Was Tony as a family man done over the top?

Does anyone else feel that Tony's "good guy" and "family man" side was portrayed as being too much? I mean I know the whole point of the show was Tony balancing his two families and lives, but at some points it felt, at least to me, pretty unrealistic.

I had a hard time believing that a character like Tony, who's a sociopath who uses, hurts and murders people and orders them murdered, could just flip on his other side like a switch when he's with family and turn into a normal father who admonishes his children when they swear and cares about if they did their homework and whatnot.

Even when he and Carmela separated, I disliked how caring he was toward her, always reminding AJ to be nice to her and it just seemed contradictory that he would humiliate her by his constant lying and cheating, then care for her after they separate. I also disliked the fact that they made him, Tony Soprano, a mafia boss, actually get kicked out of his own house. That can happen to friggin' Alan Harper or some other wimp, but Tony? Come on. The guy's a psychopath, he's not gonna take that.

Also I hated the fact how everyone was like "poor children" and "this will destroy them" and so "traumatic" and so on. It was like Meadow and AJ were 10 years old and not two young adults, the former of which has already moved out and has a new life.

I guess thats what many of these mob guys are like in real life, they can seperate their two lives and often have many "traditional" family values i.e respecting your mother, doing well at school and so on.

Getting kicked out of his own house was pretty ridiculous though, Tony the alpha male not putting up any real sort of fight to stay, albeit he was in the wrong. Wasn't very to character for a guy who rarely budged.

Him having traditional family values would not be that unrealistic, but they seemed to be pushing it when it comes to stuff like his kids' school and things like that. Can you really imagine a mob boss actually caring about his son's grades? There's a scene where he watches football with AJ and then tells him "go and do your Spanish homework" which made me cringe. Yeah, right, Tony Soprano is actually going to remember what homework his son needs to do.

Well most mobsters don't want their sons in the life today because of the heavy sentences so grades is the one thing stopping them from fucking up enough to do so

Most mobsters are no different to any of us when it comes to there children we all want them to do well I think the way the family in the soprano are portrayed was good to watch yes I know some felt tonys family had to much air time and yes aj and Janice were annoying but they were essential to the show I think it was the family which made it such a great show

He had warped sense of right or wrong but he did care for his family. No one mobster is the same as another. Just like no one else is. Many still love and care for their families and those close to them.

If anything David Chase tried to make Tony a more unlikable character over the years because he felt people were not fully understanding that Tony was not someone to be admired or feel pity for.

One of the many things i laughed about was that in the show wasTony never hit his son.

There were several rare times, but yeah you're right. I imagine that, realistically, if AJ tried to talk back or swear at him he would get a smack on the mouth rather than a "Hey!"

Thats the point of the show Tony had elements of the audience in his character to make us empathize with him, towards the end of season 2 the Dr Melfi character became a foil as if Tony was talking to us in therapy.

The Sopranos also points to the overriding narrative in America some would call a ideology of one person can make a difference highlighted in films such as Shane, Pale Rider etc it has moved on from the early models to this new narrative of one good flawed person trying to balance the evil in the world done by others and sometimes by themselves in order to get ahead.

The sopranos was so successful not only because it was about OC but it linked in to all the angst of modern western societies and in particular how males view themselves in this.

An example for all, Tony Spilotro that distances tony as psychopath, according to the testimony of his son Vincent, has always persuaded him to go school and stay away from crime.
All Criminals aren't the same, I know camorristi that sent their children to school some times with kicks in their ass, to avoid them to do their own end.

As for Tony, what had to do? Whack Carmela? Tony is smart and knew that how the money will end,Carmela would come back to him.
Carmela don't like to work,love only spend the $$$ Tony give her.
That's it.

Ive never been around New Jersey Mob guys but part of what drew me into this show was being able to relate on some level. Having parents and uncles and other family in gang life, I seen SO many character traits that are most likely universal when it comes to gangsters.

The things that bothered you about the show were the very things that I thought were so brilliant. In real life, people are complex. They are not simple, black and white. There's so many things to factor in when humans make choices in their life. In the Sopranos they were good about showing character flaws and contradictions in actions.

It's not the complexity that bothers me, it's the little things that I felt were too much. It's great if Tony is a mobster who, despite his sociopathic nature, loves his family and wants the best for his children. But certain things just didn't fit for me.

My interpretation was that it was about more than just idea that he cared for his family. It was also about him (and Carmela) trying to, in some way justify their lifestyle choices by trying to make sure their kids were raised well and became successful. Look how Tony was so set on the idea of Meadow becoming a doctor. They wanted to brag and make sure their kids successes make them look like good people. I can easily see a guy like Tony justifying his life in his head by telling himself everything he's done was worth it because he provided for his kids and his daughter will hopefully go to medical school. Almost like trying to make up for his bad by making sure the kids do good. Of course a lot of parents do this or have that sort of mentality. A lot of it seemed to come down to his own selfish insecurities. This even becomes more clear in one of the last episodes where Tony is telling Dr. Melfi how much nicer it would've been had Meadow went on to be "Dr.Sorpano" and Dr. Melfi has a look of disgust.

All the while, he actually wasn't such a great father because he lived a lifestyle in which any day could be his last day of freedom, while risking life in prison or an early death. His children knew this as they got older which would add trauma and anxiety knowing their father is living such a risky and dangerous life.

Who is this guy, pussy, huh? Who is he?

He's a man who loves his family above all else. Well, guess what? That's their favorite target.

Melfi in the series symbolizes us the audience this is developed after series one and two, similar to the silence of the lambs scene where the bars appear to disappear as the camera moves on to give the the impression their is nothing between Hannibal and the watcher. This is just done over the series to culminate into the realization that he cannot be helped, as he is or was a sociopath.