My Son, Gabriel

This was written by my wife about the worst day of my life. We got married Sunday, this happened on our honeymoon.


On October 23, 2007 at 7:40 am I woke up feeling a little uncomfortable. Only a few minutes later I felt a pop and a gush of fluid. My water had broken, but how I am only 19weeks and 2 days. I paged my doctor and got up to get ready to go the ER, only when I stood there was blood. I was horrified, I started bawling just knowing that this was it this is what I had dreaded since the day I found out I was pregnant. Casey rushed me to the ER, they then sent me up to Labor and Delivery. My doctor came in and she did an ultrasound to see if I had in fact broken my waters, which I knew I did call it mother instinct. She confirmed that there was no amniotic fluid left. She then checked me and I was 3 cm dilated and she could feel the head, there was no stopping it. She told me it was too early to safe the baby, we did not know if it was a boy or a girl. At 9:30 or so she inserted a pill to make me dilate and contract. At 10:30 I had my first contraction, this was it our baby was coming. They got worse with each one, eventually one on top of another. At 11:45 the nurse checked me and I was 5cm and she gave me some pain medication because there was never a break in between contractions. The doctor came back around 12:15 or so and checked me I was 6cm and the baby had moved and was now feet first. She had me push a few times and then let me rest for a little bit at 12:30 I started pushing and at 12:45 Gabriel Lynn was born. Earlier they had said I may need surgery if the placenta did not delivery but I delivered the placenta and did not need surgery. He was absolutely beautiful. He is our angel. He was 9.5 oz and 9 inches long. He had the most beautiful perfect hands and feet God could have created. He looked like his daddy in so many ways. He had his daddy’s ears, mouth and chin. He had his mommy’s nose. My mother and Casey’s mother were present for the delivery. After he was born my father, my grandparents and stepfather came. We called a chaplain to come and baptize him. Everyone got to hold him. They each took turns saying something special to him. We told how much we loved him and that God needed him in heaven to be an angel. Gabriel stayed with us until about 7 that night, we had the minister come in a pray with us before we handed him over. Our first son will never leave our hearts, he will never be forgotten and he will always be loved

There will be a private memorial service and burial. Please pray for our family Casey and I are just drained and distraught. We don’t know why this happened and even though we can’t see it now one day we may.

Longneck, I am so sorry to hear about this. I am at a loss for words. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Oh my! I am so sorry. What should have been a joyous time now will be over shadowed by grief. Just be there for each other.

Words fail me, Longneck. I am so sorry and saddened to read this.

I can't and won't even try to offer any "explanation" of why things like this happen sometimes. It just sucks that they do.

You and your bride are in my thoughts and prayers!

My dearest Longneck,
I am so sorry for the loss that you and your wife have suffered. I can't imagine how difficult these days are for the both of you, after having held Gabriel in your arms.

Please know that I will pray for both of you, that God give you strength. Time is the great healer, yet I'm sure that Gabriel will live on in your minds and hearts forever.

God bless you. I know that He and Gabriel are watching over you.

im so sorry to hear of your premature loss,keep strong and be there for your wife,im sure you will..

Take care..

Longneck,

There are no words I can say that can either truly ease this situation or tell you all the emotions I felt when I read your post.

But my thoughts, and prayers (and tears) are for you, your wife and your Gabriel.

I pray you both will find the strength to make it through this most difficult time.

Signor V.

Longneck,

I, too, am at a loss for words. It's times like these where friends feel helpless. "What do I do?" "What do I say?"

The truth is, there's nothing we can say or do. The loss you and your wife have suffered is far too great for any words to heal.

I'm so sorry for your loss, my friend. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless you.

Heartbroken.

I am so sorry for your great loss. Please accept my condolences.

He'll remain in your hearts and memories forever.

Longneck, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I pray for strength for your family during this difficult time. May God bless you, your family and the little one in heaven.

An angel in the book of life wrote down your baby's birth, and whispered as he closed the book, "Too beautiful for earth."

Longneck, I can't even begin to find the words that will comfort you and your family at this time. Reading what your wife wrote broke my heart, so I can't even imagine how heartbreaking it must be for the both of you.

Just remember that during this time of sorrow, your friends here from the Gangster BB are all praying that God gets you and your wife through this.

We are here if you feel the need to talk. Please feel free to PM me anytime that you want to.

I'm very sorry for your loss, Longneck. This is tragic and heartbreaking. Be strong for your wife and grieve with her. And take one day at a time.

