How to Disagree In This Forum

I start a new thread because the GFIII thread doesn't seem to fit anymore. Also, I think that there is a need to discuss the style of discussions here which can't be handled via PM, as SC suggested.

Here is my point of view: I agree that this board is very civilised. Nevertheless, sometimes it looks, especially in the Trilogy Forum, as if everything has been said and done. So I think there should be a great tolerance for dissenting points of view, even if they seem to be kind of absurd.

Hollywood Finochio, your style annoyed me too. (I'm not one of the people you're calling "made members", and I don't know you from some old arguments.) I think almost every-one has experienced here the feeling of "Nobody-understands-my-point-of-view". Me too. When this happens, I try to underline my view, refine my arguments, etc. And in very few cases I try a 3rd time. But then I keep my view to myself as my little treasure.
So while I think that some of the members were annoyed by the repetitve form of some of your arguments, I think, what annoyed people most, were the aggressive tone and the self-pity. (If it's not too personal, I'd suggest you to write your post and send them one day later after re-reading. That's what I do when I get angry and feel like shouting back immediately.)

To the rest of the board: I think we should appreciate the dissenting voices, even if we don't like their sound and their volume. If I don't like a thread, I ignore it. I was amazed about the number of responses to a thread which deals with some minor problems of the notorious GF3.
Why should I convince everybody of my p.o.v? As long as HF sticks to the boards rules (like not tricking the c-word blocker), he should stay around.

Who can resist the reasoning of Danito...well said, D.

Self pity??

I think I was anything but that, I had to defend myself and I did.

I run two forums on other subjects so I'm not your average run-of-the-mill bloke. This is the only decent GF forum, and I live and breathe these movies, especially after I've just watched them again

We will recycle threads time and time again, it's only three films. But in my topics, I try and delve deeper into the personalities of the characters, I try my best to get talking points going. I didn't mean to be agressive, but it'd be nice, to just once, have someone quote me and say something positive, instead of treating me as a buffoon.

I did recieve a very nice PM of support from someone though and I've sinced calmed a little, But that's not to say I shan't be forced to defend myself again, consequences such as banning etc doesn't scare me or faze me in the slightest, all I want to do is talk about these films.

I moved this to the General Discussion forum because:

1. the ideas posted apply to ALL forums
2. the "Godfather" forum should be reserved for discussion of the movie itself, and not of board matters.

I'm almost afraid to say anything (negative that is). I don't know. In my opinion HF gave a thoughtful post. I can understand a tone one uses and don't disagree with that, but come on, he's not the only one with tone on that thread.


TIS

One of the beautiful aspects of the Trilogy is the variety of interpretrations that are presented. And presented they should be. At times I've felt that my dissenting view as been put down be members of the BB, but so what, that's their loss for not opening up to a differnt view. The Trilogy is a unique and intoxicating compilation of stories. Let's all bathe in its rich characaterizations and relish the opportunity to share our views on this classic and artistic portrayal of human struggle.

Good point MC! It can be done with respect and politeness.

One example, for me anyway, was on the Soprano thread. (I'd love Sunday nights. That thread would be hopping). Anyway, it was the series finale. I thought the ending sucked. I think I was the only one who really disliked it (I was so disappointed). Others gave their views and explained why they thought it was good, and some, if I'm not mistaken, even said it was genius.
I just didn't get it (and still don't see it). HOWEVER, I must admit everybody was cordial and nobody was "wrong"...just different opinions. Actually that's a fun kind of debate/conversation.

As a matter of fact, I don't reacall any kind of bickering on the Sopranos thread do you guys? I wonder why?


TIS

There were a few who didn't like the ending, TIS.

I'll PM you my feelings about the other thread.

That's what I mean. You seem to take some posts as a personal attack and then you "defend" yourself for virtually nothing but a well meant request.

It was a personal attack Danito. How else can I take it when two members say that they ignore my posts and accuse me of disagreeing for the sake of it all the time.

Not business, personal I'm afraid.

