"Just for laughs here's some..."Gangster Giggles"

Two Mafia hitmen are walking deep in a forest in the middle of the night.

One of them says, "I gotta admit I'm scared out here"

The other replies, "You're scared....I gotta walk back alone"

Now that's funny, sad but true lolol

If the Mafia ran a sports shop, what would it sell?

Protection racquets

Hell, they been sellin' those for decades :-)

That’s a good one haha

Didja hear about the made man who was drummed out of the Mafia for stupidity? They sent him out to blow up a car--he burned his lips on the tailpipe.

That is a variation of the one with kid and a maniac walking through a cemetery. Your version is better, I never thought the one with the kid was funny.

Q. Why is there a Mafia?
A. They wouldn't let Italians into Harvard.

Just when I thought Mob researching was your weakest skill in life you prove me wrong. You continue to amaze me. Kudos.

Please just stop. You're embarrassing yourself

FBI forever bothering Italians

An old and dying mafia boss is on his deathbed. He summons his 26 year old grandson. He shows his grandson a gun and says, "I want you to have this piece so you won't forget me."
The grandson not interested in the gun says, "Nonno I dont like the gun, but I do like that beautiful crafted Rolex watch."
The mafia boss responds, "My son didn't teach you nothing," while shaking his head. "Now listen and pay attention. One day, you will come home tired after a long day of work to see your wife in bed with some guy. What are you going to do? Point at your Rolex watch and say, "Times Up?"

Why do Lawyers, Bankers, and Mob Bosses like to play golf?
Cause you can play in handcuffs too.

Who was one of the first Italian cowboys to ever operate in the old west?

The Loan Arranger, and his trusty sidekick Totuccio

Now that's funny :-) Did he wear a mask?

Only when he went out on work. Lol


The Old West had their "Hopalong Cassidy," we Italians had our own cowpoke, he was called "Que is dice"

John Gotti underwent surgery. Doctors removed a tumor near his tonsils.
Then they caught the tumor, drove him to New Jersey, and shot him in the head ten times. (Chris Rock)

How can you tell if an Italian guy is in the Mafia?
His favorite dish is broken leg of lamb.

What is a four letter word in Italian for bye bye?

"Bang"

Do you know why Italian's are like magician's?

Because they can make people disappear into thin air!

The famous fable, "The Three Little Pigs"..... everybody knows that story, right?

Well, here's a little variation you never heard about.

A Brooklyn based big bad wolf started huffing and puffing on the house made of straw. So the little scared piggy ran to his neighbor pig's place next door which was made from sticks. Soon the wolf starting blowing on the stick house and it was falling apart. So they both ran over to their buddy's house which was made of brick by Italian pig artisan-masons.

The wood door and glass windows started rattling also, although the brick house was still standing tall and intact (those Italian artisans huh?). But just to be on the safe side, the third little piggy picks up his cell phone, dials a number, and has a quick hushed conversation.

Within minutes a black Caddy with tinted windows pulls up and three tough lookin pigs in jumpsuits and sportin baseball bats jump out of the car and proceed to bust the skull of the wolf. They broke every fucking bone in his body and left him in the gutter in front of the little brick house unconscious.

Amazed. The other two little piggies ask who the hell were they?

The third little piggy responds, "oh they're my cousins, the Guinea Pigs"

How does every Italian joke start?

By looking over your shoulder

Why do Italians wear Gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

What do you get when you cross John Gotti with the President of Mexico?
A guy who makes you an offer you can't understand.

Gotta say fellas, you have all provided good stuff here. THIS is what this forum should look like. Friendly, nice, cooperative, laughing, interesting, and enjoyable.

WITHOUT TROLLS AND TROUBLEMAKERS.

Bravo to all of you!

What do you call a Cosa Nostra figure with both his hands in his pockets?



....A Mafioso Mute!

Hahah this stuff is hilarious. Keep 'em coming

ANTONINO
Old Antonino was a tight ass with his money, and reckoned he was gonna take all his money with him when he died.

Anna, his good wife of many years protested profusely, "Antonino, you cannota taka da money, what about me and the children?

Antonino replied, "Screw you you puttana bitch, it'sa my money and I earned it!"
So appropriately on the day of Antonino's funeral Anna and the kids are crying over papa's coffin, when one of the kids speaks up, "momma you didn't give papa the money did you?"

Mama replied, "Si, I gaava da stiffa deada bastardo his a fuckin a mone, it'sa ina mama's personal check, let's see him casha that!"

What do you call a house butler who's also in the mafia?.....A "maid man?"

Hey, do you hear about the New York Mafia Family Don who had very bad memory problems?






...Yeah, he kept making people offers he couldn't remember!

What do you get when you cross an Italian with a Jew?


Olive Garden

Did you hear the one about the guy who went to the Gemini Lounge?
Neither did anyone else...

good one CNote

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government?


Only one of them is organized!

What do most Jewish Women, JAPs, make the best? Reservations :-)
JAP - Jewish American Princess ;-)

LOL

How many Mafia hitmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Three!.... One to screw it in. One to watch. And one to shoot the witness who watched.

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make the weekly "protection" collections from all the businesses they were shaking down all over the city. Feeling "heat" from the cops, the mafiosi decided to use a deaf mute for the task, figuring if he got caught he wouldn't be able to explain or tell the cops what's really going on.

His first week on the job the deaf mute collects over $50,000 in extortion money. He quickly gets greedy and decides to keep all the loot for himself, stashing it in a safe place.

The Mafia boss realizes that collections are late and sends out a few of his thugs to go grab the mute. The thugs then drag the mute to an interpreter. The top right-hand man then tells the interpreter to ask the mute, "Ask him where the money is?" The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf collector then signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."

The interpreter then turns to the top hood and says, "This guy says he doesn't even know what money you're talking about." So the mafioso then proceeds to pull out a .38 caliber Colt revolver and places it directly to the side of the mute's head, pressed to his ear and says, "NOW go and ask him again where that money is!"

So the interpreter signs, "Where's the money??"

The deaf collector nervously signs back, "The $50K is in a tree stump in Central Park directly to the right of the big fountain." The interpreter's eyes light up, and he says to the thug, "He says he still doesn't know what the fuck you're talking about, but fuck you anyway!.... He says he doesn't even think you got the balls to pull that trigger!

What's a Jewish woman's favorite wine?

I wanna go to Miaaami !

Now for a bit of a variation from the mafia themed jokes is this next one I think you'll enjoy. Lol, I know I did.

Q: What is the similarity between a Rubix Cube and a penis?


A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

The first Jewish president is elected.

On Inauguration day,his mother elbows the guy next to her in the side and says"Do you see that man,taking the Oath of Office'?

When the guy says yes,she leans over and whispers "his brother is a doctor"

Two old buddies named Vito and Giuseppe were chatting one day to catch up with each other's lives after not seeing one another for years. Vito stated that he and his wife Lucia just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary at a nice Italian restaurant up in the Bronx with family.

Giuseppe congratulated Vito. Giuseppe then stated to his old amico that he too just celebrated a 25th wedding anniversary. He then told of bringing his wife Joanna back to visit their old hometown in Trapani Province, Sicily.

Vito marveled at his friend willing to spend so much money for such an expensive voyage like that. Vito replied, "Thats wonderful Giuseppe. How thoughtful of you. What a great anniversary present!" Then Vito inquired, "what are you planning to do for your 50th wedding anniversary?"

Giuseppe stared at his friend and said, "I'm planning to go back there and pick her up!"

Whats the difference between a Rooster and a Hen?


The Rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"..... and the Hen say, "Any cock'll do!"

Question: When did you know a mob researcher didn't know shit about the mob?

Answer: He created a Thread called Gangster Giggles.

Hahahahaha

What are you..12?

Just proves whoever this account is ain't been around no mob guys in their life. They'd be chased for that lame ass joke.

I don't even think the guy has dined at an Italian restaurant. Mind you, this is a man who thinks it's okay for a street guy to talk to law enforcement about rats. The head of a real wiseguy would literally explode if they heard somebody around them say this.

I've never dined at Italian restaurant. But I've done 20 years and thousands of hours of research. It's about the work. This clown is a fraud. Pretty sure it's a She and not a he judging by how emotional they vet

I wouldn't be surprised if it's a she. That actually does make sense. I know liberals who aren't as sensitive as this fucking joke of a human

You really are a cheap ass.Two decades and 1,000s of hours of research -WOW- Have you ever met a real made guy or is that still one of your fantasies? lol

Friend of Henry is the biggest asskisser I've ever seen. ] I never claimed to know anybody in the mob like NY Mafia who claims they have many made members in their family you little bootlicking bitch. And secondly,
What do you know about the mob you little co-signing Parrot? You're Lisa's little bitch

Seeing how you're a self proclaimed mob research guru then you need to extend your research to the early pictures of the LaRocca family and maybe you'll see what I know about the Mob from my own experiences. You're just another one of those wannabes who lives his life vicariously through their research. Bootlicking, Lisa's bitch, that pretty much describes all your hopes and dreams. At the end of the day anything is better than to be an adversarial non contributing pain in the ass like you. Now buzz off little man!

