funniest or dumbest mob stories

with the recent thread about the $164 home depot shoplifting bust...that got me thinking.

What are some of the funniest or dumbest mob moves you've ever seen/read/heard about?

just for a good laugh.

My favorite so far would have to be the story in albert demeo's book about the twins doing a drive by shooting on a cow in a winnebago.

On December 2,1926 Chicago mobster Vincent Drucci was charged with impersonating a government agent and trying to confiscate beer in a garage by slugging the attendant there.The next day it was learned that Drucci,Bugs Moran and Gusenbergs entered the garage.There they found two police on guard with a black garage attendant named Ulysses.Drucci claimed to be a government agent and sliped the cuffs on the police men and disarmed them.Drucci beated the hell out of Ulysses.Neither of them touched the beer and suddenly returned the revolvers to the policemen.It is believed there were there to seize certain records on the premises.Drucci was held on a $2,000 bond for impersonating an officer.

Capone shoots himself after playing a game of golf with Johnny Patton, named the boy Mayor of Burnham.Capone was getting into a car when his .45 discharged in his right pant pocket, thus creating a bullet wound to both legs and groin.Al was taken to St .Margaret's Hospital in Hammond. Al registered at the hospital under the name of Geary. Al's entourage occupied five rooms at the hospital.On guard was Louis"Little New York" Campagna.

Paul Castellano had left the White House one day to travel to Tampa, Florida. The reason for his visit, according to his lawyer, was elective surgery. But further investigation by the U.S. Attorneys Office in Tampa revealed the true nature of this surgery. Big Paul had received a penile implant, a device that when unfolded would give him a mechanical erection. The implant telescoped inside of him like a manual car antenna.This bit of information raised more than a few eyebrows within law enforcement. Castellano had never been known as a ladies man, but now in the autumn of his years, he was getting himself fixed, presumably to satisfy his new love.

In 1975 Greg Scarpa ran off to Las Vegas and married Lili Dajani,a former Miss Israel.Years later, Dajani’s lover, a former abortion doctor named Eli Shkolnik, was murdered on Scarpa’s orders. Yet in 1979 Scarpa agreed to let Linda carry on a torrid sexual relationship with Larry Mazza, a handsome eighteen-year-old delivery boy—and later made Mazza his protege,schooling him in loan sharking, bank robbery, and homicide.

And i dont know if this one is true because it sounds more like a legend...The father of “Crazy” Joe Gallo was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on a fine Italian dinner. The places were set in the dining room. His sons — all in good cheer — came in the door. The father embraced Joey, congratulating him on a job well done. The young men sat down to eat. While the father was opening a bottle of wine, the phone rang. The father answered, only saying “Hello.” Less than a minute later, he put the phone down and walked over to Joe. The father began to slap Joe across the face, yelling out insults. Joey Gallo shot the wrong man.

at capone shooting himself and scarpa letting someone bang his broad.

must have hada cuckold fetish or something.

True story….this was years before you needed a passport between the US and Canada.
Some guys from Utica and Rome were coming back from a sit down in the Canadian side of the Falls across the peace bridge. They get to the border and the guard asks the usual questions, but was persistent about if they have anything to declare. (Clearly they ran the plates and a flag came up) About the third time he asked one of the guys yells out “yeah, we got the fucking Queen in the back seat”. They get sent to a staging area, everyone is detained, and the 1976 Eldorado gets torn apart, including the seats and quarter panels. Three days later they were released and told “have a nice day” because miraculously there was nothing illegal in the car. It is a good thing that it was the guy it was who did something so stupid, because anyone lesser would have taken a beating for sure. Instead he got ribbed for it to the day he died. The story was actually told as his funeral.(RIP Rock)

Scarpa had a crazy life

Another funny story comes from the testimony of Anthony “Bingy” Arillotta,when before getting made,he and another guy were told to leave their jewelry, beepers and cellphones at a bar and then were driven to an apartment building.Genovese soldier Steve Alfisi told Arillotta to wait his turn in a tiny bathroom and then he was told to undress, take all his clothes off and put on a bathrobe.Ofcourse they wanted to make sure that he had no wire on him but a gangster ceremony in bathrobes...if you ask me thats a little bit awkward situation...

