself to keep her dependent on him. She was also abused by her father he used to hit her with a rubber hose. Daddio liked to burn her with cigarettes.

Any way she died 6 months after Daddio died.


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Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: Footreads] #917332
07/22/17 05:41 PM
07/22/17 05:41 PM
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getthesenets Offline
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Foot,

Sorry to hear about what your dad put your family through.

Some people say they liked society the way it was structured back then...like the song they sing in the opening of "All In The Family"


I'm glad for some of the changes in society...especially that women have more career and educational opportunities now than they did back then. There's less pressure on them to hurry up get married and have kids and thankfully they are mostly less dependent on men now.

I respect "traditional households" and I grew up in but , as you pointed out....it's a trap sometimes.

Rest in Peace to your Mother. May she find the peace that she couldn't enjoy here.


*On another note, I don't attend funerals or services for people who were known to be bad people, relatives or not. I can't force myself to sit through the BULL where people are lying and saying good things about them.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: getthesenets] #917336
07/22/17 07:43 PM
07/22/17 07:43 PM
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Alfanosgirl Offline
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Gets, I agree it's just not natural to bury those younger than us. My Grandma's sister did NOT want me to tell her anything about my Dad's death or the funeral because she could NOT come to grips with the fact that she was still alive at 90 and he was dead. So, I was not permitted to say a word about it when I went to visit her in Jersey. My cousin had to bury her two month old baby. I went to that funeral. And man, was that tough. Awful, awful, awful.

4 years in a row of losing loved ones is too much for one family to take, Gets. And now, losing more loved ones this year is definitely not going to be easy. Take each day as it comes is really all you can do.

I've had to bury three of my ex boyfriends. Those are stories for another day. Very strange and awful.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #917386
07/23/17 06:52 PM
07/23/17 06:52 PM
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Alabama
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dixiemafia Offline
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I had to be a pallbearer for a 4 month old. Not something I care to do ever again. My Great Grandmother had to bury her husband (my Great Grandfather) and 3 of her 5 kids including my Grandfather. I couldn't imagine.

Last edited by dixiemafia; 07/23/17 06:52 PM.
Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #917625
07/29/17 02:12 PM
07/29/17 02:12 PM
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Alfanosgirl Offline
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Sad, Dix. You know what I found strange. When I went to this last funeral, the family was recording part of the funeral AND taking pictures next to the coffin!! Omg I stood there in disbelief. Is that what people do nowadays? I have never seen anything like it in all my years going to funerals. So weird to me. You'd think it would be a day to forget right?

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #917628
07/29/17 02:48 PM
07/29/17 02:48 PM
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Technology has got people doing that type of shit a lot more often. I'm sure it's just going to become more common.

But on the subject of funerals, I always thought a crazy tradition they have in some Caribbean islands (and possibly elsewhere, I don't know) was that instead of putting people in a coffin they set them up doing some shit like they would do in life.

Example
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...EN-funeral.html

I remember another one where they had the body on a motorcycle in the full get up with the jacket and all that.. Shit's definitely different than my experiences at funerals but I'm not one to judge peoples grieving processes.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: RollinBones] #917631
07/29/17 03:34 PM
07/29/17 03:34 PM
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Alfanosgirl Offline
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Rollin
That is so BIZARRE!! I have never seen anything like it! Wow!

Thanks for sharing that article and info.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #917640
07/29/17 08:40 PM
07/29/17 08:40 PM
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Alabama
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dixiemafia Offline
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That's some crazy shit there

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: dixiemafia] #918036
08/05/17 09:07 PM
08/05/17 09:07 PM
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getthesenets Offline
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Rollin,

When I saw the picture and his clothes,I immediately thought that he's aligned with the Lo-Lifes


WHEN I DIE,BURY ME WITH THE LO ON.


In West Africa, there's a coffin making industry where they send people off in very creative ways, but in the Caribbean and Latin America....the only time I've read about these bizarre funerals/wakes/coffins/poses is when it involves heavy crime figures

EDIT

Just saw an article about the funeral home that did this guy's wake as well as the motorcycle rider guy.


http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-li...eca388e41d10e12

As article mentions, the stories get a lot of press coverage which makes more people's families want to do similar things.

This is some hood stuff, without a doubt. I guess it helps the families deal with the loss, but some real gutter hood stuff. The causes of death of the deceased hints at what kinds of lives they lead..so not a complete shock that their families would send them off like this.

Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #918043
08/06/17 04:30 AM
08/06/17 04:30 AM
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In my will I am to be buried just outside my soccer field under a shade tree. My wife knows about it she wants to be buried in the plot we bought. I told her we are not going to die at the same time any way. I said just think of it as separate vacations.

Years ago my oldest daughter's pet rabbit died she was married then. But she was upset any way and calls me up. I told her I will be over in an hour and I will take the rabbit to my soccer field and bury it where I want to be buried under that shade tree. I had the keys to get in it was around 2 am. So I go collect the rabbit and I actually tried to do what I said I will do. But it was winter time and the field was frozen. Then I said fuck this. Took the rabbit and put it in someone's garbage can along the way home.

When my friend Johnny told me about his friend and my acquaintance Michael Medish's murder the night we were too all meet at Rao's but Meldish never showed up. He actually wanted me to go to his funeral with him smile that's why I love Johnny if he is your friend he is your friend no matter what you done in your life.


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Re: Elder Care Is Stressful [Re: pizzaboy] #918045
08/06/17 04:49 AM
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When I die I would like my grand children to come to the funeral. But crying is out not that anyone would cry. But I just want them to talk about all the funny stuff we did together. I want my handsome Henry that is the one that lives in Germany to sing all the songs I taught him. The Duke of Earl, Eh Cumpare, everyone to sing Cara Mia and lastly More the theme from Mondo Cane. I always liked that movie. Ever see it a shark eats a kid. So the fisherman go out and catch a bunch of sharks and stuff sea urchins down their throats and they die a horrible death. Hey I got to add that to my bucket list maybe that fucked up cop I know. smile


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