SHORTEST BOOKS EVER WRITTEN

Some wag made the comment that one of the shortest books that could be written would be
"The Wit of Michael Corleone," which got me to thinking of other possible shortest books in history related to the Godfather.

Some of them would be:

1. Happy Childhood Memories by Anthony Corleone.

2. Favorite Party Pranks by Luca Brasi.

3. Ways To Make It Big -- On Your Own by Fredo
Corleone.

4. The Art of Negotiation by Moe Green and Joey Zasa.

5. Secret Beauty Tips by Mary Corleone.

6. The Joys of Marriage by Carlo Rizzi.

Other suggestions are welcome!

Work for a new boss - Tessio
Fishing in Lake Tahoe - Fredo

It may be dumb but,
Making Offers They Could Refuse - Vito Corleone
Things in Life I don't regret - Michael Corleone
Hapiness being married to the Mob - Kay Adams.
I'm Smart - Fredo Corleone
Keeping Cool : Anger Management for dummies - Santino Corleone

Incest is Best
by Mary Corleone

Choosing the Right Husband
by Kay Adams

How to Aim a Pistol
by Mosca

The Art of Pears
by Carmella Corleone

A Night at the Opera with Michael Corleone
by Michael Corleone

Games to Play with Your Grandson
by Vito Corleone


I know, I know, their kind of stupid, but, hey, I'm bored.

Taking things personal-Tom Hagen
Usefullness of a bullet proof vest- Luca Brasi
How to treat the daughter/sister of a Don- Carlo
Mastering an Italian Accent- Senator Geary
How to maintain a solid relationship- Micheal
Minding your own business- Kay adams

"Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" by Michael Corleone

"How to Find Out if There's Something in it for Me: for Dummies" by Fredo Corleone

"Hygiene for Your Back Hair" by Sonny, Vincent, Hyman Roth & Moe Green

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" by Mama Corleone

"Being the Perfect Husband" by Carlo Rizzi

"The Idiots Guide to Dieting" by Peter Clemenza

"Understanding Your Adversary" by Jack Woltz

"Wartime Consligieri Stories" by Tom Hagen

"How to Catch More Fish Than You Can Eat with a Bullet-Proof Vest" by Luca Brasi

"Different Routes from Long Beach To Manhattan" -- Sonny Corleone

"My English Dictionary" -- Buscetta

The Joys of Driving -- Apollonia Corleone

Nipple piercing - Appollonia Corleone

"Welcoming Diversity in the Workplace" by Frank Pentangeli.
"Don't Let 'The Other Fellow' Rule You" by Pat Geary.
"Quick Foreign Get-Aways" by Fulgencio Batista.
"A Short Course in the Papacy" by Cardinal Lamberto.

"The Ethical Cop" by Captain McCluskey

"Chastity After Widowhood" by Connie Corleone

"Work Hard, Get Rich" by Merle

"Successful Racehorse Breeding" by Mr. Woltz

"Empathy" by Michael Corleone

"Animal Headboards" by Jack Woltz

"Older Women" by Jack Woltz

"Foresight" by Fredo Corleone

"Staying Faithful to My Wife" by Sonny Corleone

"Being Honest in Business Dealings" by Hyman Roth

"Clean Living and Fidelity" by Deanna Dunn

"Civics" by Sen. Geary

"My Photograph Album" by Emilio Barzini

"How I Stopped Smoking" by Archbishop Gliday

"The Age of Feminism" by Mama Corleone

"Choosing Sides" by Moe Green

Great one!
"Things I don't know about Mafia" by Turnbull.
"A good wife for a Sicilian Mafioso" by Kay.
"The art of long successful marriage" by Apollonia
"How to rise a smart son and a virtuous daughter" by Michael.

Respect For Photographers - By Don Barzini and Sonny Corleone

"How to make Cannolis" by Peter Clemenza

" Homeland Security" by Salvatore Tessio


Don Cardi

"How to get A Head in the Stud Business" Kartoun

"Visits with my Daughters Godmother" Bonasera

"How to be a Tough Guy" Enzo

"Great Moments in Public Speaking" Luca Brasi

"How to Make Friends and Influence People" The Turk

" My Greatest Achievments in Sports" Hyman Roth

"Cocktail Party Manners" Frankie Five Angels

"How i made Mr Ed a star" Jack Woltz

"365 positions or Once a day " Sonny Corleone

Cooking with Oranges-Vito,Michael,Sonny,Fredo and MAMA Corleone

Cooking with Clamenza-unknown

"How to get Michael Corleone indicted" by the members of senate committee.
"How to back up" by Kay
"What women want" by Fredo

lol!

