My brother...

I've posted about my brother TJ a handful of times on this board. For those of you who don't know, my brother TJ was born with spinal muscular atrophy, and has been confined to a wheelchair since about the age of two. He has had many health problems throughout his life due to his illness. Due to a lack of muscle mass and being confined to a wheelchair, he's had a lot of trouble with his lungs, often catching pneumonia and bronchitis. He lacked the ability to cough and so was unable to clear his lungs of mucus.

Over the years, his health has deteriorated, but you would have never known by his attitude and demeanor. He's always been a fighter and had a wicked sense of humor.

TJ sent a text to my other brother, Cliff, earlier today saying that he wasn't feeling good, so he was gonna go to the ER. His mom took him, the doctor diagnosed him with bronchitis, gave him some medicine, and sent him home.

About an hour later, TJ told his mom that something wasn't right, he felt like his insides were on fire, and he was having trouble breathing. His mom checked him for a fever, and he was cold to the touch. She rushed him back to the hospital.

His lungs were filling with fluid, and his blood pressure was extremely low. The doctors sedated him to try and relieve some of the fluid build up, but he never woke up.

My brother died today at the age of 30. I am utterly, totally, completely devastated. I talked to him just a few days ago and he seemed fine. And now he is gone. And I have no idea what to do.

I am broken.

X- I was terribly saddened when I first heard this news today. I remember when TJ had some severe health issues about ten years ago (?) and your deep concern then. I can't begin to imagine how his passing is affecting you now.

You have my deepest sympathies, X.

There are no words, XDCX. I'm so sorry for your loss. This will keep me up tonight. And I know you're not a religious person, we've discussed that in the past. But if it's all the same to you, I'm going to pray for your brother and your family tonight.

Stay strong, my friend. That's all you can do at a time like this .

XCDX reading your post was very sad I don't know how I would cope with such a devastating matter. I admire your strength for reaching out to the board, it shows a lot of character stay strong...take care

So saddened to read that... how horrible!

I will also say a prayer, cuz it doesn't matter if you're religious or not, if I am. Can't hurt, right?

I wish you and your family virtual hugs and strength during this tough time. Just do us and your brother a favor -- when it comes to making tough decisions for the next year, just ask yourself, "what would TJ do?"... and you'll have your answer.

Stay strong, but also don't be afraid to be emotional. It's not unmanly to feel.

I'll take whatever I can get right now, prayers or otherwise.

Thanks for the kind words guys.

X, so sorry to hear this sad news my friend.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!!

My condolences.

From what you said your brother sounded like a cool guy. I said this many times that I dispise weak people I mean people who are weak willed. Your brother sounded like a strong willed person I respect people like that.

I once had walking pneumonia that led to chronic bronchitis. That knocked the shit out of me for long periods of time plus others near you can catch it. Not ever antibiotic works on it. I found one but it takes months to work. Then a new doctor prescribed something different. He said he takes it when he was sick because you can't take people's money when your sick.

It is made up of two drugs it's mixed right at the pharmacy. You have to drink it right after it is mixed when you get home. But that one dose can clear up bronchitis or even pneumonia in as little time as a week.

Is this what your brother took. I forget it's name but I can find out from my doctor. It worked for me, but I seem to remember but it can be very dangerous for other people.


He told me it can be used for bronchitis and even pneumonia.

If he took this his doctor should have warned him it may have life threatening effects.

Sorry for your loss man.

Just know that your brother was extremely proud of you and his spirit will live on one way or other whether he is in Heaven or if his spirit lives on in your memory.

He led a good life and he took the cards he was given in and played a good hand.

That's all you can ask for.

Sorry for your loss.

X,

I am so sorry to hear this sad news. My deepest sympathy to you and your family during this difficult time.



TIS

I can't imagine what you are going through, sorry for your loss. Be strong for your Brother and Family..

I'm not very well known around here, I still really hope my support and condolence matters. I'm so saddened to read this. In no way do I mean to steal attention from you, but my brother went through heart surgery earlier this year. My parents have been prepared for this surgery, he turned 26 while being there.

Thought you would need someone with a story you could relate to.

My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

xdcs, im new to this site, only been on a little over a month, I know where youre coming from. my brother died in 2008, I looked after him for years, was a diabetic for 50 years, even when youre prepared for it it hurts bad, what got me through it was my strong believe in the after life. there is no death only a change of worlds. we are just passing through this life, the real one is to come. you will see him again.

xdcs how do I know this? st. paul " for eye has not seen, nor ear has never heard, nor the mind can perceive, all the beautiful things in store for us with the lord jesus Christ" deeply sorroy for your loss.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your brother seemed like a man of TRUE GREATNESS.

Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow....Sorry for your loss.

Very sorry for your loss. Your brother lived and died courageously. May his memory be a comfort and an inspiration.

I truly do appreciate all the kind words and well wishes. Words may seem shallow to the person speaking them, but they are of invaluable help to the person in pain.