Well spoken FOH. Bravo!

Wanna hear a joke? A guy that claims to have more Wiseguys in his family than you have hair on your head. A guy that claims to have more Wiseguy in his family than you can shake a stick at come up with a thread called "Gangster Giggles!" Bwahahaha hahahahahah! ROFL LMAO!!!!!!!!

A "Gangster Giggles" loyalists over here. Lol. You the Underboss of the Gigglesoni Family?

Here's a joke for you FOH, what's the difference between NYMafiaJam and NYMafiaJelly? NY Mafia can't Jelly their dick down your throat!

You truly are gonna get yourself permanently banned from this forum. No sooner do you return the very first day, you start insulting other posters again. WTF is wrong with you anyway Colonel? You have a serious mental issue.

Keep this behavior up and I'm sure the mods are gonna do just that. Ban you permanently!

I suggest you think about that the next time you have diarrhea of the mouth.

aww. You got more Wiseguys in your family than hairs on our head. More Wiseguys in your family we can shake a stick at. They tell you to Rat on a dumb redneck from Mississippi in a forum to get him banned for hurting your feelings? Ny "Giggles" Mafia

I suggest that you stop responding.

All due respect Mike. NY Mafia has more Wiseguys in his family than you can shake a stick at. You're nothing more than a wannabe according to his ego. I'm sure he'll put you on record if you ask

I agree with you mike68. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Just not even interact with this troll.

Thank you

Now back to our original thread people we're enjoying.
-----

Confucius says, "It take many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it up"

You and Confucius got something in common. Y'all don't know shit about the mob or Frankie Botts or Bobby Ross. Maybe you should join a Chinese proverbs forum or a lame jokes forum. It would suit you better. You're out of your league over here.

What's one of the the worst things you could do to a blind man?



Leave the plunger in the toilet.

But you just did! I'm just sayin'

It's over. The give and take only serves to fuel more baloney. So as I say, I see that over and over. It's now time to cease and desist from any interaction at all.

When you're right you're right.

You're outta here!

Colonel Reb was going too far for a long time, he seemed to have gone crazy. He seemed unhinged and obsessed. I used to like him, but he just became completely out of control.

'bout time'

Right….gooo bye

Two Mafia hitmen are walking deep in a forest in the middle of the night.

One of them says, "I gotta admit I'm scared out here"

The other replies, "You're scared....I gotta walk back alone"


From Gunner Alan Lindbloom. it’s in the community section of the channel from over a month ago.

I have a question for the forum.

Can atheists get insurance polices for "acts of God?"

Atheism is a "non-prophet" organization.

Lol. I like that one Lou. Very good

What else would you expect from a guy from the Burgh ;-)

Here they go again. I just read the G is starting up with all the Italian prejudice and mafia hysteria again by "labeling" guys. They're even allegedly doing it to Italian born pets, animals, and products as well. For instance, I just heard they pinched an Vito the Energizer Bunny...They charged him with battery.

Q: How does every Italian joke start?


A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: Did you hear about the gourmet Italian chef who died?

A: Yeah, he pasta way.

Q: How do you tell an Italian guy at a cock fight?

A: He's the one who bets his money on the duck....(and the duck wins)

I resemble that remark ! I happen to be reeking with culture.

"Here lies an Atheist. All dressed up and no place to go ! "

THAT'S hysterical... LOL

Very good my man!

AIDS or ALZHEIMER'S?

A guy said to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."

His friend replied, "It's simple. Drive her to the other end of town. If she finds her way back home, make sure you don't fuck her!"

Guy's car breaks down out in the sticks. He knocks at the first house he sees.
A 12 year old boy opens the door. He has a beer in one hand,a cigar in the other, and he's wearing fishnet stockings and high heels.
The guy asks "are your parents home?"
The kid replies " what the fuck do you think?"

A Italian from the City of Rome walks into a local bistro, holds up two fingers towards the bartender and says, "five, please"

Q: Why don't Italian people ever have freckles? ...

A: Because they slide right off.




PS: btw, I don't like this one. LOL.... only kidding guys. all in good fun

Q: Why don't Italians eat fleas??

A: Because they can't get their little legs spread apart.

How does an Italian get into a business?
Through the basement window.

Lol. I see you like your jokes. We're goin tit-for-tat over here. Good
---

Q: Do you know why Southern Italians and Sicilians are like magicians?

A: Because they'll sometimes make people disappear.

Did you hear about the Italian/Jewish gangster that had a nervous breakdown?
He didn't know whether to steal stuff or buy it wholesale.

Why do Italian men grow mustaches?
They want to look like their mothers.

Did you hear about the Italian who went to law school but couldn't pass the bar exam?
They questioned him for three hours,but he wouldn't tell them shit.

Here's one of my all time favorites.
--

Young Maria just got married and being the traditional Italian girl that she was, Maria was still a virgin. On their wedding night, the newlywed couple stayed at her mother's home. Maria was very nervous about her first big night with her new husband. But her mother assured her, saying, "don't worry Maria, Vito is a good and gentle man. Now go upstairs and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs Vito first took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria quickly ran down the stairs back to her mother, "mama, mama, Vito's got such a big hairy chest."

"Don't worry Maria," said her mother. "All good men have hairy chests. Go back upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got into the bedroom Vito took off his pants exposing his muscular hairy legs. Again, down she ran back to mama. "Mama, mama, Vito took off his pants and he's got such hairy legs."

"Don't worry about it Maria," exclaimed his mother, "All good men have hairy legs. Vito is a wonderful guy. A very good man. Now go back upstairs and let him take care of you as a husband should."

So although a bit hesitant, Maria ran upstairs again. When she returned into their bedroom Vito proceeded to remove his socks, and Maria quickly noticed that he was missing three toes on his left foot. When she saw this, Maria ran downstairs once more.

"Mama, mama, Vito's got a foot and a half"

When her mother heard this, she quickly took off her apron, put down her wooden spoon, and responded to her daughter, "You stay down here and keep stirring the pasta, this is a job for your mama!"

As it should be. Lol

Giuseppe, an Italian businessman who was on his deathbed called his good friend to his side and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me one thing. When I finally die you'll have my body cremated."

Luigi looked at his friend puzzled and replied, "And what do you want me to do with your ashes?"

Giuseppe replied, "Just pour them into an envelope and mail my remains to the IRS. You can write on the envelope, "Now you have everything!"

An Italian family was sitting around the dinner table one evening when the family patriarch turned to his oldest son and asked, "Vito, why are you so fucking fat?"

Vito replied, "Poppa, I can't help it. Momma's meatballs are so delicious that I can't stop eating them!"

Poppa then said, "Well maybe you should start taking smaller bites then."

Poppa then turned to his middle son and asked him the same question, "Anthony, why are you such a fat fuck like your brother Vito?"

Anthony quickly replied to his father, "I'm so sorry poppa but its momma's Lasagna. I can't stop eating it because its so friggin good!"

His poppa then quickly pointedly scolded him saying, "Maybe you should also take smaller bites then as well, huh Anthony??"

Then poppa turned to his youngest son and asked, "Fredo, how do you stay so very slim and trim?"

Fredo replied, "It's easy poppa, I just make sure to eat lots and lots of pussy daily.

Poppa frowned and said, "Pussy? Pussy tastes like a shit!

Fredo was quick to reply, "Poppa, then maybe YOU should start taking smaller bites!"

Q: Why did the mafioso cross the road?

A: ....Forgaddabouttit!

Vito and Giovanni.....

A Sicilian farmer named Vito went out and purchased a new strong young rooster for his farm named Giovanni. And as soon as he brought him back to the farm the young rooster started rushing around the yard screwing all 100 of the farmers young hens. The farmer was very impressed to say the least.

At lunchtime, young Giovanni pranced around and screwed all 100 hens once more! The Sicilian farmer is not just impressed any longer, he's actually worried now. Especially after the following morning when he saw the horny rooster start screwing all the turkeys, ducks, and he even tried mounting a cow.

Later that same day Vito gazed out into the barnyard and found "Giovanni the Rooster" all stretched out on his back, limp as a rag doll, his eyes closed, dead, with a band of vultures circling him up above in the sky.

Vito ran out and looked down at his young rooster's limp body and said, "You deserved it, you horny bastardo!"

Just then Giovanni slightly opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, "Shhhh!, they'd just about to come down and land."

Is it true that Vincent Gigante would make you an offer he couldn't remember ?

Without a doubt. (unless it had to do with money you owed him) Lol

Jeeeez...
On the Belt Pkwy by the Verrazano Bridge, New Yawkers don't pronounce their r's. The doity boids eat the doity woims off the doity coib on toity toid & toid.