"I'm Smaht: the inside story of my accomplishments in the Corleone Family" by Fredo Corleone

My Legal Opinions - by Anthony Corleone

Operas I Have Seen - by Mary Corleone

Staying One Step Ahead of Your Spouse - by Mrs. Hyman Roth

Taking a piss without it hurting - Hyman Roth

How to build a good relationship with your son's godfather - Carlo Rizzi

Being the dance-judge - Paulie Gatto

"Sex before marriage" - Appolonia

Having a one person dinner - Peter Clemenza

Opening doors - Sr. Roberto

How to Beat Traffic By Santino Corleone

Over-Coming Your Speech Impediment By Vito Corleone


I'm having way too much fun with this...

"How to Muscle Michael Corleone" by Pat Geary

"Afternoons with Vito" by Don Ciccio

"The Long Beach Diet" by Peter Clemenza.

"Making the Smart Move" by Tessio.

"Love Thine Enemies, And Other Tenets of My Catholic Faith" by Michael Corleone, Order of St. Sebastian.

"Feminism" by Mama Corleone.

"Not Looking Ridiculous" by Jack Woltz

"Ettiquette" by Deanna Corleone

"My Cousin Vinnie" by Mary Corleone (ok, it wouldn't be a short story, but I had to mention it!)

LMAO Don thats a good one.


How My Adoptive Family Accepted Me by Tom Hagen

"Back to the Borgias" by Michael Corleone

"Meucci : The man who invented the telephone" by Joey Saza

"Bastards are liars" by William Shakespeare

Is that the sequel to The Man Who Invented the Internet by Al Gore?

Lose Twenty Pounds in Twenty Days! by Peter Clemenza

Public Speaking by Luca Brasi

How I Slit My Wrists and Didn't Live to Tell the Tale by Frankie Pentangeli.

Mick

"Fun in the Tub" by Frankie Five Angels

"How to look good drinking from a hose" by Frankie Five Angels

"My spoken lines in the Godfather" by Busetta, Michael's bodyguard

Pass The Cannoli by Don Altobello

Party Etiquette by Deanna Corleone

Making It Big With No Help by Johnny Fontaine

Loyalty pays. By Paulie Gatto.

My Favorite Desert Recipes by Michael Corleone

How to say your own surname correctly- by Mary Corleone

Or, How to Pronounce Italian Names Correctly by Sen. Pat Geary...

Come on people, "Anthony Vie-tow Car-lee-on"

Good Acting Tips by Don Altobello as told to Eli Wallach

"Pete's Pilates" by Pete Clemenza

"Piety" by Archbishop Gilday

"A Healthy Heart" by Hyman Roth

"How To Act Like A Man " by Johnnie Fontaine

"The Value of Loyalty" by Tessio and Paulie

That would be a very long book, remember michael's sarcastic comment on this?

"Dancing Lessons" by Deanna Dunn

"Controlling My Anger" by Jack Woltz

"Keeping My Pets Safe" by Jack Woltz

"Massages: Why They Are Safe" by Moe Green

"How to Tell Jokes & Be the Life of the Party" by Michael Corleone

"How to Effectively 'Squeeze' People" by Senator Geary

Don Lucchesi should read Mastering An Italian Accent by Pat Geary.

"Making Sure Your Enemy is Really Dead" - by Vergil Solozzo.

"Turn The Other Cheek" by Santino Corleone

"Sailing in the Same Direction" by Don Lucchese

"How to Find Mr. Right" by Mary Corleone

"Crossing the Street Safely" by Willie Cicci

Fun in The Bath by Frank Pentangeli

"Take the money and run" by Paulie Gatto.

"Don't interfere" by Sonny Corleone.

"Journal Entries: First Vacation with Connie" by Carlo Rizzi

"How to hide in America" by Fabrizio.

"Take the Gun. Leave the Cannoli" by Pete Clemenza

"Try the Veal, Make a Deal: New York's Safest Restaurants for Business Dates" --McCluskey

ROFLMAO

"Safe Driving" Michael Corleone.

"Bullet Proof Glass" Moe Green

"Al My Pal:A Fishing Story" by Fredo Corleone.