TJ was a great guy. The memories I cherish the most are of us as kids. It seemed as though our sole purpose in life was to irritate TJ's father (we were technically stepbrothers). ANYTHING we could think of to irritate my stepdad, we would do it. Hide his keys, respond to ANYTHING he said with "mmmmkayyyy?", whether or not he asked a question. We were constantly getting grounded.

I remember one time when my stepdad took us all out for a ride, and we passed by a field of cows. We convinced my little sister, Amber, that the cows were horses and that horses were cows. No matter what anybody else would tell her, we reinforced that those were horses, not cows. Amber brought a book of farm animals home and tried to show us we were wrong, but we ended up convincing her that the book was wrong! This went on for months, and it actually caused some issues with her teacher at school. In hindsight, it was a horrible thing to do, but we were kids!

We would go on long walks and talk for hours. He was my best friend. We were unable to spend a lot of time together since my move to California, but we kept in touch by phone and social media. The last time I actually saw him was four years ago. That kills me.

I'll be headed back to Maryland on Friday for the funeral. I'm not looking forward to it, but he deserves a proper send off. He'll get it.

Again, thanks so much for the support and kind words. It really does help.

My condolences X. The local newspaper runs a column called "A life lived". As the title suggests, it profiles people and how the spent their life; the people they touched, helped, or cared for and their accomplishments. You have the memories of TJs life lived. Keep the joyful memories in your heart. They will never die.

Folks like him are ALWAYS the true fighters in life, the ones who were dealt a shitty hand and go at life like we all should. I have a spinal disorder myself, where I have cysts inside my spinal cord that causes pain and eventually will probably paralyze me. But I know things could be much worse so I don't bitch about "why me?".

So sad for your loss. May God be with you and your family in this time of need.

Dear X, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Reading your posts over the years, I know how much you and TJ loved one another. You were so blessed to have him in your life.

Please know that I am thinking of you and your family at this sad time. I will pray that God gives you strength as you say goodbye to TJ this upcoming weekend. But know that he will never truly leave you. He will always live on in your heart.

Sending hugs.

X,

FWIW, when my father passed away (4 yrs ago next month), I saw this quote. I don't remember if it was on a sympathy card or a mass card or what, but it summed it up. I still have it on my e-mail signature. It's so true!!



"Death leaves a heartache that no one can heal. Love leaves a memory that no one can steal."




TIS

So true TIS. My older brother Henry died from a drug overdose; my younger brother died from alcoholism. Being so far away here in Texas for so long, I regret so much that I couldn't be closer to them. That's the heartache. The memory is of my older brother protecting me when I was a kid and my younger brother's undiminished love of me.

That is about as true a statement as I have ever read. Thanks for sharing that, TIS.

And again, thank you so much for all the kindness and well wishes. My family and I have truly been humbled by the outpouring of love and support from our friends and loved ones.

We've set up a fund that people can donate to, to help cover the funeral cost. One thing about losing a loved one is it isn't cheap burying them. There is no obligation to contribute, but I'd never forgive myself if I didn't do all I could to give my brother the send off he deserves. So I'll post the link.

Funeral Fund for TJ

I sent a little, and don't be embarrassed about asking! ... good luck!

Thanks. Geoff. Every little bit helps.

One of my favorite pictures of TJ. Hazel, his pit bull, was his baby. She loved him and protected him. She is just as heartbroken as the rest of us.

Sometimes animals are more sensitive than we are, X, and it's so hard for her to understand where TJ has gone. We can barely comprehend death, how can she?

The funeral was today. I had no idea something could be so beautiful, yet so awful. Joyful, yet dreadful. Laughing one minute, crying the next. I know it's selfish to want him back, but I'd give anything for just one more moment. I love you TJ, and I'm sure as hell gonna miss you. Rest in peace, buddy. You've earned it.

I'm terribly sorry X man. My condolences to you and your family. Keep going my man, I don't know your brother but he sounded like a good man and a good friend. I'm sure he would have wanted you to go on living a full happy life

Today would have been TJ's 31st birthday.

If you're out there bro, happy birthday. I love you and I miss you.

XDCX-

I sincerely believe that your brother is out there and he can hear you. The first year of reminders are the worst, but it will get better over time. Hang in there.

Hugs!!!

I had a cousin Tina born with spastic cerebral palsy, profound mental disabilities and seizure disorder and she passed in 08, My condolences I know how hard it can be to pick up the pieces after a loved one has left us. I wish you the best of luck and hope that your family is able to help each other with this loss. God Bless.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/health/chi-alden-vignettes-story-htmlstory.html

My cousin was Tina Polley and we've been fighting to make these homes more responsible for there utter lack of care.

If you decide to put a TEAM together for a walk-a-thon fundraiser let me know. Since I live close to you I'd love to join your team to honor your brother. We started a team for my parents through the American Cancer Society. Every year in May we do Relay for Life which is a 24 hour walk a thon. We usually raise about $5k for our team but the whole event brings in about $200k. The money goes for cancer research. I, myself, walk for hours and no less than 17 miles in that 24 hour period. Let me know. You will go through a period where you will want to DO something productive in remembrance of your brother and this is always a great start.