Big Brother: The Godfather.

Months ago, I read in the forum a thread about what Godfather's character would you like to have as a partner. Well, when I was in Mexico, the rality shows invaded TV beginning with Big Brother.
And so, I thought: what six Godfather men and six Godfather woman would you like to see 24 hours a day and why . I personally don't think of a group in a moment, but I will know in a near future.
This is my first topic! I hope people will visit it and give his opinions.

Come on! Please I want to know your opinions, just for fun!
Please post!

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

6 men and 6 women? that's almost the entire cast, if it was for the Corleone's only...

it could be very simple: the five heads+Moe Greene...

or Vito with his four sons+godson

Michael with everyone he had killed...

but I'll tray it anyway:

anyway... Sonny and Carlo, Michael and Fredo, Kay and Apollonia, Vito and Barzini, Sonny's twins from the GF2 deleted scenes (they were hot)

and the last two females... uhhmmm young Carmella and mama Andolini

Definately Michael with his two bodyguards (Neri and the one who gets killed in Cuba) along with Barzini, Moe Greene, and Hyman Roth. He would need the bodyguards to protect him from Barzini, Greene, and Roth... Three against one just wouldn't be fair.

As for women, I would pick Apollonia, Mama Corleone, Mama Andolini, Lucy Mancini, Deanna Dunn, and the actress in play Vito went to in Part II.

Here, imagine them all living in the same house...
* * *
Breakfast Time in the Godfather/Big Brother house:

MICHAEL. When will this stupid reality show be over so I can go back to ruling the criminal underworld? I can't handle all this stress. (He pulls a bottle of pills out of his pocket and swallows a handful of them with some coffee.)

HYMAN. (He's sitting at the table with Moe and Barzini. They all lean in, Hyman pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and shows it to them.) Since they won't let us have actual weapons, we will have to improvise. (On the paper is a diagram of an obscenely complicated booby-trap.) You guys help me set this up and we'll all get our revenge at the same time!

GREENE. After we kill him we'll take his money and I'll use my share to built a statue of me in Vegas!

DEANNA & LUCY. How much longer do we have to stay in this stupid house together?

DEANNA. I hope I'm voted out next.

LUCY. No, I gotta get voted out next! Dr. Jules is waiting for me in Florida!

DEANNA. What! You know Jules? He's cheating on me with YOU! (They start fighting.)

MAMA ANDOLINI. (Noticing Hyman's booby-trap diagram) Don't kill poor Michael. He's young and stupid.

MICHAEL. Hey!

MAMA CORLEONE. (Serving breakfast) I hope you all like my cooking.

MAMA ANDOLINI. Your cooking is terrible! Why did my Vito marry you? I always said, "Vito, marry a woman who can cook."

MAMA CORLEONE. No one insults my cooking!

BARZINI. (Looks over at Apollonia and gets hit by 'the thunderbolt') Now that is one HOT mama! After we kill Don Corleone, I want her!

MICHAEL. You can't kill me if I kill you first! (He pulls the gun he used to shoot McClusky and Sollozzo in Part I out of his pocket.)

ACTRESS. (Sits there looking frightened)

GREENE. How come HE gets a gun?

MAMA CORLEONE. Michael! Put that thing down! No guns at the table!
-------------------------------------------------
See... wouldn't that be fun?

Sorry that was a long post. (Pherdy, you inspired me with your post on Ideas for Part IV!)

By the way, good first topic Giorgio!

No Mary Corleone from Godfather III?

MARY! MARY! MARY! Oh, and Appolonia. That's all I got.

Please... I'm trying to forget Godfather III...

Why did he have to die? WHY?

(Sorry, Michael Corleone obsession. You know how it is...)

Don Mikey:

I laughed so hard that my brain and heart hurts . Oh God! I would like to see more opinions!

By the way Tony, you don't want to see Old Peter Clemenza 24 hours a day?

Thanks for your posts!

LOL good one Don Mikey!

Next Morning:

BARZINI: *opens bathroom door on a naked Moe Green* Ah! *sheilds eyes* What are you doing? *suddenly falls down the stairs*

MOE GREEN: I'm shaving the patch of hair that grows on my back!

SONNY CORLEONE: *materializes* Do me next! *rips shirt off*

LADY VIEWERS AT HOME: WHOOO HOOO!!!!

MAMA CORLEONE: Santino... don't interfere.

MAMA ANDOLINI: Don't shave his back, he's young and stoopid.

DEANNA: What day is it?

APOLLONIA: Wednesday, Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday, just another manic Monday.

~*~*~
I never saw Big Brother. Was it like the Real World?

Pasta Punk,Texas is my favorite State in the country! You are another reason for my liking!
I will explain BB to you: six guys and six gals are chosen from thousands of people. They had to live in the house for 100 days(in Mexico, I did not see the American one, were 106 days) Each week, the guys had to nominate two or three of their partners. Then, the next week, the people had to choose one of them to go out.
There were four winners. The last one out of the house won like a million dollars. The only things they could bring to the house were clothes, water and one book.

I was thinking: who would you thing would be take out first? Who would win? Who would fight? What book they'll bring! .I hope this will be useful to you, Pasta girl

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

OH MY GOD! Oh, God! forgive me! I forgot Clemenza!

...AND CLEMENZA!!!

OOOps!
Sorry to remind you. is like a slap in the face,uh, Tony?!

10.Connie
11.Theresa Hagen
12.Sandra Corleone.

Michael and Vito could manage to win, Hagen will make and strategy to win. Tessio is cool along with Clemenza. I like Kay and Connie. Carla is pretty and Mama Corleone is a good woman.

I would also like to see: Al, Pentnageli, Rocco, the Heads, Carlo(He will be kicked out by Sonny!), Lucy and Apollonia.

The first to got out will be Roth, cause people won't like him! The first four places will be: Michael, Vito, Hagen and Sandra. Sandra and Hagen had an affair in the house and all hell broke loose!

Giorgio Luigi Gambino

Thanks for all the positive feedback everybody!
__________________________________
*Later that night...*

MICHAEL. (He opens the door to his bedroom. A giant axe falls from the cieling and nearly slices him in half.) A giant axe. How original. (He takes another handful of pills.)

NERI. You know, boss, those things really can't be all that good for you.

OTHER BODYGUARD. Yeah, there was an article in the newspaper the other day that says those things can cause diabetes and paranoia.

MICHAEL. Shut up! I need them! I have MAJOR STESS!

HYMAN. (Pokes his head out of his own bedroom.) Dammit, it didn't work. Back to the old drawing board guys.

GREENE. I've had enough plotting for one night. Besides, we're out of cannolis.

HYMAN. Dammit Barzini! Did you eat all the cannolis again?

BARZINI. There's one left. You can have it, Mr. Roth.

HYMAN. (Roth takes the cannoli and breaks it in half, reminiscent of when he asked for a smaller piece of cake.) We will have our revenge, Corleone! (He goes back in his bedroom and shuts the door.)

MICHAEL. (Goes back downstairs with his bodyguards and finds Lucy, Deanna, and Apollonia watching TV) What are you watching?

LUCY. It's my favorite show, The Sopranos.

MICHAEL. God, I hate real life dramas.

MAMA ANDOLINI. (From the kitchen) Don't insult Lucy's choice of TV shows, she's young and stupid.

DEANNA. (She has a black eye and is missing a few teeth from her fight with Lucy. She turns to Michael.) So, evil, sinister, and emotionless, what are you doing tonight?

MICHAEL. Please Deanna... you were married to... Fredo.

(Suddenly there is a giant poof of smoke and the Ghost of Fredo appears! Apollonia takes on look at Fredo and gets hit by the thunderbolt.)

APOLLONIA. Oh... Fredo... Now that is a MAN!

MAMA CORLEONE. (Comes out of the kitchen and sees the ghost) Oh, Fredo, my darling Fredo! Where have you been?

FREDO. (Points at Michael) He killed me!

MAMA CORLEONE. (Wacks Michael in the head with a frying pan.) Michael, what did I tell you about having your brother killed?!

There's a bad typo in my previous post. I meant STRESS. I always skip letters when I'm typing in all caps. My bad.

By the way, if any of you like my peculiar brand of Godfather humor, I'm writing a full length piece about Michael and Kay's parents. I'll provide a link to it when I have more of it done if anybody's interested.

Is very funny ! I will see foward to see your Michael and Kay's parents script!

By the way, in the Big Brother house you can't see T.V. But you can do whatever you want.
Damn funny

Giorgio luig Gambino

I've never actually watched Big Brother.

Oh well...

Geez... I forgot Carlo! D'oh! He should be there with Roth, Barzini, and Greene!

The thunderbolt with Fredo! What drama!!!

100 days with no TV??? Yikes!

Here' my list:
1. Young Vito
2. Sonny
3. Tom
4. Clemenza
5. Michael
6. Enzo... da baker!
7. Young Mama Corleone
8. Mrs. Colombo
9. Apolonia
10. Mary Corleone
11. Sandra Corleone
12. Lucy Mancini

(Notice I picked only hot guys. ) I figure Mama and Mrs. Colombo can gossip like they did in the old days while Apolonia, Mary, Sandra, and Lucy talk about how big Sonny's weener is.

THE DRAMA CONTINUES!
(For those who haven't figured it out yet, there isn't much going on at the old university tonight...)

MICHAEL. Mom!

MAMA CORLEONE. (Tries to hug Fredo, but he's a ghost so it doesn't work so well) Fredo!

FREDO. Mama!

MICHAEL. Oh please...

APOLLONIA. (Stands and shoves Mama Corleone out of the way) Get away from him! He's mine! All mine! I must have him!

LUCY & DEANNA. (Giggle hysterically)

MICHAEL. NO APOLLONIA!

APOLLONIA. Be quiet you! Why didn't you tell me you had such a sexy brother? Oh Fredo... Make love to me!

FREDO. Uh... as much as I would love to... I don't have an actual body... so...

HYMAN. (Coming downstairs with Barzini and Greene) You could just take someone else's body.

FREDO. Hmm... I never thought about that. Who should I possess?

GREENE. Michael!

MICHAEL. No!

FREDO. (Walks over to Michael) Hmm... it's not working.

NERI. Of course not! How can your soul replace his if he doesn't have one to begin with?

HYMAN. Curses! Foiled again!

MICHAEL. Ha!

FREDO. Maybe I should possess Barzini. No one would miss him anyway. (Fredo's ghost disapears and Barzini's body morphs into Fredo's) Okay Apollonia, let's do it! (They run upstairs!)

MICHAEL. (Collapses on the sofa)

NERI. Boss!

MICHAEL. Someone shoot me now!

HYMAN. Damn! I don't have a gun!

DEANNA. Oh... it's not so bad.

MICHAEL. (Pulls out the bottle of pills again, but, sadly, it's empty) Damnation! (He throws the bottle at the TV, breaking the TV)

LUCY. My show!

MICHAEL. Apollonia... why?

MAMA ANDOLINI. Don't be so hard on Apollonia. She's young and stupid.

great one Don Mikey...

In comes Dr.Jules Segal!

SEGAL: Where's Lucy?

LUCY (crying at the broken tv): TONY.....

MICHAEL: She's hysterical.