If it was Winnebago IL I think the cow survived, in fact I think I know her !

@TheArm LOLOL!!! priceless!!!!

What makes it funnier was that his "love" was actually his middle-aged South American housemaid. It caused a big stir among the more traditional Gambinos when it came out on wiretaps that he was fucking his housemaid while his wife was in the same house (vergogna, senza rispetto!)

That's a funny story TheArm. At least Castellano was in love with the person and not her looks.

Funny story I heard from San Jose. Joe Cerrito asked his Brother Salvatore to place a $5,000 bet on the New York Giants, Sal misunderstood and placed the bet on the San Francisco Giants, the New York Giants lost their game and the San Francisco Giants won theirs. Sal brings the winnings to Joe who is confused about the winnings. Sal says that Joe won, but Joe keeps saying that the Giants lost. Sal says he put the bet on San Francisco not New York, and Joe yells at Sal for not doing what he had asked him to do, even though he won with the SF Giants instead of losing with a bet on the NY Giants.

Love to read these stories they are hilarious.

In other words it was a big shame for Paul.Disrespected his wife and lost his manhood,wich is very important between gangsters especialy if its the boss

Here's one...

When Tony Accardo was asked by the US Senate in Washington(in 1984 i think)about his association with Joey Aiuppa,Accardo said that he and Aiuppa were close friends for a long time and that they never discussed crime and that he never killed anyone.

Next question was:"Mr.Accardo,what does Mr.Auippa do for a living?"

Accardo said: "I dont know"


The whole court room started laughting

The Don kept his mouth shut also kept his innocent look of an old harmless man...

On Inside the American mob on nat geo.

Salvatore Polisi talks about how a member slept with another members wife. He was given a box with a knife inside and told to take care of the problem. So he flew down to Florida knocked on the guys door and the wife answered. So he busts in finds the guy, ties him to the pool table and makes his wife watch while he sliced his balls. Lmao. He was laughing telling the story saying the guy is ok he didn't die. Lol

Joe Coffey talks about hearing gotti on wiretap. He lost like $20,000 one night on gambling. So gotti started saying fuck you to god and started blaming him. Lol COffey says all the cops were cracking up.

Accardo answer about what Auippa does for a living is hilarious.

Another story I heard, this one is from Milwaukee. One of the Gumina brothers, a man named Tony G, and Peter Sorce, a cousin to San Jose crime family member Frank Sorce, entered a tavern that was operating illegal slot machines. The three men smashed some of the machines to get their point to the operator to start paying up. When the three were arrested, Gumina bulked at the charges since slot machines were illegal to operate in the state and said he should not be charged with the crime.

I was in a social club in new york a few years back. Im not gonna mention the name of the club or who it was, so dont ask. It was a nobody wannabe. Thats all ill say. It was 10 am. This guy walks in very frustrated. He hardly drinks. Especially in the morning. He poors a shot. Slams it. Everyone's like whats wrong. He says" im very irritated cause im at my house trying to jerkoff, and my 3 year old niece keeps crawling in the room". He said he had to keep closing his laptop everytime she came in the room.the whole club was dying laughing.

Heres another one...

In 1982 Nick Scarfo was asked by the Senate Congressional subcommittee to spell Vincent Falcones surname.Scarfo turned to his lawyer for help...and his lawyer whispered:F-A-L-C-O-N-E....and Nicky gave the answer.

Lol I was watching that testimony the other day. Seems like a lot more then Falcone that he couldn't spell. But I no he was asking the lawyer what to say so he didn't incriminate himself. Funny though.

Kind of like how you can't spell.

Here's Scarfo at that hearing being asked about Falcone.

Simone had to tell him how to answer each question. What he was charged with, who he was charged with and how to spell Falcone.