"Blink" by Moe Greene

A Safier way to drive by Paulie Gatto

"Weight Loss" by Peter Clemenza

"Windows for Dummies" by Michael Corleone

How to make the third movie of your trilogy the best- by Francis Ford Coppala and Mario Puzo

"Careful Shaving" By Frank P.
"Choosing the right man" Connie and Kay
"How to sell a casino" Moe Green
"Talking business without blowing out your ear drums" Himon roth
"How I got away" Enzo the baker

"How to be a good judge of character" by Fredo 'Paulie's a good kid' Corleone

Lessons in Cooking-By Connie

Fish are our Friends by Luca Brasi and Fredo Corleone

101 Things to do with Your Eyeglasses by Calo

"Safe Sex Games" by Sen Geary

"Standing Up To Fanucci" by Abandando the Grocer

"Offers of mine that were refused." By Vito Corleone

"Post Opera Cast Party Photo Album" by Anthony Corleone

"Look behind you" by Paulie and Carlo

Vito's Gardening tips-By Vito Corleone

"Legal Ethics" by Tom Hagen

How not to lose money-By Moe Green

How to be faithful to your wife by Santino Corleone

The Joy of Cruise Ships by Vito Andolini

"American Wife: My Life Changing Journey to America" by Appolonia Vitelli-Corleone

"Cooking the Gnocchi After Kneading It" by Vincent Mancini and Mary Corleone

"Enjoying the fair"-Joey Zasa

"Difficult, not impossible" - Rocco Lampone

"The Best Veal in the City" - Capt. McCluskey & Virgil Sollozzo

"Keeping a Secret" - Fredo Corleone

"Good Diet,Good Health" - by Pete Clemenza

"Keeping Your Husband's Business Out of Your Relationship" - by Kay Corleone

"The Dangers of Incest" by Vincent Mancini and Mary Corleone

"Zen and the Mob" - by Santino Corleone

"Loyalty" by Sal Tessio

"Keeping Cool Under Pressure" by Enzo the baker

"Being An Asshole Will Get You Nowhere" - by Jack Woltz

"Absentee Ballots or Nothing" by Hyman Roth

"Seven Steps To Success" - by Merle Johnson

E-Z Pass For Dummies, by Santino Corleone

Racketeering for Dummies by Fredo Corleone

One Cocktail Waitress at a Time by Fredo Corleone

Dying of a Heart Attack in 20 years or less by Hyman Roth

How to Refuse a Request on Your Daughter's Wedding Day by Vito Corleone

Drug Financing by Vito Corleone

Respect by the FBI

Espionage by Luca Brasi

Anger Management by Sonny Corleone

Ordering drinks in Cuba by Fredo Corleone

Can of Peas: The Cookbook by Frank Pentangeli

Sex Games by Senator Geary

"How to Get Ahead in Show Business" by Jack Woltz

Husband of the Year by Carlo Rizzi

How you should never show anyone outside the family what your thinking By Santino Corleone

EZ Pass: a life saver by Santino Corleone

The Health Benefits of Massages By Moe Greene

Days of the Week by Appolonia
Change by Michael Corleone
Buffas by Willie Cicci

How not to get cought with your pants down - Senator Geary

How to hold a gun - Fredo Corleone

Memoirs of an Honest Cop by Captain McCluskey

Those of you who have read the novel will appreciate this more than those who have only seen the film:

"Sicilian Words I Know" by Captain McCluskey

The Benefits of Calling In Sick by Paulie

Fashion for Men by Clemenza

Racial Sensitivity by Sonny Corleone and Frank Pentangeli

My Dieting Tips by "that fat Clemenza"

Tips on How To Judge A Person's Character - by Fredo Corleone

"Areas in which I'm smahhht" by Fredo Corleone

Etiquette by Joey Zasa

Develop you Personality: Mary Coeleone
My Life as a Genius: Fredo Corleone
The Secrets to losing Belly Fat: Clemenza
Turning in Your Criminal Husband and Sons: Carmella Corleone

Pesticide Use and Application by Anthony Corleone

My Favorite Conoli Recipe by Connie Corleone

Genetics by Vincent Mancini

Nipple piercings - Apollonia Corleone

An ode to loyalty - Sal Tessio

Pimping made easy - Phillip Tattaglia

My Life at 4 'o' clock this morning- by Bruno Tattaglia

The Idiot's Guide to Anger Management - Santino Corleone

Vito Corleone - Fun play in the garden

That's your big thing "Reason"
Kay Adams

Discretion in Night Clubs by Fredo Corleone

"Fidelity" by Sen. Pat Geary

"Public Speaking" by Luca Brasi

"How to light a sigarette" by Enzo the Baker

"How to act like a man" by Johnny Fontane

"My Runnersworld magazine columns combined" by Don Tomassino

"Is this necessary?: My Run-in with Luca Brasi at My Daughter's Wedding" By Vito Corleone