FREDO comes downstairs with a big smile:

MICHAEL: What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully

FREDO: First of all, you should have let me marry Kay when you were away. I wanted a family of my own.

SEGAL: Lucy, my darling. (looking at Deanna): Whow mama, who are you (Apollonia enters the room): JESUS what am I in heaven?

FREDO: No, it's way better up there.

SENZA MAMA ACTRESS: Mr Segal, I heared you're a doctor who can make miracles?

SEGAL: yeah that's right...I've impregnated my girl Lucy with a rotten kid who looks like his father...

IN COMES VINCENT MANCINI, dressed as a cop, riding a horse, shooting at the tits of Segal.

He dies but gets himself fixed with another miracle.

SENZA MAMA ACTRESS: wow, I'm convinced doc. I was wondering if you could get me a child too. and some cooking skills.

MAMA CORLEONE: hey, I'll do all the cooking here.

CLEMENZA; what about my spaghetti?

ROTH: what about my oranges?

GENCO: what about my olive oil?

CONNIE: what about my cannolies?

DON ATLOBELLO: yeah what about Connie's cannolies?

MRS.CLEMENZA: yeah Peter, what about my cannolies? you said you'd take 'em.

FREDO leaves Barzini's old body.

IN COMES TATTAGLIA, naked, sitting on Barzini's body.

MICHAEL: Tattaglia's a pimp

MAMA CORLEONE: Michael, what I'd tell you about calling people names?

FREDO (to Michael): you big mouth you

MAMA CORLEONE: shut up, gipsyhead

MAMA ANDOLINI: stop it, he is stupid

MAMA CORLEONE: shut the hell up, drag queen

(mama Corleone's taking out a tommy-gun)

GREENE, who was building a small time casino in the garden of the Big Brother house, hears the noises inside the house, goes in, but can't see anything: Where are my glasses?

ROTH, BARZINI & tATTATAGLIA (all at once): why does she have a tommy-gun?

MAMA CORLEONE KILLS EVERYONE!

OUTSIDE THE HOUSE, Grace Hamilton reports for CNN (Coppola News Network): "Today, the Big Brother project has a tragic ending with the deaths of all contestors, except for two: miss Corleone and the ghost of her son, who couldn't be killed because he was a ghost. yet, the viewer ratings were among the highest in tv history"

I think I'll stop now, I have no idea where this is going.

Off course, Don Mikey, they are all reincarnated the next moring.....

Don Giorgio, do you watch Big Brother? as in watch it every night and love it?

in Holland, Big Brother 4 is on right now...each year the contestor are getting more nuts. also the format changed here after the second one.

from the one, the participants were divided into two groupes, who'd had to "battle" against each other to 'win' a stay in the luxurious home instead of sleeping in a barn (like the "Survivor" series)...

the first year, a lot of people watched it... now it's an below-average show

Pherdy:

In Mexico the first Big Brother came six months ago and had one of the greatest T.V. ratings in the Mexican T.V. history. I wouldn't say I love it. I like and it was g¿fun sometimes(all the people yelling at each other )
Later there was a BB VIP, you know, the one with famous people of T.V. and music(believe it or not, it was in VIP where all Hell broke loose!) but it was for twenty days only.

Now in Mexico, they have two reality shows about people trying to be singers and have their own CD's

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.

Someday, the maddness will end...

Oh... and thanks for the casino idea, Pherdy.

MICHAEL. (The next morning, Michael is in his closet, trying to decide what to wear) Hmm... So many suits... and all of them so expensive...

NERI. Feeling better this morning, boss?

MICHAEL. Don't ask me about my feelings, Neri.

NERI. Sorry boss. Anyhow, it's good to see that you're over the whole Apollonia/Fredo thing.

MICHAEL. I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm 'over it', but I do feel a little better.

(Downstairs, Mama Corleone walks into the kitchen to start fixing breakfast. She finds Fredo/Barzini seated at the table, shot a couple of times in the head.)

MAMA C. Michael... what am I going to do with that boy?

(Back upstairs)

MICHAEL. (Pulls a box of cufflinks out of the closet) Hey, where did all my M cufflinks go? I have plenty of C's but no matching M's!

NERI. Mr. Greene said something about melting them all down to make coins for the slot machines.

MICHAEL. What slot machines?

OTHER BODYGUARD. Greene's building a casino in the courtyard.

MICHAEL. Why didn't either of you tell me about this?

NERI. Well... you didn't ask, boss.

MICHAEL. I'm going to have a few words with Moe. No one is allowed to operate a casino in this house without paying me at least 10%!

NERI. Ten percent? For what?

MICHAEL. Protection!

OTHER BODYGUARD. Protection from what?

MICHAEL. From ME!

BOTH BODYGUARDS. Oh...

MAMA ANDOLINI. (Walks by) Don't hurt poor Moe, he's young and stupid.

This topic was the reason I joined this forum it makes me laugh!

The Corleone family et al in the Big Brother House.

I can imagine the diary room scene now.

Big B: Michael can you tell me what you feel?

Michael: Well I am all outta pills so I am feeling a little twitchy, I feel as though I'd like to kill someone.

Big B: Oh is that all?

Michael: No there is more, I miss my life outside of here, I can't run my business in here. My empire could be crumbling by the time I get out of here so please vote me out.

Big B: Now you know we can't do that, you will have to play the game and wait until the viewers decide.

Michael: (Screams like he did in GF III after Mary died)

Big B: Are you finsihed now?

Michael: Yes, I will go eat some pasta now.

This topic was the reason I joined this forum it makes me laugh!

The Corleone family et al in the Big Brother House.

I can imagine the diary room scene now.

Big B: Michael can you tell me what you feel?

Michael: Well I am all outta pills so I am feeling a little twitchy, I feel as though I'd like to kill someone.

Big B: Oh is that all?

Michael: No there is more, I miss my life outside of here, I can't run my business in here. My empire could be crumbling by the time I get out of here so please vote me out.

Big B: Now you know we can't do that, you will have to play the game and wait until the viewers decide.

Michael: (Screams like he did in GF III after Mary died)

Big B: Are you finsihed now?

Michael: Yes, I will go eat some pasta now.

(I love this topic too! But you probably figured that out already...)

Hyman's Diary Room Thing:

BIG B. Hyman, how do you feel right now?

HYMAN. Frustrated! I keep trying to kill him and he just won't DIE! All I want is a little revenge, then I can return to Israel and live as a Jew in the twilight of my life. Could I maybe get some guns or something? Mama Corleone has a one, Michael's got one, how come I don't get a gun?

BIG B. Because no one likes you.

HYMAN. But I'm bigger than U.S. Steel!

BIG B. No, that's Michael. He's popular. He's the main character.

HYMAN. That gives me an idea! If I can't kill him, maybe I can ruin his popularity and dispell that aura of Mafia coolness that seems to follow him! Maybe I could make him old... and remorseful! Oh... sweet revenge!

BIG B. Uh oh... Why am I getting an eerie sense that you're writing a script for a third Godfather movie?

!!!

VINCENT: *rides back in on his horse* Zaza!

EVERYONE: *looks around* There's no Zaza here.

DEANNA: *looks up at Vincent's horse and is struck by the thunderbolt*

HORSE: Neigh.

WOLTZ: *walks in and pats the horse on the butt* Khartom. Khartom.

VINCENT: Hey! Quit moletsing my horse, you cheesey old fart! *the horse kicks Woltz out the window*

MICHAEL: Hey... I'm the star here. *shakes finger at Vincent* You gonna come along with me in these things I have to do, or what?? Because if not you can take your wife, your family, and your horse, and move 'em all to Las Vegas!

VINCENT: Why you gotta hurt me like that, Uncle Mike?

MICHAEL: Are you with me?

HORSE: Neigh.

VINCENT: Yeah.

*they embrace and Vincent bites Michael's ear off*

*This morning, the members of the Godfather/Big Bro house find out who is first to get kicked out... Everyone is gathered in the living room.*

MICHAEL. (He looks stressed and is twitching from a lack of pills and cigarettes) Please, please let it be me! I want out of here... My entire empire is suffering. It needs my divine leadership...

NERI. You okay, boss? You're not looking so hot.

MICHAEL. I NEED MORE PILLS!!!

DEANNA. (Giggles) Neri thinks Michael's hot...

MAMA C. Michael, what did I tell you about drugs?

GREENE. They better not kick me out! My casino is raking in the cash! Apollonia has become addicted to gambling.

APOLLONIA. I gamble everyday. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday...

HYMAN. (Talking into a small cell phone that he snuck into the house) Yes, may I speak with Mr. Copolla? Tell him it's Hyman Roth.

BIG B. Well... the first person to leave our house will be... Michael.

MICHAEL. (In a rare display of true emotion) YES! YES! I'M OUT! I'M OUT!

BIG B. Oops. I read this thing wrong. I meant Michelle, yes, Michelle.

GREENE. Who the hell is Michelle?

(The actress from Senza Mamma stands and leaves.)

MAMA A. Poor Michelle, she was young and stupid.

MICHAEL. (He stands there in shock for a few seconds, then he screams like in GF III)

HYMAN. (Pulls a thick booklet marked 'screenplay' out of a nearby drawer) I think I can use that!

NERI. Boss?

MICHAEL. I don't feel so good, Neri... (He faints)

NERI. Boss!

HYMAN & GREENE. YAY!

MAMA C. Michael!

OTHER BODYGUARD. I think he's dead.

MAMA C. Don't be ridiculous! You can never lose your family.

LUCY. Shouldn't someone do something?

DEANNA. I know how to do mouth-to-mouth...

LUCY. Deanna!

MICHAEL. (Weakly) Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in...

Don Mikey, Don G Gambino, PastaPunk, Pherdy, A.Lombardo and da resta you newcomers. I'm a new guy myself but it's nice to see you creative and hilarious people on the board.

Those skits made me laff so hard I was crying...the shaved back...the "Monday tuesday etc." Keep it up.

Ya know guys, You know, you're going to turn out all right and we're gonna catch the hell.

That's alright -- this thing's gotta happen every five years or so -- ten years -- helps to get rid of the bad blood.

The oldtimers get bored, jaded, lazy.. been ten years since the last one. You know you got to stop the monotonous posts at the beginning , like they should have stopped Hussein, in Iraq.

They should never've let him get away with that. They were just asking for big trouble. You know, we are all proud of you -- being funny and all.

Turnbull, too.


I wanna be clever and funny like you guys! I don't want to be boring... Did you ever once think about that? Send BK off to do this -- send BK off to do that! I been here since June and I been stepped over.

I can handle things I'm smart -- not like everyone says -- not dumb, smart and I want respect!

Thanks!

I'm creative and hilarious. I figured I was just annoying people...

You quoted Fredo... ewww...

you were!!

just kidding.

Don Mikey and PastaPunk, your last posts made me cry too, damn

oh and BronxKing, you're in as far as I'm concerned, you're quoting skills are excellent.

Don Gambino, in Holland the VIP thing was laim...so were the "singer" and "moviestar" reality shows (actually held in the same BB houses), we also had a show called "The Bus" you can imagine what's that about

the next morning......

Michael is feeling sick.

MICHAEL: Neri, where are my pills...

NERI: boss, are you upset you didn't get voted away?

MICHAEL: don't ask about my feelings, Al!

