Posted By: Daigo Mick Friend
The Wait is Over (From SNL and kinda funny) - 03/07/06 06:09 PM
This is from an old SNL, but is still funny today and very appropriate.
Promo for the New Season of ‘The Sopranos’
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. Camera pulls back to reveal show title.
VOICEOVER
The wait is over. This Sunday night, the most anticipated
event in the history of time. A TV program that puts nature’s greatest wonders to shame. The season premiere of ‘The Sopranos.’ It’s been almost 15 months since the last episode. Are you ready?
EXT. SUBURBAN NEW JERSEY HOME – DAY
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
TONY (played by Darrell Hammond), dressed in an undershirt and open bathrobe, enters the kitchen, where CARMELA (played by Amy Poehler) is fixing breakfast.
TONY
Carm, got any of that leftover pasta fagioli?
CARMELA
Get it yourself, Tony. I’m not your maid.
TONY
Whoa, with the hostility! What I’d do?
CARMELA
(angrily)
You know damn well what you did.
TONY
(loudly)
Well, tell me already!
CARMELA
(yelling)
All right, I will. I’ll tell you exactly what you did!
TONY
What?
CARMELA
(looking confused)
You, ah, oh God, it’s been so long I can’t even really remember, you know. Do you remember, Tone?
TONY
Nah, I can’t, maybe...I can’t.
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. SHOW TITLE.
VOICEOVER
“The Sopranos.” For the first time since December 2002.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
TONY
I know I moved into the garage, but wasn’t there a beach house? Something like that?
FURIO (played by Seth Meyers) enters.
FURIO
Hey, ah, Tony. I’m here to pick ya up.
TONY
Furio, do you remember ever driving me to a beach house?
FURIO
Ah, I don’t think so.
CARMELA
Furio, aren’t you supposed to be in Italy?
FURIO
Oh. Snap.
Furio quickly exits.
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. SHOW TITLE.
VOICEOVER
All your favorite characters are back. Tony, Dr. Melfi, the guy who married the fat lady, and the fat lady.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
RALPHIE (played by Will Forte) and JANICE (played by Horatio Sanz) are standing on the other side of the island counter.
CARMELA
OK, so we’re all agreed, Ralphie’s horse burned down the beach house.
TONY
Wait a second. Ralphie’s dead.
RALPHIE
I am?
TONY
Yeah, don’t you remember? My sister Janice killed you with the bowling ball.
JANICE
No, I killed my other boyfriend. (playfully) But I did put something up Ralphie’s bee-hind.
ALL
(laughing and speaking over each other)
Oh, yeah…that’s right, I remember that.
STEVE VAN ZANDT (played by Jimmy Fallon), dressed as himself and not SILVIO, and another member of The E Street Band CLARENCE CLEMMONS (played by Kenan Thompson), enter the kitchen, as STEVE slides up and down, swaying against TONY’s back, looking as though he’s jamming onstage.
STEVE
Hey Tony, mon ami. Hey, we gonna get to work? Hey we gonna whack a guy or something. Gonna whack a guy, huh?
TONY
(laughing)
What are you wearing?
STEVE
Well, hey man. Look, I’ve been on tour with Springsteen. I thought the show had been canceled. I dunno. I gotta be honest, I don’t even remember what my character’s name is.
CARMELA
Who is that?
STEVE
Clarence Clemmons.
CLARENCE
How do? Hey, is that pasta fagioli (pronounced exactly as spelled, instead of correctly)?
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. SHOW TITLE.
VOICEOVER
“The Sopranos.” The show everyone is talking about, because they’re trying to remember what happened last season.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
TONY and CARMELA are watching TV by the counter.
TONY
Okay, so we watched like eight episodes from last season and all I can figure out is Adriana was working for the FBI. Now, Paulie, what happened in the next one? It’s not that one, that turbo one with Jon Favreau, is it?
Cut to PAULIE (played by Colin Firth), who has joined RALPHIE, JANICE, CLARENCE and STEVE on the opposite side of the counter.
PAULIE
(reading Sopranos video back)
Naw, Tone. This one’s when Silvio and Ralphie’s trying to
stop a protest at the Columbus Day parade. Oh, I remember.
The one with the Indians and, as I recall, that was a stinker
too. Let’s just skip it and watch the one where Ralphie gets
it in the keister again!
Everyone laughs and agrees with Paulie. Over the din, Ralphie’s embarrassed protest “Come on guys.”
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. SHOW TITLE.
