Uzi's Ruminations 4/4 "The Mullet Phenomenon"

4/4

The mullet. "Business up front, party in the back." A nice trim job atop the skull with an elongated body of stout locks patting the shoulders. We know the hairdo. Late-80s glam rockers. Billy Ray Cyrus. MacGyver. Your plumber or handiman?

But the mullet is still worn, and NO hair style receives more scorn or humiliating attacks. I have some commentary.

First of all, the mullet is a conscious effort. To have a mullet, a hairstylist or your estranged girlfriend or your mother must MAINTAIN the short cut on top while the rear flows. The mullet wearer must REQUEST: "No...leave the back alone"....but MORE importantly, "I like it that way."

THEY LIKE IT. God All Mighty, they like it. The mullet is NOT an accident.

So, I propose that those who wear mullets are one of two things:

1. The COOLEST people on earth OR

2. The DUMBEST people on earth.

Why? Concerning the former, these people have heard and imbibed all of the anti-mullet rhetoric and simply don't care about what others have to say.

"I like my hair, and fuck off."

THESE are the people I want to surround myself with. Trailer trash will good hearts.

Concerning the latter, these people may HEAR the rhetoric, but they are too stupid to understand it. They do not realize that they have the world's most notorious, stupid-looking haircut ever created. If someone spoke softly and deliberately to them...

"Listen, man...your hair is SO fucked up...you really should cut it."

...they would certainly cut it. Because they WANT to be cool. But the problem is, they BELIEVE the mullet is cool.

"My hair is really cool. Pass me that Whitesnake CD."

The point is, don't be afraid to tell a person with a mullet that they do, in fact, have a mullet. They might not realize it, and you'll become a hero. And if they do realize it and don't care, you will gain a friend that will buy you beers at NASCAR races or the bowling alley, or help you move furniture from your mobile home back to your mom and dad's house. And we ALL like NASCAR and bowling.

Right. Too long. No one's going to read that. Shit.

I read it!

I think I speak for all wrestling fans when I say that I was devastated when Eddie Guerrero, the ultimate mullet-wearing geezer, cut his off.

All I can say is if I'm getting free Nascar tickets show me to the trailer park.

My dad is into Nascar racing. I don't understand how people can be entertained by cars going 'round and 'round a track 200 times (yes,there are 200 laps or more). I think there is a website dedicated to people with mullets. I'll find the link and post it in here.

MulletLovers.com

Click the link above to have a laugh!
Mullets Galore. They have Men, Women, & Children section along with the 'Hall of Shame'.

What amazes me most about the mullet is it's resilience. It has well and truely stood the test of time. Where as most other fashion trends have come, gone, been reserected and died again, the mullet, all though never in fashion, has never quite gone out of fashion. In fact most professional sports would have died during the 80's without the aid of the trusty mullet!

Fashion fads come and go, the mullet, well it just won't go!

Interesting to see you note that mullet wearers are either a)trendy or b)stupid. Maybe we are all the stupid ones and their mullet society just laughs at us.

And besides, if I remember correctly, you don't have a great deal of hair anyway, Poke. Not jelous are we?

Nah. if I WAS losing my hair, balding, or bald already, I would admit it. But that's not the case. I just buzz mine to 1/4 inch or so.

Actually......only people who shave their head (like yours truly) are the actual "cool" ones.

-Minnow-

Don't know if I'm #1 or #2, Uzi, but I was getting "mullets" at least 2 decades before they even called 'em mullets. I do so more for financial reasons than anything: get it cut as close as possible, and then let it grow 'til it falls down on my eyes and I can't take it anymore. I generally do the same with my facial hair...except in winter, I usually leave it thick and bushy. After all, it gets pretty cold up on that deer stand in mid-December!

Sure.

I've heard about the receding hair line.

Fatherhood will do that too you....