Australia

Since I'm the only Aussie on these boards (Mainly), I'm keen to know what you guys know about my country. Do you guys believe the stereotypes?

What would you like to know etc.

I'm interested because the shit I hear you guys think is true, Is seriously hilarious.

Hit me!!

Also, just to clear a few things up before you ask:

NO ONE says "Throw a Shrimp on the Barbie". "Fosters" is NOT Australian for beer ( Actually it's our biggest Import, But no one drinks it here..seriously). We don't ride to work or school on Kangaroos. Kangaroos don't roam the streets like dogs. Only 11% of the population live in the so called "Outback". Steve Irwin was annoying to most Australians. He perpetuated the stereotype to help him gain his fame. The Queen is Nothing to us or Polynesia.

Cool!

I was seeing a lass from Brisbane last year. A feisty red-head. The night I met her, at a party, I drank a whole crate of Fosters and impressed her with an attempted overhead volley (of a soccer ball that wasn't even there), catching my ankle on the floor as I jumped, and twisting it to awesome effect.

It lasted three months.

Do you actually like Fosters? The taste I mean.

I heard they are all a bunch of miscreant yutes who fuck kangaroos when they aren't locked up in jail.


...Or maybe that's just you.

I like Fosters in moderation. It's cheap enough, but on tap (and a budget), I prefer Carling. At home, stronger stuff. Stella Artois, Grolsch. You can taste the difference (and feel it, too, the next morning).

These days I'm drinking Boheme, a wonderful Czech lager.

Great news, Go post it in the Beer thread!

But really, Australia just looks beautiful. I've always wanted to visit. Don't they have fucked up storms there?

Up in the North they do I.E Queensland etc. Actually, It was hailing down here this morning and I was working outside for a while doing my rounds. Fucking freezing!!

...And my crew. You ever tapped a Kangaroos ass? It's good shit!!

Ive told you my views on OZ

Love the place..

I would love to visit Australia some day; however, I can't see myself surviving the flight. It seems like such a beautiful and friendly country.

Whatever knowledge I have of Australia was gained from a very witty book named "In a Sunburned Country", which was loaned to me by my friend Plawrence. I highly recommend it.

Is it really true that your Prime Minister (don't remember what year) disappeared in the surf?? According to the book, he hopped in for a swim and was never seen again.

Yeah, that is true. Harold Holt I think his name was.

I have never been to Australia and can't say I know a lot about it. However, a couple people from work who went to visit said it's very beautiful.

For some reason (and I'm probably wrong), I picture it as scarce, population-wise, with a lot of natural beautiful land.

Post some pictures, if you can.


TIS

By all accounts its full of aggressive alcoholics who are good at sport?

Sounds ok to me

I enjoyed Oz while i was there i just didnt see enough of the place i was in Manly/sydney for 3 months and i wish i would have gone further afield

I will soon.

The Squirrel and The Grasshopper



REST OF THE WORLD VERSION





The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.


Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering
grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.



THE END







THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION







The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be
warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
cold and starving.

The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;
with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a
table laden with food.

The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in
a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
while others have plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing
Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with
breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing 'We Shall
Overcome'.

Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel
got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the
charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to
the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is
taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders,
for the work he was doing on his home, and an additional fine for
contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial
aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can
be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to
the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a
temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get
to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice.

On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians'
apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police
fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

Initial moves to make then return them to their own country were
abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.

The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit
cards.

A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing
Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
bothered to maintain it. He is shown to be taking drugs.

Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug
'Illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment
since arrival in Australia.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released
immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed
in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state
the obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers.

Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching
Australia's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the
government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.

The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of
government to address the root causes of despair arising from social
inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed
when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for
law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65
because of a shortfall in government funds.




THE END

AGHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH

YOUR COUNTRY HAS REALLY GOOD BLOOMING ONIONS. DO THEY GROW IN THE WILD?

2 posts in all caps?

I ONCE FILLED UP MY TANK FOR 30 DOLLARS IN AUSTRALIA.

AND I GOT THE ANAL RAPE FOR FREE

Free Anal rape??!!!

Where?? I don't believe it!!!!

Whisper, I guess they are cheating you guys in Australia. Here in US, it is a standard deal. Everytime you fill gas, they rape you anally. For free.

Shocking..

Whisper, have you seen Wolf Creek?

Great film.

Yeah, I have seen Wolf Creek. Only Once and it was a while ago, But from memory, it wasn't too bad.

A decent Ozzie flick

Dunno how I never noticed this thread before...