"How To Get a Good Nights Sleep" By Jack Woltz

"How Tom Couldn't Get Me Off the Hook" By Salvatore Tessio

and it's companion book

"How I Couldn't Let Sally Off the Hook" By Tom Hagen

"My Overall Presence in The Godfather" By Manolo The Gardener

Feeling Secure With Your Step Brother - by Tom Hagen

The Power of Forgiveness by Michael Corleone

... and its sequel: Don't Overestimate the Power of Forgiveness.

and the latest installment: Never NEVER Overestimate the Power of Forgiveness..

"My Weight Loss Program" by Clemenza

Lend me an ear - Joey Zasa

McCluskey "I frisked a thousand young punks"

Michael: My Brother's Keeper.

Using an Easy Pass - Sonny Corleone

Michael: The Sights and Sounds of Sicily.

"Honest Law Enforcement" - Captain McCluskey

"The Art of Negotiation" - Signor Roberto

"How I Quit Smoking" - Archbishop Gilday

"Mattress Buyer's Guide" - Paulie Gatto

The ABC's of Driving - Appolonia Corleone

I think that would be "The ACBs of Driving"

Loyalty by Fabrizzio

Rocco: "The Jack Ruby trick"

i bet anyone who follow the diet program in this book won't lose a pound

Anthony Corleone: "Dreams from my father"

"The Complete Guide to Sicilian Messages" By Peter Clemenza

And it's companion book

"The Hidden Meaning of Everyday Foods in Sicilian Society" By Peter Clemenza

'The Don's Stare' by Michael Corleone.

Well, this would be a long book...

How To Be Coy When SOmeone Asks For Your Daughter's Hand - By Apollonia's father.

"Whores and Politcs: A Bad Combination" - Senator Geary

"Surprises in the Bedroom" - Jack Woltz

"The Guide to a Successful Marriage" - Michael Corleone

How To Bluff Your Enemies - Luca Brasi

Guide To A Happy Marriage - Michael and Kay Corleone

Etiquette - Deanna Corleone

Rocco: "Difficult, not impossible"
Michael: "Surprising birthday presents for your kids"
Sonny: "Eating Food - Manners and Etiquette"
Paulie: "Me as a dance judge or something"
Al Neri: "Love"

"The Speeches of Vito Corleone: Vol. 1 - Ages 1 - 9"

"How to Run Through Airports Like O.J. Simpson" by Rocco Lampone

The Art of War by Tom Hagen

"Racial Sensitivity" - Sonny Corleone

"The Joy of Incestuous Relationships" - Vincent and Mary Corleone

"Smart Enough Not to Become a Lawyer" - Anthony Corleone (sorry klydon1)

Understated Sartorial Taste - Fredo Corleone

Paulie: "One thousand good excuses for taking a day off"

How To Say No In A Dysfunctional Family by Tom Hagen

Chastity After Widowhood by Connie Corleone

"The Art of Negotiation" by Moe Green

"How to protect horses" by Tony

"The Art of War" by Tom Hagen

The Last Call- Carlo Rizzi

"My Life as the Pope" by Cardinal Lamberto

Vitos pick of the fruit by Vito

A Mind For Big Deals by Frank Pentangeli

The cleaning guide by Connie

Lovingly Hug Your Mom Goodbye the complete how to book by Anthony Corleone

My Legal Career by Anthony Corleone

How not to play guitar- Anthony Corleone

How to prevent nipples from growing in by Appolonia
How to act like a man by Johnny Fontane
How to perform successful assassinations by Fabrizio and the Rosato Brothers

Oranges For Christmas - Vito Corleone

Pesticide Use and Abuse by Anthony Corleone.

Acting Like a Man: For Dummies, by Johnny Fontaine.

"NyQuil for Tuna - or How to Sleep With the Fishes" by Luca Brasi.

My Life as Mrs. Corleone by Apollonia

How To Act By Johnny Fontane

"The Perfect Bodyguard" by Cpt. McCluskey

Ethics - Sen Geary

Al Martino seriously does not know how to act.

Saying No to your Boss by Rocco Lampone (special foreword by Luca Brasi).

Keeping your wife happy: Ten Easy Steps by Michael Corleone

Get Promoted to Management Now! by Carlo Rizzi

Intellect, the key to your success by Santino Corleone

Santino Corleone - Zen

Joey Zasa - "Ear" to the Van Gogh estate.