Lol, so true

Did you hear about Meyer Lansky's nervous breakdown ? He saw a sign in a restaurant window that said "free ham".

I used to date a girl that was so dumb,she thought Cheerios were doughnut seeds.

She thought Moby Dick is a sexually transmitted disease.

She thought LBJ is Spanish for oral sex.

Her nickname was "pinata" because you had to be blindfolded to hit it.

Her sister's nickname was "Titanic" because over a thousand men went down on her.

Q: What's an innuendo?

A: An Italian suppository.

I thought her sister's nickname was"Doorknob" because evrryone got a turn :-)

HEAVEN & HELL....

HEAVEN is where:

The police are British
The chefs are Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
and its all organized by the Swiss

HELL is where:

The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
and its all organized by the Italians (unless of course its "organized" crime)

I dated a girl who was really nice,but never stopped talking.
I nicknamed her "parole" because she never let anyone finish a sentence.

What's a bigamist?
A fog in Italy.

What do you call dirty Italian poetry?
Vice-a versa.

LOL, I like that

You, me, and FOH (and CNote) seem to be the only ones around here with a funny-bone. What's that all about guys? Lol

Nobody else has a joke to tell? Or nobody has a sense of humor?

Here’s one....since you have now declared yourself the master of ceremonies when it comes to jokes and everyone on this boards sense of humor

NYMAFIA and his “girlfriend” are about to have sex but she stops him


Then he says “why don’t you love me”


She says “ I don’t know if I love u , I just met you”


Then she says “But it’s 730am and I have class in 30mins and I don’t wanna miss my first day of high school”


Hahahahha .....don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’m just breaking balls and making jokes, original jokes not ones stolen from Gunner Lindbloom one day after he posts them...

A Chinese couple is in bed asleep.
The husband elbows the wife in her side and when she wakes up he says "I want 69"
The wife replies "it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you want beef and broccoli ?"

Lol. Gotta say pal, you're giving me a run for my money. Lol. Thats was a cute one.

That's hilarious :-) :-) :-)

Definitely!

You just can’t stop insulting people can you NYMAFIA...

The Seven Deadly Sins, Louienochi. "The Seven deadly sins!" You seem to have nearly every one of them down pat, don't you little man? Especially Envy and Jealousy, uncontrolled Anger, Lusting after what others have and you obviously do not, and Sloth. During this holy month I strongly suggest you go to a church or a synagogue and atone for these sins of yours (and others I'm pretty certain you're guilty of as well). It might just make a man and a gentleman out of you. Or a lady out of you. Whatever the case may be!

Are you Jimmy Swaggart now? I feel like any minute you're gonna start posting bible verses. Please take your meds today

Looks as though my Gangster Giggles has made the little puttana's ass wiggle! LOL

Now your referring to men as Putanas and that your making they’re “ass wiggle”. You really are a sick fuck, god knows what your about behind closed doors but I think I have an idea....
And hahaha “your gangster giggles” is that what you call reposting Gunner Lindblooms jokes??

Q: Just as a Tsunami was about to hit the beach where they were standing with their backs to the water, what did the photographer say to his photography clients just before he snapped their picture?

A: Wave!

Question: What are we Italian New Yorkers referring to when we call somebody "a DD"

Answer: "A Disappointed Dunsky"

I bet some of you thought I was gonna say, "Attention Deficit Disorder" huh? Lol
-


A "DD" .... I love that phrase! I really do. For me it conjures up in my mind every jerk-off and loser I've ever run into. Gotta love these little NYC quips and street phrases no? I know I do.

Buona Notte Gentlemen. Tomorrow is another day at the ranch as they say. And I gotta get my beauty rest.

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a lane.
One says ‘I don’t think I’ve come this way before’
The other replies- ‘that will be the cobblestones’

A guy ran a stop sign and hit the side of my car.
We both get out of our vehicles and I see that he's a dwarf.
He has an attitude and says "I'm not happy", to which I reply "Oh,which one are ya?"

Good one !!

Very cute. She hasn't "cum" that way before? Lol

This is a very cute joke also. Bravo

A little humor for you on this blistery cold Christmas Eve morning.
-

Q: Why did Eve wanna leave "The Garden of Eden?"

A: Because she fell for The Big Apple!
--

Q: Why do people from India love New York City?

A: Because there's a Delhi on nearly every corner!
--

Q: Whats the only thing that grows in Harlem?

A: The crime rate!

Q: What is New York State's mascot?

A: The New Yorkie

Drum roll please......

And now for the first Christmas Eve morning joke of the day!
-
Q: What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?

A: A rebel without a Claus.

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all enjoy the day. I know I will. Christmas is my all-time favorite holiday of the year.

Nothing but Christmas jokes today and tomorrow ok team. Here's one for ya...


Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?

A: Because the presents directly beneath them?

Here's one I found extremely funny.

Q: Why is Santa always so jolly?

A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

If Jesus was born in Italy instead of Bethlehem:

In Bethlehem,Joseph and Mary were told there was no room at the Inn.
In Italy,Giuseppe would have told Maria,"I got a guy at this place,I'll go talk to him"

In Bethlehem, 3 wise men brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
In Italy, 3 wise guys would've handed over envelopes stuffed with cash

In Bethlehem, Jesus was entertained by a poor little drummer boy.
In Italy, a comedian would've opened up for a singer.

Funny shit Lou. Real funny (and so true) LOL

Thanks.I actually wrote that one myself.

True story;


Stevie Beef Cannone, before he became consiglieri, ran a tough crew. He was asked by a certain restaurateur for help in a matter concerning the board of health. Phone calls were made, the right people contacted and the problem went away. Around Christmas time, one of Stevie's guys presented him with an unopened envelope from the restaurateur.

He immediately opened it and found a christmas card and inside the card a wad of cash totaling 2k. Being in the Christmas spirit, he gave half the money to the messenger and pocketed the other half. The messenger said, "Stevie, what about TD, he did alot of running around for us on this thing?"

Stevie immediately reached in his pocket and took out the empty christmas card..."Here, give'm da card".

Thats true? Thats funny shit! In other words. Fuck em!

Q: What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?

A: A lost Claus

A bit more Christmas humor for you on Christmas night.....

Q: Why did Santa Claus go to the psychiatrist?

A: He no longer believed in himself
---
One more for good measure....

Q: What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?

A: It's Christmas, Eve!
--
Hope all of you had a very Merry Christmas. My family and I just got done a few hours ago after a big day of celebration. It was a wonderful Xmas!

Hahahaha that’s a reminder for wiseguys to mind they’re own business when it comes to a captain and what he does w his fucking money...take the taste and shut the fuck up...funny bro

LOL
--
One more Christmas giggle...

Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?

A: You do all the hard work behind the scenes and the fat guy with the suit takes all the credit.

FIRST DAY AT HARVARD UNIVERSITY....

As Mulberry Street's Angelo Parisi carried his suitcase off his flight from New York's LaGuardia Airport, he was thrilled knowing that he was the first member of his family ever accepted to Harvard University.

On his first day at the campus he walked around marveling at all the beautiful buildings at Harvard. He decided to check out their library.

He spotted an upperclassman sitting on a bench, so Angelo approached him and asked, "Hey pal, could ya tell me where the liberry is zat?"

The upperclassman then stated, "Here at Harvard we never end sentences with a preposition. Would you care to rephrase that question properly?"

Angelo looked at him and scowled. Raising an eyebrow he then said to him, "Ok my man, for you, no problem whatsoever," ...."Hey jerk off, tell me where the fuckin liberry is before I give you a swift kick in the ass!"

An Englishman, an Irishman, and an Italian are taken prisoners of war. They hogtie the Englishman, whip him and beat him senseless for 2 hours before he tells all he knows. Then they take the Irishman, they hogtie and beat him for 4 hours before he tells all he knows.


Finally, they take the Italian, hogtie and beat him senseless. The other two men could hear him crying out in pain for nearly ten hours but his captors couldnt get him to tell anything so they let him go.

When the three men regrouped outside, the Englishman took a sip of whisky from his flask and put a shaking hand on the Italian's shoulder and asked him "How'd you go so long and not say anything?"

To which the Italian replied "How could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?"

Lol. Thats funny!

One more;

Old man Luigi was 80. He was sitting on a park bench when his friend, 87 year old Salvatore comes jogging by. He says "I just finished running 5 miles, Luigi, and look Im not even out of breath!".

"Wow, says Luigi. Tell Me Salvatore, what is your secret?"

Salvatore says "I eat a loaf of Italian bread everyday. It gives me all the energy I need all day, and enough to take care of my girlfriends at night!"

Impressed, Luigi makes his way to the corner bakery. He asks the girl behind the counter "Do you have any Italian bread"?

"Of course, how much do you want?"

He says "Give me 5 loafs"

"5 loaves?" She said. "Luigi, you live alone if you get 5 loafs it will get hard as a rock"

"Madonne mia", he says "Was I the only one who didnt know about this Italian bread ?"