MAMA CORLEONE: Mike, what-a you want-a for-a break-a-fast?

MICHAEL: don't ask me what I want to eat!

MAMA CORLEONE: oh, well then I'm-a gonna make-a Peter Clemenza some-a cannolis!

MICHAEL: what? don't ever take side against the family again!

KAY: Michael! don't talke to your mother like that!

MAMA CORLEONE: hey little white trash girl you, what I told you about talking to my babyboy like that, huh?

MAMA ANDOLINI: stop annoying her, she's young and stupid

APOLLONIA, DEANNA DUNN, LUCY, FREDO, LITTLE VITO'S GHOST, all at once: what? who called me?

MICHAEL: guys, would you please stop? I'm stressed out here, I wanted to leave the house...

KAY: Michael, you're blind...

MICHAEL: I don't wanna hear about it!

KAY: but Michael...

MICHAEL: I don't wanna hear about it!

KAY: but

MICHAEL: I don't wanna hear about it!

MICHAEL: I don't wanna hear about it!

MICHAEL: Enough!

HYMAN ROTH: Yeah, this is Roth speaking. Is this the Coppola residence? Yes? Who is it on the phone?

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: Roman

ROTH: Who?

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: Roman, you know, the guy who played young Sonny, with the curly hair

GREENE: Michael, come out here, I need you're help. Bring Neri with you.

MICHAEL: Be right there Moe!

KAY: Michael, we are you going?

MICHAEL: do not ask me about my business, Kay

KAY: Michael, is it true?

MICHAEL: for once, you can ask me about my business...

MAMA CORLEONE: is it true you've been snacking at McDonald's lately? where are you manners

MAMA ANDOLINI: shut it, he is young and stupid.

APOLLONIA, DEANNA DUNN, LUCY, FREDO, LITTLE VITO'S GHOST, all at once: what? who called me?

MICHAEL: Al, come with me. We're going to Moe's casino. be sure to take some chairs with you. I heard Moe has new glasses. Where's Calo when you need him...

ROTH: Can I speak to your ... hello? who is this now?

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: Mary

ROTH: who?

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: MAry, you know, the girl from the baptism scene and from the immigration scene. Is Vincent still in the BB-house?

ROTH: no, he took off with his wife, children and his horse to Vegas. Woltz is with him right now. Can I speak too...

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: Hello? Who the hell is this?

ROTH: Damn, it's Roth, now get me a grown up Coppola for once

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: I am grown up. I am Nicholas Kim Coppola....

ROTH: Who?

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: you know, the guy who traded faces with John Travolta in that John Woo picture

DR.SEGAL: that was actually me doing business out there.

SENZA MAMMA ACTRESS (allowed to talk to her old roommates one last time, by intercom): Dr.Segal, when can I make an appointment, as I asked for?

DR.SEGAL: let me see, Apollonia got my agenda...

Apollonia when can Michelle have an appointment

APOLLONIA: monday, tuesday, thursday, wednesday

IN COMES JOE PESCI: whowly shit, you crazy jew motherfucker you (talking to Roth)... I'm in the wrong movie! (exit Pesci)

ROTH to CLEMENZA: Hey Clemenza, wanna rat out on Michael?

CLEMENZA: yeah sure. give him and Neri two in the head each. shoot them the minute you get out of the bathroom. then you drop the gun, and Tessio will be waiting outside.

ROTH: he's in it too?

CLEMENZA: yeah, he's a master in betrayal!

Roth starts practicing the hit.

MRS.CLEMENZA: Peter! where you at?

CLEMENZA: Oh shit, Roth, we gotta go. Leave the gun, take the cannolie!

ROTH: damn, just when I thought I had a gun, I lost it again...

ALL INHABITANTS ARE CALLED TO THE DIARY ROOM:

Senator Geary is there.

BB: who the hell is The Godfather among you?

MICHAEL: I never knew no godfather.

BB: Sir, you are contradicting a sworn statement that you previously made to us and signed.

MICHAEL: I thought you was gonna get me outtahere, them guys of the FBI promised me a nice deal, so I told some things...

BB: you think you're getting outtahere?

MICHAEL: please yes please

BB: FUGGEDABOUTIT!!

MAMA CORLEONE: hey you, watch your mouth. you owe my son an apology!

MAMA ANDOLINI: don't blame BB. they are all stupid.

APOLLONIA, DEANNA DUNN, LUCY, FREDO, LITTLE VITO'S GHOST, all at once: we are?

VINCENT: which days is BB televised, anyway?

APOLLONIA: monday, tuesday, thursday, wednesday...

MAMA CORLEONE points out a gun to the BB director: LET ME SON GO!


Michael is released from the BB-house...

after 15 minutes of interview with Grace Hamilton, Michael realizes he forgot his pills inside the house. He runs back, screaming like he did in GFIII, only to be reunited with all of the contestors...

MICHAEL: Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me right back in!

(TAKE IT FROM HERE GUYS, after a while I'm losing my sense of funnyness

just a comment of slight reason....

how long can we continue these posts?



anyway, PastaPunk, you're Vincent-Zasa-horse-Woltz thing was G*R*E*A*T

and Don Mikey, you deserve another compliment on starting the whole damn thing...

I've pasted all of the BB-dialogue posts into a MS word document...guess how many pages it is right now:

11!!!!!

within a week we'll have a 450 page book like Puzo's novel!

I think I will make a small website called

"The GodBrother" and have the entire story in it...

but not until it will get only better and better the upcoming time!

the Big-Brother directors announce the contestors have been in the hous for 43 days, and throw a party.

DEANNA DUNN: wa? ha we bin ere fo for-e-tree dayz? we mus be stupi!?!

MAMA ANDOLINI: well, I wasn't gonna say anything...

ROTH, GREENE, TATTAGLIA and BARZINI enter the room with guns

VINCENT: It's a hit

MICHAEL: please shoot me this time, instead of my daughter!

NERI: Mikey, over here...

Neri tosses a box of pills to Michael

MICHAEL: At last, I thought I was dying, I never felt so smart before...

ROTH: Listen to, Commendatore Corleone, you will not get away this time

the ground starts to shake. some flashlights light up the room. it must be a helicopter or something...

the helicopter lands on the BB-house, and out of it comes a very colorfull person.

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: Yeah baby yeah, do I make you randy baby, do I?

DEANNA, APOLLONIA & LUCY: You sura as hell make me!

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: what seems to be the case?

BARZINI: this guy won't die!

MICHAEL: they won't let me out of the house!

MAMA CORLEONE: no one eats my food anymore! the only [I}schmug[/I] who eats my food keeps asking for smaller pieces..

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: wright....so, shall we shag now or shag later? I won't bite...hard

LUCY: hmmm yes

exit LUCY and AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY

a new member joins the pack in the BB-house.

it's Constanzia

DEANNA: geeya, wa are ya wearin? you look redicidulas...

MICHAEL: she's been like that ever since part III

FREDO: jesus Connie, you look awful

CONNIE: banfangool you all, I have the power to emerge from a weak Italian lady to a ruthless killer... I will be the first Female head I tell ya... rise up for Donna Corleone...

VINCENT MANCINI comes back from Vegas: yeah yeah whatever, I'm the Don now...

CONNIE: Michael, you remember Vincent, Sonny's son

VINCENT: hey how ya doin Mr.Corleone

MICHAEL: oh not again...how are you doing?

VINCENT: I'm doin good how ya doin

NERI: Mikey, do you want me to get rid of him

MICHAEL: Neri, don't ever ask me about what I'm going to do.

APOLLONIA, out of nowhere!: what day is it today anyway?

VINCENT: good party Mike, how ya doin?

MICHAEL: I heard you shot Dr.Segal in the tits. foolish of you won't you think?

VINCENT: foolish of me? well a little of this guy don't you think? right? RIGHT?

enters ANTHONY: hey pop, I quite singing in thights!

MICHAEl: Tony, you look a lot like your uncle Sonny...your face, your looks...much more then this Vincent character

VINCENT: hey Anthony, how ya doin

ANTHONY: fine, how are you doing?

VINCENT: good, how ya doin

ANTHONY: pop, I'm running for presidency..I'm making grandpa's wish come true

enters ANDREW HAGEN: Hey uncle Mike

VINCENT: hey Andy, how ya doin

ANDREW HAGEN: fine, how are you doing?

VINCENT: good, how ya doin

ANDREW HAGEN: uncle Mike, are you plotting to kill the pope soon?

MICHAEL: Neri, are we?

NERI: not that I know off boss

MICHAEL: check out that Jew Roth if he is...why you ask Andy?

ANDREW HAGEN: I'm running for pope uncle Mike..but there need to die one first. I'm gonna be Andreus Hagenus Primus!

FREDO: that's swell Andrew, congratulatio..ah. (Vincent interrupts)

VINCENT: go on encourage him.... Andy, how could you do this, on the party og the 43rd day of this BB contest...Big Brother himself, rest in peace, would be heartbroken.

BIG BROTHER ANNOUNCES A GROUP MEETING IN THE DIARY ROOM:

MICHAEL: Big Brother, I want to thank you for helping me organize this...meeting here today.
And also the other people living in his house...Hyman Roth from Miami and his Sicilian message boy Johnny Ola...and ah...from Nevada...Moe Greene...also, from the Vatican, my nephew Andrew Hagen..and all the other associates that came as far as from New York and Sicily, and all the other territories of the world....thank you.

(they all sit down)

How did things ever get so far? I don't know. It was so -- unfortunate -- so unnecessary.
Fredo lost his body -- and I lost my freaking pills! We're quits. And if Fredo agrees, then I'm willing
to -- let things go on the way they were before...

KAY: Mike, you're being too honest. To reasonable. that's always been your thing, huh, reason...I liked you better when you were just a common mafia hood!

DEANNA: what's a hood?

MAMA CORLEONE talking to Andy Hagen: those two looke alike

ANDREW HAGEN: uhuh

KAY/DEANNA: what do ya mean by that?

MICHAEL: hey cut the crap will ya? Andreus Hagenus Primus himself just blessed me, you think y'all know better than the pope?

he continues: how I want you to know that I'm willing to leave this house. All my life, I want out. Since he's doing a good job, financially speaking, I'm giving control over to Moe Greene.

MOE GREENE: I believe in this house. It has made my fortune. and look where I'm now? stalked by an old jew...a bold pimp...heck, I'm not even getting drugs due to the Corleone Family's history! At least Fredo, the stupid one...

MAMA CORLEONE: told you

MAMA ANDOLINI: you could tell?

FREDO: mom, I thought you said...

MAMA CORLEONE: hold your mouth gipsy-without-a-body

MOE GREENE: anyways, at least Fredo provided me with some girls ;-)

WOLTZ: can you give me an address, hah???

LUCY: Freddie, why didn't you sent me to this Greene man, he seems like a nice guy...

GREENE: you know, Fredo, I beat thos girls, like animals!

DR.SEGAL: when they came to me, their noses were broken. their jaws were shattered, held together by wires. they couldn't even weep because of the pain.

GREENE: yeah yeah whatever. I wept though! Why did I weep? they were the light of my life...beautiful young girls...you know you can't stick your little boy in these slot machines! I need slut machines!!!!

LUCY: again, you could have called me

DEANNA: heck, I even live in Vegas!

