Quotes

What are everyones favorite Soprano quotes, dont think there has been this thread done, forgive me if so.

Chris - You smell like paco Raban has crawled up your ass and died.

Actually Chrissy had another good quote when the FBI agent Harris says he caught a parasite in Pakistan.

Chris - Fuck him. I hope that parasite eats his asshole out.

Paulie: You didn't go to hell. You went to purgatory, my friend.

Christopher: I forgot about purgatory.

Paulie: Purgatory--a little detour on the way to paradise.

Christopher: How long do you think we've got to stay there?

Paulie: That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven and 6,000 years is nothin' in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.

Paulie: You're late!

Ralph: Well tomorrow I can be on time but you'll be stupid forever.

---------------------


Paulie: I'm leaving 38k on the table. I can't believe this.

Ralph: Why not? Last year you believed that flying saucer was over East Rutherford.

Haha Ralphie had some great lines.

Whats the quote Junior says with regards to police being so far up his arse he can smell the brylcreem..haha

I think its - Federal Marshals are so far up my arse i can taste brylcream.

Tony - Remember the story you told me about the father bull talking to the son? They're up on this hill and looking down on a bunch of cows. And the son goes to the father, "Dad, why don't we run down there and fuck one of these cows?" Now, do you remember what the father said? Father says, "Son, why don't we walk down there and fuck them all? - (I'm sure he says this to junior..sound like something the old fuck would say lol)


Phil Leotardo - We're friends of your son, from Alcoholics Anonymous

Chrisy's Mother - whats your name?

Phil Leotardo - Well we're anonymous


Phil Leotardo - There's been confirmation, through the grapevine. Vito was seen in a car with a man. I don't want to get graphic beyond that, the idea repulses me so much

Carlo - catching not pitching

Thats the one, always make me chuckle..

Yeah Uncle Junior had some great lines, i can't remember the scene fully but its when he's in the home and the woman asks him if he wants to make a Christmas card or something and he goes - For Christmas, Fucking Idiot lol.

10 points if anyone can find the scene on youtube or the episode name.

Another Junior Joke:

Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now.", she says. "Why?", he asks, "don't ya have a vase?".

chris in the bakery

" ok so i can go out fuck your sister come back saturday and i go to the front of the line ? "

Haha yeah, whilst Vito takes disguise as an unknown Gino.

Tony: "Uncle June, how was Boca?"
Junior: "Wonderful. I don't go down enough."
Carmela: "That's not what I heard."

Ralphie to Tony defending killing the stripper. "A, she was a whore. B, She hit me."

Paulie to Tony talking about Snakes. "How can you trust a guy who can literally go f*** themselves?"

Tony to Chris on his intervention. "Anybody else would've had their fuckin' intervention right through the back of their head."

Christopher: "If I were a carpenter and you were a douchebag."

______

Always makes me smile.

who is that in your pic?

Michael Corleones Italian wife Apollonia from the Godfather Part 1..

At the no show job to Patsy, that always made me laugh.

ok i couldn't tell for sure...whats her real name? she was beautiful!

Simonetta Stefanelli

Uncle Junior: Even the coffee is old in here.

Then something about getting a maganet, only way you'll get decent coffee.

Tony Soprano: Carmela, something I gotta confess.
Tony Soprano: [sees Carmela moving her wine glass] What are you doin'?
Carmela Soprano: Getting my wine in position to throw in your damn face!
Tony Soprano: You're always with the drama, you.
Carmela Soprano: Go ahead and confess already, please! Get it over with!
Tony Soprano: [covers his face] I'm on Prozac.
Carmela Soprano: Oh - Oh my God.
Tony Soprano: I've been seeing a therapist.
Carmela Soprano: [gasps] Oh my God! I think that's great! I think that's so wonderful! I think that's so gutsy!
Tony Soprano: Alright, take it easy.
Carmela Soprano: I just think that's very, very wonderful!
Tony Soprano: You would think I was Hannibal Lecter before or something.

I like that scene..

Ralphie: Whatever you say, Cappy.

I always laugh at that scene. Ralphie had some great lines.

Same episode when hes on about Mustang Sally.

"Lets look on the bright side, he was never that smart to begin with"

What was the one where they wacked Jimmy the rat, and Chrissy took him to his final destination with the russian whores and something about the Jimmy asked he smelt good LOL I love that one there.

How do i smell - Jimmy

You smell like Paco Raban crawled up your ass and died - Chrissy

There you go ! Love that one ! Thanks , my friend

I'm hemorrhaging spondulicks here. - Uncle Junior.

Tony - I think it's time for you to start to seriously consider salads

Bobby - what you mean?

Tony - What do I mean? I mean get off my car before you flip it over, you fat fuck

Why won't you take a look in a mirror, you insensitive fuck! - Bobby

Lol, Bacala hiding in his mouse hole. To the victor goes the spoils!

Now, get the fuck outta here before I shove that quotation book up your fat fucking ass! - Tony

Carlo Gervasi: Bobby did mushrooms once. Stuffed mushrooms, a whole fuckin' platter.