Now THAT'S fucking funny! Excellent Mamaluke. I friggin busted out laughing with that one.

I don't if this next one can even get close to what you posted up before Mamaluke, but here goes nothing!
-
Three men wanted to make a phone call from down in Hell to remind their relatives to be good, warning them of Hell's harsh conditions.

Their nationalities were American, Italian, and Ethiopian. So they decided to go ask permission of Lucifer the Devil who was the big boss.

Lucifer allowed the American to place his call but the Devil charged him $100 dollars.
Then the Italian stepped up to make his call and the Devil made him pay 50 Euros because of the fact that Italy was a bit less developed than the USA.
Next in line, the Ethiopian was allowed to made his call but the Devil only made him pay 1 single penny.

Upon seeing this, both the American and the Italian starting complaining to the Devil that it wasn't fair to charge them so much more. They wanted to know why the Ethiopian paid so much less.

Lucifer quickly responded, "The Ethiopian had only placed a local call, whereas both of your calls were International."

Hahhaa! Nice one.

One more;

So an Italian immigrant is looking for a job and he comes across a 'help wanted' sign outside of a warehouse. He gets an interview with the foreman which goes well, then the foreman says 'OK I cant hire you until you pass a little math test'. Italian guy says 'OK'.

"First question; without using numbers, represent the number 9";

Italian guy thinks for a second then says "OK thatsa easy". He takes a pencil and paper and draws a tree, then two more next to it.

The foreman says "How does that represent the number 9"

"Thatsa so simple dont you gotta no brains? Theres a tree, and another tree, and another tree, thatsa equal 9'

Foreman says ok fair enough. Next question, using the same rules, represent the number 99.

This time the Italian guy thinks for awhile, then he takes the paper, licks his thumb and smudges the trees. "There" he says

Foreman says, how does that make 99?

Italian guy says ''look. now you gotta dirty tree, and another dirty tree, and another...thata equal 99"

Foreman says 'OK then, lets see you represent the number 100!'

Italian guy thinks a little bit, then he draws a little spot under each tree. "THERE" he says "ONE-A HUNDRED!"

'Now how is THAT a hundred??', asks the exasperated foreman

"It's-a so simple' he says ' a little dog came by and made a poop under each tree. Now you gotta dirty tree and a turd, and another dirty tree and a turd, and a one more makes a 100....when do I start?'

Hey Bo, that was another very good one. I see that with you I got a real run for my money, huh? LOL

Ok, so now I gotta roll up my sleeves and pull another joke out of my socks.....I'm thinkin! I'm thinkin!

But not just any joke because I see that you know your business. LOL

Here goes brother...
--
An old Italian man who lived alone in New Jersey wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was extremely difficult work because the ground was so hard.

His only son Vincent who used to help him each year was unavailable because he was behind bars serving a prison term. The old man wrote his son a letter explaining his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty sad because without you by my side it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomatoes this year. I'm just getting way to old to be digging up the garden anymore. I know if you were still here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the garden plot for me. All my love, Papa

A few days later he received this letter back from his son.

Dear Pop, whatever you do don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinny.

At 6am the very next morning, teams of FBI agents and forensic experts and local police raided the old man's home with a search warrant. They spent the day digging up the entire garden without finding any bodies. Afterwards they apologized profusely to the old man for their mistake and left the premises. Later that same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop, you can go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

All my love, your son Vinny.

LOL. thats a great one Im going to remember that one!

An Italian gondolier man is rowing along on the canal and singing 'O sole mio ..' in a very beautiful voice. God looks down and says 'what a wonderful creation when I made the Italians! Look how they sing in their love of life!'

Just then, the devil , listening to God said 'eh, its just because you gave him a big brain. If you took away his brain he wouldnt be so happy'.

God said 'sure he would! Its not his brain its his heart. Look I'll take away half his brain...'

So *poof* half the Italians brain was gone but he kept trying to sing "O Sole...O sole.." He couldnt finish but he kept trying.

"See?" said God. "Even with half his brain he still sings!"

But the devil was stubborn. "He still has too much brains, thats why he sings" God said "Oh yeah Ill take away 3/4ths of his brain!"

*Poof* 3/4 of the poor Italian's brain was gone. But still he sang "Oh....OOOOH" He could only remember that one line but he still kept trying to sing.

God, smiling in triumph, said "there! now you see? Even with 3/4 of his brain missing he still sings"

The devil shrugged and said "I'll bet its still his brain" God responded by taking ALL of the poor man's brain away. Now with no brain, both God and the devil listened and heard a high, clear voice sing;

"Ooooh...... Danny-boy the pipes the pipes are caaallling!"

LOL, Madonna, tit-for-tat. I see that with you I got a long-distance runner on my hands, no sprinter.

Ok, I guess I gotta try and up my game a bit. Lol

PS: BTW, that was another good one.

An Italian guy named Vito walks into an Irish Pub and sees a sign posted just inside the entrance vestibule that reads;

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. $5
Ham and Cheese Sandwiches $15
Hand-Jobs $30

So he approaches the bar, behind which are several gorgeous looking girls serving drinks to a group of starry-eyed drooling men.

The Italian asks one of these knockouts is she's one of the girls who gives the hand-jobs for $30 apiece.

With a sly, demure twinkle in her eye, she purrs yes.

Vito turns to her and says fine, then do me a favor and go wash your hands good with hot soap and water because I want the Grilled Cheese sandwich!

Just before it struck midnight in Midtown last night I raised my left leg as the ball was dropping in Times Square so I could start the New Year off on the right foot.

Thats was a great one, lol. Im out of ammo. Well done, sir.

Take a little breather ML, but I just know you got a few more up your sleeve from where those other jokes came from. LOL

In the meantime, here's another one for those forum members who like it quick and a bit risqué;
-
Q: What can a girl put behind her ears to make her look sexier?

A: Her knees!

One more......

Q: Why is a push-up bra like a bag of potato chips?

A: You open it up and its half empty!

Haha

And now we gotta switch it up to a few "Yo Mama" chuckles;
--

Yo mama so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory because she kept throwing away all the W's.

Yo mama so stupid she put a food stamp on her telephone bill and tried to mail it.

Frankie and Petey receive "Holy Communion"....
--
Like the good Catholic boys that they were, Frankie and Petey walked down to Saint Michael's RC Church in their neighborhood to confess their sins and receive penance. After waiting their turn in line, Frankie went into the confessional booth to speak with the parish priest, Father Santoro.

Frankie started with...."Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been several months since my last confession." Father Santoro then encouraged him on saying, "Go ahead young man and tell me your sins."

"Well, all in all father I've been pretty good except that I have been having sex almost daily with this local neighborhood girl that's so hot I just can't help myself. I know thats it's wrong of me to do this and act on my impulses but she's so beautiful I can't resist her."

Father Santoro then asks, "I'm glad that you understand the severity of your actions. Now tell me, who is this girl? Whats her name?

Being the stand up kid that he was, Frankie quickly responds, "I'm sorry Father but I can't tell you that." So Father Santoro presses on, "Is it Mary Romano?"

Frankie responds in kind, "Please Father don't ask me to reveal her name. I don't wanna ruin her reputation."

With his interest now piqued Father Santoro asks, "Is is Lucia Russo?"

Frankie says again, "Please Father I respect the church and I have great respect for you as well, but I will never tell you that!"

Father Santoro then asks, "Is it Anna Lombardi?"

Frankie then says, "Father please stop. I'm never gonna tell you her name no matter how many times you ask me to."

Father Santoro takes one more shot at it, "My son, is her name Camille Palazzolo?"

But Little Frankie holds fast and says to the priest, "Please Father, enough already. Please don't ask again."

So Father Santoro finally relents and tells the boy, "Well. I will say one thing for you. You're a real stand up kid and I admire that. But you need to pay for your sins. Now go and pray ten "Our Fathers" and ten "Hail Mary's." Furthermore you are prohibited from attending Catechism for the entire next week That is your penance!"
-
Frankie opens the confessional door and walks back to his buddy Petey who's kneeling in the pews waiting for him. Petey slides over and asks him, "so what'd get?"

Little Frankie slyly responds, "One week's vacation and four good leads!"

The teacher asks Johnny how many days of the week start with the letter T.

Johnny quickly responds four: Tuesday, Thursday, Today and Tomorrow :-)

Polish guy wants nothing more in his life than to be Italian. One day he goes out and buys an Armani suit, a pinky ring, gold chain with a horn, puts on a fedora hat and walks into the store; in his best New York Italian accent he says 'Yo, gimme some prosciutto, half a pound of Mozzarella cheese, and some gabagool"

The guy behind the counter looks up at him and says "What are you a pollock?"

He says "How the hell did you know that??"