GREENE: now, I will never be pleased again. so I bought Playboy and Penthouse magazines

(the entire room is filled with shock!!!!!)

MICHAEL: why didn't you come to me first?

GREENE: What do you want of me? Tell me anything. But do what I beg you to do.

MICHAEL: What is that?

GREENE whispers in his ear that he wants all male contestors out of the house...he wants Michelle from Senza Mama back and also Sonny's twin daughters when they we're 16 (Woltz overheard this and asked for them to be 12 again!)

MICHAEL: That I cannot do.

GREENE: I'll give you anything you ask, all the money I made with the garden-casino...

MICHAEL: this is the first time you came to me for counsel,
for help. But let's be frank here: you
never wanted my friendship. And uh, you were afraid to be in my debt.

GREENE: I didn't want to get into trouble.

MICHAEL: I understand. You found paradise in the Big Brother house, had a good trade, made a good living. Roth protected you; and there were camera's all over the place.

GREENE: You don't talk to a man like Moe Greene like that! anyway I ask you for justice.

MICHAEL: Moe... Greene... What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully?

I don't need your money, I've got Immobiliare...if you would offer me a set of pills though...

ROTH: say Moe, those fruit slot machines, with them oranges on it...can you make them pay out real oranges?

MRS.CLEMENZA: can you make them pay out cannoli's, cuz PEEEETEER!!! where the hell are mine?

CONNIE: sssshht, Lucy is having another baby from dead Sonny out of nowhere!!

LUCY: aaaarghh uuuuuuughh whooooooooieew... ah this hurts..

ANTHONY: aww, that's pretty goddamn disgusting

MICHAEL: close your eyes Tony, you're not up for this

ANTHONY starts crying

VINCENT: what's the matter with you?!? you can act like a man? Is this how you turned out? A Palermo finocchio that ah cries like a woman?

What is that nonsense? Ridiculous.
MICHAEL: enough! don't ever let anyone else know what you're thinking.

VINCENT: look at it, I have a baby brother now

MICHAEL: Now this miracle Mancini-baby doesn't conflict with my business with Mr.Moe Greene.

I'm leaving the house!

ROTH: could you deliver some oranges when you're out, Mikey?

ROTH: hmmm, "the Death of Michael Corleone", wonder if I can make a movie out of that. Maybe my Jewish friend Woltz has an actor in mind. I'll call Coppola.

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: hello?

ROTH: is this the Coppola residence? may I finally speak to an adult?

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: it's me, Sofia. technically I'm an adult now! can I play a part in your movie?

ROTH: that, you have to ask to Mr.Woltz.....do you look old

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: naa, I just turned 19...do you think I can get away with playing a 26 year old?

ROTH: with Woltz, you'd better play someone half that age!

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: I hope he doesn't want any sexual favors of me. I'm a virgin you know. I'd commit suicide if he asks me to do anything like that... hey, that's a great movie idea!

ROTH: you were saying?

OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE: never mind, see ya

ROTH: lechaim!

all of the others went to Moe Greene to kiss his hand and say:

DON MOE!! DON GREENE!!! DON MOZES ELIAS GREENEBAUM!!!!

VINCENT: heya! what-a bout-a me-a??

I love your posts, BK. You always make me smile.
I'm enjoying this. It's a lot of fun.

Next morning:

VINCENT: *wakes up, scratches his hairy chest and notices something at the foot of the bed. He lifts the blanket and see's his horse's disembodied head* Holy moly mother of pearl!!

DEANNA: *runs in and see the head. She stands with her mouth open for a long ass time and falls to her knees. After about 10 minutes she finally screams*

*fade into Vito's face*
VITO: *shrugs* How was your trip Barzini?

BARZINI: I got shot and fell down the stairs! I did NOT trip!

MICHAEL: *walks in and slams his hand on the table* NO! *walks out*

VITO & BARZINI: ...

APOLLONIA: Michael! Bella bella bella la bella! {translation: Let's go for a drive!}

MICHAEL: I can't. I'm busy.

APOLLONIA: Bella la bella el bella!! {translation: But your promised!!!}

MICHAEL: *slams hand on table* NO!

APOLLONIA: *kicks him in the nuts and it makes a loud honking noise* MONDAY! *storms out*

NERI: Oooh... that looked really bad... you okay, boss?

MICHAEL: Uh... I can't talk.

NERI: Tell me you LOVE me. Can't you say it?

MICHAEL: *his heart starts pounding* Uh oh... I need candy! GIMME CANDY!! *sits on the ground and cries* I WANT CANDY!!!

KAY: *hits him with an orange*

PAULIE: *walks in* I'm da bug guy. I'm here to exterminate the roaches.

CLEMENZA: Exterminate? That's a bad word to use, Paulie. *shoots his head off and the blast scares away any asshole innocent bystanders*

I was at my parent's house yesterday and they HAVE NO INTERNET!!! How do they live? Anyhow, I missed all you guys. Now, for more pointless humor!

*A few days later*

(The doorbell rings, Michael, dressed in a bathrobe, looking really bad, with black cirlces around his eyes, answers the door.)

MICHAEL. WHAT?!

(The man at the door is none other than FFC -the infamous movie director- )

FFC. Good afternoon.

MICHAEL. Are you the guy from the pharmacy, 'cause I need those pills NOW!

FFC. Are you Mr... (pulls a scrap of paper out of his pocket and checks the name) Roth? Hyman Roth?

MICHAEL. Don't ever confuse me with anyone outside of the family again!

FFC. Family?

MICHAEL. (coughs) Nevermind.

FFC. Are you sick? God, you look awful! (He backs up a couple steps) Whatever you have, keep away from me!

MICHAEL. I have stress!

NERI. Boss, please, go lie down, you're gonna hurt yourself.

MICHAEL. (Pulls a gun out of his pocket and points it at Neri) Go away or you'll be the one getting hurt!

MAMA ANDOLINI. Don't hurt poor Neri. He's young and stupid.

(Hyman Roth comes to the door.)

ROTH. Are you the director?

FFC. Yes... Are you Mr. Roth?

ROTH. (Shakes his hand) Yes, very pleased to meet you. Do come in!

MICHAEL. Director?

FFC. Yes, I'm here about a script that Mr. Roth has written. From what I've heard it should be a fascinating picture. It's all about this powerful Mafia Don who gets old and starts regretting all the evil things he's done.

ROTH. He gets diabetes, did you get that part?

FFC. Yes...

ROTH. And his daughter dies!

FFC. Uh... huh...

ROTH. And he dies MISERABLE and ALONE!!!

DEANNA. Calm down, Hyman. Remember your blood pressure.

FFC. Yeah... I got all that. Sounds great! Actually, I even think that I've found the perfect man to play the main character.

ROTH. Well... I suppose I could...

FFC. (Points to Michael) This guy! He's perfect! Look at him! He has remorseful old Mafia man written all over him!

ROTH. But he can't star in a movie!

MICHAEL. Yeah... I have a criminal empire to... (thinks of an idea) Wait! If I were to star in this movie, that would mean that I could leave this accursed house! (coughs, again) Yes!

MAMA CORLEONE. Poor Michael, I think he has pneumonia.

MICHAEL. Mom, I am perfectly fine! I'm leaving! I'm out! (Vincent Mancini walks by, Michael grabs him.) Nephew, you will be taking my place. From now on, call yourself Vincent Corleone.

(Sometime later in the living room of the BigBrother/Godfather house)

MICHAEL. Naturally he would choose to film the movie here...

FFC. So, the whole thing begins with the main character, Mitch Corelli, being honored by the Pope.

MICHAEL. Mitch Corelli? Real original, Roth.

MAMA ANDOLINI. Don't be mean to poor Hyman. He's... well he's not young... drat.

FFC. Okay, Michael, let's begin on page one with your speech.

MICHAEL. (reading) My dear children... (Looks up) This is so lame! Who wrote this crap?

ROTH. (Infuriated) How dare you insult my work!

FFC. Gentlemen, please!

(Suddenly, Tom Hagen runs in)

HAGEN. There you are! It's horrible!

MICHAEL. What's wrong?

HAGEN. You've been gone so long that the Commission decided to divide up your empire and give all your stuff in Vegas to the Japanese!

MICHAEL. The Japanese!

(Tom and Michael run to the door.)

VOICE OF BIGBRO. And where do you think you're going?

MICHAEL. To save my empire from the Japanese!

BIGBRO. You're not going anywhere. You have to play the game.

MICHAEL. I'm tired of your stupid game!

BIGBRO. And, Mr. Hagen, now that you're in the house you have to stay until the game is over.

HAGEN. NO!

BIGBRO. Yes.

HAGEN. (Shrugs his shoulders) Oh well... guess I'll go get some of Mom's cannolis. Mmm... cannolis.

FFC. Are you finished, Mr. Corleone.

MICHAEL. In more ways than one.

FFC. Hey, the script says that they present you with a medal from the Order of St. Sebastian. Hmm... we need a prop.

(Enter Andrew Hagen with a box)

ANDREW. Here ya go.

FFC. Thanks. Here, put this on.

MICHAEL. (Takes the box and puts on the medal, suddenly Michael sprouts angel wings)

APOLLONIA. Mama mia!

HAGEN. Holy @#$&!

ANDREW. Indeed.

MAMA CORLEONE. Michael, what did I tell you about taking holy medals from strangers?

NERI. Boss?

MICHAEL. I feel so young... so alive... so POWERFUL!

VINCENT. Dang. Guess that means I don't get to be Don now. Rats.

*Why does Michael have wings? What will become of Hyman's infamous screenplay? Where did Moe and Barzini go? Find out in our next installment...*

Don Mikey, you're so inspired!

... and the saga continues ...

Don Mikey you are hilarious!!! And Pherdy with the follow up was just as crazy!!! I laughed so hard I thought I was going to hyperventilate! I could visualize the whole scenario, but the funniest thing to me is Mama Andolini's response to everything about everyone..."young and stupid" I can just see this old lady dressed in traditional sicilian black mourning clothes, sitting in a chair rocking back and forth, with that one reply. You guys are too much. This truly made my day!

Thank you!

MICHAEL. (Realizing that he is now a holy avenger and can smite evil) You're going down Roth!

GREENE. Ha ha! Roth's goin' down!

MICHAEL. And you too, Moe!

GREENE. Rats.

MICHAEL. (Laughs evily... his wings disapear) ARGH! What happened?

NERI. I think you're evil boss. Holy artifacts can usually sense stuff like that.

MICHAEL. Damnation!

ANDREW. Yes... I suppose so.

MICHAEL. (Takes off the medal and throws it across the room) Cheap piece of crap.

VINCENT. (Picks it up) It says in the inscription that this can only be worn by the pure of heart to right the wrongs done to him in the name of evil.

HAGEN. Well, I guess we're safe. There's no one here who fits the 'pure of heart' description.

(The Ghost of Fredo appears and grabs the medal. He becomes Fredo... THE AVENGING ANGEL OF DEATH!!!)

MICHAEL. I really need those pills now. And Vincent, never tell anyone what it says on the back of a holy medal again.

VINCENT. Sure, Uncle Mike.

FFC. I love it! The passion! The drama!

GREENE. Are you still here?

BARZINI. Hey Fredo, what kind of powers does that thing give ya? Can you conjure somethin' up out of thin air?