Will you stop this shit already?

I'm just talking to another member SC. If you think that is shit, well, nowt I can do about that.

I don't think this was the "tone" that the thread was looking for.
" How to disagree in this fourm"

It's one thing to post your ideas about the movie or any subject and to debate the merits of your view. It's totally something different to harp on a personal matter that shouldn't be discussed on the open boards.

I've asked this guy three times to stop discussing this here. He has chosen not to (stop).

This character began e mailing my private account asking all kinds of questions, and later complaining ed about his treatment here. This morning I was greeted by the news he had been supended. He also had choice words for SC, and asked me to PM Cardi for something or other. I just hit the delete button. I think the guy is a bit paranoid.

supended?

I must have missed that part.

(Shaking his head) I guess it was a matter of time.

(Music playing in the background.... Another one bites the dust!)


another thread shot to hell.

A whiney, immature, self-centered, narcissistic, defensive crybaby who doesn't even have the brains to back down fromthe moderators, even when they come in multiples to ask him to refrain from whatever rant he's on.

Oh, and yes...a bit paranoid, too.

God only knows what the big 'second coming' post will be like when suspension is over...probably writing it now.

Anybody think I'm ....'wrong'???????????????????

Apple

ps - MaryCas, great post.

Nope.

The world is full of people who have a pathological need for attention--even negative attention. We get our share here. They start dozens of threads or post answers whose purpose is so that they can get in others' faces. Then, when they get put down, they whine. They want the threads to be about them, not the subject matter.

They never learn that the most important determinate of how others behave toward you, is how you behave toward others.

Yes, which is why this is one of my favorite quotes:

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. - Wayne Dyer

Do I need to be the first to remind our long-standing members the same thing about name-calling?

No National Geographic pics, Apple!

Suspended the membership!!
I stood in the forum like a fool. And those moderators, they smiled at me.

Perhaps reading "How To Win Friends and Influence People" would be in order. Then again, some are not here to win friends or influene people I suppose; and although there is a respectful way to disagree, some don't want to disagree respectfully, but rather enjoy the fight. I guess it's back to square one as far as that goes then. Let them rant until they get the ol' boot.

TIS

Time-out...LOL, I don't know what this whole topic is about, nor do I want to know, but that was funny. The whole Buona Sera line.lol....Time-in.

Danito, why did you go to the moderators? Why didn't you come to see J Geoff first?

I'll remember that cheers.

Next time, I hope I can swap the ludicrous suspension for the slight telling off from Geoff for the lesser crime of responding to a post in comparison to a post featuring 5 personal attacks.

But I can honestly say that I'm 'smartened up' for the break, and I'm prepared to forget I was hounded and bullied out of the place. My treatment was disgusting...and I just can't think of a godfather related line to 'make light' of it all at this juncture.

How about

'If there's people going around this city saying f**k The Hollywood Finochio...then what do we do with a piece of s**t like that?..'

You're back now.... my suggestion is that you drop it and just go on posting without the comments on what happened.

I'll never drop it mentally, you can be sure of that.

That's your call and I can't help you with that, but you will drop it on these public boards!

YES. What SC just said. End it now and move on!

I've just said I will, no need for the reiterations. Its only a message board, not the schoolyard.

Heh, don't be so sure.

Buy them cute little Blue Drinks!

Proof in point; sometimes it's a sandbox.

I want a cute little Blue drink.

Here we are, trying to have a serious forum about how to disagree on these boards, and even after your suspension, you're still trying to make this all about you.
If you want to be takens seriously as a serious poster, then make serious posts, and stick to them, not your attitude. Lose the attitude.

Exactly.

Don't feed the trolls.

It's a jungle out there!

TROLLS

[quote}=Double-J It's a jungle out there! [/quote]

Double-J,

If I remember right, I think you more then once had a go-round like this in the past.
What was that term. Oh Yea, Fighting with what you called "the breakfast club".
Now that I think about it, I think I did too. ...and so did......and so did.... many people have.