"This is a hardware store"

Thats another cute one ML. (see? and you thought you were out of ammo). lol

Johnny is correct of course! Lol

Hahaha great joke

Here's another little joke thats a bit different from my usual schtick that certain forum members may also enjoy. Its one of those old-styled rhymes...and it goes something like this;
-

Roses are red
Your face is too.
Because you're a Baboons ass and surely belong in a zoo.
But don't you worry cause we'll be there too.
Not in a cage, but looking inside it while we all laugh at you!


PS: I know it was somewhat different from my usual style but I hope you guys enjoyed that one nonetheless.

Here's another little gem...
-
A man was laying on a beach wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch, when a woman passing by snidely remarked to him, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady."

The man quickly replied, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

Here's an ethnic joke for ya (but don't worry fellas, because we're equal opportunity jokesters who make fun everyone)
-
"The Polish Fisherman"...
-
One day an Italian guy and a Polish guy were fishing on opposite sides of the same river, but the Italian guy was catching all the fish.

Eventually the Polish guy asked the Italian, "How the heck can I get to the other side by you?"

So the Italian says to him with a slight smirk, "I'll just turn on my flashlight and you can walk across the beam."

The Polish guy says, "Nice try pal...But just because I'm Polish doesn't mean that I'll fall for that. I'll get halfway across and you'll turn it off."

Since your onto racial jokes(that don’t belong in the OC Forum) going back and forth with yourself..

Did you hear the one about 20 years ago when NYMAFIA was a priest and they had to perform a reverse exorcism on a 10 year old boy ???

You forgot the "Jeff" part

That’s true thanks Jeffrey

Two polish guys decide to rent a boat and go fishing. They pay the rental fee and drive off in one of the boats. They are boating around trying to catch fish but are having no luck. Finally, they find this little spot where the fish are biting. They catch alot of fish and decide they have to head back before it gets too dark. The one guy says to the other;

"We should come back here tomorrow and catch more fish", "sure" says the other "but how will we find the place again?"

"I know, we'll draw an x on the bottom of the boat to mark the spot!" he says. "Are you stupid?" says the other "How do you know we'll get the same boat next time?"

I feel like I'm in Groundhog Day, only it's in the Borscht Belt and Shecky Greene appears continuously everyday and keeps saying. "I'll be here all week.", "I'll be here all week.", "I'll be here all week."

Dice Clay is the ultimate Mob comedian.
"Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two fifty, Ohhhh!!!

I'm loving these jokes. Helps keep the day lite and puts a smile on peoples faces (most people anyway). Lol. So keep em coming guys!

A blonde was asked if she knew the capital of Nevada. She replied "N"

How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.

There was a power outage at the Mall.
Three blondes were stuck on the escalator for two hours.

A blonde bought an AM radio.
Two weeks later,she found out she could play it at night.

What's the definition of Artificial Intelligence?
A blonde that dyes her hair brown.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
Spot.

A blonde goes to her Doctor and tells him that everywhere she touches herself,it hurts.
The Doctor replies "Miss,you have a broken finger"

A blonde kept empty beer bottles in her fridge.
She said that they were for her friends that don't drink.

-
These are cute LP. I especially liked the ones abut the car door after sex, the escalator, and the AM radio. Lol

Did you hear about the three blondes they found frozen at the drivethru theater? They went to see "Closed For the Winter".

I see we've morphed into Blond jokes. Lol. So be it.
--
A businessman gets on an elevator and spots a big chested blond already inside. She smiles at him and says, "T G I F"

He smiled back and said, "S H I T"

She looked at him a bit puzzled and then repeated, T G I F

Acknowledging her remark, he then related, S H I T

The blond was only trying to be friendly so she flashed her biggest smile while propping out her ample chest and again sweetly saying, T G I F

The man smiled back, while stating once again with a quizzical expression while ogling her twin assets, S H I T

The blond finally decided to explain things this time around as she said, T G I F, means T-hank G-oodness I-t's F-riday. Get it? TGIF

The man answered her, explaining, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday." SHIT

HEAVEN & HELL.....
-
HEAVEN is where:

The police are British
The chefs are Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
...and its all organized by the Swiss

HELL is where:

The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
...and its all organized by the Italian (unless its run by the Mafia of course, Lol)

A man walks into a sex shop and asks to buy a sex doll.
So the salesman asks him, "normal or Muslim?"
The man replies, "what's the difference?"
The salesman says, "the Muslim one blows itself up"

Just remembered a couple of jokes I heard some time ago:

1)

Representatives of different nationalities meet in a restaurant. Each one ordered a glass of wine, but when it was delivered, each found a fly in their glass.

The Swede asked for a new wine in the same glass.
The Englishman asked for a new wine in a new glass.
The Finn took the fly out and drank the wine.
The Russian drank the wine with the fly.
The Chinese took the fly out, ate it, but didn’t drink the wine.
The Jew took the fly out and sold it to the Chinese.
The Gypsy drank 2/3 of the wine and then asked to replace it.
The Norwegian took the fly and went fishing while using it as bait.
The Irishman chopped the fly to pieces inside the glass and sent it to the Englishman.
The American sued the restaurant and demanded 65 millions of dollars as moral compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted: “Now you fucking spit out everything you drank!”
The Cuban shouted that this was all result of machinations by social democrats; stabbed the waiter, said that he didn’t want the wine because it’s a drink for women, and asked where was the vodka he ordered long ago.




2)

The results of a recent FAO-commissioned survey of governments around the world have been published
The question was: “Tell us honestly what your opinion is about food shortages in the rest of the world”

The Europeans didn’t understand what “shortage” meant.
The Africans didn’t understand what “food” meant.
The Americans didn’t understand what “the rest of the world” meant.
The Chinese asked for more clarification on the meaning of “opinion”.
The Italian government is still debating about the meaning of the word “honestly”.

LOL, Two very cute jokes Dwalin

Since we're getting bombarded with heavy snow in NYC (much more than weathermen predicted as usual, lol) and it looks like we're mostly gonna be stuck indoors today, and much of the rest of the country is getting slammed also, I figure I'll post up a few more jokes throughout the day to lighten up everyone's mood and make ya smile a bit....so "here goes nuttin" as they say in Brooklyn. Lol
-
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!

A plane crashes in the jungle and the only survivor is Vinnie from Brooklyn,who is captured by a native tribe.

The chief pulls out a knife and says "We're going to kill you and use your skin to make a canoe.

Vinnie quickly grabs the knife and begins stabbing himself all over.

The chief says "what are you doing?"

Vinnie replies "Fuck your canoe !"

Just two southern boys...
-
Big Bubba and Billy Ray are from down in Arkansas but they're visiting The Big Apple to see a relative of theirs serving time in Rikers Island City Prison. While walking along Canal Street in Downtown Manhattan they see a sign that reads, suits $12 each, shirts $3.00 each, and trousers $3.50 per pair. Bubba says to his pal, "Wow Billy Ray, look! We could buy us a whole lot of those and when we get back to Arkansas we could sell em. I betcha we could fetch us a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be all quiet and all ya here? Just let me do all the fancy talkin cause if they hear our southern accent they might not wanna sell ta us. I'll go ahead and speak in my best New Yorkese accent."

So they go in and Big Bubba quickly orders 50 suits at $12.00 each, 100 shirts at $3.00 each, and tells the shop keeper to also throw in 50 pairs of trousers at $3.50 apiece. Tellin him, "I'll go and back up my pickup truck and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts Big Bubba before he could even finish what he was saying as asks Big Bubba, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?"

"Why yes," says an astonished Big Bubba. "how'd come to know that?"

The owner looks him dead in the eyes and then says, "because this is a dry-cleaners!"

And now to show that I'm an equal opportunity ball buster, an Italian joke!
-

Q: It Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?

A: The least hairy of the three!

Cute joke, but I see I gotta watch you more closely LP because I had that joke structured differently but it was essentially the same and was gonna post it up for everyones enjoyment down the pike a bit. But you beat me to the punch. Lol (Good for you pal. Gotta say that I'm really enjoying all these jokes everyone is contributing to this thread). I think that most everyone else on GBB is enjoying our ongoing "levity" fest as well because I see we've already gotten over 5400 views to this thread (and counting). Glad its been so well received by other members. I guess most of the posters on this forum could use a bit of lite hearted diversion and welcome a laugh or two. It's a refreshing change of pace from some of the more, shall I say, darker negative threads posted up here lately. Lol.

A JEWISH ENGAGEMENT...
-

Some years back Ruth and Ida were chatting one day when Ruth mentions, "My son is getting married. He just got engaged to a wonderful girl. She's not Jewish but she's a sweetheart. The only thing is he thinks she may have a disease called Herpes.

Ida says, "Oh my goodness, do you have any idea what this Herpes is, or if he can catch it? Is it transmittable?"

Ruth replies, "No, but I'm just so thrilled to hear about Irving's engagement. It was high time he settled down. As far as the Herpes goes...who knows?"

So Ida says, "Well, I have a very good medical dictionary book at home. I'll look it up and give you a call later ok?"

So Ruth heads home, looks up the word, and then called Ida back.