FREDO. Like what?

BARZINI. I dunno. Like a million dollars?

FREDO. Hmm... Money's the root of all evil. But maybe I could conjure up something good. Let me try. (Fredo 'concentrates', there is a loud bang, and a pear appears on a table.)

MAMA CORLEONE. What a nice pear!

MICHAEL. A pear? Is that it, Fredo?

FREDO. Hey, I gave it my best shot! Can you make fruit appear out of thin air? Huh? Can ya, Mike?

FFC. I can do the same thing with oranges.

VINCENT. Shut up, no one cares about you!

(Suddenly, a couple of gypsies enter.)

LADY GYPSY. There you are Fredo!

FREDO. Who are you?

LADY GYPSY. I'm you mother, Fredo.

FREDO. (To Mama) So it's true, I was left on the doorstep by gypsies!

MICHAEL. So you aren't really my brother? I didn't kill my own brother! I'M GUILT FREE!!!

HAGEN. Uh... Mike, you never had any guilt.

NERI. The boss is a man of very complex emotions. He has layers. Mafia men are like onions. They have layers.

BARZINI. You're quoting the wrong movie, dumb-ass.

NERI. Sorry.

Hiya pals!
I just came from a trip in Mexico and I found that my first post is pretty cool thanks to your imagination!
I would like to see more posts!
Pasta Punk, D. Mikey and Pherdy, your sketches rocks!

Giorgio Luigi Gambino

Would more people post?

I'm interested in the opinion of CamDon, TIS, Guineapig, FH and many others.

AND MORE SKETCHES PLEASE!

This post would not die...yet.

Giorgio Luigi Gambino.
A.K.A. George Louis Corleone.

Giorgio Gambino, Guineapig... don't worry..

I'm back (on this topic, that is)...

AND THE NIGHTMARE WILL CONTINUE!!!

by the way the entire story will FOREVER be available at the following address:

The GodBrother

N-Joy!

Fair-D

LAST TIME ON BIG BROTHER: GRANDE FRATELLO CORLEONE

FREDO. (To Mama) So it's true, I was left on the doorstep by gypsies!

MICHAEL. So you aren't really my brother? I didn't kill my own brother! I'M GUILT FREE!!!

HAGEN. Uh... Mike, you never had any guilt.

NERI. The boss is a man of very complex emotions. He has layers. Mafia men are like onions. They have layers.

BARZINI. You're quoting the wrong movie, dumb-ass.

NERI. Sorry

Speaking of wrong movies, Vincent suddenly seems to suffer from amnesia. Let's just hope this goes well. The contestors have a new assignment. Guineapig, this one's for you! This is day 59 of Big Brother: Grande Fratello Corleone

BIGBRO: this week's assignment is....imagine yourselves young again, and act like you were living in the 1920's once again. the task is to take out an evil creepy looking guy before he forces the entire house to pay him ridiculous amounts of protection fees.

DR.EVIL: well heeeeeeeeellllooooooooooo!!!

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: no not you dumb-ass, wrong movie!

DR.EVIL: hey you zippit, or I will grab my "la-ser"

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: But can't I...

DR.EVIL: Ssshhhh!

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: But Mr.E...

DR.EVIL: Zipp-it!

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: What kind of discu..

DR.EVIL: doubleU doubleU doubleU dot....zip-it! dot com!

DEANNA: I'm coming allright!

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY: what's

DR.EVIL: Ssssh! Zipp-it! blablabla

MICHAEL: Hey guys, can you please shut up, you're in the wrong movie anyway, and I don't like your pointless conversation.

AUSTIN POWERS, INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY AND DR.EVIL: "No!"

MICHAEL: Oh, we're getting funny now are we?

DR.EVIL: well, if you don't mind me saying so..

BIGBRO: well, we do, Dr.Evil, you are not the evil creepy guy we had in mind... his name is....Giuseppe Fanucci.

A theatre is built next to the BB-house. Michelle, the beautiful actress from Senza Mama who would get jiggy with Genco later (when she was called Carla by the way) starred in some Napolitan play

all of the contestors are in the audience. Suddenly a man with a big posture, a white suite and a silk pink hat stands up in the middle of an act

CONNIE: hey you asshole, bafangool you!!

MICHAEL: who's that?

DR.EVIL: well, if that's the creepy guy they surely have not seen my third movie!

the man walks out of the theatre. Vincent, who was not invited to the show ran into him behind the scenes

VINCENT: hey ol man, how ya doin?

FANUCCI: in Italian good day my son, how are you doing?

VINCENT: I'm doing good how ya doin?

FANUCCI: in Italian If you excuse me, I have to threaten some poor innocent people

VINCENT: yeah good show dude, how ya doin?

FANUCCI: in Italian Oh you like it?

VINCENT: yeah, had to sneak in though!

FANUCCI: in Italian yeah I see you're dressed for it...

VINCENT: what, where did I get these clothes??

ONE SCENE EARLIER:

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA: hey, I'm looking for a Mr.Roth

MICHAEL: oh, you're the director huh... yeah well you see, it's Friday today.. .Roth will probably be at the sinagogue... have a seat, have an orange

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA: no thanks, I always say, "oranges kill ya"...

enters VINCENT

MICHAEL: you remember my nephew Vincent, do you Francis?

VINCENT: Hey Uncle Mike, how ya doin

MICHAEL: how are you doing?

VINCENT: good how ya doin

MICHAEL: Vincent, this is Mr.Coppola, the guy from Paramount

VINCENT: hey dude, how ya doin?

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA: actually I'm a little uncomfortable right now...it seems no one leaves this house anymore, and I want to catch dinner. My wife makes some excellent cannolis

CLEMENZA: maybe she could ring with my wife, she won't make 'em anymore

ALTOBELLO: maybe she could ring with my goddaughter, she makes the worst cannolies ever

CARLO RIZZI: at least she made you something to eat. I can only ask her for it

SONNY: hey shut up about my little sister

VINCENT: hey dad!! Never thought I would see you!

SONNY: dad? boy you must have lost your memory or something

VINCENT: actually I have. You see I have this condition

ALL OTHERS: oh no not again!!!

VINCENT: what, did I told it before?

MICHAEL: only everytime we see ya

TOM HAGEN: but we can keep telling the same jokes over and over again!

MAMA ANDOLINI: I must have told you were stupid like a million times

MAMA CORLEONE: well I have not counted them but I think you did!

CONNIE: actually, Sonny, he is your son. You remember him right. Vincent, Lucy's kid

VINCENT: hey dad, how ya doin

SONNY: badda beep badda baap badda boop don't you ever shut up?

VINCENT: wow, my dad, my Family all around.. who arranged this? great party!

MICHAEL: oh you like it?

VINCENT: yeah I had to sneak in

MICHAEL: why did you actually?

VINCENT: you see, my horse was beheaded. I want to know who did it!

GRACE HAMILTON: Is that why you have all those freaky tattoo's all over your body?

VINCENT: yeah you kinda learn to trust your own handwriting... anyway, I want to send an orange to whoever did it.

ANDREW HAGEN: well that's a very generous thought, my friend. Avenging the death of your horse with some fruit

VINCENT: hey Andy, how ya doin

ANDREW HAGEN: fine, how are you doing?

VINCENT: good, how ya doin

ANDREW HAGEN: fruit is good for your system...the vitamines

MICHAEL: speaking of which, Barzini, the drugs you wanted to deal in, those it have some of diabetics pills too?

VINCENT: You don't understand, I want to take the bastard who killed my horse OUT!!

MICHAEL: I heard you had Moe Greene, who I left in control here, shot in the eye again...the man needs new pair of glasses every week man. But he was the leader over here! Foolish of you won't you think?

VINCENT: foolish of me? well a little of this guy don't you think? right? RIGHT?

ANDREW HAGEN: why all this hostility?

VINCENT: hey andy, how ya doin?

MOSCA FROM SICILY: Vincent, I know a way you can get to the killer of your horse! Just dress up as a priest.

VINCENT: but where to find such clothes. I like my leather jacket!

they all look towards Andrew Hagen

ANDREW: No, ooohh no, no please...please not!

Vincent took on Andrew Hagen's clothes

BIGBRO: this week's assignment is....imagine yourselves young again, and act like you were living in the 1920's once again.

ONE SCENE EARLIER

After a long time, Sonny feels like visiting his Family again, and enters the BB house.

SONNY: yo what up cracks? how's it hanging?

MICHAEL: Sonny, did you take some pills with you

SONNY: hey cut the crap will ya? we have more important things to do. WHERE'S LUCY?

DEANNA: hey who are you, cute little fellow?

SONNY: wooowly, why did I never meet ya?

FREDO: leave her, she's mine...

SONNY: shut up gipsy

FREDO: you knew too?

MAMA CORLEONE: they all know, Freddie

MAMA ANDOLINI: that's why I keep saying all those days, you are STUPID!

Michael is having a heart attack

MICHAEL: Neri, get my pills

NERI: should I take the green ones or the blue ones. Boss what d'ya think?

MICHAEL: Neri, don't ever discuss these things outside the Family anymore!

SONNY: So, Lucy, do you think Deanna can join us?

APOLLONIA: Bella bella bella bella (translation: heya whata bouta mea?)>PS thanks PastaPunk!!

MAMA CORLEONE: Santino, what did I tell you about having threesomes with girls you're not married too?

ANTHONY: hey pop, what's the matter. are you trippin or something? I told you Barzini's dope was bad...

SONNY: hey, who are you? You look just like me!

MAMA CORLEONE: I was about to say that

ANTHONY: well, it's summer season now in Sicily.. no one seems to care for males singing in thights... they are all plucking oranges, olives and pears

MAMA CORLEONE: pears?

ROTH: oranges?

VITO&GENCO: olive oil?

MRS.CLEMENZA: cannolies?? no? realy not?

SONNY: so what are you for Anthony? You think you can sing here too? This isn't the opera you know, where you can dress in thights and get away with it because you're a mile away from the audience. You have to sing for us here in the middle of his, and the eggs, tomatoes and oranges we'll throw at ya will baddabing mess up that nice Ivy League suite of yours!

ANDREW HAGEN: And I will never give away my suit!

MAMA ANDOLINI: Give away your clothes? While your dressed in black that well? Man, this family keeps gaining stupids! How old are you boy?

ANDREW HAGEN: 41 ma'am

MAMA ANDOLINI: and still single

TESSIO: what's wrong with that

MAMA CORLEONE: hey, Tessio, shut up. Go dance with Woltz's teenage friend, she can stand on your shoes

TESSIO: oh no really... (to Tom): Tom can you get me of the hook. For ol' times sake?

TOM HAGEN: man, you're in a lot of shit, Tess...

VINCENT: who are you, anyway?

TESSIO: hi I'm Tessio, Vito's capo

VINCENT: how ya doin!

TESSIO: I'm very good, Mr.Vincent, how are you doing?

VINCENT: good how ya doin... great set of eyebrows you have there!

TESSIO: ?

VINCENT: I have probably as much hair on my chest than you have above your eyes

SONNY: did you ever see my back?...wait a minute...you could be my son if I didn't know better than Lucy was impregnated my Dr.Jules "The Miracle" Segal two years after I died....

FREDO: so you appear from the death too huh?