Anyway, I befriended a gal from Australia some years back and learned that a can of beer was called a "tinny". I loved her accent and soon associated it with being warm (not the temperature but the personality type). Whenever I'd hear an Aussie accent then (quite frequently in my bar hangout which had lots of international travellers) I'd end up buying them a drink! Almost ALL Aussies I've ever met are warm people.

I found when i was out in oz that the people are/where so nice.. Cant speak for whisper though.

SC,

We had a member here Liz something remember? I believe she was from Australia. I remember talking to her in the chatroom. At that time, she was the only one I knew of from Down Under.



TIS

I remember her too, cant remember name though..

*Injectilo was from Australia too I believe.

That was Liz_85.




Yes, he was. Good memory.

Do you remember Nick from Down Under? He used to post on the old (black) boards.

We've had a few other members from Australia, too.

I don't remember Nick. I really don't recall too many people from the old board unless they post here.

I demand answers.

I don't know bro, I never go out to the "wild". Plus, I hate Onions.

No one drinks it here either.

I've never seen anyone drink one, I've never drank one, I've never seen a case of it in the store, I've never seen a can of it in person, and I haven't seen a commercial for it since, like, 2005-ish, and that's an estimate coming from a guy who is horrible at making up time-lines and has a useless memory.

I actually forgot all about Fosters until I read your post.

I see it a lot on the Metro North trains, so they must sell them loose at Grand Central. I don't care for it. Too bitter.

That's because the Australian's are all a pack of depraved alcoholics who literally urinate alcohol. That entire ad-campaign was a typo. It was supposed to read "Fosters is Australian's beer.

yep, was indeed me. been years since i've been on these boards! and whisper, being a melbourne girl myself i can't disagree with anything you say. fosters is just yuck, wolf creek was decent, and more than anything kangaroos just annoy me when i'm driving.

Liz, welcome back. Nice to see you again.




TIS

Thanks TIS, likewise

Australia is cool in my books. You guys have a good skateboard scene with pros like Dustin Dollin coming out of Australia. I feel you on the stereotypes as Canada has its fair share. We don't say aboot or have pet moose.

Blake!

How's it going, ay? You wearin' your tuque up there in the Great White North? JK

I'm just oot and aboot, hanging out in my igloo mostly eh. I'm going to throw and my tuque and brave the great outdoors so I can check out one of them fancy shopping malls.

Okay, I have a question. Whenever I see Australia depicted on television, everyone is very "outdoorsy," which I love. It seems that the beach is a very big deal in the coastal sections, as well. Everyone has nice tans, etc . . .

So why is Nicole Kidman so cadaverously freaking pale?

She makes the Pillsbury Dough Boy look like he just got back from a tropical vacation.

And does anyone in Australia actually find her attractive? I mean, besides her husband who needs her money for 12 month a year rehab .

Because to me, she looks like one of the needy, flat-chested children in the "Save the Children" infomercials.

I don't find her attractive at all. I guess she has her admirers as she's in Hollywood etc. Her Husband is a fake wanna be American. Singing in an American accent etc..pfffttt.

Aussies love their sport etc so we do spend a lot of time outdoors etc. It's funny how everyone thinks it's always hot and the outback etc etc. Most of the population live in major cities and it's hot in Summer, like everywhere else.

I had no idea Nicole's husband (can't think of his name) was an Aussie until very recently. Isn't unusual for a Country Western singer?


TIS

damn straight!

i like australia. i think we are 'the lucky country' as is so often heard around these parts. we have great weather, great countryside, great people. we have all extremes, desert, rain forest, snow capped mountains and sandy beaches. we have densely populated cities and sparsely populated countryside. you have choices in australia.

however, there are things i don't like. in particular, a government which is attempting to censor it's people, in particular our access to the internet. all of this is under the guise of 'but won't somebody think of the children!'. it has gotten bad lately, with the south australian government banning (and then due to pressure rescinding) a policy banning people from making political comments on the internet unless their name and post code was listed. wtf?

oh, and there is a movement to ban pornography with flat chested women because they could look underage. this is not a joke, they are trying to pass this as legislation.

i'm not normally one to talk politics, but the nanny state mentality in australia at the moment is seriously worrying.

but all in all, i wouldn't live anywhere else.

You still in G Town?

yep, though i cringe every time i see or hear the words 'g-town'. ;P

As a kid, I spent 3 years living in Exmouth on the Harold E. Holt Naval Base. It's on the Northwest Cape about 800 miles NW of Perth. Traveled all around the country - to Perth, Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne, GB Reef..... wonderful scenery. I hope to be able to go back and visit as a grown up!

Yeah, I was in G-TOWN the other week drinking at the nash. haha