"Ida baby, I found it. Not to worry! It says Herpes is a disease that only affects the gentiles."

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Iranian?

A: Oil of Ole'

Q: What do you call a Redneck who accidentally lites himself all a flame?

A: A Fire Cracker!

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic,an insomniac,and an agnostic?
Someone who stays awake all night wondering whether or not there's a dog.

Q: Why didn't Basher Al-Assad like to go out drinking?

A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

Anyone mentioned the never-ending (un) funny comments regarding

1) shineboxes

2) making of a varsity athlete

3) 2 black guys done it

In every youtube sopranos/ Mafia video

Did you hear about the new $3-million dollar Vietnamese National Lottery?

The winner get $3 dollars a year for a million years.

On that- the new best selling Vietnamese cook book: 101 ways to wok your dog

U guys r sick...xept 4 the 1 or 2 blonde jokes...they were funny.

A pirate walks into the Emergency Room with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly and tells the Nurse "Aaargh ,it"s drivin' me nuts"

JUMPING FROM AIRPLANES...

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across the country on a small plane when the pilot comes on over the loud speaker and says, "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the cockpit door and jump from the plane so at least one of you will survive.

The four hesitantly open the door and look down below...
The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers, "God Save The Queen" and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers, "Viva La France" and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers, "Remember The Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

A hopeful young Catholic Italian girl knelt down before a statue of the Madonna and prayed, saying, "You who have conceived without sin, please let me sin without conceiving!"

Short and sweet.....
-
Q: What do you call a moron in a tree with a brief case?

A: A Branch Manager

....Here's one more for the Gipper....
-
Q: Whats the difference between your wife and your girlfriend?

A: About 60 pounds and 30 years!

And now for a little change up....
-
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone. But when she bent over, Rover took over, and the bitch got a bone of her own!

Three pregnant women (a brunette, redhead, and a blond) were sitting in a lounge chatting. The brunette says, "I know what I'm gonna have. I was on top when we did it so it'll definitely be a boy."

The redhead says, "By your logic then I will definitely have a girl because I was on the bottom missionary style when we did it."

The blonde starts crying and orders another shot screaming, "Puppies! Puppies!"

What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?

A slut is a girl who will screw anybody.
A bitch is a girl who will screw anybody but you.

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 4 drinks.

A woman is rushed to the delivery room of the local hospital.
When the baby comes out.the Doctor says "Miss,your baby is black,and has blonde hair and slanted eyes".
The mother replies"about 9 months ago, I was so broke I was living on the street. I got offered a lot of money to shoot a porn movie.
I had scenes with a Black man,a Chinese man,and a Swedish man.
When the Doctor slaps the baby on the butt and he starts to cry,the mother shouts out "Thank God!!"
The Doctor says"That's right,just be happy that the baby is healthy"
The mother replies' you don't understand. I was afraid he was going to bark".

very cute

Q: What did the Russian bride get from her new husband on her wedding day that was really long and hard?

A: A new last name!

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbitt?
You gonna eat that ?

What did Dahmer sing when he opened the fridge?
"My baloney has a first name..."

What did Ron Goldman say to Nicole Simpson when he met her in Heaven?
Here's your fucking glasses !!!!

Two men burglarized a pharmacy and stole all the Viagra. The police immediately put out an alert to be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.

Wednesday's Joke of The Day!
-
Q: What's the difference between a man arguing with his wife and a man with a lottery ticket?

A: The man with a lottery ticket actually has a chance to win!
-
One more joke while I'm at it....
-
Q: What does a nymphomaniac blonde and and an" instant win" lottery ticket have in common?

A: Simply scratch the box to win and be happy!

Please, make it stop.

Here's a "Karnak" joke (you get the answer, you guess the question):

The answer is: "Add three zeroes."
The question is: What happens to a movie's budget when Francis Coppola directs it?

Let me put out some decent jokes, here.
" I tell you I get no respect,
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it."

"I tell you I get no respect,
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb."

Dangerfield was one of my all time favorites. He was a very funny bastard. I used to see him at his midtown Manhattan comedy club, Dangerfield's, years back. We drank with him on several occasions too. He could booze up pretty good when he wanted to.

That's exactly right, I remember Dangerfield's being right on 2nd Ave as you came off the Queensborough Bridge into Manhattan from Queens. When I started drinking it wasn't legally and was down on The Bowery at CBGB's or the Mudd Club in Tribeca.

Yep, if my memory serves me correctly, you walked in through the front right side of the place and there was a large wraparound bar running along maybe half the length of the joint on the left. It ran in front of the floor to ceiling front windows all the way to black curtains that separated the lounge from the actual comedy stage and tables in the back where patrons would sit and watch the comedians. If you walked in and went straight ahead you'd directly access that back room with the comedy shows.

The few times I frequented the joint we would sit up front on stools between that front window and the bar drinking. When Rodney would finish a show he'd change into a bathroom and slippers and come sit on a stool upfront with his balls half hanging out where he'd get boozed up and ogle and chat up the women patrons. He could be very crude in real life as well and was a bit of a perv to boot, Lol. What I can tell ya is that whenever wiseguys or knock around guys would come into the place (which they did on occasion), he'd glad-hand them to be respectful and buy a round of drinks, but then he'd usually try and quickly duck into his back dressing room to try and avoid any further contact with them. Lol.

But Dangerfield's was a very popular destination point for many years.

Throughout history vampires have been generally known to revel in their uncanny abilities and dark persona...except Italian vampires that is, who are all understandably heartbroken. And who the heck could blame em??

Imagine asking an Italian, any Italian - vampire or not, to stay away from fresh garlic gloves?

Another little quip to make ya smile!
---

An Italian guy named Joey goes to see Dr. Bacigalupo, who was the family physician, but also a personal fried of his. Once called into the doctor's examination room Joey asks the doc straight out, "Hey Dr. Bacigalupo, do you think you can prescribe a sleeping pill for my mother-in-law?"

The doctor responds, "Perche'? Is your mother-in-law suffering from insomnia?"

Joey responds, "No, my mother-in-law sleeps very well at night, the sleeping pills are for the daytime!"

OK I just found this one [ thought it was hilarious ];

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"..

.

That actually made me laugh. Good one.

What does a lawyer and a sperm cell have in common?
They both have a 150,000,000 to 1 chance of becoming a human being.

St Peter notices that the Pearly Gates are showing a lot of wear and tear,so he decides to get some bids to spruce them up.

The 1st bidder is an iron worker,who quotes 1,000 bucks to replace the hinges and some bars,and shine the whole thing up.

The 2nd bidder is an electrician who bids 5,000 bucks to install a remote control opener, and trim the gates in neon.

The 3rd bidder is an Italian contractor who bids 21,000 to do some very minor cosmetic work.

St Peter asks "why such a huge amount for some very basic work"?

The contractor looks both ways,drops his voice to a whisper and replies "10 grand for me,10 grand for you,and a thousand for the iron worker.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick!
--
Here's a little survey taken in Italy by the Italian National Health Department to try and determine why men get up out of bed in the night. Here are the results...

10% to raid the refrigerator to grab a late night snack

15% to go take a pee

75% to go home!
---
Happy Saturday people!.... enjoy your day.

. That’s funny and true lol. Happy Saturday NYMafia

Hungry blonde has a fully stacked chest but an awfully hollow head...
-
A hot, but snooty blonde walks into a Brooklyn pizzeria and orders a pie while not even looking at the counterman.

Ogling her big tits with his eyes popping out of his head, the Italian kid behind the counter try's to flirt with her and then asks, "Signora, should I cut it in four or eight slices for you?"

The blonde arrogantly replies, "In four of course! How could I possible eat eight slices?"

How about this one

Go figure, I got 20 hits under my belt, and you're the one he's scared of.

Or something like that lol

BRING ME BACK A NICE ITALIAN GIRL, HUH?....
-
A man is dropping his wife off at the airport where she's going on a business trip for a week to Italy.

Before saying his goodbyes, he quips, "Now be sure to bring me back a nice really young Italian girl, ok honey?"

A week later he's back at the airport to pick up his wife from her return trip from Italy.

After kissing her hello, he says, "So, did you get me that nice young Italian girl I asked for?"

To which his wife responds, Well I tried my best honey, but we're gonna have to wait about nine months to find out if it's a girl or not!"

Wow! What a crew. What, nobody laughs around here? LOL. Here's another one I liked....thought maybe some of you would find it funny too.
--
THE INVENTION OF SEX....
-
A Greek and an Italian were chatting over drinks one afternoon and started debating about who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian answers back, "We have the Colosseum"
The Greeks says, "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian retorts, "We had the Roman Empire," an so on and so on it went....
Then the Greek comes back with, "We invented sex"
The Italian quickly answers, "That is true, but it was we Italians who introduced it to women!"

DID YOU KNOW THAT Jesus Christ WAS ITALIAN?
-
He lived with his mother for 33 years, he thought she was a virgin, and she thought he was the son of God!