VOICEOVER
This Sunday, “The Sopranos” on HBO.
Promo for the New Season of ‘The Sopranos’
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. Camera pulls back to reveal show title.
VOICEOVER
The wait is over. This Sunday night, the most anticipated
event in the history of time. A TV program that puts nature’s greatest wonders to shame. The season premiere of ‘The Sopranos.’ It’s been almost 15 months since the last episode. Are you ready?
EXT. SUBURBAN NEW JERSEY HOME – DAY
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
TONY (played by Darrell Hammond), dressed in an undershirt and open bathrobe, enters the kitchen, where CARMELA (played by Amy Poehler) is fixing breakfast.
TONY
Carm, got any of that leftover pasta fagioli?
CARMELA
Get it yourself, Tony. I’m not your maid.
TONY
Whoa, with the hostility! What I’d do?
CARMELA
(angrily)
You know damn well what you did.
TONY
(loudly)
Well, tell me already!
CARMELA
(yelling)
All right, I will. I’ll tell you exactly what you did!
TONY
What?
CARMELA
(looking confused)
You, ah, oh God, it’s been so long I can’t even really remember, you know. Do you remember, Tone?
TONY
Nah, I can’t, maybe...I can’t.
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. SHOW TITLE.
VOICEOVER
“The Sopranos.” For the first time since December 2002.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
TONY
I know I moved into the garage, but wasn’t there a beach house? Something like that?
FURIO (played by Seth Meyers) enters.
FURIO
Hey, ah, Tony. I’m here to pick ya up.
TONY
Furio, do you remember ever driving me to a beach house?
FURIO
Ah, I don’t think so.
CARMELA
Furio, aren’t you supposed to be in Italy?
FURIO
Oh. Snap.
Furio quickly exits.
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. SHOW TITLE.
VOICEOVER
All your favorite characters are back. Tony, Dr. Melfi, the guy who married the fat lady, and the fat lady.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
RALPHIE (played by Will Forte) and JANICE (played by Horatio Sanz) are standing on the other side of the island counter.
CARMELA
OK, so we’re all agreed, Ralphie’s horse burned down the beach house.
TONY
Wait a second. Ralphie’s dead.
RALPHIE
I am?
TONY
Yeah, don’t you remember? My sister Janice killed you with the bowling ball.
JANICE
No, I killed my other boyfriend. (playfully) But I did put something up Ralphie’s bee-hind.
ALL
(laughing and speaking over each other)
Oh, yeah…that’s right, I remember that.
STEVE VAN ZANDT (played by Jimmy Fallon), dressed as himself and not SILVIO, and another member of The E Street Band CLARENCE CLEMMONS (played by Kenan Thompson), enter the kitchen, as STEVE slides up and down, swaying against TONY’s back, looking as though he’s jamming onstage.
STEVE
Hey Tony, mon ami. Hey, we gonna get to work? Hey we gonna whack a guy or something. Gonna whack a guy, huh?
TONY
(laughing)
What are you wearing?
STEVE
Well, hey man. Look, I’ve been on tour with Springsteen. I thought the show had been canceled. I dunno. I gotta be honest, I don’t even remember what my character’s name is.
CARMELA
Who is that?
STEVE
Clarence Clemmons.
CLARENCE
How do? Hey, is that pasta fagioli (pronounced exactly as spelled, instead of correctly)?
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. SHOW TITLE.
VOICEOVER
“The Sopranos.” The show everyone is talking about, because they’re trying to remember what happened last season.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
TONY and CARMELA are watching TV by the counter.
TONY
Okay, so we watched like eight episodes from last season and all I can figure out is Adriana was working for the FBI. Now, Paulie, what happened in the next one? It’s not that one, that turbo one with Jon Favreau, is it?
Cut to PAULIE (played by Colin Firth), who has joined RALPHIE, JANICE, CLARENCE and STEVE on the opposite side of the counter.
PAULIE
(reading Sopranos video back)
Naw, Tone. This one’s when Silvio and Ralphie’s trying to
stop a protest at the Columbus Day parade. Oh, I remember.
The one with the Indians and, as I recall, that was a stinker
too. Let’s just skip it and watch the one where Ralphie gets
it in the keister again!
Everyone laughs and agrees with Paulie. Over the din, Ralphie’s embarrassed protest “Come on guys.”
MUSIC. THE SOPRANOS THEME. SHOW TITLE.
VOICEOVER
This Sunday, “The Sopranos” on HBO.