"The Joy of Cannoli" by: Don Altobello.

"Eyeglasses Repair for Dummies" by: Don Lucchesi
(Sorry guys, I'm rolling)

"Smile" by Michael Corleone

"How to be a War Time Consiglieri" by: Tom Hagen

Francis Ford Coppolla: "How to repair a windshield in 10 seconds"

Hm, now I see - this should better be on the list of longest books ever written.

Ghost written by Moe Green.

"How I spent my Honeymoon." By: Apollonia Vitelli-Corleone

"Old Time's Sake" by: Salvatore Tessio.

"How to Shoot Guns and Bodyguard People" by: Fredo Corleone.

"Marathon" by Don Tomassino.

"The Joy of Sex" by: Bruno Tattaglia.

"The Importance of Having Exact Change." By: Santino Corleone.

"How to make a weird sound between each word you say" By Hyman Roth.

"Michael (klempt!), we're bigger (klempt!) than U.S. (klempt!) Steel!"
(Sorry, I couldn't resist!) Ha!

lol, that happens while he was talking about Moe Greene.

Okay, let's get back on track...

"Fidelity" by: Santino Corleone

"How to Protect Your Daughter" by: Michael Corleone

"Pleasant Dinner Conversation" by: Frankie Pentangelli

"How to Be the Best Cop You Can Be" by: Al Neri

"My Future in The United States" by: Fabrizzio

"Public Speaking" by: Luca Brasi

Your turn...

lol we gotta love our Mark.


"How to mess up while translating" Batista's translator



"how to laugh while getting slapped for dummies" by Johnny Fontane


"Eating an Orange With The Skin on" by Michael Corleone


"how to drink from a glass in 1 second" by Tom Hagen

your turn

"Making It Big On Your Own" by Johnny Fontaine

"Anger Management" by: Santino Corleone

"Communion Party Etiquette" by: Frankie Pentangelli

"How to Call in Sick at the Office" by: Paulie Gatto

"Driving for Dummies" by: Appolonia

"My bitches and my Ho's" by: Senator Geary

"Crime Scene Clean Up" by: Al Neri

"Sweatin' to the Oldies" by: Peter Clamenza

"How to Impersonate Jack Ruby" by: Rocco Lampone

"How to be the Perfect Husband" by: Carlo Rizzi

"How to Be a Man's Man" by: Fredo Corleone

"Stylish Headwear" by: Frankie Pentangelli's Brother

"Pleasant Dinner Conversation" by: Jack Woltz

Okay, fellas. Your turn...

"Dancing with adult women" - Tessio.

"My Future in the Heroine Rackets" by: Virgil Sollozzo

Anthony Corleone "How to draw"

Danito, just when I thought I was out you pull me back in...

"Gnocchi Rolling" by: Mary Corleone

"Waxing Chest Hair" by: Vincent Mancini

"How to Keep Your Whites Clean and Unstained" by: Don Fanucci

"Loyalty" by: Sal Tessio

"Men are From Sicily Women are From Connecticut" By: Kay Adams

"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being a Pezzonavante" by: Senator Geary

"Anger Management" by: Captain Mc Cluskey

"My Life in Witness Protection" by: Frankie Pentangeli

Your turn...

"How To Relax In The Bathtub" by Frank Pentangeli.

"Great Acting" by Sofia Coppola, Eli Wallach and George Hamilton.


"Accounting Ethics" by Archbishop Gilday.

My Horrible Voice by Anthony Corleone

Michael Corleone: "Legitimacy"
Signore Vitelli: "My grandchildren"

"How To Be Number One In Your Wife's Heart" by Douglas.


"Obey Your Father" by Mary Corleone

Trying To Get Out- Michael Corleone

How To Use a Penis Pumper - by Sonny Corleone

Hm, this could be a long one.

"Cannoli and Opera" - Don Altobello.

"What? Did you say something?" by: Joey Zasa

"Size Does Matter" by Lucy Mancini

Roth: "My life in Israel"
Michael's Bodyguard: "Small Talk"
Nino: "My appearance in the film"

You may wish to reconsider.....this was not a short one.

Anthony Corleone: "Fishing with my uncle"
Santino Corleone: "Eating food - manners and etiquette"

The Art of Conversation by Luca Brasi

Oranges

My Papal Memoirs - By Cardinal Lamberto (aka JPI).

Enzo - "1,000 stylish tricks to light a cigarette"