Please take some comfort in knowing that while Gabriel has left the proud arms of a loving father and mother on Earth, he is now -and forever will be- cradled in the arms of a Father, who will give him more love than we could imagine.

You all will be in my prayers.

It takes a lot to make me feel bad or sympathetic; I'm a rotten bastard, admittedly. But this just makes me feel horrible. Honestly.

I'm not sure what to say... Apologies are pointless and out of place, but I do feel for you. I'm trying my best so this post doesn't sound like a cliché... I don't know. My sympathy is present. Try and take it easy.

Not sure what else I could possibly add to the beautiful sentiments above. God bless Gabriel and your family!

A tragedy in all respects.

Stay strong, even in your weakness, and don't shun the weakness away. Grief is a natural and healthy emotion, and live through it to the fullest degree you can. It'll make the happiness even more euphoric, once it returns. And it will return. Be patient. And PM me if you need to. I'm a stranger, a listener, and because of that a friend. I can be there for anyone.

Hope overcomes Grief a lot quicker when the anguish is shared. Hold your beloved, and hold her tight; she'll need you as much as you need her, through these most complex of tormented times.

José Gonzalez plays and sings beautiful music: We'll remain, after everything's been washed away.

A tragic story, Longneck. But all of you were strong for each other and loving toward your son. Take heart from that.

I am so sorry to hear this. Please know Longneck that your angel Gabriel is in the loving hands of our Heavenly Father who will love him and take care of him. As DC mentioned you have a family here who will give you a shoulder to cry on. Just pm us we are here for you and your wife. May God bless you and your family.

Longneck, I too don't know what I could possibly add that the others haven't stated. I am so very very sorry. My sympathy to you and your wife. I can't even comprehend your grief.

I'm so sorry!!

TIS

Sometimes God sends an Angel to earth for a brief moment so we may see what perfection is.

Wow, I am so sorry. Stay strong.

So sorry to hear this Longneck!
My heart goes out to you both!

Thank you, everyone.

Here is a picture of our little angel.

You experienced something most of us will never experience or comprehend or understand. God touched your life...very close.

He IS a precious, little angel.

The funeral is Saturday.

Looking at my original post, it wasn't the worst day of my life, it was sort of the best and worst combined. I got to meet my son that day, it couldn't be the worst day.

This is truly the hardest thing I have ever done or been through, and I thought I had been through a lot.

That put a lump in my throat reading that. You are very wise LN. You got to feel a father's love, if only for a brief time.

Aww what a precious little angel. LN, one day when this life is over you and you're wife will get to see him again in a place where there will be no tears or pain. What a joyous reunion that will be. God bless you.

Those are precious pictures,which im sure you will tresure forever..

How precious. You've experienced the gift of life.

As a father, I know what a powerful, special and wonderful feeling it is to have a child.

And while I won't even pretend to know how you are feeling at his going home to our father, I can tell you that it must be somewhat of a comfort to know that your son is already preparing a place for you and your wife to re-unite with him someday.

May God bless you all.

Truly angelic! God bless you and your family Longneck! I really am speechless,but you are still in my thoughts & prayers.

Gabriel Meaning: Hero of God


TIS

LN, I know that we cannot understand the injustices that befall us. If only we could!!! But you obviously have been touched by the miracle of life, and it has left its mark on you. I will hold you and your wife and your family close in my heart as you face this difficult time together.

Remember, there is very little that love and prayers can't heal. I saw a woman on TV the other day who had been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer when she was in her 20s, and had survived 4 years, against all odds and predictions. She was asked if she was ever angry, and she gave the most courageous answer I have ever heard: Life is too beautiful to waste it being bitter.

Please remember those very wise words in these difficult days that are ahead for you. Gabriel is watching and loving you both. Hold onto that.

My right arm

Very nice!

Now you have Gabriel etched on the inside and the outside, on both your arm and your heart!!

Beautiful

Thats a very moving tattoo and im sure was worth the pain..

Precious pictures there LN!
You are standing strong in an awful time for yourself and your family.
God Bless You All.

That is really beautiful and precious LN. He'll never leave your heart and mind.

Longneck

I have not checked the boards much the past few days with some personal and work things going on. I am so sorry to read your post. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes for the loss you and your wife suffered. As a father myself, I fully understand the love one feels for a child the instant you find out that a baby is on the way.

I hope time will ease the pain and that you can experience the true joy of parenthood. Stay strong.

LN, That is the sweetest thing that you did.