Jewish kid goes to his father; "Hey Dad, can I borrow 50 bucks?" Father says "40 bucks? What the hell do you need 30 bucks for?"

Ya know, not all Italians are in the so-called Mafia.

Some are in the Witness Protection Program too!

Q: What do you call an Italian with a broken arm?

A: Speech impaired

How much dessert would a dieting Jedi consume at an Italian restaurant?

...Only One Cannoli

You're on a roll

LOL, you could say that. (I got a few more up my sleeve for you later). Lol

Did you hear about he Jewish child molester?
"Hey kid,you wanna buy some candy?"

At the Last Supper, Jesus points to Peter and says "You will deny me 3 times"
He then points to Judas and says "You will betray me for 30 pieces of silver"
He then yells to the waiter "separate checks !!!"

One for the Catholics:
Jesus wants to make a toast at the Last Supper,but he's had a little too much wine and is weaving and slurring his words.
Finally,after his 2nd or 3rd attempt,Peter says "Sit down Jesus you're embarrassing yourself"
Jesus grabs a piece of bread,throws it at Peter,and says"Aw eat me"

10 year old Vito is on a park bench with a bag full of candy bars,eating one after another.

An older man sitting next to him says"kid,it ain't good to eat candy like that, you're teeth are gonna rot,you'll get acne,and get sick with diabetes".

Vito says,"well my grandfather lived to be 101 years old"

The guy asks"did he eat lots of candy?".

Vito replies "no,he minded his own fuckin' business !"

LOL. Now THAT was fucking funny!

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DEAF PERSON AND AN ITALIAN?
-
One talks with their hands and makes odd noises at random pitches...and the other can't hear.
----



One more for the Gipper...
-
Q; Why did the Italian wiseguy actually request to be handcuffed to his bed?
-
A; So he wouldn't talk in his sleep.

Q: If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread. What do you call Southern Bread?


A: Inbred?

Did you hear the one about the man who was half Polish and half Italian??

Yeah, he made himself an offer he couldn't understand!

A veterinarian friend of mine opened up a taxidermy business next door to his practice.
No matter what happens,you get your dog back.

Last week,I had lunch at a German/Chinese restaurant.
Am hour later,I was hungry for power.

A Jewish guy and a Japanese guy opened a restaurant together.
It's called So-sue-me.

I was having lunch at an outdoor cafe when it started to rain.
It took me 45 minutes to finish my soup.

4 good ones pal. Lol

Q: Why did the Second Italian Navy have glass bottom boats?

A: So they could see the First Italian Navy.
--
Q: Did you hear about the Michelin Star Italian Chef who died?

A: Yeah. He pasta way.

Two Italian guys named Dino and Marcello go out fishing on a boat. Suddenly, Dino spots and old WWII bomb floating along the top of the water towards them.

He screams, "Marcello! Marcello!...Looka! Looka! It's a mine! It's a mine!
.
A bit annoyed, Marcello answers Dino back, "Take it easy compare, I don't care you can a have it!"

A GERMAN, AN ITALIAN, AND IRISHMAN ARE SITTING AT A BAR...
-
When 3 flies suddenly fly into the room and dive-bomb directly into each of their 3 drinks.

The German puts down his drink and says, "I can't drink this!"

The Italian quickly scoops the fly out of his drink with a spoon and says, "that's good enough for me" and continues drinking.

The Irishman grabs hold of the fly and starts shaking the little fella like crazy, yelling, "Spit it all out you thieving bastard!

Young guy is down on his luck. He sees an old Jewish woman walking down the street in his direction. When she comes close he says" Excuse me mame, I wonder if you can help me? I havent eaten in 2 days"

Jewish women looks up and says "force yourself"

MASSAGING THE WIFE...
-
An Italian, a Frenchman, and an American, were discussing the art of massaging their spouses and the benefits thereof...

First the Italian said, "Last night I massaged my wife with the finest Extra Virgin Olive Oil, then we made passionate love until I made her scream for 5 minutes during a massive orgasm she had."

The Frenchman quickly chimed in, "Last night I massaged my wife with a special aphrodisiac oil, then I made sultry love to her. She screamed out as she orgasmed for 15 minutes.

Not to be outdone, the American told them both, "Thats nothing fellas! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love to her and made her scream for 2 hours!

Astonished, the Italian and Frenchman exclaimed, "Wow, for 2 hours? How did you accomplish that?"

The American retorted, "I wiped my hands on the curtains."

God went to a Frenchman and asked, "I've got some commandments here, do you want some?"

"What are they like?" The Frenchman asked? "Thou shall not commit adultery" answered God. "I don't think sooo...slurred the Frenchman.
-
So God went to a German and asked if he wanted any commandments. "What are they like?" The German questioned. "Thou shall not kill!" God replied. "Hmmm, perhaps not the German sighed.
-
So God went to an Italian, offering him some commandments. "What are they like?" The Italian inquired. "Thou shall not steal," Answered God. "No thank you!" The Italian quickly answered.
-
So then God approached a Jew and offered him some commandments.

"How much are they?" The Jew asked. "They're free" God answered him.

"I'll take ten!" Said the Jew.

An earthquake hits Rome,and a wall inside the Vatican collapses,revealing a sealed, locked chest inside a small room.
No one has any idea what it is or when it was put there.
The Pope is summoned and the chest is carefully opened by the best locksmith in Rome,who has been sworn to secrecy.
Inside is the actual, original Bible.
The Pope and the Bible are escorted, under extremely tight security, to a room so that His Holiness can have the honor of reading it first.
6 hours later,the Pope comes out of the room with tears streaming down his face.
His top Cardinal says "He is so moved by God's word that he is shedding tears of joy"
The Pope turns to the Cardinal and still crying says "CELEBRATE,the word is CELEBRATE"

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO HOPEFULLY BRIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY...
--
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbasa sandwich and beer!"
"Ah" says the guys behind the counter. "You must be Polish."

Whoa! Whoa! The man angrily says back to the counterman becoming very irate as he does so. "I happen to take great offense to that. Why are assuming that just because I ordered kielbasa and a beer that I must be Polish?"

"Well....stammered the guy."

But the customer was so hot under the collar by this time that he cut the counter guy off mid-sentence and says, "If I had ordered spaghetti and meatballs, would you automatically assume that I was Italian?"

"Well no" the counter guy sheepishly answered the customer.

"And if I ordered some corned beef and cabbage, would that automatically make me an Irishman?"

"Absolutely not" replied the counter guy.

"So then tell me why" says the customer, "it is that you are assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbasa sandwich and a beer?"

"Well" stammered the counter guy...."because this here is a hardware store!"

I heard that the Italian government has decided to place a huge clock similar to London's Big Ben inside the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

...I guess they figured now they'll have the "time" as well as the "inclination"

Nice one.You are quite the "pun-isher".

LOL...no "pun" intended

THE PROFESSOR GOES TO ITALY...
--
An elderly classical language professor flies to Italy for a school conference.

Hailing a taxicab as he departs the airport, the Italian cab driver points to a sign in the cab that says, "please tell the driver your destination."

The professor hesitates for a moment because he doesn't speak any Italian per se, but fears the driver may misunderstand him if he tries speaking in English.

But suddenly he remembers that the Italian language is derived from ancient Latin, so the professor proceeds to talk to the driver in classical Latin saying, "Adducere me ad Marriott deversorium."

Upon hearing the professor speak the cab driver first raises an eyebrow, but then nods his head and quietly proceeds to put his Fiat in gear for the ride. As he's driving and thinking to himself for a few minutes the cabbie can no longer resist and says, "Madonna Mia! You sure haven't been to Roma in ages have you?"

You hear about the poor little Italian child that was born without any arms?



Yeah, tragically the poor kid never learned to talk.

I just got a notification on my cell phone that my "10" inch Italian Meat Lover" is on the way.

I'm just not sure if that notice came from Pizza Hut, or Grindr?

JOKE OF THE DAY...
-----
Q: What do Italian's call ghosts?

A: Gaba-Ghouls!
------

AND HERE'S ONE MORE "FOR THE GIPPER" AS THEY SAY...
------
The Italian government recently set up two new major telecommunications networks to better serve the nation of Italy and the Island of Sicily.

They named them Data-1...and Dissa-1

Q: What did Timon & Pumbaa order at the Italian restaurant?

A: The Tuna Piccata!

I'm not saying I have bad luck with women, but my Twitter handle is # Swipe Left.

This new technology doesn't help either. I was talking to a girl and she said "Why don't you Zoom me?
I said "OK,take off your pants" and she threw a drink in my face.

I told another girl "I didn't come here to be insulted" and she replied "where do you usually go? I can meet you"

I told her friend "I've never been so insulted in my entire life" and she said "Oh,you must have been"

Two Italian guys were sitting around discussing which woman they'd wanna have sex with if they could pick from any woman in the whole world...