I like bobby but he gets teased constantly ...

You look like a peurto rican hoor - Phil Leotardo.

Phil had some great words.

He was still my captain!! - Tony

Captain, ohh of the good ship lollypop right ?- Phil

"Now Bobby you're gonna hear some high end shit. And A, I hope you can understand it, and B, I hope you keep it between this room and Junior. Because if you don't, I promise you, they're gonna find pieces of you in eight different dumpsters." - Tony Soprano

*ralphie clipping his toenails and hits Janice in the face*
Janice - ewe
Ralphie - what, did you catch some shrapnel



Tony - You think ralph's a little... weird around women ?
Sil - Well Tone, he did beat one to death for.......what was it again?

Tony - All right, obviously you told the cops you don't know who did this?
Vito - I'm upset, but please... I know how to keep my mouth shut
Ralphie - Unless of course there's a salami sandwich around.


what a asshole ...

Can't remember if i wrote this already but.

Ralphie: Lets look on the bright side he was never that smart to begin with.

[the dean of a college that Meadow is applying to is asking Tony for a $10,000 donation]
Carmela Soprano: I think you should pay him, Tony.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No fucking way!
Carmela Soprano: What, your daughter's future isn't worth 10,000 dollars?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's not it. That motherfucker's full of shit. He's shaking me down.
Carmela Soprano: No, he's not.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, yeah? Who knows more about extortion, me or you?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: There's an old Italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth.

;)Wasn't that $50,000.00 They had been giving 5,000 and tony thought that was plenty, so after listening to Carmela he goes to his pants and drags out 10,000.00 gives it to Carmela LOL and says give him this ! But yes , good quote by tony !

I think the extortion bit was when in the drive way just before AJ comes back from his Washington trip and Carmela is phoning her pysch for an appointment.

"I won't be shaking down, i know too much about extortion". He was right though 50k, when he was probably already pay for her education anyway. Or well you pay here in the UK anyway for University.

this puts me in tears every time

Richie Aprile: (about Christopher) The attitude on that camel-nose fuck. He ever lays his hand on my niece again I'm gonna tear him apart piece by piece.

Matthew Bevilaqua: Camel nose!

Sean Gismonte: Man, you can't make that shit up.

Richie Aprile: The fuck are you talkin' about? I just did. Did you ever notice he's the only motherfucker who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back? That nose is like natural canopy. (Sean and Matt laugh) You know the kid has his good points.

Hes not here to eat, heres here for the rent. The Rent, the rent!!!. - Tony

Ohh come on - Hesh

I have a couple of pennys here too - Tony.

Im joking you fuck - Tony.

feel sorry for hesh.. he's good enough to lend the fat fuck some money like 250G and all of a sudden "Oh .. I forgot-here is the vig", who forgets that someone lends them that sorta money, then the old guy thinks he's gonna get clipped... not pleasant

Just went to show how much even someone who was considered a good friend of Tony and his old man that he would consider clipping him to get rid of a debt.

Tony went through weird stages of having a standard sociopathic personality and then at other times showing some remorse and guilt. Like when he got the traffic cop demoted all because of squashing the ticket and how he felt bad for him. But then at the end of the episode he was like fuck it lol.

What, what did i do? Maybe i should be a mute.

Lol got to love Livia, she was a great character, pity she passed away. R.I.P

Johnny was a saint...

Haha always with the drama.

Christopher: "That's guy a gangster? I'm a gangster! I'm an O.G. Original Gangster not him. Fuckin' lawn jockey. "
-- Pathetic, but funny.

Paulie: "Any hinky shit and you'll be refryin' beans with Pablo Escobar again."

Italian mobster: "And you thought the Germans were classless pieces of shit."
-- Delivered with so much contempt, I laughed out loud. Priceless.

Melfi: Anthony, what is it you want to achieve here?

Tony: What I want to achieve? I wanna stop passin' out. I wanna stop fuckin' panicking. I want to direct my power and my fuckin' anger against the people in my life that deserve it.

Out of sight, out of mind - Livia

Fuck him i hope that parasite eats his asshole out - Chrissy.

That was a great line.

Vito is riding the hershey highway.

Hey where did you hear that, thats a captain your talking about here.

Tony Soprano: You're a captain, Ralphie, when I say you're a captain.

Ralph Cifaretto: And I'm gonna turn up my hearin' aid so I don't miss it.

Id like to wish you a Bona Fortuna but im sorry i cannot attend your jubilee. - Uncle Junior.

"That gives him a pass? I don't care if he's got a hundred kids in the ICU with arrows in their heads...he's a piece o' sh*t. You know it, and I know it." - Paulie Walnuts

Last one i promise so many coming into my head at the moment.

Anthony is a [BadWord] hair away from owning all of North Jersey.

Im that [BadWord] hair.

Chrissy, "Under no circumstances move this car or your life won't be worth shit !

and not sure who said it to Paulie but "How many coats you put on that ". I think it was Chrissy .