SONNY: damn right I am! How's gipsy heaven? great ghost you are....

FREDO: how did you get a real body, man?

SONNY: all dead people can return in real bodies...except for gipsies!

MAMA CORLEONE: Sonny, what did I tell you about calling your brother a gipsy. Wait a minute, he is...

VINCENT: hey, who are you again...?

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA: hey, I'm looking for a Mr.Roth

MICHAEL: oh, you're the director huh... yeah well you see, it's Friday today.. .Roth will probably be at the sinagogue... have a seat, have an orange

Vincent's condition is called "anterograde memory loss" he can only remember things for about 10 minutes. What will happen to the cast after the Senza Mama show, when meeting Fanucci? Will they fullfill their assignment? And what happened before Vincent's encounter with his father, Sonny? And how many oranges will Anthony provide the rest of the inhabitants towards the end of the 100-day BB contest, in order to become the avenging, transformed son-of-a-Don all Godfather stories must have? Stay tuned, and be sure the watch...
day 60 of Big Brother: Grande Fratello Corleone

in the following editions, PastaPunk, Don Mikey, Guineapig, Giorgio Gambino.., we'll meet Sollozzo, Sofia Coppola, The Pope, President Bush, George Orwell and Antonio Andolini.... be aware.

Giorgio, this topic never...dies...................................................................................................

Pherdy you are the master of comedy!!!!

This post is like Highlander: it will not die until you cut it heead off!

Don Giorgio Gambino, I always wondered why you don't post a 'scene' like Don Mikey and PastaPunk...
we tributed you with expanding your topic to the fullest, what are your visions? I'm running out of funny ideas, and I'm quoting non-Godfather related movies now... to keep me from going insane, I have to stop very soon, say after 1 or 2 more posts...there's still some space left to go into, but....we need a little help. Don Mikey wont be posting until Monday evening. You guys have to help me..

let this Topic entertain members for more and more days to come!!

Uh, you know, I don't have very much imagination, give me a couple of days to create a scene. I'm not as funny as Don Mikey, Pasta and you.

Rest Pherdy, you will became crazy if you continue to work evreyday!!!!

THIS TOPIC WILL NEVER DIE!!!

*Day 66*
(The doorbell rings. Mama Corleone answers the door, outside are three VERY ugly women.)

MAMA CORLEONE. Are you more gypsies?

WOMEN. (They all the speak at the same time) We are Isabella, Octavia, and Maria Abbandando.

MAMA CORLEONE. Abbandando... now where have I heard that name before?

WOMEN. Our father used to work with your husband.

MAMA CORLEONE. Oh, yes, of course. Come in.

APOLLONIA. Bella bella bella bella? (Who are they?)

MAMA CORLEONE. These are the three Abbandando sisters.

VINCENT. Wow! Those are some ugly women! Hey Mama, how you doin'?

MAMA CORLEONE. (Hits Vincent in the head with a frying pan) There will be no more of that in this house!

(The Abbandando sisters come in and sit down on the couch.)

TATTAGLIA. Woah, Mama!

MAMA CORLEONE. What?

TATTAGLIA. I mean them. Those are some foxy ladies.

FREDO. Threesome!

FFC. I don't think I can work those three in. Let's go over scene five again, Mr. Roth.

ROTH. Sure thing.

(Michael walks into the room. Roth trips him.)

ROTH. (Pointing to a spot in the script) Then he should fall down, just like that.

MICHAEL. (Stands up and pulls out one of those swords that you see in Marines commercials) How dare you! I am the most powerful man in the country!

FFC. Don't interupt, Mr. C., we're right in the middle of a scene.

MICHAEL. If you don't get out of this house there is gonna be a repeat of the Woltz incident, only this time I'll cut YOUR head off!

FFC. What's your middle name?

MICHAEL. Huh?

FFC. We need it for the script.

MICHAEL. It's Adrian.

FFC. I'm gonna change it to Francis. I gotta work my name into this somehow. My name... and my daughter... and maybe a bit of my tuba playing if you're lucky.

MICHAEL. Francis? What kind of middle name is that for a Don?!

ROTH. What's with the sword? Did Big Brother finally take your gun away.

MICHAEL. Yes.

ROTH. You look ridiculous.

MICHAEL. But I feel naked without a weapon.

DEANNA. Mmmm... naked.

MICHAEL. I'm among the few and the proud. You're just an old guy who won't die.

MAMA CORLEONE. Michael, get over here and introduce yourself to the Abbandando sisters!

MICHAEL. Yes, ma'am.

MAMA CORLEONE. This is my youngest son, Michael. He's the only one who's technically alive... I think it's because he's evil.

WOMEN. I'll take him! (The start fighting amongst themselves.)

MICHAEL. What's all this about?

MAMA CORLEONE. Didn't your father tell you? Genco had three daughters, one for each of you.

MICHAEL. You mean you arranged my marriage to one of... THOSE?

MAMA CORLEONE. You could say that.

MICHAEL. But why didn't you tell me?

MAMA CORLEONE. Eh... must have slipped my mind.

MAMA ANDOLINI. Don't blame Mama Corleone, she's young and stupid.

MICHAEL. Too... much... stress... Must... have... pills... (He faints.)

TATTAGLIA. If he doesn't want 'em, I'll take 'em.

LUCY. Quiet, you old pimp!

TATTAGLIA. You would know.

LUCY. True.

MICHAEL. (Coming to, he grabs an orange.) This is it! I'm going to end it all! (He rips the peel off the orange and takes a bit.) Take me now, oh powerful orange!

ROTH. Yeah!

MAMA CORLEONE. Michael, spit that out! You can't die until you've married one of Genco's daughters.

MICHAEL. What if I refuse?

MAMA CORLEONE. Then a curse will descend upon our house!

CONNIE. A curse? You mean things could get worse?

MICHAEL. I don't believe in curses! And I refuse to marry one of them!

(There is a flash of lightening. Everyone is now the opposite gender. )

VIVIAN (Vincent). (To CARL (Connie)) Hey, honey, how ya doin'?

MINDY (Michael). Well, this sucks.

*Now that they are all the opposite gender, all the 'ladies' are in the kitchen making dinner.*

MOLLY GREENE. This is so unfair! I don't know the first thing about being a woman!

HYMANETTA. Yeah... if I'm a woman... how am I going to enjoy myself with... women?

MOLLY. Eww...

MINDY. You know Apollonia... er... I mean Apollo, just isn't attractive to me anymore.

VICKY. Whatever, Aunt Mindy.

DONNA BARZINI. This is all your fault, Donna Corleone!

MINDY. There is no such thing as a curse.

MOLLY. Then how do you explain all this?

MINDY. I'm having withdrawl from not having enough pills.

HYMANETTA. Well, now that the 'guys' are making us do women's work, I suppose we should get on with cooking dinner. Does anyone know how to cook?

MINDY. Clemenza tried to teach me once, but I really wasn't listening.

MOLLY. Hey, Clemenza!

PENNY CLEMENZA. (Stares blankly at the wall.)

VICKY. How ya doin'?

ALISHA NERI. She's still in shock.

*Meanwhile, with the 'guys'...*

DONNY DUNN. This is so great. I can do it with as many people as I want and no one will call me a trashy slut anymore!

APOLLO. Bella bella bella bella. (At least that creepy Mindy girl will leave me alone now.)

PAPA ANDOLINI. Leave Mindy alone, she's young and stupid.

*Back in the kitchen, Tom Hagen, who was out of the house when the curse struck, enters.*

TOM. Hey, ladies!

(They all stare at him angrily.)

TOM. Where did all you gals come from.

VICKY. Hey Tom, how ya doin'?

TOM. Not that again! Wait... what's going on here.

HYMANETTA. It's all Mindy's fault!

TOM. (Looks at Mindy and gets hit by the thunderbolt.) So... Mindy... what are you doing tonight?

MINDY. Hey! I'm not a... wait... I am.

TOM. Mindy, I cannot live without you. I have never seen such a beautiful woman. Let's go get married!

MINDY. Are you out of your mind?!

TOM. Playing hard to get, eh?

ALISHA. Stop seducing the boss!

TOM. The boss?

MINDY. Yeah, we've been cursed. We're all women and the girls are all guys.

TOM. You mean you're...

MINDY. Yes, you idiot!

TOM. (Screams like Michael did in Part III, then faints.)

FRANCINE FORD COPOLLA. Great, I just mopped that floor.

LAST TIME ON BIG BROTHER: GRANDE FRATELLO CORLEONE

CONNIE. A curse? You mean things could get worse?

MICHAEL. I don't believe in curses! And I refuse to marry one of them!

(There is a flash of lightening. Everyone is now the opposite gender. )

VIVIAN (Vincent). (To CARL (Connie)) Hey, honey, how ya doin'?

MINDY (Michael). Well, this sucks.

A couple of say before day 66, al contestors had an assignment, dealing with Giuseppe Fanucci...we'll take you back to day 61!

FIVE DAYS EARLIER

VINCENT: yeah good show dude, how ya doin?

FANUCCI: in Italian Oh you like it?

VINCENT: yeah, had to sneak in though!

FANUCCI: in Italian yeah I see you're dressed for it...

VINCENT: what, where did I get these clothes??

ANDREW HAGEN: don't you remember? Mosca the hitman from Sicily told you to dress like this in order to kill your horse's killer...

MICHAEL: well, there's something you don't hear everyday!

ANTHONY: pop, can I please leave the house!

MICHAEL: NO!

NERI: boss, you feel okay again, dont you?

MICHAEL (volnerable): no!

ANTHONY: pop I'm going on my own way

JOHNNY FONTANE: I did it, myyyyyyyyyy way

MICHAEL: your own way?

ANTHONY: yeah that's right yah, I'm gonna be a professional opera singer

a moment of silence in the BB-house

then, everybody, ALL CHARACTERS, FF Coppola and the BigBro direction, starts LAUGHING

MAMA ANDOLINI: man, you are realy stupid!

MICHAEL: what happens if you fail?

MRS.CLEMENZA: you can start a cannoli business, since some people won't bring 'em to me!

CHAZZ PALMINTERI: you can start in the 'getting fucked by us' business

ROTH: you can start on Cuba!

GREENE: Vegas...

MAMA CORLEONE: Tony, you can always learn how to cook with me

TATTAGLIA: you can sing in my theatres in "Queens"!

VITO CORLEONE: Tony, don't do it, Tattaglia's a pimp

LUCY: say, Tattaglia, do you have some men for me too?

ANTHONY: man, you let Vincent be a killer, you let Andrew be a priest and you let that director appoint his daughter to play your daughter.... what can possibly be wrong with me singing?

MAMA ANDOLINI: if you as good a singer as your mother's a cook...

MAMA CORLEONE: what did you say, missy?

MICHAEL: mom, what did I tell you about threatening lil'ol'ladies?

FANUCCI (in Italian): What is everyone doing outside the theatre anyway? I thought I was supposed to escape. Remember, I'm the target of you weekly assignment!

VINCENT: now I know who killed my horse! It was you you old sissy!

BARZINI: you called?

Barzini sees Fanucci and gets hit by the thunderbolt

Vincent shoots Fanucci twice in the back

VINCENT: Giusy!

FREDO: you called?