The first guys says the famous Italian actress "Sophia Loren." ...The second guy quickly comments, "Virginia Pippellini"

The first guy's like, "What?...Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Is she an actress?"

"I don't know"

"A Singer?"

"I don't know"

Finally the first Italian asks, "Well, if you don't even know who she is then why choose her?"

The second guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the top headline that reads, "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead!"

The Weenie Contest...
-
Three 3rd grade children; an Irish kid, an Italian, and a Black, were in the elementary school bathroom during recess one morning and they decided to have a weenie contest to see who had the biggest weenie.

The little Irish boy pulls his out first and it's pretty small. The Italian boy goes next and it's about average. Then the Black boy pulls his out and it's clearly the largest, but the other boys say, "Well you won, but it's only because you're Black!"

So later that night when the Black kid gets home his mother asks him what he did that day in school. He tells her all about how they colored crayons in books, and reading, and what they learned about, and how he played at recess. But then he says very proudly, "And mom, today me and my friends had a weenie contest, and I won!"

But mom, the others boys said I only won because I'm Black." To which his mother replied, "Tyrone, you didn't win because you were Black. You won because you're 17 years old!"

Q: What's the best way to grease a Ferrari?

A: Run over an Italian!

Q: Why aren't Italians into "bondage?"

A: Because they can't say the "safe word" while they're wearing handcuffs.

A good friend of mine told me he fed his wife a nice 8" spicy Italian sausage last night...afterwards he thoughtfully drove her to Subway for a bite to eat!

I just read today in The New York Times that the newly developed aircraft division of the General Electric Corporation has been merged with Alitalia, the Italian airline...They plan to rename it, "Genitalia"

. Haha. This thread is Great to lighten things up a bit. Good job NYMafia!!

Thanks JC. I do what I can, Lol.....

My wife just gave me a beautiful piece of ancient Italian artwork for this upcoming Valentines Day....It was so rome-antique!

Southern Italian restaurants are the only types of eateries where dining customers may find bugs, yet they don't get upset and "bug out."

Over the years diners have learned how to just detach the little metal wires from the "bug" microphone and discard them...then go on to enjoy their meal. They know it just comes with the territory!

Only an Italian can walk into a bar, holds up 2 fingers to the bartender and then say..."Five beers, please!"

Q: How did the "Hipster" burn his lips?

A: He ate his pizza before it was cool.

On that note...

Q: While residing downtown in Greenwich Village, what did actor Robert DeNiro say to the pizza guy working behind the counter?


A: You wanna pizza me? Well do ya?

Question: What's the favorite type of sandwich that Italian-born "Dominatrix" love to order whenever they visit a trattoria cafe?

Answer: An Italian "Sub"

Q: How do you teach an Italian how to swim?

A: Place them waist-high in a pool of water, and them ask them a question!

Q: How does an Italian get into an honest business?

A: Usually through the skylight

Little Vito's Report Card....


Upon receiving his son's report card from school, Vito's father pointedly asked him why he was doing so poorly in history class?

After thinking for a moment or two about was asked of him, Vito quickly replied to his dad very defensively, "Because the damn history teacher keeps trying to ask me about things that happened way before I was even born dad!

Q: Fractions in mathematics were invented by whom?

A: Henry the 1/8th

Here's a very timely one I dare say...


Q: What made WWII happen so quickly?

A: Because they were Russian.

Q: In what way is eating pussy exactly like the Mafia?


A: Because just one slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit!

HISTORY LESSONS 101....


Here's a very timely joke for ya....

Russian history in 6 simple words: "And then things got even worse!"
-------
Here's another little quip for ya...

Q: In what way was the Roman Empire divided in half?

A: With a pair of Caesars of course!

A guy with amnesia walks into a bar,goes up to a cute blonde,and says "do I come here often"?

What do you call someone who takes care of chicken's?
A Chicken Tender

A cowboy walks into a saloon. His pants,shirt,and hat are made out of paper, The Sheriff comes in and says to the cowboy "you're under arrest"'
The cowboy asks "on what charge"
"Rustling". says the Sheriff

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. When he finishes,he asks the bartender "what do I owe you"
The bartender replies,"for you,no charge".

Some more Sunday Shenanigans...a few little history lessons for the forum...

Q: In Great Britain, where are the Kings and Queens crowned?

A: On their heads!
--
...on that note...

Q: Although he was indeed the King, why did he only stand one foot tall?

A: Because he was a ruler!
--
Q: Or all the great strides man had made since the beginning of time, what was his single most ground-breaking invention throughout all of human history?

A: The shovel!
--
Q: When the first Italian-born man was finally elected to serve in the White House as the new President of the United States of America, what was President-Elect Vito Bacigalupo's favorite new power as President?

A: Why it was his "Vito Power" of course!
--


Have a great Sunday folks!!

Not to diminish the horrors presently taking place in Ukraine because I think its disgusting, but I thought we could all use something to lighten the somber mood a bit...so here goes!
-
In a free country they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia they have Leninade, advertising, "Why not refresh yourself with a Cold War?"
-
A Russian provoked war isn't about who's right, it's about who's left!
-
Yo mama so stupid she tried stopping The Cold War with a space heater!
-
Shopping in the Soviet Union...

A Russian man walks into a shop. He asks the counterman, "You don't have any meat?"

The shop clerk says back to him, "No comrade, here we don't have any fish. The shop that doesn't have any meat is directly across the street."

ROOSKY RANT OF THE DAY...
-
Soviet Dogs!...

An American dog, a Polish dog, and a Soviet dog sit together. The American dog says, "In my country if you bark long enough, you will be heard and given some meat."

The Polish dog replies, "What is meat?"

The Soviet dog quizzically replies, "What is bark?"
-

GOD BLESS THE FREE WORLD!...AND MY GOD HELP THE PARTS OF THE WORLD THAT AREN'T!

Daily existence in "Mother Russia"...

A Russian factory worker standing in line for over 6 hours just to buy a bottle of vodka at the liquor store finally says to his comrades, "I've had enough of this bullshit! Save my place, I am going to shoot that fucking Putin right in his head!" Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line. His friends ask him, "So, did you get him?"... "No, the line there was even longer than the line here!"

SOVIET FREE SPEECH...

An American explained to his Russian friend that the United States is a truly free country because a person could literally stand directly in front of the White House and scream out, "Fuck the U.S. President" and nothing would happen to him!

The Russian quickly countered that what his American friend was saying is all false propaganda because he too could also easily stand in the middle of Red Square and shout out, "Fuck the U.S. President" and nothing would happen to him either!

...GOTTA LOVE IT!

Geez Soviet Cold War jokes?
Don’t give up your day job

Its better to laugh about it than cry! (lighten the mood a bit no?).

Who is crying?

I don't know, are you?

MOTHER RUSSKIE.....
-

A 4th grade school boy wrote in his weekly essay, "My cat just had seven kittens. They're all communist."

The following week the same boy wrote, "My cat's kittens have all turned capitalist."

Puzzled, the teacher called the boy up in front of the classroom and asked him to please explain this sudden dramatic change of opinion. "What happened, last week you said they were all communists?"

The boy just nodded his head and said, "They were, but this week they all finally opened their eyes!"

Q. What's the definition of a racist?
A. Anyone winning a debate with a liberal.

Q. What is a conservative?
A. A liberal that's been carjacked.

ANOTHER DAY IN MOTHER RUSSIA....
-
The building housing the KGB headquarters in Moscow suffered a major fire and was almost completely destroyed.

Shortly afterwards a man called their temporary axillary office and spoke to a Russian receptionist looking for help. "Im sorry" she answered, "but we can't do anything for you, the KGB has burnt down."

Five minutes later the receptionist received another phone call. She repeated to the caller, "I'm sorry, we cannot help you. The KGB has burnt down."

Not five minutes after she hung up the phone rang yet again. The receptionist immediately recognized the voice as the man who'd just called twice earlier.

"Why do you keep calling? I told you that the KGB has burnt down!"

The man replied, "I know. I just like hearing it!"

PUTTY JOKES (because he's such a fun loving comrade)....
--

Vladimir Putin is at an airport and is going through the customs checkpoint.

The Customers Officer asks, "Occupation?"

Putin replies, "No, just visiting"

Q: What is Vladimir Putin's favorite song?

A: Crimea River
--
Q: How do Russians start a joke about Vladimir Putin?

A: By glancing over their shoulders!
--
Q: What was Vladimir Putin's mother's nickname?

A: Mama Putana
--
Word just came in that Vladimir Putin was just re-elected.

He won over 134% of the vote!

More Vladimir..........

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that cosmonauts will live their permanently. When the cosmonauts were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape with no prospects of happiness, the Russians said...

"No! That's why we want to go to the moon!"



PS: Gotta love that VVVVladimirrrr! What a guy! A regular God fearing humanitarian of the first order.

http://www.gangsterbb.net/threads/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1033044#Post1033044