The part on Falcone starts 8 minutes into the video

"Thank God for the American jury system"-Nicky Scarfo

Hahaha notice how the lawyer laughs/smirks after Nicky Scarfo asks him how to spell Falcone

You guys are a bunch of dumb asses. Scarfo looked to his lawyer to see if he should answer the question or plead the 5th amendment. Scarfo did that on every single question. The lawyer just happened to spell it out. Whoever got a kick out of this, is a jagoff

I got a kick out of it.

Im sure you did carmela. I bet you get a kick out of a lot of stuff

Accardo, the greatest gangster ever to come out of chicago!

Delacrotch-Jaggoff
Carmela-soon to be labeled Jaggoff if he keeps it up lol

Nice Guy- a load his mother wishes she took on her back.

That was actually funny, I love that filthy mouth lol

I was reminded of another story the other night by an old friend from back home. I was a kid at the time but I heard this story years later. This goes back to the late 70s. Buffalo capo Benny Carcone (Russ’s father) had given the ok for a robbery to the old “barge canal gang”. This was a group of mostly Polish and Irish thieves who’s MO was to commit a robbery or home invasion on one side if the Barge canal/Mohawk river (which runs east and west through most of Upstate NY) and use boats cross the river and canal in order to avoid detection and roadblocks, they could literally cut out an hour of exposer this way. One of the Terzini Brothers (we couldn’t remember which one) had tipped them off about the large amount of cash and jewelry in the house, which combined was 6 figures in 1970s dollars. The Terzini’s owned a restaurant somewhere in the sticks half way between Utica and Rome, which was located across a corn field from the canal on old NY Route 49. The plan was to have a car in the parking lot of the restaurant for the thieves to use after crossing the canal, so Benny arranged to have the car parked there. Unaware of the plan, the Terzini’s sister was doing payrool in the office afther closing and when she left she sees the strange car in the parking lot. Pissed off that people would leave their cars overnight and go to the motel next door for the night, she calls the tow company to have the car towed, and goes home. So the thieves lug their take through the woods and the corn field, to find no car waiting for them. They are stranded. They go to the motel next door, and find no vacancy. They use the pay phone to call one of the Terzini bothers to say “Where the fuck is the car”?. Terzini calls his sister and asks if there was a car parked in the lot when she left and she says, “Yeah, I had it towed” Terzini went nuts, and told his sister don’t ask any questions, and to just get her ass back over there because three guys needed a ride to Yorkville. So she jumps in the family station wagon, drives to the motel and picks the guys up, and drives them, along with the cash and jewelry the 20 or so miles between the place and Yorkville. The Terzini sister was no babe in the woods, in fact her husband was a Buffalo associate. (Possibly a made guy at the end) So half way there she says something like “The meter is running guys”…and demands to pick out some jewly and grab some cash. They wanted to protest but you didn’t exactly say no to the Terzini’s sister and Andaloro’s wife. So she picks out some trinkets and somewhere around $1500 in cash. Benny Carcone hears about this the next day and is half pissed and half laughing like hell. It was too funny and too nuts to even get mad about, but in the end Andaloro stepped in and kicked back half the cash to Carcone, but the woman who almost sunk the plan and could have gotten everyone pinched, ended up shaking down the thieves for a cut of the swag, for a ride home.

I remember reading in the late 70's when Marcello was still in power that his main Prostitution Rackets guy/ Pimp.(Choose your word hahaha) Frenchy Brouilette was complaining about two lesbian hookers in Lafayette that were robbing the Johns and taking action away from their operation.

Frenchy was ordered to intimidate them so they kidnapped the two girls and drove them out to a secluded area. They arrived at a bridge not more than ten feet high with the plan to throw them over with a cinder block tied to a rope and say they were going to feed them to the gators.

When they threw them they were astonished to find out that the "river" was only about 3 1/2 feet deep. Once both the girls hit the water they just stood up and looked up at Frenchy and his accomplice unsure of what to say. Frenchy and his friend then got in their cars and drove off leaving the two ladies in the shallow creek to find their own way back home.

lol.

Somewhere around the late 2000's,the police in Italy arrested a transsexual Camorra associate or member named "Kitty"...the guy told the cops that he was a woman...