VINCENT: did I say gipsy? I said Giusy, you know, Giuseppe...

MICHAEL: This is getting to much. Neri, get me my pills...

NERI: sorry Boss, only red wine here

MICHAEL: I drink wine more than I used too

BARZINI crying: Giuseppe!!!!!!!!!

Mama Andolini takes Barzini to Don Vincenzo..

VINCENT: He will want to avenge the death of his ex-future-lover, when he grows up!

MAMA ANDOLINI: he is harmless. he won't do anything, he hardly speaks

VINCENT: it's not his words I'm afraid of

MAMA ANDOLINI: please, his young and stupid!

VINCENT: it's his pants I'm afraid of...afraid of getting into!

Vincent shoots Barzini twice in the back

VINCENT: Barza!!!!

For five dies, the Big Brother house was peacefull...until three ugly ladies rang the doorbell.....

Oh man!! This is too much for me!!!
Pherdy, that assignment was cool.
Don Mikey you are great Please, do not end so fast with this!!!
Great stuff!!!I will post something in a few days

MINDY. I have called you all here because this curse thing has gotten out of hand.

TOM. (Holding some flowers and a box of chocolates) Mindy, I can no longer hide my feelings for you. Mindy, I cannot live without you. Marry me!

MINDY. See what I mean.

ALISHA. You know boss, maybe if you weren't wearing a wonderbra and all that make-up.

MINDY. I may be a woman, but I'm not about to be an UGLY woman!

HYMANETTA. (Staring at Mindy's breasts) Those are bigger than U.S. Steel.

MINDY. (Smacks him) You're a woman too!

HYMANETTA. Curses.

PAPA CORLEONE. Oh, it's not so bad. I always wanted another daughter. Mindy, get upstairs and put on something a little less revealing! You look like one of those women of the evening.

MINDY. But, Dad!

VICKY. Molly, your hair looks fabulous! Where's your salon?

MOLLY. It's a cute little place up the street. Just ask for Margie.

APOLLO. Bella. (Many years ago my father came to this country. Those were different times them. We had to work hard and still we barely had enough to eat. My mother had to sell her body to feed her children. We lived in a tenament house with others like us. Often people would fight during the night and it would keep my brothers and sisters and I awake. We would cry because we were miserable. At school the other kids would tease me because I couldn't speak English...)

MINDY. I am never going to make the cover of Mob Magazine now!

ALISHA. Cheer up, boss. Maybe Victoria's Secret needs somebody?

MINDY. If history's taught us one thing, it's that people as sexy as I am are rare.

DANIEL DUNN. True.

SANDRA (Sonny). (Hitting a punching bag) Must regain arm strength...

LUCIFER MANCINI. I was pregnant with my third miracle baby!

VICKY. Dr. Julia will work it out somehow.

DR. JULIA. Yeah, I got some ideas.

KEN (Kay). Mindy, I liked you better when you were a Sicilian male.

CARL (Connie). (Has accidentally hung himself with a necktie)

MARK (Mary). Uncle Carl!

VICKY. Ties can be evil. It took me three years to learn how to tie one.

MINDY. That's because you're an idiot.

VICKY. Why you wanna hurt me, Aunt Mindy?

MINDY. About getting rid of the curse...

PAPA ANDOLINI. Don't be mean to Vicky, she's young and stupid.

(!THIS STUPID TOPIC WILL NEVER DIE!)

*Anyhow, somehow the curse gets lifted (do I have to explain everything?). Everything is back to normal in the GodBrother House... until...*

HYMAN. (Answers the door. Al Pacino is standing outside.) How the hell did you get out of the house?

PACINO. Uh... I'm looking for a guy named Michael Corleone. Do you know where I can find him?

HYMAN. Don't play dumb with me, Corleone! I know this is part of your twisted little plot to sneak weapons of mass destruction into the house so you can kill me.

PACINO. I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

HYMAN. Oh, you don't, do ya?! (He grabs Pacino by the arm and drags him into the house.) Hey Mama Corleone!

MAMA C. (Coming out of the kitchen) What is it?

HYMAN. Tell Michael here to stop being stupid.

MAMA A. Michael can't help it, he's young and stupid.

HYMAN. Shut up!

MAMA C. That is not Michael!

HYMAN. Yes it is!

MAMA C. No, Michael is much cuter.

DEANNA. Yeah, much cuter!

MICHAEL. Yes, I am much cuter! (Noticing Al) Who the hell are you?!

PACINO. I'm seeing things...

FREDO. That's a weird name.

VINCENT. Of all the corney things we've said in this house...

APOLLONIA. Bella bella bella bella! (Finally, a hot guy!)

BARZINI. (Walks in and thinks there are two Michaels) NOOOOOOOO! (Faints)

VINCENT. Cool.

PACINO. I'm Al Pacino, which one of you is Michael Corleone?

MICHAEL. Are you with the Senate Committee?

PACINO. No.

MICHAEL. Then I'm Michael Corleone.

PACINO. I want a part in a movie. Johnny Fontaine told me you were the guy to ask.

MICHAEL. See that line outside? (There is a huge line outside, mostly filled with gangster-looking guys.)

PACINO. Yes.

MICHAEL. Take a number and go stand in it. Neri, I'm ready for number 47.

NERI. Forty-seven! (A big scary guy walks in.)

BIG SCARY GUY. I'm number 47.

NERI. The Don will see you now.

PACINO. Damn! You're a popular guy.

NERI. The boss is cool.

PACINO. Well, I guess I'll wait.

NERI. You're number 3,047.

PACINO. 3,047!!!

NERI. Sorry. Are you a first time visitor?

PACINO. I guess.

NERI. Then you'll have to fill out these forms. (Hands him a giant packet of forms.)

PACINO. Great.

*Everyone leaves except poor Al who is filling out the forms. Suddenly Mama C. sneaks up behind him with a chainsaw. -THE FOLLOWING CONTENT HAS BEEN LABELED AS YUCKY, BLOODY, VIOLENT, AND OTHERWISE UNSUITABLE FOR ANYONE TO READ-*

MAMA C. Now all the evidence of my affair with Clemenza is destroyed!

MICHAEL. (Enters) Mama, do we have any cannolis left, 'cause I'm kinda hun... DEAR GOD! Mama, what have you done?!

MAMA C. Calm down, you order this stuff done all the time.

MICHAEL. But with a chainsaw...? Why Mama?

MAMA C. Michael, there is something I have to tell you. Many years ago I had an affair with Clemenza... and Tessio... and that sexy Brazi guy...

LUCY. I'm jealous!

*Stay tuned. More GodBrother coming soon...*

Now that Don Mikey is back from Witness Protection, Continue the story! Im LMAO

(Several Days Later... everyone living in the house is sitting around in the living room. Vincent is sitting on the couch playing Grand Theft Auto 3.)

MICHAEL. You're cheating at GTA3. You make me sick...

GHOST OF DON VITO: (appears) A man who cheats at video games can never be a real man. (disappears)

DEANNA. Why are these games so violent?

MICHAEL. Why did Mama have an affair with Clemenza? Why is Al Pacino my long lost half-brother? Why do I go on living in this house with you imbeciles? (Swallows entire bottle of pills.)

VINCENT. (Throws the controller across the room.) Stupid games! Why do they have to be so difficult?!

HAGEN. At least you can play those things. Fredo's still mastering the can-opener.

FREDO. This tomato paste is trapped forever...

MICHAEL. (Hands Fredo a gun.) Use this.

FREDO. Thanks, Mikey! (He sets the can down on a table and aims the gun at it)

MICHAEL. On yourself... not the can, you idiot!

FREDO. Now, that's not very nice!

(Enter FCC)

FCC. Okay people! I have just finished conversing with Mr. Roth.

MICHAEL. My condolences.

FCC. I'm going to ignore that. Okay, it's time you people quit sitting around playing video games. As long as we are trapped in this house, we might as well make ourselves useful. Let's get to work filming this movie! Oh, and Michael, since Mama Corleone killed Al Pacino, you're going to have to play yourself.

MAMA A. Poor Al... he was young and stupid.

MICHAEL. For the last time, I'm not gonna be in this stupid movie!

ROTH. Why not?

MICHAEL. First of all, it's an elaborate plot to kill me. Second, the writing is terrible.

ROTH. But I wrote the script.

MICHAEL. Yes, that explains a lot.

ROTH. You think you could write a better movie script than me?

MICHAEL. Fredo could write a better movie script than you.

FREDO. Yeah! I can write! Someday, I hope to be able to read too!

ROTH. Okay! I'll bet you 3 million dollars that you can't write a better script.

MICHAEL. Three million? That's pocket change, Roth.

ROTH. Okay, 12.

MICHAEL. Now we're talking!

(Battle of the movie scripts....? Stay tuned... The GodBrother will continue...)

That was great D. Mikey! I want to see the Battle of the Scripts

You are brilliant. You should be comedian! You say you want to be historian, uh. You'll do good: my World History teacher tells the history in an hilarious way.

Keep 'em coming.

Giorgio Luigi Gambino

P.S. In the near future I'll start a thread called "The Godfather: The Broadway Musical."

P.S.2 Continue the story on the "Pulitzer Prize for fiction goes to..." thread in the General Discussion forum.

I agree with DGG, your story is hilarious Don Mikey and you have a great creativity, keep them coming!

DGG, you know what we need to do...

Somekind of twisted Survivor/Godfather spoof. (I hate reality TV, can you tell? But I love making fun of it... )

I was also considering Michael and Kay on "The Last Resort." Michael... Kay... a tropical paradise... trying to work out their differences... assassins hiding in the bushes...?

D'oh! Can't believe I left this out of my previous post. Sorry about the double post...

I'm writing a totally ridiculous Godfather story that you can read here: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1004988

That story isn't getting updated very often because college is taking up all my time and sucking the life out of me. I'll try and finish chapter four this week.

Dont try, DO IT!
This is one of the funniest threads in the boards.

Don Mikey... continue this freaking topic!!!
It isnt much to ask right?

WAR of the SCRIPTS, part I

(The very next day, Michael, Fredo, Mamas A&C, Vincent, Johnny Fontaine, Apollonia, and Tom Hagen are gathered in the kitchen.)

MICHAEL. I have called this meeting so that we might finally be able to end this war between the families...

NERI. Uh... boss... that was last week's meeting.

MAMA A. Leave the poor boy alone, he's young and stupid.

MICHAEL. Oh, shut up! (takes some pills) I have called this meeting to begin work on my movie, which will be infinitely better than the pathetic drivel Roth and his men will produce!

FREDO. YAY! (holds up a sign that reads: Michael Is 100 Times Cooler Than Roth)

MICHAEL. That is not going to make me forgive you, Fredo.

FREDO. It was worth trying...

VINCENT. Hey, Uncle Fredo, haven't seen you in a while. How ya doin'?

FREDO. Oh, I'm doin' good. How you doin'?

VINCENT. Doin' good. How ya doin'?

HAGEN. Dang, not this again.

MAMA C. Have some pasta, Vincent.

VINCENT. Thanks, Mama!

MICHAEL, TOM, and FREDO. She's OUR Mama! Not yours!

HAGEN. Technically, you're the weird miracle baby of Lucy and our dead brother, Sonny. I don't think we'll ever know how Dr. Jules managed that.

