Advice, Tips, & Tricks

Give us advice, tips, and tricks about life and all sorts of random stuff.

- Don't eat yellow snow

- I think carrying a pen around at all times is a good idea for when you get good ideas.

- Eat toast upside down

- Carry your wallet in your front pocket

Patience, and control your emotions.

Don't get high on your own supply

1, You don't tug on Superman's cape,
2. You don't spit into the wind
3. You don't pull the mask off that ol' Lone Ranger
4. you don't mess around with Jim."




TIS

You never EVER cut in a breakfast buffet line before TIS!

Hairspray gets out ink and lipstick stains.

Unless you want to go blind, don't play catch with Geoff.

Don't take any wooden nickels.

Don't trust whitey.

Leave well enough alone.

Let a sleeping dog ly.

Always wear clean underwear.

Don't go hunting with Dick Cheney.

For canker sores: Mix warm water with a couple teaspoons (or more) of baking soda and gargle. Do this a couple times a day and you'll see a huge difference in 24 hours. It tastes salty, but it works.



TIS

Put warm groundhog grease in your ears for earaches.

For real Mig?? I don't know nothing about that, so I'll believe you. Just where in the hell would I get a groundhog? Ha ha...not quite sure I'd know one if I saw one, let alone where to find the grease.



TIS

For real TIS. It's one of those mountain remedies. When you fry up the groundhog meat you just save the grease. I swear this is the best for an earache.

Yeah it causes deafness as a side effect though

You'll get an urge to come out of your hole every February 2nd.

Ever have a "dent" in your carpet from some heavy furniture being on it. It looks ugly when you move the furniture. Just put an ice cube in the indentation. Wait for it to melt. Once it does, blot up the water with some paper towels. The indentation should disappear.

Also, to get gum out of a rug - freeze it; put an ice cube on it and when the gum hardens sufficiently, you should be able to remove it from the rug without leaving a mess.

Don't eat Cheetos and masturbate afterwards, or else your "thing" will turn orange.

If you're going to cheat on your Girlfriend, remember to remove the condom before you get home. You don't want to jump in the shower with her the next morning and have the rubber fall off onto the floor.

Oh my God! That's it? And to think of all the money I spent on doctors trying to find out why.

Don't get muscle relievers like Ben Gay or Flexall 454 anywhere near your privates. Same with hot peppers. Seriously.

I'm afraid to ask how you know this.

Maybe I should've just said, be sure to wash your hands after using such products...

OK - true story. My parents went to some famous Chinese/Polynesian restaurant in Manhattan for their anniversary. My mother didn't notice that there was gum on the chair when she sat down. When they tried to leave, she was literally stuck to the chair. She finally got up and there was this HUGE wad of gum stuck to her behind. They were supposed to go to a Broadway show afterwards, so my mom was freaking out about what to do.

The maitre d' came running over and told her that he could put ice on the gum, it would freeze, and he could just pull it right off.

So, there's my mother in the bar with a strange Chinese man rubbing ice on her ass. He pulls on the gum and RIP, tears this gigantic hole in her dress. She was wearing a black dress with a beige slip under it, and they still had to walk to the theater. She wrapped her fur stole around her waist and had to go like that.

Or BEFORE touching your privates.

Since you never know when you're going to touch your privates, I'd go with Geoff's advice!

Too late now JG. That'll be added to your file.

Very true, because it's an almost constant thing!

More so for men.

God, how sexist! When will we men ever be able to cast off the cloak of second class citizenship and be respected for our minds?

Who says?

If you want to get candle wax out of your carpet place a white towel over the wax and go back and forth over the towel a couple times with a hot iron the wax come right out of the carpet and onto the towel.

How do you then get the wax out of the towel?

Keep it for the next time you spill candle wax on the carpet.

Haha, I was just kidding

So you don't worry about ruining a towel, a brown paper bag works very well, too. I spilled candle wax on my mother's brand new carpet when I was a kid, and this does work very well.

God, how sexist! When will we men ever be able to cast off the cloak of second class citizenship and be respected for our minds? [/quote]

Actually, I was referring to the standing/urinating thing. But, sure, go ahead with your dirty mind.

I didn't know that a brown bag will work also. I just use a old towel that was gonna get thrown out anyways.

Don't have an iron or you're lazy and have wrinkly clothes? Hang them up in the bathroom and take a shower.

Yes, but be careful, LN. My boss did that on a business trip once. He hung his suit on the shower rod and then turned on the shower and closed the door. While he was in the bedroom, his wool pants slipped off the hanger and fell into the tub, and consequently shrunk, shrunk, shrunk. He had to run out and buy a new suit before his meeting!

Yeah, but then your skin comes out wrinkly.

Well it doesn't work on birthday suits, duh.

Anyone know if this is true?

What color is Wednesday?

That's interesting. I haven't heard of it before. I'll keep a look out. I do like to have fresh bread if possible.



TIS

They don't bake bread on Wednesday... I guess, it is against their religion

For Students:

About making your papers longer: Use Courier New or some other mono spaced font (as opposed to a variable width font). You're getting cheated out of precious paper space with every letter except "W".

Also, Make your periods and commas a size 14 font while the text is size 12.

For Wannabe Cheaters:

MS Word and probably every other word processing software can tell anyone how many words are in a paper. If you or your teacher are concerned only about how many words are in a paper, neither should be in education. Using a monospaced font like Courier makes papers more difficult on the eyes which doesn't make a good impression on whomever is grading it, it also fools no one, and it actually uses up more paper in the long run, therefore killing more trees.

Instead of making your papers appear longer, make them more intelligent.

Treat everybody nice as you go up the ladder in life. That way if you ever come back down the ladder,people will remember you were nice and not gloat over your demise.

I don't know if this works because i am still at the bottom of the damn ladder but i'm still always nice

Yeah, those typewriters sure were annoying to read, huh? (Mono spaced fonts). I agree papers should be intelligent instead of based on a length of pages or words, but tell that to my professors.


TIP:

Want to shave after you've just taken a shower now that your pores are all nice and expanded? Wait! The mirror is fogged up! Put some shaving cream on the mirror and then wipe it off with a towel. Clears it up and it stays clear!

I just did this (typing NAKED right now!) and I was surprised at how well it worked, it seems to clean the mirror too.

I have always found that those at the top of the ladder have greased the rungs below them.

Ain't that the truth!?

That's why I specify a font type and size and margin width with no headers or footers.

A lot of professors do, but the periods and commas at size 14 still help the length more than you'd think.

Never go to the grocery store on an empty stomach.

So that's the secret eh?

Greasy buggers!!!

Stop sniffing Coke when your left arm goes numb and shooting pains are rushing through it.

If you need to leave your car in an area where you think it might get stolen, remove some small but vital part like the fuse for the fuel pump.

dont piss in a broken bottle