I've been away for a few days, Longneck, I'm so sorry. My heart is pounding right now and my heart breaks for you and your wife. Be strong and God bless you both.

PB

This has brought heavy and many tears to my eyes. As a parent the loss of a child is the worst thing that can happen. Little Gabriel needs no prayers, but you do and you have mine. I wish I could reach out and touch you both to give you comfort.

Try to take it a day at a time, and work your way through this very sad event.

DT

You're a great addition to the boards, Longneck. I've really enjoyed 'getting to know you' the past year or so. And it's sad that it often takes a tragedy to get someone (me) to say stuff like that.

Be strong for your wife. This IS a tragedy, yes. But it's NOT the worst day of your life. You still have your wife and you have EACH OTHER. And you have us..we're your family, too!

BTW: I think that adopting a child has got to be about the COOLEST thing that anyone could ever do.

Ralph Vaughan Williams - The Lark Ascending
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbcuteYm-EA

Gabe's funeral was today. I completely broke down crying in the middle of what I was reading. This is what I said today:

Longneck, my heart is breaking for you. I know no words of wisdom or comfort, but can only suggest you cling to the beautiful words you have just posted about Gabriel and know that this little angel will always be with you.

My continued prayers for you!


TIS

It had to be a hard day, LN. Don't try to make the tears stop, you need to release your grief. You will surely meet your little Angel again one day. As you said, cherish the precious memories you have.

One day at a time, buddy.

LN, You and your wife are my thoughts and my prayers. Look up to heaven and our father will provide you with comfort. Cherish the love and memories you have of your little angel.

I too can add little or nothing to the sentiments that have already been shared, other than my deepest condolences at your loss.

But as you say...it was also your gain, you got to meet, hold and speak to your firstborn son.

Someday, you will have healthy children. I'm sure you will see to it that they know about their big brother who is watching over them from heaven.

Best always,
AppleOnYa

Thank you all for your support. My wife and I held each other and read your comments the first few days.

We went to Gabriel's grave after church yesterday, fixed his flowers and said a few things. He's in a peaceful place out in the country close to a tree line in a private cemetery. Apparently you have to know the guy who owns it.

I took a picture of Gabe on my cell phone so now it's my background.

I think about Gabe and the things he liked. He loved strawberries and strawberry milkshakes. Made me take him to Dairy Queen for plain soft serve vanilla ice cream. He hated chocolate and most sweets in general. He didn't like eggs at all.

I've told Megan that I know it's been hard on me, but it has to be twice as hard on her. Gabriel grew inside of her for about 5 months. She feels empty. Her heartburn is gone since she gave birth. Little things like that can really make you think about him.

I am so proud of Gabe, I knew I would love our children but now I know a father's pride.



Yes, I will make sure they know all about their big brother.

sorry to hear of your loss.

LN, You have a GREAT avatar and signature.

Sorry for your lost.Hope all is well.

LN, I'm sorry for not writing sooner - I've prayed for you and your wife in this time of great difficulty.

My deepest sympathies for your loss...

First Holiday since he was born...tomorrow will be a month.

When I was visiting his grave as usual on Sunday I got the idea of when it first snows enough that I want to make a little snowman at his grave.

We bought a 3 ft Christmas tree to put out there, haven't put it up yet.

I'll pray that it snows so that you can place the tree and have the snowman built for your son for Christmas.

It finally snowed enough but since it gets dark at 4:30 I haven't gotten out there yet. I might go today right after work.

I did get a snowman built eventually.

We haven't bought a headstone yet. I want to but it costs money...

As time passes I realize that this is a wound that time can never heal.

I am truly, Truly sorry, LN my Deepest condolences God Bless you and your wife

WOW. I never thought I could get emotional enough to develop tears in my eyes ( I'm a hard ass remember) But reading that, honestly had me getting very upset.

There is never anything you can say. But realize you've got support. I hope things are getting better for you and your wife. I noticed you said this is a wound time can never heal, Maybe so, But know that he's somewhere a lot better than this place and that you will see him again.

R.I.P Gabriel.

Keep ya head up Soldier!!!

To my way of thinking, LN.... don't fret about that. I'm sure the love that you and your wife had for Gabriel will stay with you forever and a headstone doesn't change that. When the time comes that you can afford it, you'll buy one. Until then, carry on as best you can.

Channel your thoughts into transient processes.

Time destroys everything, even heartbreak.

(And it's also an endless window in which further things can be achieved.)