Tony to Jr., as he Jr. blew up his shake. Your looking good !

Jr. to Tony, if you are going to lie to me , tell me some broad is gonna tounge my balls !

Tony to Jr. If that is what you want it is a phone call away !

It was Tony Blundetto who said that to Paulie.

Nicky , Sorry, you are right ! Damm Straight.

I can't remember who says it or who it was about, might be Paulie but when he says - "Tone hes a stunada(sp) of the highest magnitude.

Always makes me lol for some reason.

Haha i love it when Chrissy is talking about Phil Leotardos eyebrows.

"Its those eyebrows i can't fucking stand them" - Chrissy

I lived by the skin of my balls back in the 60's when the colombo's were going at it

Tony: I can't find Pussy anywhere.
_______________________________________________________________
Ralphie: I hear Ginny Sack is having a 90-pound mole taken off her ass.
_______________________________________________________________
Vito: I know how to keep my mouth shut.
Ralphie: Unless there is a salami sandwich around.
_______________________________________________________________
AJ: So what? No fuckin' ziti now?
_______________________________________________________________
Officer: This pie was found at a crime scene.
Giuseppe: My pizza never hurt nobody.
Officer: Come again, sir?
Giuseppe: You no find any bacteria in here!

Tony:It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast! The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando! He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!

Paulie: Get the fuck outta here.

Tony: Yeah. Nice, huh? He was with the Interior Ministry. Guy's like a Russian green beret. He can not come back and tell this story. You understand?

Paulie: I hear you.

.....
Paulie: You're not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator.

Christopher: His house looked like shit.

Uncle Junior: Come heavy or not at all.

I'm not a fag, i never was, "scuse me?"


LET ME TELL YOU A COUPLE OF THREE THINGS

"You wanna talk about all this old school bull shit well heres a rule you might remember. im the mutherfuckin fuckin one who calls the shots."

Even a broken clock is right twice a day..

Phil Leotardo at his best.

blow up a store...you call that balls? Balls is you look a guy in the eye while you jam a ice pick through his lung

"He locked me in the garage at the guy with the ponytail's house!"

Tony Soprano: "u live u learn"

Tony Soprano" "ahh gimmie another samwich "

Nobody ever said that, DN.

"Don't disrespect the pizza parlour!!!!"

"Chevy Chase....fuck ever happened to him?"

: "Chicken soup for the soul". Tony Soprano: You should read the italian version "tomato sauce for your ass" lmao

Chris to heshie ch*nks did this.

"It's too bad they don't have a telethon for fuckface-itis, huh? They find a cure yet?"

Chris-"Isaac Newton invented gravity cause some asshole hit him with an apple!"

Janice-"How much money did you make today, slut?"
Ralphie-"$300"
Janice-"That's not enough. I'm gonna put you back on the street, bitch!"

Then sticks a dildo up his ass

"In the end. F$$k Santa Claus "

" Even Cinderella didn't cry "

"How's John ?"
" Fine, through his veil of tears "

"He wants to fuck her?"

"Answer the fucking thing!"

"I hate this fucking shit!"

3 classic Carmine Lupertazzi Sr. moments.

can't remember: Accordin' to Johnny Sack, the kid's brains were splattered over the seat.

Paulie: Joe Peeps? Couldn't have been too much to clean up.

Little Paulie: I heard the hooker he was with got it in the chest. Must have been silicone everywhere, too.

Paulie: Why you always try and top me? You took the air right outta my fuckin' punch line asshole!


----------------------------------------------------------------


Headstone gets revealed at Joe Peeps' funeral

Tony: Peeps?! It's a fuckin' nickname! His family name is Pepperelli!

Silvio: They're gonna redo it. Fuckin' Jason. He's dyslexic...

Tony: What's that got to do with it?!!

Vito's wife : He was a good man , wasn't he Phil ?
Phil Leotardo : He was, I loved him like a brother in law

Paulie-"Hey Sil, you remember your first blow job?"

Silvio-"Oh yeah."

Paulie-"How long did it take for the guy to cum?"

classic Paulie

Hands down best quote was when Tony was pointing out the cop that killed Christopher's father and Chris says "Is that him, with the sombrero on?!?! the look on his face right after he says it makes me laugh in my office every time I watch it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9H7eLKEwAs

Fast forward to 2:05 lol

Junior: cocksucker Belleville!!!
Ralphie: ho,ho,ho what do we have here, handsome contest?

Chrissy: i'll leave u here u one shoed cocksucker!

matthew: no more burritos or you're not workin wit me!

Eugene Pontecorvo: The only thing I ever found in the street was my first wife.

Tony Soprano: Uncle Jun, how was Boca?
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Wonderful. I don't go down enough.
Carmela Soprano: That's not what I heard.

Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: You heard about the Chinese Godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand.

Tony: On the prospect of a prostate exam: "Hey, I don't even let anyone wag their finger in my face."