R.I.P. Dear Mother

Hi, everyone. Just wanted to share this for those few on the Gangster BB who have had limited knowledge of my 'family' situation. It's been a crazy couple of months, I lost my job in mid-March but have since gotten a new one. In between during my 'free' time I would spend days with my mother, who was by then home from hospital/rehab and eventually placed on home hospice. After several weeks of doing fairly well and in generally good spirits, she suffered back-to-back infections, the second from which she was just too weak to recover.

My mother passed away last Sunday, 5/29/2011. My sister & I were actually there at the end, and let me tell you, watching your mother die is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy. Though sad of course, my family and I were comforted that she is at peace, and free at last from illness, old age, immobility and discomfort. In fact the night before I saw that she would probably not recover this time, and told her it was ok to 'let go'. The wake was almost a relief, if only for the simple fact that she looked so beautiful and rested especailly after watching her rapidly deteriorate during the last few days.

Things are ok, and I am currently getting used to not having to dread hearing the phone ring.

On the other hand, my aunt who is my mother's older sister is also very ill after a lifetime of relative independence. Whenever I talk to or receive a text from my cousin the news is far from good...and although the worst is over for us I am gearing up to eventually get a call about that situation. The two sisters were very close and she has not been told of my mother's passing, for fear it would completely put her over the edge and finally do her in. While I wish my aunt the best and do hope she recovers, she is 85 and now in addition to everything else has congestive heart failure, and it would be ironic indeed if they died within a relatively close timeframe.

So of all my cousins in either side of our family, my sister, brother & I are the very first to officially become orphans. Pretty interesting since except for one uncle, both my parents were the last of their siblings to marry & have children, and we wre actually the youngest of all but two of our cousins.

Odd the things one thinks about at a time like this. Thanks to all who managed to read through my ramblings. Streamofconsciousness for sure.

AppleOnYa

My condolences.

I'm really sorry to hear about it, and God Bless and all to you, your mom, and family!

My mom's gonna be 82 this month, and still hanging in there pretty well. I SO dread "the phone call" that you can't imagine (or can). I'm guessing that's the worst loss of all in one's lifetime -- one's mom.

Remember all the good times now -- and hopefully that'll help you get thru these tough times. My heart's out there with you...

Apple,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I remember you speaking of your mother on the occasions that we all slip and speak of personal things of importance to us.

I know how it is to be there at the end of a beloved parent's life, and although it VERY difficult to see the last painful moments, you did well for your mom by being with her. I have to believe she was cognizant of her daughters being there and drew some comfort from that.

Be well.

Apple,

I, too, send my deepest and sincerest condolences. The loss of a parent (or parents) is, without a doubt, one of the most difficult things imaginable. Only someone who has experienced it can truly understand the effect it has for the rest of one's life.

As you've said, her suffering is truly over. She is beyond any and all earthly pain and illness. And you and your sister were with her; when the end came, she was not alone. You were there for her.

I hope you are hanging in - certainly these are the most difficult times, but if you need the GBB, we're here if you want to talk or even just vent.

Signor V.

Apple, my sincerest condolences.

My sincerest condolences too.

The main thing is pointed out by Signor V.: "As you've said, her suffering is truly over. She is beyond any and all earthly pain and illness. And you and your sister were with her; when the end came, she was not alone. You were there for her."

As hard as it can be to watch her die, I know for sure she was 'happy' in the last minutes with you and your sister next to her.

I know there are probably no words to describe what you and your family are going through. I can't even begin to comprehend the loss of one's mother or father. All I can say is that I am truly sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and yours during this painful time.

Apple -
So sorry to hear of your loss. May you and your family find peace and perhaps comfort in knowing that your mother is at peace.

Losing a parent creates such a void, no matter at what age you are.

I can't remember if I saw this quote in a card or in a poem or what, but in some way I find it comforting.

My sympathy to you and your family.

"Death leaves a heartache that no one can heal. Love leaves a memory that no one can steal."

TIS

Apple,

here is a little poem that may bring you some comfort in this sad time.

“The Magic of a Mother’s Touch”

There’s magic in a Mother’s touch,
and sunshine in her smile.
There’s love in everything she does
to make our lives worthwhile.
We can find both hope and courage
just by looking in her eyes.
Her laughter is a source of joy,
her words are warm and wise.
There is a kindness and compassion
to be found in her embrace,
and we see the light of heaven
shining from a Mother’s face


Both Pop and I send our prayers for your mother and the rest of your family. Please hug the little one for us!

Very nice thought!

prayers and condolences.

Sorry, Apple.

Thank you everyone, for the very kind thoughts and sentiments. In addition to my sister & I being there at 'then end', all of her grandchildren were either in or just outside the house. So she truly was surrounded by family, and hopefully she knew that on some level.

My mother had always felt very bad that my father died alone in a hospital, and we were notified by a phne call from the doctor. So being home meant alot to her, and although it was quite difficult at the time, in retrospect it doesn't seem so bad to have been there.

Apple

I'm sorry for your loss, Apple. You will always have the consolation of having had a wonderful mother, and of doing right by her, especially at the end. "Closure" is getting to be a very glib word, but not when, as in your case, you did the right thing, and earned it.

Really sorry to hear this Apple......

Apple,

My sincerest condolences to you and your family.



I totally agree. No one should ever have to endure that helpless feeling of having to sit there and watch someone that they love, with all of ther heart, suffer. Especially when it's a mother. I know the feeling all too well.

I've always said that mothers are not supposed to get sick because throughout our young lives they are the ones who seem to always stay strong... always helping and comforting the family when anyone was hurting or sick....even if they were sick themselves.

All I can tell you from personal experience is that while you'll probably never get over the loss of your mother, in time you will learn how to live with it.

It hurts. But keep reminding yourself that while she may no longer be here physically, the wonderful memories that you may have of her is what will make her live on within your heart.

Sorry to hear this.

I have to agree with that. DC, I've talked at some length with you about some of the issues I've had with my mother throughout the years, and I remember you encouraging me to remember I only have one mother, and that it is important for me to do whatever I can to make things right, because one day she'll be gone, and all I'll have is regret.

Those words have stuck with me, and I'm happy to say that my relationship with my mother has vastly improved. For the longest time, I felt like I'd lost her. Now our relationship is stronger than ever, and I can't even fathom the idea of TRULY losing her.

Once again, Apple, my sincerest condolences for your loss.