So let's give the guy a break, Everyone should have a second and even a third chance to figure out how the system works here.
Come on folks, lets not bait him with insulting posts then slap him because he speaks up about them. It is only human nature to talk back when you feel that you are being wronged. It takes two to make it a problem. How many have ever really come out ahead when you have a heated disagreement with a parent or a boss?
I know I haven't.


I read many of his so called "problem posts|" and thought them to be a form of venting, (on the same forum that things took place), others took it as an act of defiance to the mods.

Sooner or later he will learn that even thou, the Internet is an open and free system, this board which is started, run and paid for by a person is not. People should not confuse the two. Understanding this is a must.

BTW, Do you think the TROLL comments helps the matter any?
maybe they should have be made in private?

I think you missed the point of that post, FS.

Even if he did miss the point of that post...HIS post was right on.

Nice job, Fathersson.

Apple

Oh, I concur. Especially the following:



I think many folks have realized this, in case it wasn't obvious already. Luckily for many of us, this is not North Korea.

If your treatment here has been so traumatic that you will "never drop it mentally," then you have led a trauma free life. Te salute!

I thought this whole issue is to be dropped? Or does that only apply to me?

I know that whatever I say in response will be twisted around and thrown right back me, I'll have my whole character derided once again and i'll be villified aswell.

Fathersson's post was really great and he's been trying very hard to get me to just 'accept' what its like on here and don't make waves and don't complain, ever. It's hard. I could lay myself on the line even more, but I don't think it's worth it.

Turnbull, I have made serious posts, you know I have. I was proud of my GFIII thread, and also my Frankie argument. They created debate, you can't deny that. I resent being called a troll. I dont think its all about me beleive it or not. But I am responding only to the myriad personal attacks I've recieved.

Only to you, but that's beside the point. FS is right. The sooner you realize how this site is, the sooner you'll learn to relax.

Yeah mon. You just gotta light that spliff and relax, mon.

Hey the BREAKFAST CLUB was a good movie.

It sure was! So much better than National Lampoon's VACATION

But not as good as "16 candles"

16, which, coincidentally, when halved, is the number of people left!

And twice your IQ, and four times the number of laughs you're getting!

(If you're gonna be here and be a part of it, then great; if you're here to continue to disrupt shit, then just leave and stay there already.)

I'm not even really "here," I just dropped by primarily to continue my PM's with TB.

What I said.

Hey, I think it's great to have old timers back, including you. Maybe if you realized you were one of the ol' timers, you'd appreciate and respect it more... that's all I'm saying...

Now I feel old.

If you feel old I must be ancient.

Perish the thought, Miggy! Isn't that newlywed blonde your sister?

[/Real Talk]

I usually don't have a problem staying out of threads where there is "bickering." Certain posts/people are easy for me to ignore,maybe depending on the topic of the thread, I don't know.

Every now and then, however, I am ever so tempted to lash out and honestly, I do bite my tongue and hold myself back. Thus far I've been successful thankfully. I mostly don't like rude people who think they know everything and have to have the last word. So, my question to everyone else who is tempted to jump and tell someone where to go, and yet has managed to refrain, how do you resist? Best way IMHO is to "ignore' (as the rules of the BB tell us), but it's simply not always easy.

TIS

Hey TIS - the type of troublemakers you're talking about - all they want is for you and everyone else to reply. They want the attention. It doesnt matter what you say to them, they just want you to respond. That's their bread and water. And when you dont give it to them, they usually lose interest and dont come back. So ignoring IS the best and easiest option.
If you fight back and tell them "where to go" - that will only make them stay here and maintain their crap. That's why by lashing out, you basically show that they exist for you, and that gives them motivation to stick around.

They wont bother writing their crap if nobody responds to it.

Anyway, that's just my opinion. I'll be back in half an hour to write more about the whole topic.