MICHAEL. You know... since it's physically impossible for you to exist... Maybe I should...

VINCENT. (sinking back into a dark corner) Sorry... Please, don't hurt me.

MICHAEL. Now, something occurred to me last night while I was lamenting my existence... Roth is going to create some kind of epic Mafia movie.

HAGEN. Yes. We can create a much better Mafia epic!

MICHAEL. That is not the point, Tom!

HAGEN. Why do you wanna hurt me like that, Mike?

MICHAEL. Look, if you're going to be difficult, you can take your wife, and all the girls in the house that you've been messing around with, and leave!

HAGEN. We can't leave, remember?

FREDO. You could go live in the boathouse. That's what I did.

FONTAINE. He made you live in the boat house? But that places floods and it's infested with bugs and rodents.

MICHAEL. Fredo felt right at home.

FREDO. Hey!

MICHAEL. Now, what occurred to me is that the movie-going public does not want great Mafia epics.

VINCENT. They don't?

MICHAEL. No.

HAGEN. What do they want then?

MICHAEL. Romantic Comedies.

EVERYONE ELSE. Romantic comedies????!!!

MICHAEL. Yes, romantic comedies... the whole boy gets girl, corny sex jokes, bad dialog deal...

HAGEN. Are you sure about that, Mike?

MICHAEL. Have I ever been wrong?

(everyone looks at him funny)

MICHAEL. About this kind of thing?

(they keep looking)

MICHAEL. Okay, fine! Fredo, what did you think of "Bridget Jones’ Diary"?

FREDO. Oh, that. Yeah, that was funny!

HAGEN. I'm still not sure I like this idea.

MICHAEL. Tom, you'll be playing the guy. Apollonia will be playing the girl.

HAGEN. Well... that's different then.

APOLLONIA. Bella, bella, bella, bella! (Translation: He's bald and not Italian. Please, NOOOOOO!)

VINCENT. How come I don't get to be the guy.

MICHAEL. Because I don't like you.

FREDO. You don't like anyone.

MICHAEL. And Fredo, you're playing the guy's drunk friend.

FREDO. Does this mean I get to... drink?

MICHAEL. Yes.

FREDO. WOOHOO! Count me in!

FONTAINE. What we gonna call this romantic comedy?

MICHAEL. I was thinking something like... "Romance of the Sadistic Lawyer."

VINCENT. Lame!

MICHAEL. You come up with the title then!

VINCENT. Okay... Uh...

FREDO. Banana Daiquiri!

ALL. Banana Daiquiri?

FREDO. Yeah...

MICHAEL. I never thought I'd say this, but... Fredo, that's brilliant.

Hilarious Don Mikey, just hilarious.
Continue it!!!!!
It must have a conclusion!

somebody needs to pull this out of the woodwork and i guess i'll be the one to do it.

Oh, why did you have to pull the part where everyone switches genders? That was so freaking funny.

Just please don't put Mary, Vincent and a camera in the same apartment.

Oh dear heavens no! Have someone shoot Mary off before she and Vincent get it on.

*The next morning everyone who is going to be in Michael's romantic comedy masterpiece "Banana Daiquiri" have gathered in the living room. Michael sits behind a big desk, someone has taped the word "Director" to the back of his chair. He's also wearing the GFIII sunglasses.*

MICHAEL. Normally I making art out of death... today I'm just making art. I feel strangely empty.

NERI. More pills?

MICHAEL. *grabs them and swallows a few, accidentally drops one on desk* Alright people, today we begin the filming of my romantic comedy. There's a pile of scripts on the coffee table.

HAGEN. Who wrote the script?

MICHAEL. I did, of course.

VINCENT. Uncle Mike, you got all the money in the world. What you doin' writtin' the script yourself? Besides, what do you know about love?

MICHAEL. Do you have any idea what getting a decent writer costs these days? And since we're stuck in this house I haven't been able to get a hold of my good kidnappers. Besides... *stares longingly at Apollonia*

APOLLONIA. Bella bella bella. [TRANSLATION: And you left me for the crazy blond.]

MICHAEL. Now, we are going to take it from act one, scene one.

VINCENT. Hey Uncle Mike, don't we actors get to negotiate our contracts first?

MICHAEL. WHAT?!

VINCENT. Ya know, I charge 23 million per movie. We gotta negotiate, it's the way of the industry.

MICHAEL. *points gun at Vincent* Negotiate this!

JOHNNY. Woah! Woah! Let's forget this and skip ahead to the last scene in act three where I sing the big love song.

MAMA A. Don't hurt poor Vincent, he's young and stupid.

MICHAEL. If you use that phrase one more time I'm gonna....

*Roth enters with Moe Greene and the others*

ROTH. First day of rehearsal, eh Corleone?

MICHAEL. What do you want? Don't you have a great Mafia epic to be filming?

ROTH. Oh, I do, but I heard all the yelling and I was worried... we've already gone over the recommended body count on this show.

VINCENT. Mr. Roth, I got a problem.

ROTH. What is it?

VINCENT. Uncle Mike won't pay me 23 million dollars to be in his movie.

ROTH. Did you even get to negotiate?

VINCENT. Nope. How ya doin' Mr. Roth?

EVERYONE. NOT THAT AGAIN!

ROTH. Well Vincent, I'll give you 30 million dollars to star in my great Mafia epic... all you have to do is play your Uncle Mike when he's old and feeling guilty.

MICHAEL. (to Neri) What's guilt?

NERI. Dunno, boss.

VINCENT. I'll do it!

MICHAEL. You can't take my actors!

ROTH. Oh, and I'll need Tom too

MICHAEL. But he's the star of Banana Daiquiri! Besides, Tom's my brother and he'll be in MY movie! Right, Tom?

HAGEN. How much you willing to pay me, Roth?

ROTH. 30 mil, same as Vincent.

HAGEN. Sorry Mike.

*Roth, Hagen, Vincent, and others exit*

MICHAEL. DAMN! *pounds fist on desk*

MAMA C. I'll make you some pasta... *exits*

FREDO. What are we gonna do now?

MICHAEL. *schemes for a moment* Roth thinks he can beat me! He thinks he can make a better movie! Well, I'll show him! We're through with this romantic comedy stuff! We are going to make a movie to end all movies... and I'm going to star in it!

FREDO. So, what's it gonna be about Mikey?

*everyone left in the room stares at Michael*

MICHAEL. Well... um... *he looks down at the desk and notices that when he pounded on it earlier one of the pills got crushed into a fine white powder* Fredo, do we still have that chainsaw… *suddenly in Cuban accent* … and that hideous shirt you bought in Cuba?

~Okay... I think we're finally getting near the end of this thing. They have to get out of this house while they're all still in once piece...~

this was how it started.

how about we pick a new reality-tv-show?


THE GODFATHER GOES SURVIVOR


on a pacific, desert island, Michael, Kay, Apollonia, Vincent, Al Neri, Gilligan (just kidding), Mama Antolini, Tom Hagen, Sonny and of course Fredo are stranded.

they have to work together to survive, but, in all fairness, none of these people are very social. so the intrigues begin....


KAY: ow look, it's an island!

APOLLONIA: Bella bella bella! (TRANSLATION: well, actually, it means she likes the looks of the island)

SONNY: and we're stuck here. and where are the hoolagirls?

VINCENT: I do no trust this mang, comon letsa getta out of here!

MICHAEL: No!, no, it seems as if we're alone out here. That means we are safe. I have killed a few cops lately so I was planning on taking a long vacation anyway.

FREDO: look, over there, that tree! [points]

MICHAEL: thank god, an orange tree! I already like the place

TOM HAGEN: Michael, we have a lot of business to do. We lack political power, I don't have mistresses, within a few years we loose all our strength...

SONNY: heya waita minute! baddabeep who ya talkin to, heah? to Michael? what I oughtta... am I not the boss here? pop had Genco, and look what I've gat!

MICHAEL: guys, guys, don't worry. we can argue this as reasonable men, can't we?

FREDO: what's argue?

SONNY: what is reasonable?

TOM HAGEN: I agree with Mike. we can discuss this over dinner. Kay, Apollonia, Mama Andolini..??

KAY: why you male chauvinist kraut-pig friend, what do you think we are, maids? slaves?

TOM HAGEN: I was hoping you gals could cook?

KAY: who the hell do you think you are, commanding us women that much?

TOM HAGEN: well, I am the consiglieri even though Sonny and Mike don't like it. something about wartime or something. anyway, go find some stuff to make us dinner.

APOLLONIA: Bella bella bella (TRANSLATION: Kay, we'll make Tom a pie made of oranges)

Kay smiles

TOM HAGEN: what did she say?

FREDO: you did not understand her?

AL NERI: Tom's Italian is terrible. He's not a wartime consiglieri. He's not Sicilian.

SONNY: dammit Tom, even Fredo got it

VINCENT: I did not understand it either

MICHAEL: that's because you look oddly a lot like a hispanic, instead of Italian

SONNY: baddaboop how do you call yourself my son, heah? Vincent!

MICHAEL: calm down Sonny. bunch of hotheads! listen, this is the plan: the women go find something to cook, while the men find a place to sleep at night. I will plan a major enemy-wipe out for the end of our stay here (a baptism or opera would help). And I warn you, brothers are not safe.

AL NERI: okay boss!

SONNY: don't be calling him no boss! I am pops oldest failure, you will be addresssing ME as the boss. I swear Neri if you ever say boss to Michael again, I'll kill ya!!!!!

and the survivors go on and try to make the best out of this horrible, and lonely situation, on a deserted island

what a cliffhanger....

SONNY: oh, Vinnie boy...take a dictionary. find out what reasonable means..

Future survivor challenges could be...

Drive on the causeway with Sonny

Fishing with Fredo

Buying fruit with Vito

Take Clememza lookin for the matresses

Start the car with Appolonia

massage with Moe Green

way to go MB, that's the stuff!!!


keep 'em coming guys!


some other dangerous challenges:


horseriding with Jack Woltz

bathing with Pentangeli

pie fest with Hyman Roth

magic carpet ride with young Vito

trusting Paulie Gatto

streetfights with Sonny

dinner with Michael

...with Connie's crockery

Great stuff, MB! Pherdy, the thing with the island was hilarious! I'm working on a new spoof where The Commission makes Tom go start his own family. I'll try to get some of that posted soon. (Think I'll start a new thread for it since this one is getting kinda long.)

Here are some challenges I thought of:

going to the opera with Connie
run a pizza place with Fabrizzio
cook dinner with Clemenza
change a light bulb with Fanucci

Survive a meeting with the Rosato's

Break the contract with the bandleader.

romantic fire-place evening with Luca Brasi!!!!

approach mike about a meeting

Damn, I just posted this story at a Who message board and they didn't like it. No one replied. Sucks, because this is very, very funny. Don Mikey is very creative.

they cant appreciate it. whateryathinkin,the who?!

Hey, even they have a sense of humor and I'm sure that some of these Who fans are also Godfather fans so they would understand this story.

NO! This topic must still LIVE

Holy shit, this thing is still around! I thought it would have been deleated when Geoff freed up all that new space. Glad to see it though

Yes this topic must live. I need to hear more about Survivor: Godfather

A man who cheats at video games can never be a real man- Vito Corleone

So True.