The following post is not about Danito, Pinocchio, or any other member. Just my thoughts on "how to disagree (in this forum)" :

First of all, different opinions are a wonderful thing to have. They instigate debates and discussions, and kick some life all around. Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. And there's absolutely no shame to be wrong about something, we all make mistakes. Imagine a forum where everyone agrees about everything - what a BORING place would that be! if people reply to each and every one of your posts saying "Amen", then you better check their motives. Either that or you're surrounded by clones.

I've been wrong many times in my life, and I still make mistakes every now and then. When people voice their opinion about my words or actions and do so without mal intentions, then I listen. I thank them and then take the time to decide whether I agree or not. Same thing in the forum. As long as you argue a different point without making it personal, then by all means go for it. And if after some time, the argument reaches the point where it doesnt go any further, then it's best to call it a day, "agree to disagree", and move on to the next topic.

Let's say, for example, that my new novel ("Beer, Sunshine, and Sexy Penguins") just got published. Now I get all kinds of comments. If a certain fella tells me "Fame! Your novel sucks! You suck! I hope you die!"
In that case, I'd probably call the local zoo and ask them if one of the monkeys just escaped.
BUT, if someone tells me - "Fame, I just read "Beer, Sunshine and Sexy Penguins" and I have to say I think it's really bad, and quite boring, because A, B, and C...." - then believe me, from the bottom of my heart, I will thank the person for taking the time to express his/her opinion of the book, be it good or bad.
Criticism is a wondeful thing - but it must be done in a respectful manner.

And now about the Godfather threads - surely, there will always be new members asking questions you've heard before. Let's say, a new blood in town that goes by the name "CigarBoy" is asking "Was Michael a bad don? what do you guys think?"

So :

1) If you dont like the thread, you can simply ignore it.

2) If you want to answer the question - cool.

3) If you want to copy and paste what you already said in other threads - cool.

4) BUT if you're gonna let the person know that it's been asked before, then PLEASE dont say stuff like "Oh not again! we had this thread before!" that's a terrible reply, much worse than the actual thread, the kind of reply that will scare new members.

I think a good way to respond is:

"Cigarboy, that's a fine question which has been discussed before. Here's a link to a thread that will answer some of your questions.

Welcome to the forum, Cigarboy!"


Anyways, sorry for the long post. Just my 2 cents. I'll even be as generous to add the enormous sum of 98 cents as well, for just a couple of lousy bucks in return. Deal?

Nicely said, Fame. Amen. (Don't worry, I'm not your clone. )

I really want a copy of "Beer, Sunshine, and Sexy Penguins," though. Will the couple of lousy bucks cover it?

Standing Ovation!

Way to go Fame!

Thanx guys, for the lovely compliments!



Actually, Gina, there's something I have to tell you....



You get a free copy, of course. Only problem is I haven't written it...yet.
Oh well, at least I got a title

Fame,

You've really thought things out. Another point to bring up, or perhaps rephrase is, nearly all discussions (ok many dicussions) can be a matter of one's opinions. Please, don't call one person wrong and the other right when dealing with interpretations. You can totally agree or disagree but really, who's right? Nobody!

For the most part here on the BB, I would say 90 per cent or maybe even 98 percent of the people are respectful to each other. It's only a very small minority that need to be kept in check IMHO. That small percentage somethimes, it seems, can irk everyone. Don't let it. Ignore it.

Let me add, only as a side note, that I feel "on the verge" of letting loose, so I'll apologize in advance if I go off. I'll have my own words thrown in my face.

TIS

I agree 100%. And you know what? This is what I like about the old-timers in this forum. They are always polite to new members. They welcome every-one. Special thanks to olivant, SC, Don Cardi, Turnbull, dontomasso.
Grazie

I think it was TB who has always said (paraphrasing)that newcomers many times give different perspectives and/or ask questions not asked before or simply respark another theory in the GF or other threads. It's sort of like having "new" blood on the BB.

TIS

NO WAY! Clark Griswald is the MAN! LOL

Both were good movies, but the many awful sequels to the original Vacation have diminished Clark Griswold.